Okay society you win- Diary of a fat boy

[Snatiramas]

I can remember that day like it was yesterday - I think it's the first time I realised how unfair life could be.  In hindsight I think I just pissed the teacher off because she was obviously hoping for a nice easy session sitting at the front of the classroom filing her nails whilst the kids just got on with their work. 

Funny how we still blame ourselves for the teachers inadequacies. There were so many teachers at Wyggeston who were out and out characters..........a thick vein of story telling I am afraid.

[the sicilian]

Great read phil and much respect for your on going fight.....good luck..think ur be fine

[77dave]

Keep up the good work Phil.

Someone on Blonde before was trying to lose wait and they had a sliderule at the bottom of each post which should how much they were losing and what there targets were. Just an idea

[Snatiramas]

Keep up the good work Phil.

Someone on Blonde before was trying to lose wait and they had a sliderule at the bottom of each post which should how much they were losing and what there targets were. Just an idea

Thought about that but came to the conclusion that I wanted to sort out what had screwed up my head in the first place around food rather than set myself set goals. Originally I thought lose five stone be happy. Now I am thinking get happy then see where I am on the weight. Got on my scales at home this morning but do not trust them. I know it is going down and I know I feel better than I did but I haven't sorted all my issues out yet. I suppose who has? When I had food though I wouldn't even think about them and now I have to. These ramblings have helped massively and I thank Blonde for being a forum where I can post this stuff. I used to eat a lot when I heard my kids fight. I used to eat a lot when I was bored or tired. I certainly stuffed my face when unhappy. Oh don't get me wrong I would laugh through the whole lot of it whilst still not liking myself very much.

The cycle goes....unhappy......eat......guilt........repeat as necessary. In my case a lot. Right now I put up with a lot less. If it makes me unhappy I  am tempted to address it in a forthright way. It got me into tremendous trouble at work this week. This is a job I like though so it was a tough week. So when I got to Dusseldorf airport I was unhappy about work and I have to hang around for my flight. Would have normally had a steak at the Red Baron and a large cake but I knew what I was feeling so sat down and mapped out what I needed to do to put it right and then wrote a post for the diary.  I have a number of new life goals to focus on. This is a slow process that will probably continue for the rest of my life........unlike the diary,

[Claw75]

Keep up the good work Phil.

Someone on Blonde before was trying to lose wait and they had a sliderule at the bottom of each post which should how much they were losing and what there targets were. Just an idea

that was me - I took it off once it started sliding back the wrong way

[Snatiramas]

My father about five years ago had a check up at the dentist. Nothing unusual in that. When the Xray came out the dentist made him phone the doctor straight away. He had detected shading which meant that there was a lump at the very top of the throat behind the nasal passage. To cut a long story short he had an eighteen hour operation involving two teams of surgeons.
I remember like it was yesterday going to visit him in the hospital. This strong caring man, immobile in a hospital bed. It took a long time and the strength of all those around him as well as his own stubborness to pull through but pull through he did and he is still with us today.
Today finding out that Maureen has four members of her family in hospital just reminds me of the impact of having one person needing care and I think how strong this lady and how strong her family have been for such a long time. So positive and caring and really showing what family life is about. I am disgusted by the lunatics that seem to think that they can do what they want without consequence. Maureen and Darren somehow we have never had the opportunity to really talk but yours is the first thread I read every time I log on and you have made a lasting impression on me. I have to believe that things will improve for you and wish you a return to a happier and more stable time ahead.
Somehow weight loss seems a little trivial
Huge hugs and support

Snat xx

Thanks for posting  Maureens pokerstars details Red as I know there are plenty of blondes who care.

[Snatiramas]

So onto the flight I go. It is the last flight back on a Friday night and it is always busy. I settle myself down in the seat next to the window. I get the seat belt I do it up and yes wait for this one……………I tighten it. It just gets better and better this week as I decide to play a bit of poker….well what I played was something that could be loosely described as poker but either way it got me to the final table where the wheels fell off. That was not the good thing though. No the good things were as follows.
One. Bumping into Muppet which was the first time we had seen each other since West Ham finished higher than the Spurs…..oh happy days.
Two. I am wearing a sweatshirt that I had not worn for over four years. I bought it in New York seven years ago and I had never had the heart to throw it away.
Three. Loads of people came up and told me how well I am looking……..thank you thank you thank you.

So a great week with weigh in to come……….and with that back to Snotty. His idea of a good lesson plan was to open the text book and dictate directly word for word for an hour and a half. What was worse he did so at pace so you couldn’t keep up and if you tried not to keep up thinking you would copy it out in your own time he gave you a detention. So here was an evil sadistic little man. He was of Yodaesque proportions, and indeed looks, and drove a red Datsun Cherry. Now I do not want to upset the really nice short blokes that are out there but let me tell you I do not understand this need of certain short males to try impose themselves by being out and out (please find a suitable word or words) . Well Snotty had this disease in spades and yet there was humour there. I mean there was the time when the ezzes and I all got hauled into his office. The ezzes were a group of my mates in the fourth year. There was Kez, Jez, Dez and Mez and of course Phil and if you think I was going to call myself Phez and be related to a stupid red hat you can think again.

What happened was this. There was a kid at school who used to tell outrageous stories. No surprise there then. But these were truly outrageous. His Dad played football for Liverpool. His Uncle had climbed Everest. More likely his Dad had played football in a park in Liverpool and his Dad worked for Everest. Anyway the material was too good and I was a typical nasty teenager so he was fair game. Well he reacted badly. In fact he reacted so badly he brought a knife into school to stab me with. He was showing it to everybody. I yet again was reasonably worried. Funnily I have noticed whilst doing this diary that actual violence does not worry or scare me but thought of it does. It’s official I am definitely weird.

So what should I do? Lunatic with knife threatening to stab me and me unarmed and nervous. Now in the olden times in which I grew up, your desk was where you kept your books. They were made of wood and they had lids…..and lockers were some sort of terrible American word used in programmes like Happy Days. Oops I am drifting like a Ronnie Corbett story. So the desks had lids and the lids opened because down each side was a hinged metal arm. I am sitting in a particularly boring science lesson when the solution comes to me. I take out a ha’penny and start unscrewing the sides of the desk. They are caked in the grime of years of hard school life but I am a man on a mission. After much persuasion I have managed to unscrew both and wrapped them in a polythene bag. I then manage to purloin a roll of Sellotape away from the stores cupboard and wind it round and round so it is a tight nasty implement. Please understand me dear reader I do not want to use it but my imagination is running wild and it may get nasty. Okay try it out at lunchtime before going out to the playground. The ezzes all have something just in case and I smack Nelly (for that is now my new weapons name) onto the desk. Well wouldn’t you know it just at that moment Baldeagle walks into the classroom. Now Baldeagle was so named because he looked just like the character out of the Texan advert.

A Texan bar was a chewy bar. The advert had a cartoon  Texan cowboy tied to a stake surrounded by Red Indians (or native Americans depending on your sensibilities) and the Texan shouts at the Indian chief “Hang on there Baldeagle….You wouldn’t kill a man before he’s finished his Texan bar”. So because the bar is so chewy and it takes ages for the cowboy to eat it, the Red Indians eventually tire and all fall asleep on the ground. Personally I think they had all been in one of Snottys lessons as that would have had the same effect.

So into the room walks Baldeagle and shouts out “COOKLIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”. Here we go again another detention. Quick as a flash I say “having a fit sir!”…..we all get sent to Snotty’s office as he is the year master. We stand like the naughty boys we have been. Snotty opens a cupboard absolutely full of canes and says “by rights I should give you all one of these!” when Jez turns round and says “but sir we all thought you were into leather!”. Well bless him Snotty cracked up and let us all off so he was not all bad. Indeed later on when I get to the sixth form he was witness to my worst and finest hours but that is way in the future.

Next week on the school front I think it might be good to give you some idea of the imagination schoolboys have when it comes to recreational sports. I mean we came up with two particular beauties known as the “Basket Dock” and a particular favourite which was “musical boot boys”.

And so to fat club. I am dreading it as I know the weight loss has to slow. Not only that but it has been a tough couple of weeks as the monotony and boredom and dare I say it a little jealousy have set in. I mean why should all these people eat what they want? Smells are becoming more poignant and vivid and occasionally I have felt hungry and not been sure if it is craving or hunger or just frustration. After all I have been eating gloop for seven weeks and it is in some ways similar to the food in The Matrix. Please do not worry I am not ready to finish just yet as it is only a moments frustration that will pass but merits logging.
In the car this week all week I have been listening to Otis. It really  is an onion of an album but tonight I need, as you know, something loud to be on as I pull up to the club so I plump for the Kinks “All Day and All Of The Night”. Two weeks since I have been here and I am excited…………..our survey said “ Phil Cooklin come on down”. Another ten pounds. A grand total of 47 pounds or 3 stone 5 pounds or 21 kilos. There are lots of things that still need doing. I need to increase my aerobic work as I have slid in the last two weeks. Also the weigh in is a lift and where possible I should not miss it. Two weeks is too long.

Please remember this. Just because you can say something does not always mean you should. Until next week have a good week.

[boldie]

47 pounds?..that's astonishing..Well done. You look a lot better in Tighty's pic than you did in the caption comp picture (and not just because you showed more skin )

[the sicilian]

Hi Phil...Great read as usual.

You looked so well Wednesday at the G as havent seen you in an age....keep it up ur inspiring me to the soup,shake and water...

by the way how did you come to murder that stack on wednesday.......??

[Snatiramas]

Hi Phil...Great read as usual.

You looked so well Wednesday at the G as havent seen you in an age....keep it up ur inspiring me to the soup,shake and water...

by the way how did you come to murder that stack on wednesday.......??

I became for one hand a non believer and got what I deserved lol Jacks into aces

[Snatiramas]

47 pounds?..that's astonishing..Well done. You look a lot better in Tighty's pic than you did in the caption comp picture (and not just because you showed more skin )

Thank you sir you are too kind......people are starting to notice and that is great as it makes you feel so good. Then there are people like the one I met Adams sports day this morning. Wow you have lost loads weight. How are you doing it? I am on Lighter Life. Oh says she.....I don't know anybody who has kept it off on that course..................so there you go no point in continuing because her mates all put the weight back on.........my fear would seem to be well placed. So now I have to become the first person to do something. Like climb Everest or get to the North Pole. Adam came third in the year 7 100 metres final in 14.8. Not bad for a second row forward.

[Claw75]

keep it up Phil!  I have to say Tighty's picture doesn't do you full justice - I was a little worried that all the not eating business would leave you looking ill and haggard, but was amazed at how well and healthy you looked last time I saw you.  I'm almost inspired to do something about my own spare tyre (but will put it off for a while longer I think)

[Karabiner]

This diary is spellbinding Phil. I'm really impressed by your perseverance with the diet and you don't half tell a good story, but I must admit to having one rather selfish concern. How far are you intending to take this ?

I mean if you plan to live on gloop for evermore does that mean that I will never again be able to enjoy your company for a couple of glasses of wine and that well-known Italian speciality, meat pie ?

[Snatiramas]

This diary is spellbinding Phil. I'm really impressed by your perseverance with the diet and you don't half tell a good story, but I must admit to having one rather selfish concern. How far are you intending to take this ?

I mean if you plan to live on gloop for evermore does that mean that I will never again be able to enjoy your company for a couple of glasses of wine and that well-known Italian speciality, meat pie ?

Well to be honest Ralph I am not totally sure. what I know definitively is that I certainly do have the self control I need around food if I want to have. I kind of think somewhere between fourteen and fifteen stone will feel comfortable at which point I plan to switch to a much healthier lifestyle, building on the exercise that I have started and also planning my meals for a week. If I do all of this then I will just plan a good meal with a couple of glasses of wine with a plate of traditional Italian meat pie. We will go somewhere in Nottingham and thern go to DTD and carve up a tourney...........sometime after the barmitzvah probably but maybe before..........it is a racing certainty

[kinboshi]

Where's this photo?  I must have missed it.  I don't miss much on here usually, and I certainly don't want to miss this!