So I’m filling in a form one sunny afternoon with my window open, pretending I have a balcony, when I stumble across a box requesting my employment status. I play poker for a living, so it seemed pretty obvious that self-employed was the rectangle for me. So I then had to turn and fill in section GX4 about my taxy tax stuff.There I had a problem, I don’t have any taxy tax stuff. I pay my council tax, VAT on products I purchase, but don’t pay any income tax. In the interests of being as legitimate as possible, I dangled my tootsies in the water to work out what sort of tax I should be paying.
Turns out, none at all. Income from gambling isn’t taxable in this country. You can imagine the extent of my disappointment.
Anyway, back to section GX4 on my form. I still can’t fill it in, so I contacted the relevant people asking for advice on how to proceed. As it turns out, the box to tick on all forms of this type is not self-employed. Instead, for the purposes of bureaucracy, I’m officially retired.
So what does all this mean? Not much more than something to boast about at sophisticated cocktail parties (which I might get invited to one day, the Swedish Ambassador should note that I am available for such swarrays). I don’t seriously consider myself to be a retiree.I used to jest that the downside to being a poker professional was that the man at the corner shop had fallen out with me, owing to the fact that I keep wanting to change fifty pound notes at odd hours in the morning. It all got me thinking though - confusion about boxes to tick on forms is one disadvantage of my current chosen profession, but what are the other ones, besides the obvious lack of guaranteed income?
Well there’s a big health downside. Casino food is typically of the fattening variety. Although I’ve more free time to cook for myself, the reality is that I live mostly off take-aways. I could go to the gym more often, but I don’t. Perhaps being a dedicated disciple of discipline at the poker tables makes me tend towards recklessness in these other areas of my life.
If I worked in a real job, I’d smoke less. Every bad ass beat seems to be a perfect excuse to light up. Late nights coupled with staring at a computer screen for too many hours makes for a bad recipe. Man was designed to be up with the sun and hunt mammoth, I’m certainly abusing my body's intended purpose.
Social interaction in the workplace is something I miss. There is a lot to be said for raising a pint with colleagues you’ve been working alongside at the end of a particularly tough day. The camaraderie that springs from a mutual loathing of 'the boss' is completely absent from my life.
When it comes to getting a real job, I’ll have to explain a long gap in my employment record. Being a 'professional gambler' may sound cool, but it doesn’t sound like the sort of thing a prospective employer would want to hear. Obtaining things like mortgages with decent interest rates is nigh on impossible. As you may imagine, my parents aren’t too impressed with what I do for a living.Apparent advantages aren’t all they’re cracked up to be either. Sure I make my own hours and am my own boss, but this means I need to be self motivated, constantly making a concerted effort to drive myself forward. Inactivity breeds inactivity.
To anyone with aspirations of becoming a professional poker player, I’d recommend they have a serious think. Above all else, there’s the risk that the game they enjoy and have a passion for, becomes a drudge and a grind.
If all this seems whiny it’s because it is. In this information age, a poker player is spoilt for choice on what games he can play on the Internet at any hour of the day/night. Gone are the days of the Texas road gambler where you’d have to worry not just about beating the game, but also making it home with your winnings. Those guys had serious problems.
I was reluctant to write this originally, because it does sound like I’m just feeling sorry for myself. However, I am merely intending to highlight the potential problems that prospective professionals may not have considered.
Keep it real folks.
Thomas “thetank” Stott