Today a woman accused me of being a paedophile

[Rexas]

Could ask her opinion on 4bet bluffing ranges? I find this tends to win the "I can stun you into silence" battle nearly every time.

[BigAdz]

Very much a sad reflection of society. I don't have kids but find in situations where the natural relation is a smile or suchlike is what you would have done 30 years ago just isn't worth it these days, as you can see how people's minds work.

If I am with the wife, different matter, but on my own, don't even bother.

Would have shaken head incredulously and maybe asked if she wanted to repeat that down the local police station.

[corkeye]

 Her ignorance is frightening. I have a 1 year old daughter and have had women, men old and young smile at her in cafes banks, parks and personally it makes my day. What's the harm at smiling at a child?

People with this level of stupidity can't be reasoned with IMO. If you fuel the fire with this pond life they are at an advantage as they are the one with the child.

Ridiculous and totally embarrassing that people can be so dumb.

[Rexas]

I had a sort of related situation today, which has been bothering me ever since, so I guess I'll stick it up here and see what people think.

As I was walking through town towards uni today, I noticed four girls coming out of what I assumed was a youth centre. The first was quite small, I figured around 14/15 but could have been a little younger. She was clearly on the verge of tears, not quite running but moving very quickly. The second was a much larger girl, 15/16, looking very aggressive and doing that stomping around sorta walk that people do when they've lost their temper a bit. She was moving after the first girl, and holding a snooker cue. The third was apparently around a similar age, and followed the first two out through the door but stopped and ended up crying against a wall. The fourth was much older, presumably the "responsible adult" who looked to be on the younger side of the 20-25 age range. She was calling after one of the first two girls, presumably the one with the snooker cue, but stopped when she reached the pavement, called out a few more times, and gave up, instead turning to the third girl and comforting her.

Now, the situation was fairly clear. The first two girls had had an argument, they may have been playing snooker/pool (hopefully, else the situation becomes much more sinister), and the third was a friend to the first two who had failed to defuse the situation. The woman was seemingly one of those people who was supposed to be in control, but clearly wasn't and judging by her reaction to the situation probably never was/would be, and was completely at a loss as to how to resolve the problem.

The dilemma for me was this: I was concerned for the well being of the first girl, since she quite clearly would not be able to defend herself against the second if things got physical. I was also a little concerned at the nature of the argument which had caused the initial fall out, and at the fact that noone had any control over the situation and it was being left to escalate, all of which gave me cause for concern which, a few years ago, would have been enough for me to step in, feeling as if the safety of the first girl was my responsibility as a witness in a position to step in. However, I was genuinely concerned for my own safety. What if the worst scenario occurred, and one of the group became violent? If for any reason I had to make contact with one of the group, I was in a potentially very awkward and legally problematic situation. Basically, I felt that regardless of outcome I was putting myself in a very vulnerable spot, but was juggling this with the potentially dangerous situation that I was watching unfold.

In the end, I walked away, but have spent the rest of the day being pretty bothered not only by the fact that I chose not to help and I now have no idea of the outcome, but by how worried I felt for my own safety if I did. I'm not entirely sure which is worse.

[AdamM]

I used to be involved in self defence/self protection, and amongst my training partners were police officers and doormen. We used to discuss this sort of scenario a lot. My opinion is this (and it's just an opinion)

If you decide you do want to get personally involved in a situation like this, the only thing you can do is speak to the 4th person, the adult, and ask if there's anything you can do, or anyone you can call for them.

You're right to avoid direct involvement in the conflict between the two girls. You're setting yourself up for a world of trouble if it the girls become physical with each other, or worse still (from a potentially legal perspective) with you.

It might be more sensible to observe from a distance and if you think it's likely to escalate further, call the police to intervene.

If girl 1 is in genuine fear for her physical safety from girl 2, she is ALREADY the victim of common assault. It doesn't have to go physical before it becomes a police matter.

In the worst case scenario that it goes physical and you feel you have to step between, I would personally suggest doing so by shielding girl 1 from attack with your back to girl 2, rather than confronting girl 2 face to face. That way you are minimising the risk of her or bystanders interpreting it as you being inappropriately physical or violent with a teenage girl. Of course you are risking personal injury by turning your back on a pool cue wielding assailant, teenage girl or not, but if you're going to be a hero, it's going to involve getting hurt.

I know it's slightly sexist, but if it's exactly the same situation, but with boys, it plays out slightly differently at the point you decide to intervene personally. Don't turn your back on ANYONE, even the person you are supposed to be protecting. It's not uncommon for person 1 to come to the defense of person 2, even though you were trying to protect them from that person. It's possible that before their argument, they were good friends, and their falling out fades into the background and their instinct is to take sides with their friend.

I've actually seen and heard similar situations being role played by groups of muggers. Sort of hustling strangers into being a good samaritan to defend a smaller weaker looking person from attack, only for the whole group, including the victim to turn on the would-be hero.

Be careful, it's a jungle out there

It's for that latter reason I would advise personal intervention should be a last resort. Best to call the authorities. Doesn't mean you have to turn a blind eye. you can still assist without jumping in personally. The bigger and tougher you are, the more likely you are to face repercussions for getting involved yourself.

Just to reiterate, all IMO of course

[david3103]

What a good well thought through post that is ^^^^^^

[RED-DOG]

I don't know if it's a cultural thing. but I always seem to find myself talking to random kids, especially the pre-school ones that are out with their mum or dad during the day. I usually stoop down to their level and have a bit of banter with them, and more often than not, mum or dad will join in, especially if you compliment them on their children. I'm sure that there is the occasional neurotic crackpot parent out there, but why let them spoil it for everyone else? 

I don't do daft things like offering sweets or picking them up, but I think interacting with strangers in the presence of their parents is great for young kids.

If I saw a child lone in a shopping centre or something I would intervene without even thinking about it. I've been glad when others have done the same for my children. If there was a problem afterwards them so be it. It's better than a toddler getting run over.

[AdamM]

What a good well thought through post that is ^^^^^^

Thanks

[The Camel]

I was in the bank this morning, queuing behind a couple and their two young daughters to use the self service banking machine.

I think the parents were withdrawing money to buy their younger daughter (about 10 years old) a present because she was visibly excited.

As the father was using the machine the daughter started to do a little dance.

It was very cute, and I smiled at her.

The mother looked at me horrified "What are you looking at my daughter for?"

"She's right in of me, I can hardly not look at her"

"Why are you smiling? Are you a paedophile?"

Is this really the society we want, where a man can not even smile at a young girl with being accused of being a paedo?

Jake has zero male teachers at his school.

At the other two schools we considered sending him I think there was one male teacher between them.

That's roughly 1 from 25.

I can only assume men are scared of learning to teach young children because they are worried about how society would perceive a man who chose to do this job.

I think it is incredibly sad.

Just a year after posting how sad it was there were no male teachers at Jake's school, one of the governors of the school has been charged with various child sex offences.

http://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/11821127.Man_from_Richmond_charged_with_child_sex_offences/?ref=mr

Utterly shocked.

[MC]

So ridiculous Keith (OP)

A couple of years ago I was playing with my son, he was 2 or 3 at the time, in the soft play area at Meadowhall. Another little girl came over and started talking to me so obviously I talked back. A few minutes later an employee told me to leave the equipment because I was making the parents feel uncomfortable. I mean GTFO.

But I just got off and bit my tongue as well but was raging/sad inside.

[lucky_scrote]

James have you ever been in a play area and someone has come up to you and asked you where your parents were?

[titaniumbean]

James have you ever been in a play area and someone has come up to you and asked you where your parents were?

A+

[Oxford_HRV]

British society is officially dead, government wp for installing fear into the population.

[Woodsey]

So ridiculous Keith (OP)

A couple of years ago I was playing with my son, he was 2 or 3 at the time, in the soft play area at Meadowhall. Another little girl came over and started talking to me so obviously I talked back. A few minutes later an employee told me to leave the equipment because I was making the parents feel uncomfortable. I mean GTFO.

But I just got off and bit my tongue as well but was raging/sad inside.

I honestly think people should start standing up to this sort of stuff. People need putting in their places with such ridiculous paranoia. I would have deffo told them to GTFO and if people weren't happy with me playing with my son there then they should take their kids out and go somewhere else.

[Doobs]

British society is officially dead, government wp for installing fear into the population.

Why are we blaming the Government here?   Why does one idiot reflect the whole of society?