It's All Rigged Chief!

by thetank
Submitted by: snoopy on Sat, 15/04/2006 - 8:24pm
 
I signed up to an internet poker room and started chugging away. I was winning loads of money coz I'm just the best thing since sliced bread. In fact, when I'm on form, I might even be able to run rings around a loaf of Kingsmill.

I was making $30, sometimes nearly $40 per week! That's much more than any of my friends with paper rounds get. Life was lush. After a while I noticed I wasn't winning so much, I even started losing some.

This couldn't possibly be because the regulars had clocked onto my sorry-ass, super obvious stlye-e. I'm a poker wonder kid, that could never happen. Hell I'm Master of the-Universe, no mortal could ever defeat me.

I must, therefore, have been playing against robo-bots.  Special programs that the sites themselves create to win all my money.

Such are my super silky poker skills, I could probably defeat these robo-bots if I wanted to. I won't though, coz then they might send a series 4000 robo-bot back in time. It's mission would be to terminate me the day before I opened my neteller account. My auntie's birthday is next Tuesday and I don't need that sort of robo-hassle on my back quite frankly.

I know who all the robo-bots are. They're the ones that never use the chat box.

Nobody ever turns their chat off whilst playing on the Internet. Nobody ever gets sick of hearing adolescents like me dribble on endlessly about serious matters (such as enquiring as to what everyone is wearing). At my table, everyone always gives thanks onto me for the pearls of wisdom I choose to share. If they don't they must be one of those robo-bots!

Everyone knows robo-bots can't type. The people who program them might be able to engineer something that can bet, raise, fold, read their hole and the board cards, watch it's opponents, learn their style and adapt accordingly. It's completely out of the question then, that they could get this program to say "nh", "gg", "ty" and "lol" at the appropriate times aswell, they simply wouldn't have the time.

I've written this conclusive proof that internet poker is a big fat con so you can all bask in my extensive magnificence.

My logic is irrefutable, anyone who disagrees is a big naughty pile of poo and I'll be telling my mum.

Thomas 'thetank' Stott