Degenerate Diaries: The Chronicles Pt. 2

[zerofive]

Read all posts, just posting to acknowledge. Thank you as always; I think if I knew someone that pissed and moaned like I've been doing recently, I'd have definitely lost the patience by now. Really is nice to be part of a community where I can still find support, and I feel so childish now that I've read it all back.

I was thinking about something I was going to post today because I was unable to really get any sleep in last night. Strangely enough, I was about to post what kilsby said about going round in circles. I do feel like I get a small boost every now and again before I sink back into despair and this is obviously a pattern I need to break. Looking at my results, part of the reason I find myself in this pattern is because I don't have "ups and downs" and "standard downswings." I have huge ups and huge downs. Taking the last "cycle" as an example, I won every day for a month in January then lost every day for a month in February. Regardless of this, though, I should be grateful for the opportunities this particular career offers me.

However, as mentioned by one or two before, I'm not sure if I'm cut out for the swings long term. I guess we'll see.

Thanks Dave. And thanks, Mitch.

[jgcblack]

L'il Dave ITT.

L'il Dave though. Nailing it time and again.

Has to on blonde, cost him too much irl!

[smashedagain]

Read all posts, just posting to acknowledge. Thank you as always; I think if I knew someone that pissed and moaned like I've been doing recently, I'd have definitely lost the patience by now. Really is nice to be part of a community where I can still find support, and I feel so childish now that I've read it all back.

I was thinking about something I was going to post today because I was unable to really get any sleep in last night. Strangely enough, I was about to post what kilsby said about going round in circles. I do feel like I get a small boost every now and again before I sink back into despair and this is obviously a pattern I need to break. Looking at my results, part of the reason I find myself in this pattern is because I don't have "ups and downs" and "standard downswings." I have huge ups and huge downs. Taking the last "cycle" as an example, I won every day for a month in January then lost every day for a month in February. Regardless of this, though, I should be grateful for the opportunities this particular career offers me.

However, as mentioned by one or two before, I'm not sure if I'm cut out for the swings long term. I guess we'll see.

Thanks Dave. And thanks, Mitch.

Morale on the up

fyp. You missed the important bit.

[iangascoigne]

     Sean I hope you can navigate yourself through this. One thing that may help is to perhaps concentrate on 'what you are doing' rather than on ' how you are feeling' . If you focus on game selection,hand selection,position,bet sizing,table presence,state control,decision making etc  then I am sure you can crack this.
      Good luck.

[millidonk]

Sean you've got a problem. It's pretty common and I feel like we've all been through it at some point, you've developed a really deluded sense of entitlement towards poker, poker owes you something, something that everyone else got/gets but you don't/didn't.

Firstly this is bad because you've now become a victim, you can tell by the way you say "going off to lose more money" "wonder what horrible beats i'll have tonight" (not direct quotes but I bet I could find more than 5 of those types of sentences from you in the last 5 pages on here. Secondly it's bad because it's just down right misguided, poker owes you NOTHING, for the last 18-24 months you've gotten up when you wanted, gone to the gym when you've wanted had days off when you've wanted been on trips/nights out etc and not had to do a single day's work, AND YOU STILL HAVE SOME MONEY TO SHOW FOR IT! If anything you owe poker a lot more gratitude and love than you show it.

The third and main reason why this mindset is so damaging is because it completely removes your objectivity, I haven't read a single "good" thought about your game and poker in this diary for god knows how long, it's always Whaletard does this Monkey does that which tbh is kinda cringing to read. You seemingly don't have the ability at the moment to objectively look at what you've been doing and trying to improve because you're lost in this cloud of how unlucky you are.

I've had plenty of big moments go against me, and for big money, and yes it's tilting (a few more 40-60%'s going my way last yr in the states could have made a huge difference to current finances) but I just remember how great I ran online 3.5 years ago to start it all, the fact I just luckboxed a poker tournament when i was down to 4bb with 24 left, the little things like your deepstack bink, my outragous equestrian bet (lol) or even just the fortune I had to meet people like Andy Moseley/Stu Rutter/Stu Barnett who helped me (mentally and financially) get into those big games in america and give myself a shot at running good and making some big money.  Whenever Moseley has had pieces of me in these games win or lose he always says the same thing afterwards "Thanks for the action man" that's how you should view poker - thanks for THE CHANCE of winning poker.

Run good comes in all sorts of forms, that easy 4hr £1k win when you're under it and have stuff to pay, the £800 win when you win AK vs AQ and AQ vs JJ that boosts morale and persuades you to buyin to a tournament you cash in and sparks a little heater etc, but so easy to forgot all those things when one 70% hand goes against you. You cant be sat there GAMBLING and then getting upset when it doesn't go your way. You shouldn't put a penny on the poker table if you're not going to be ok if you lose it but with you recently it seems like every pot makes or breaks your life. This means the only way you can be happy with poker is to win EVERY HAND you play...

I think my point is backed up by a post I made when I slightly criticized your strategy on the streamed game, I was hoping you'd retort either defending your approach or constructively analsying the points I'd made - was only posting for your benefit after all, but instead it's washed over and followed by another "lost this pot to this retard, and that pot to another spazzmonkey" bla bla my life is terrible post when alex gets Kings he wins 7,000 pounds and when I get them I win £4 or lose £600 that's the difference between me and you. (FYI there is a LOT more than seperates Alex from you at this present moment)

You seem to forget how many people your age are doing jobs they don't like getting up at 6am, they can't go to the gym whenever they feel like it like you do, or randomly take fri-sat off to spend time with their girlfriends like you can but you act like your entitled to all that and don't appreciate how lucky you are just because Alex who was a worse player than you 3 years ago has had a good bit of fortune at the right time once or twice.

Don't want to sound harsh at all, but really mate, you should know better by now. Cut all this morale 16% bullshit and start seeing the glass as half full, cos it's not even half full to be honest its about 3/4 full and it you stopped bloody moaning and drank some of it you might actually enjoy yourself.

fyp

[titaniumbean]

http://tuffish.ytmnd.com/

[Woodsey]

http://tuffish.ytmnd.com/

lol good blast from the bast 

[George2Loose]

U remind me of someone

[smashedagain]

What did you get upto at the weekend Sean. Do anything special with Beth. If not why not?

[corkeye]

Agree with what lil dave says. Entitlement tilt is really common and is easy to condition your brain to make this the norm.

[smashedagain]

Am I the only one who thinks that although lildaves post is excellent, it is a little harsh. Sean has his own style of diary and takes a pessimistic view and he does play on it. John Black has a diary that is all about the spew and he even plays on it for the fans.

I don't think Sean honestly believes that he is entitled to anything from poker any more than he is going to drive his car off a cliff. I have said before that I always add 20% onto Sean's morale and just like most people enjoy his diary which is honest even if possibly exaggerated. Someone mentioned the Victor Meldrew style and we have that video posted...... I like to think I am laughing along with Sean, not at him.

I really hope you see the other side of the variance but once that happens some of the appeal of your diary dies

[philthepower]

Am I the only one who thinks that although lildaves post is excellent, it is a little harsh. Sean has his own style of diary and takes a pessimistic view and he does play on it. John Black has a diary that is all about the spew and he even plays on it for the fans.

I don't think Sean honestly believes that he is entitled to anything from poker any more than he is going to drive his car off a cliff. I have said before that I always add 20% onto Sean's morale and just like most people enjoy his diary which is honest even if possibly exaggerated. Someone mentioned the Victor Meldrew style and we have that video posted...... I like to think I am laughing along with Sean, not at him.

I really hope you see the other side of the variance but once that happens some of the appeal of your diary dies

I agree with a lot of this. The two key ingredients of a diarist are the same as a biographer: to entertain and to be brutally honest. The fact that you write immediately after a bad session lends itself to a raw openess, which is more engaging than a simple write up of 'ran bad tonight, hopefully better tomorrow'. It's the same with football managers, their pre-match press conferences tend to be bland and tedious, but get them immediately after the game, when they feel cheated by a linesman's flag, or a referee's oversight and their entitlement tilt and eye-bulging fury makes for much better viewing.

This makes for a strange conflict: I know you and, for some reason, quite like you-consequently it gives me no pleasure to learn of your brutal downsings and the emotional turmoil it places you in. However, I do enjoy reading about it beacuse you describe so well the despair, anguish and disillusionment with the game that, if we're all honest, we've encountered at some point in our poker lives, even if just for one minute. I think that, what perhaps seperates you from others, is that a loss burns stronger and longer and is carried with you from session to session like an Alien in Ripley's abdomen, ready to burst forth at any moment.

I hope your poker fortunes improve, but if they do, please don't let it impair the quality of this diary.

[kinboshi]

Phil Clarke ITT!!

[cambridgealex]

yeh phil where have you been lately?

[philthepower]

yeh phil where have you been lately?

I realised that my absence coincided with Sean's terrible downswing, so have stayed away for the good of this diary.