blonde poker

 

Dublin, Irish Poker Open 2006, Jen and I are at our bases, thrashing out the updates as per usual. To our right are Antes Up, AWOP, the usual crew. To our left is er… who the hell is he?? At first glance, he appears to be a mad nutty Scandinavian, bizarrely speaking in what can only be described as a distorted Cockney accent (later found to derive from repeated viewings of the Guy Ritchie films).

Although, at first, young pokerer BA Kildalen (left) was believed to be nothing more than a mere fruitloop gatecrashing the press area, he is in fact the Chief Editor of Norwegian Poker Magazine, a quite superbly illustrated and presented poker publication that  successfully quenches the thirst of those many Scandinavian enthusiasts.

One conversation and two emails later, Jen and I quickly find ourselves standing in the middle of Heathrow Airport, suitcase in hand and wondering what on earth we are doing. Our belief was that we were heading into the middle of nowhere to update on the Norwegian Championships, a comp in which Jen would be the sole British combatant. And, although our confidence in our venture was pushed to the limits, that was pretty much what did happen.

With a field dominated by Norwegians, a location that I couldn’t even pronounce, and a journey that would make Columbus’s trip seem straight forward, we were, admittedly, continually wondering if this trip was a wise move. However, as the young wild and crazy kids that Jen and I are, we thought ‘what the hell’ and happily jumped on that 7.20 plane to Oslo.

A plane, train, taxi, and 3-hour coach trip later, we were in Grebbestad (although I really could have been anywhere they told me I was). Although I didn’t recognise any noticeable changes, we had in fact crossed the border to Sweden. ‘Noregian Championships in Sweden? Wassup wit dat?!’ I hear you cry. Well, fear not, there is a logical explanation. With poker officially illegal in Norway, anything but a freeroll has to be played elsewhere, and with Sweden a mere jump of a fence away, it was inevitable that all those poker fanatics would be happy to make the trip over to visit their Abba loving neighbours.

Departing from the coach, Jen and I found ourselves in a deceptively sunny climate surrounded by what can only be described as a Butlin’s-esque holiday camp. Reminded me of my teenage and hormonally driven trips to Newquay. Not long after, we were settled in our sizally challenged, but happily snug, huts, soon accompanied by the presence of a young and frustratingly good looking Tommy, who would be our bunk bed buddy for the rest of the venture.

Learning from previous updates where a wireless connection can take hours to connect when you’re a simpleton like me, Jen and I trundled on down to a rather oversized gym, in which a $400 Limit Freezout was taking place. Boy, this place was big, and it had to be, as the following day was set to hold around 350 eager beaver Scandies.

Come the next day, a fatigued updating team halved as Jen made her way to her table, and I set up camp in the press area (well, a table in the corner, but it was thankfully more spacious than many of my other homegrown stations).

After an inevitable, but short in comparison to usual, delay, the starter’s gun sounded and we were off… “Shufflergen Upen Und Dealergen!”

Jen, initially aghast by the premise of a self-dealt $1,000 comp, was pleasantly surprised by the top-notch standard of dealing, but simultaneously intimidated by the equally high level of poker skill displayed by her friendly, but ‘serious about poker’, Norwegian opponents.

315 players, 314 mind-boggling Scandinavian names, and 314 unfamiliar online aliases… crikey, this was gonna be a tough one. Fortunately, I had my two right hand men, and one aesthetically pleasing lass, in Bjorn, ‘Kettle’ (nicknamed by Dan Harrington who couldn’t pronounce his name) and the lovely Yannicke (right). These three answered all my pestering questions with a smile, but must have become understandably annoyed by the barraging quizzing of this eager beagle.

Having said that, there were a number of familiar faces and names recognisable from the extremely popular EPT events; Henning Granstad, Edgar Skjervold, Kristian Ulriksen, Anders Berg, Sverre Sundbo, Torstein Iversen, Johnny Lodden… to name a few.

Before I had time to congest the long list of seemingly gibberish names, there was a rapturous applause for the first exit. Kunstneren’s 2 pair had been outdrawn by pocket aces which hit a set on the river, and we were down to 314.

What surprised me more than the lightening quick early exits, was the continued applause that arose for each departure. Whilst I originally believed this to be derived from the kind hearts of the players, it was in fact obligatory and aimed at aiding the tournament directors who did their utmost to keep track of who was taking an early bath. Good idea? Well, it worked…

As the tournament progressed, and the numbers dwindled, I was ambushed by a series of Simpson-esque prank searches. Reluctantly thinking back, Semmi Sercle, Anders Miandbag, and Bjorn Tobewild were all requested for chip counts, whilst the latter was the only one I momentarily fell for (I was tired, okay?!). If I’d fallen for Woodian Deckersson, then I’d surely never be able to show my face again.

With online superstar Lagerboy out, and Galapogos, Lodden and threekings receiving early double-ups, our Jen seemed to be struggling, mainly due to losing a chunky percentage of her stack with A-K when the turn, most probably, tripped up Scandieboy in the big blind, thereby forcing her to fold.

Then, with dilbert, Ingvild, and Tommy Ruud gone (the former having his set of aces bust by runner runner flush), it was left to the likes of  $ulle$, Siggen, and DJ D-Roy (left) (the latter receiving a rather avid blonde following) who were now sitting pretty in the twenties.

Although Jen had outlasted reigning champion Bjorn Erik Glenne (Hikkespett), it was the female contingent that she needed to wary of, as there was a WSOP Main Event seat up for grabs to the last remaining lass (although they would also have to beat the runner-up heads up to seal the deal). A prize worth playing for, but, with Jane Overaa (author of the first Norwegian poker book, incidentally) and Vivi79 (very popular apparently – ie good looking) running strong, this was to prove a tough task indeed for our young heroine.

The whittling down of tables proved that the men were being sorted from the boys, and, with Norseman coach Rolf Woods (eights v ace king) and Monte Carlo final tabler Alexander Strandli (aces v sevens) down and out, it was clear that the tourney was in full swing.

Although clinging like she’s never clung before and twice doubling (trebling in fact on one) up her shortstack in true Wernick style (A-7 v 8-5 and A-Q v Q-Q and K-K), she eventually plummeted near the end of the day when she lost a Jacks versus Ace Queen race, before finally running her pocket snowmen into those pesky bullets.

Meanwhile, although threekings, boks, and Lystig were the temporary chip-leaders with 53k, 76k, and 88k respectively, it was the renowned Lodden who jumped to the top of the tree when he made an eye-opening call with an open ended straight draw. He, of course, hit, thereby outdrawing trips, but a gamble that was well rewarded as he leapt up towards the 100k mark.

As the day drew to a close, my heart sank as the ‘back at 9am rumours’ were confirmed. Luckily, Jen came to my rescue, offering to take on the early shift alone, whilst I dealt myself a much-needed lie-in.

So, with Bjorn Petter Jocumsen (123.6k), Toon (124.5k), and PitchBlack (136.5k) as the overnight chip leaders, we were into Day 2, and, potentially, another long updating session.

As I lugged my caucus back down to the gym (not a place I frequent er… frequently), I was overjoyed to notice that all the chips were running coherent with one another, when the previous day, due to two different sponsors, various chips of the same value were of different colour. Bizarre, but true.

Back to the comp, and, as reported by Jen, Kjetil Tellefse was out, Inspecta had leapt to 135k with a K-K versus T-T and A-Q scoop, and Bjorn Petter Jacomsen had taken the chip lead with a humongous 247,700.

With 28 players remaining, MC Hammer made his inevitable appearance, and danced his baggy trousers around the blonde update page as Helge123 took the dreaded bubble spot.

With the likes of Zeston, Fenster, and Hawken being introduced to the felt, we were down to 18 and beginning to realise that Mr Lodden, an online highroller who was almost justifiably tipped as the favourite, was a force to be reckoned with and more than a serious contender.

Then, with 8mm (A-J v A-Q) and Boks (Fives v Lodden’s Aces) taking 18th and 10th spots respectively, we were at Final Table Time and bracing ourselves for the final segment of Scandinavian poker action.

The final, an interesting affair, was mainly controlled by the impressive Lodden (chipleader with 700k), who, on multiple occasions, provoked an amusing ‘Lodden Winnen Potten’ spiel from the dude on the mic.

However, he didn’t have it all his own way. Toon, who doubled up with K-K v Stianhos’s A-K, and OE Loose, whose J-9 gamble paid off big-time, were all showing that they were willing to mix it up and make a stand to some of the steam-rolling efforts of their more cakey opponents.

With Yang Ying hitting 9th, Carlosgutten in 8th, OELoose 7th, and Stainhos in 6th, we were down to our final five, and a menacing bunch they were too.

Toon -- 714k
Lodden -- 518k
Mortyblack -- 939k
Flaaascha -- 361k
Inspecta -- 628k

This is where eventual victor, Inspecta, excelled, mainly due to his elimination of shortest stack Flaaascha (K-K v A-K) which willingly flung him into the always welcomed chip lead.

But Lodden wasn’t prepared to lie back and watch MortyBlack (left) and Inspecta fight it out for top honours. He soon roared like a tiger as his flush bettered Toon’s turned straight, and we were down to 4… although the $25,500 probably softened the blow for Toon.

With three left, the safe money would have been on Lodden, who was clearly very eager to take top spot, as, not surprisingly, he didn’t once mutter that overly used word… ‘deal’. However, after a relatively lengthy three-way dance, he was the eventual third place finisher when Inspecta rivered a straight flush (to the ten) to outdo Lodden’s rivered jack high flush.

So, just two left, but, as is becoming somewhat of a trend these days, the heads-up confrontation wasn’t going to be a brief affair. In fact, the chip lead seesawed on numerous occasions before, finally, the following hand cropped up… Both all-in on a Jh 7h 9h flop, Morty held Kh Qc, whilst Inspecta had the female overpair. The queens held up and, much to your exhausted live update team’s relief, Inspecta was crowned king and Norwegian Champion for 2006.

So, what was initially a ‘blind leading the blind’ type venture, turned into a quite suberb trip for both Jen and I. She may have stalled in the comp, but I could tell Jen was thrilled by the success of the update, both in terms of the surprising number of hits the thread received, and the sheer joy of what we liked to call a ‘holiday’.

I would go back in a flash, and, as a result, feel I should thank BA Kildalen whole-heartedly for the invite. Top man, top holiday, top time… just top everything really.

Can’t wait for next year…