"....and top of the morning to ya, Jeeves"
In truth, it was a relief to get off the phone to Duffy. Frankly his tales of passing on misinformation about my identity in Cork should have been the furthest thing from my mind as I prepared for a long day of walking the floor across several tournament rooms for the WSOP main event while all the while my Master was slowly infused with the sweet nectar of Peroni, Lattes, nutrasweet and Marlboro. He denied it was his Peroni, but I knew better. The inevitable slurring of his words after the dinner break was the tell tale sign. Of something. That and the stash of empty bottles under his desk in the media centre.
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Anyway my identity was clear to all. Reginald Jeeves, manservant to the great and the good. Now reduced to a floor walker with a point and click camera, emblazoned in Sky Poker badges, and desperate to get home.
Four days into my misadventures acorss the tournament floor and I am on my last legs. Point, click, shoot, Point, click, shoot before rushing back to tikay and his coterie in the next room. Hand over the camera, let a minion upload the photos and back out again. Twelve hours a day I do this, only to watch tikay swan out into public view with two hours to go, press the flesh and claim the glory of another well written blog full of witty bon mots (all written by TommyD for the last few days).
Well, time is coming where my manservant's discretion will be shattered by my plaintive cry of "bollocks to that" in front of his beloved Sky Poker players. This year, just my luck, one will go really deep, our flight home will be delayed and....oh its just too risible to even consider
Things almost reached an ugly head when tikay had the temerity two hours ago to show me how to keep flexible after many hours walking. As if he'd know.
"Jeeves, you look like you are struggling"
He proferred the palm of his hand in my direction
"let me help you out Jeeves, I'll hold the camera for a minute"
The camera weighs less than two pounds.
I passed over the camera, deliberately, and it was all I could do not to feign mock deference at his genorousity.
"Jeeves, WATCH THIS!" he cried proudly
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and he launched into a series of geriatric callisthenics that did not exactly have the Green Goddess suing for copyright infringement
"That's the way to stay supple, Jeeves"
As if he'd know, I thought to myself, but ever the professional I launched into a series of half hearted stretches as Mr UK Fitness 2006 Jakally watched on in amusement.
As I finished tikay beamed, like a proud father on Sports Day. He ushered me to one side and whispered
"Jeeves, not bad. Try harder next time though". He patted my belly, protruding after a month of Hash House a go-go's once he was asleep and winked
Home really could not come soon enough, especially as one of the Sky Poker party was badgering me to buy a percentage of him for the Chinese Poker tournament on the Premium economy flight home
"just so I can get over 100% sold at 1.21, Jeeves, all right?"
I didn't know what he meant, but it sounded too good a proposition to miss out on. I made a mental note to ask tikay about it later.
After I had tackled him about his wearing of white trainers three days in a row, and one of his TK-Maxx Polo shirts four days in a row. Don't even start me on the C&A cardigan.
I know I hadn't had the time to do his laundry, but things should not have been that desperate.....
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