Rate My Fry-up...

[RED-DOG]

Isn't Red a fry-up fan?  Umm, wonder what he thinks...

Sorry to disappoint, but this fry up is far from perfect.

Don't get me wrong, it's a good effort and all that, and I would be very happy to eat it, but if we're measuring it against the mythical "Perfect" fry up it falls a long way short.

I will now proceed to list just a couple of the many shortcomings, but before I do, can I just say please don't get downhearted if my remarks seem harsh. The chances of all the factors coming together at the same time are astronomical.

I will keep my list brief, concentrating on just two of the more important faults. I could go on to list perhaps a dozen or so more, but I have no desire to extinguish the bright spark of culinary aptitude that obviously burns so brightly within you.

1: Beans.

Beans have no place on a fry up. They are not fried, plus they are extremely mobile and prone to making everything on the plate taste beanfide. Also, they have a propensity to induce involuntary emission of noxious gas within an alarmingly short period post consumption. Now while this phenomenon occurring as part of ones own digestive process is not undesirable and indeed can often be quite relaxing in an a holistic, mood-enhancing sort of way, any positive benefits are immediately offset by the suspicion that your dining partner may have surreptitiously contributed to the aroma.

2: Both chairs facing the wall. Rookie mistake.

The perfect breakfast must be eaten in peace and tranquility, without fear of being accosted from behind by policemen with outstanding warrents for your arrest, random nippers, or irate jealous husbands bent on retribution. Also,try to remember that the dining experience can be enhanced by the view from a window, and the possibility of watching someone who is working outside and being rained upon. (If the oportunity arises, try to point out to them that you are indoors eating a fry up, and they are not).

As you can see from these brief pointers, attention to detail is everything. You have much to learn.

I have invested 50 years of my life in diligent (Some might say fanatical) persuit of the perfect fry up, and I feel duty bound to continue. To actually find it at this late stage would be something of an anticlimax, and would rob my twilight years of propose and direction.

I wish good luck to the brave soul who might venture to pry the perfect fry up quest batton from my greasy fingers when I shuffle off this mortal coil. (The smart money will be in my daughter Sadie) Until then. may the pleasure remain in the chase, and not the capture.

[TheChipPrince]

Isn't Red a fry-up fan?  Umm, wonder what he thinks...

Sorry to disappoint, but this fry up is far from perfect.

Don't get me wrong, it's a good effort and all that, and I would be very happy to eat it, but if we're measuring it against the mythical "Perfect" fry up it falls a long way short.

I will now proceed to list just a couple of the many shortcomings, but before I do, can I just say please don't get downhearted if my remarks seem harsh. The chances of all the factors coming together at the same time are astronomical.

I will keep my list brief, concentrating on just two of the more important faults. I could go on to list perhaps a dozen or so more, but I have no desire to extinguish the bright spark of culinary aptitude that obviously burns so brightly within you.

1: Beans.

Beans have no place on a fry up. They are not fried, plus they are extremely mobile and prone to making everything on the plate taste beanfide. Also, they have a propensity to induce involuntary emission of noxious gas within an alarmingly short period post consumption. Now while this phenomenon occurring as part of ones own digestive process is not undesirable and indeed can often be quite relaxing in an a holistic, mood-enhancing sort of way, any positive benefits are immediately offset by the suspicion that your dining partner may have surreptitiously contributed to the aroma.

2: Both chairs facing the wall. Rookie mistake.

The perfect breakfast must be eaten in peace and tranquility, without fear of being accosted from behind by policemen with outstanding warrents for your arrest, random nippers, or irate jealous husbands bent on retribution. Also,try to remember that the dining experience can be enhanced by the view from a window, and the possibility of watching someone who is working outside and being rained upon. (If the oportunity arises, try to point out to them that you are indoors eating a fry up, and they are not).

As you can see from these brief pointers, attention to detail is everything. You have much to learn.

I have invested 50 years of my life in diligent (Some might say fanatical) persuit of the perfect fry up, and I feel duty bound to continue. To actually find it at this late stage would be something of an anticlimax, and would rob my twilight years of propose and direction.

I wish good luck to the brave soul who might venture to pry the perfect fry up quest batton from my greasy fingers when I shuffle off this mortal coil. (The smart money will be in my daughter Sadie) Until then. may the pleasure remain in the chase, and not the capture.

Red, i'm young and willing to learn. I will only learn by assessing and correcting my faults for next time, detail is not essential if you do not have time, but please bullet point a list of where it went wrong, to absorb information is the way to better yourself.

[EvilPie]

I must say that I can understand Red and Laz when they say that beans have no place in a fry up.

Whilst I am a big bean fan they do make everything taste beany and can overwhelm some of the finer flavours.

Red could I please ask a question:

In what do you consider the fry up should be fried?

What I mean is unsaturated or saturated fat? Should we be melting lard for the true flavour or have a spray of 1 cal?

In the modern world it's all about low fat, unsaturated fat and low cholesterol but is it worth the risk for a better tasting fry up?

Maybe if we use proper fat then we won't need the beans?

Also is any fry up complete without a fried slice?

[Bongo]

I'm also in the no beans in a fry up club. In my mind they are only there to take up space and distract you from thinking about the finer things that could be on the plate instead.

[LeKnave]

A+++++ red, so comedy.

But fwiw i believe this fry up looks pretty incredible and i am a huge fan of beans in a fry up.

[Colchester Kev]

I am a fan of the baked bean, but moderation is key here... no more than 2 tablespoons should ever reach the plate, my biggest phobia is that my egg breaks and the yellow dippy bit is lost amongst bean juice.  

[Tonji]

I'm also in the no beans in a fry up club. In my mind they are only there to take up space and distract you from thinking about the finer things that could be on the plate instead.

This thread has enlightened me, previously I was a beans with your fry up man, but I've seen the light.....Hallelujah

I hesitate to mention, but I'm partial to bubble with the fry up, is this wrong!!!

[lazaroonie]

another problem I can forsee is the the position of the plates and associated unnecessary clutter on the table. Because you have missed one essential element of the fry up - a tabloid newspaper.

just where exactly are you supposed to put your copy of the daily star ?

[TheChipPrince]

I am a fan of the baked bean, but moderation is key here... no more than 2 tablespoons should ever reach the plate, my biggest phobia is that my egg breaks and the yellow dippy bit is lost amongst bean juice.  

Agreed. The main reason I took the fried egg up to 'Level 2' for this fry-up. Level two involves the use of leveage, a barrier of sorts, eg, in this case the waffle.  NO danger of a bean juice/egg yolk 'dirty' mix...

[RED-DOG]

I must say that I can understand Red and Laz when they say that beans have no place in a fry up.

Whilst I am a big bean fan they do make everything taste beany and can overwhelm some of the finer flavours.

Red could I please ask a question:

In what do you consider the fry up should be fried?

What I mean is unsaturated or saturated fat? Should we be melting lard for the true flavour or have a spray of 1 cal?

In the modern world it's all about low fat, unsaturated fat and low cholesterol but is it worth the risk for a better tasting fry up?

Maybe if we use proper fat then we won't need the beans?

Also is any fry up complete without a fried slice?

Ideally we should use lard, but not new lard.

Re-melt old lard that has been used in previous fry-ups. Add a little fresh lard if necessary to maintain volume, but try to preserve the old lards integrity by never discarding any. Forensic scientists can trace the best lard back through several generations. Indeed, families reared on heirloom lard will carry and pass on dominant, mutated grease gene that has proved more reliable than the standard DNA test from a genetic fingerprinting standpoint.

Fried slice/toast. Both no no's. Bread and butter is essential, but that's a whole nother thread's worth.

[Graham C]

Fried slice/toast. Both no no's. Bread and butter is essential, but that's a whole nother thread's worth.

WTF?  Both very very essential surely!  One can never have too much toast.

[Rod Paradise]

I'm also in the no beans in a fry up club. In my mind they are only there to take up space and distract you from thinking about the finer things that could be on the plate instead.

This thread has enlightened me, previously I was a beans with your fry up man, but I've seen the light.....Hallelujah

I hesitate to mention, but I'm partial to bubble with the fry up, is this wrong!!!

bubble?

[DUNK619]

no beans cos they arnt fried but bread and butter isnt fried. Im confused what non fried items are allowed on a fry up  just 2 clarify the matter

[Colchester Kev]

I'm also in the no beans in a fry up club. In my mind they are only there to take up space and distract you from thinking about the finer things that could be on the plate instead.

This thread has enlightened me, previously I was a beans with your fry up man, but I've seen the light.....Hallelujah

I hesitate to mention, but I'm partial to bubble with the fry up, is this wrong!!!

bubble?

Bubble & Squeak

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubble_and_squeak

[Colchester Kev]

I'm also in the no beans in a fry up club. In my mind they are only there to take up space and distract you from thinking about the finer things that could be on the plate instead.

This thread has enlightened me, previously I was a beans with your fry up man, but I've seen the light.....Hallelujah

I hesitate to mention, but I'm partial to bubble with the fry up, is this wrong!!!

bubble?

Bubble & Squeak

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubble_and_squeak

Please note the picture top right ... if ever that was served to me, the provider would be wearing it LOL