Vagueness and the Aftermath - A sporadic diary

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On tonight's menu, fake McChicken sandwich done in the McAirfryer.

Click to see full-size image.

Prep time : 2 mins
Presentation: 6/10
Taste: 7/10
Cost: 9/10
Washing up created: One plate, which cleaned up easily with the hoover.

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PS- I had another cos one wasn't enough.

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Had a fake Snickers for pudding. These are great and a fraction of the cost of the real thing.

Click to see full-size image.

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And now a plea for sympathy...

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September is the month when I usually trim my trees and shrubbery.
I do it in September because everything has mostly stopped growing by then and more importantly, the birds have finished nesting.

I often find the empty nests of the ones who have been successful and occasionally, the ones who weren't.

Click to see full-size image.

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Anyway, that's just waffle and nothing to do with my sympathy request.

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I started the job last Wednesday.
When I was young I used to be able to do it all in a day but now it takes me two, maybe even three.

It was a glorious day and because I haven't seen the sun for so long I decided to start on the sunny side.

Click to see full-size image.

What a mistaka to makea!

It was fecking roasting. Within half an hour I was sweating like a glass blowers arse.

Still, I struggled manfully on until my hedge-trimmer needed re fueling, bent down to pick up the petrol can and TERWANG! My back went....

No sympathy yet please, more follows.

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My back and I are familiar with each other. I could barely walk but I knew from past experience that within 10 minutes I would be on my hands and knees struggling to crawl.

I couldn't call for help because everyone had buggered off for a fortnight.
I was home alone.

I could leave everything where it lay with the exception of the power tools. In all likelihood I could have just left those too but I didn't want to be lying crippled on the living room floor, hear the dog bark and have to get myself up to the window, by which time someone could have legged it with my hedge-trimmer.

So while I could still shuffle along bent over double, I put the tools away. In the process I caught the back of my hand on a particularly viscous bramble. (I love nature, but God I hate brambles).
Instead of proper skin my hands are now covered with that paper thin translucent substitute that old blokes have and the bramble shredded it like a cheese grater.

Not yet....

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I managed to get indoors but I was crawling now. We have lino in the hall so I was OK to bleed on that but I daren't go as far as the lounge incase I got blood on Mrs Red's carpet. I lay there perplexed for a while and then I had the brilliant idea of taking my sock off and putting it on my hand. An easy task seeing as I was already bent double.

One I made it to a spot where I could see the telly it was just a case of waiting it out.

Sure enough by the next morning I could stand up and shuffle about, the next day I could walk, and the day after that I could bounce around on the mower while cutting the grass.

Today, I attempted the trees again....

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This time I thought "To Hell with the sunny side, I'll start on the other side, the side that's in the shade.

Click to see full-size image.

What a mistaka to makea!

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Now I was cool, but every time I looked at the trees I was staring directly into the sun.

Click to see full-size image.

It was terrible. I felt like I was trying to trim a Messerschmitt. (A little WWII fighter pilot joke there for those of you old enough to remember).

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Anyway, I struggled on, half blind, retinas smoldering.

After an hour or so I stepped off the ladder, trod on the petrol can, went arse over tit and did my back in again.

It's not as bad as the first time, I'm not crawling, just shuffling about bent double.


The thing is, if the girls were here I would be getting loads of sympathy but they're not so I will have to rely on you lot.

[doubleup]

 (A little WWII fighter pilot joke there for those of you old enough to remember tikay).

fixed

[booder]

I sympathize (that doesnt look right but whatever).Am currently trimming my hedges and tidying the garden.Have cut through the hedge trimmer cable,burnt out the lawnmower,broken my shears and smashed my favourite mug.

I hate gardening.

[RED-DOG]

I sympathize (that doesnt look right but whatever).Am currently trimming my hedges and tidying the garden.Have cut through the hedge trimmer cable,burnt out the lawnmower,broken my shears and smashed my favourite mug.

I hate gardening.

I know someone who mowed through his lawnmower kendall cable.