1. Us Brits possess little Geographical awareness of America. I took a connecting flight to Minneapolis, yet I still have no idea where in the States it is. I have enough trouble getting to the loo during the middle of the night, never mind working out where some random American city is.
2. Everything’s bigger in America. From the chewing gum to the burgers, to the people to the buildings – everything’s super-sized over here, nothing is done by halves. Even the babylons on the strippers are bigger!
3. The Americans can’t understand what the Hell I’m saying. When I was purchasing some items at the airport, the lady behind me in the queue was forced to translate to the cashier what I was saying. To think I can speak our shared language and she’s still likely to communicate better with a Teletubby.
4. Obesity is somewhat of a problem here. Maybe it was just my imagination, but 90% of the folk could eat me for dinner. The girl at McDonalds was in shock when all I asked for was nine chicken mcnuggets (which is in fact in a pack of ten here) and regular fries. “Are you sure you don’t want anything else?” she asked for the third time.
5. The Americans have gone terrorism mad, not in the participation of it, but the reporting. I caught sight of two monitors at the airport in Minneapolis, and both were explaining to their viewers why they should be shitting bricks.
6. It’s a tad warmer this side of the Atlantic, the pilot announcing that the temperature in Vegas was currently at 104 degrees. Blimey, that’s hotter than any day I’ve ever experienced in Birmingham. If it’s half that in Brum, we get out the deckchairs and beach ball and head down to the canal.
7. Customs grill you like a choice of prime beef. After spending several minutes pissing about with some ol’ granny who couldn’t quite grasp what poker was, she enquired about the amount of money in my bank? I deemed this quite personal, but answered relatively sharpish as I feared the rubber glove. I wish I did have 2 million in there though.
And all that from 2 hours connecting my flight…