blonde poker forum

The Legend of the Poker Translator:

A few months ago at the Gala, I was sitting at the bar when a mysterious cloaked man approached me.

?Wanna be amazed?? he asked quietly. He held out his hand to reveal a small gadget resting in his palm. ?This is the Poker Translator,? he proclaimed, ?and it will translate any gibberish that comes out of your opponents? mouths.?

?Poppcock!? I exclaimed.

The man looked at me menacingly. ?I urge you to give it a go. You will not be dissatisfied.?

After initially brushing him aside as nothing more than a madman, I succumbed to the man?s persuasive nature and decided to pop in one of the earpieces. He directed me towards a couple of old geezers emerged in conversation, and this is what I heard:


Old Geezer #1 ? ?How?s your luck been recently??

Old Geezer #2 ? ?My luck has been fine, it?s my play that?s been dismal. I?m an incredibly poor player who has been in denial for the last 40 years?

Old Geezer #1 ? ?Me too. Admittedly, I get the odd bad beat, but no more than anyone else.?

Old Geezer #2 ? ?I had aces cracked last night.?

Old Geezer #1 ? 'Oh that is unlucky.'

Old Geezer #2 ? ?Not particularly. I slowplayed them and got caught with my pants down. I deserved everything I got.?


I?d heard enough. I removed the ear-piece and dipped into my wallet. However, to my surprise, the man had mysteriously vanished, leaving his poker translator behind.

At this point, I decided to set out on a field trip, visiting various poker casinos and trying to find out what my new found possession could do. Looking forward to what secrets I might unearth, I embarked on a voyage of poker discovery. These are some of my most frequent findings:

1.?You were ahead anyway.? ? I had the best hand but I?m too ashamed to admit that I was outplayed and bluffed off the pot.

2.?I had to call.? ? I didn?t have to call at all and should have folded.

3.?I know I?m behind but?? ? I haven?t got a clue where I stand, but I don?t like folding, so?

4.?I was pot committed.? ? I can?t find any other excuse for making that shoddy call.

5.?Sorry.? ? I?m glad I won and I hope I take more of your lovely chips in the future.

6.?I broke even for the day? ? I?m down for the day.

7.?I?m up for the day? ? I broke even for the day.

8.?I?m a few quid down for the day? ? I?ve just lost my house, car, wife and the shirt off my back.

9.?I?ll pay you back when I can.? ? I?ll put you in my will.

10. ?I had a read on him?. ? I guessed and got lucky. I couldn?t read a book.

11.?Shall we do a saver for 11th?? ? Please have mercy. I?m in 11th position and have had 10 rebuys.

12.?Good fold.? ? Thank God you folded.

13.?Sorry, I didn?t realise the blinds had gone up.? ? Darn. I thought no-one had noticed that the blinds had gone up.

14.?Good luck all.? ? I hope you all suffer a horrific run of cards.

15.?I?ll let you have it this time.? ? I had no intention of calling and you?ll probably be able to take the pot off me again next time.

16.?Just one more hand.? ? I?ll finish when the casino kicks me out.

17.?New deck, please.? ? I am on a bad run and my last hope is that the cardroom manager brings over a magic deck that deals me the nuts every hand.

18.?I?ll be back as soon as I exit the comp, love.? ? If I go out early, I?m either heading straight to the cash game, or straight to the bar.

19.?I?m quitting poker!? ? Same time tomorrow, boys?

20.Tikay: ?I?m in my 40s??

At this point the poker translator just went crazy, caught fire and exploded. Just one too many lies I guess.

Has anyone else come across this gadget? What giblets of information did you find?

By the way, the mysterious man looked a little like Julian. Hmm. Would explain his quiet demeanour at the table and how he always manages to get our chips.

Ps. Apologies to anyone who was hoping for a serious anecdote about a real poker gadget.

 8)

Brilliant ... i love it :)

nice story. your own?

I think I've got the same machine implanted in my brain.  However, it's the opposite language to language as the one you came across.  ;)

Yeah. Just bored at work. I have a fascination for the lies, fibs, etc that people come up with in poker.

Great story snoopy

I used one at Walsall, two years ago, all I heard was, " We have no intention of revising out stupidly top heavy prize structure, bollox to what the players want"

quality! and so so true and typical of the majority of gamblers you meet - i particularly like 15.

How about


"I play a tight aggressive style" = I'm a complete rock/I'm a maniac....everyone's ALWAYS Tight-Aggressive

" I knew I could outplay them later" = I'm a complete rock

" All in" = I've got no chance if I play you down the streets, so let's lump it all in and hope for the best


Seriously, I hear a number of your top 20 every time I play live!

Im sure we are all guilty of saying a few of them ourselves from time to time :)

I'm banged to rights, I know that!

Number 17 made me laugh for sure :D

GUILTY AS CHARGED  :-[

What about the term "sophisticated plays"- translation "I confused myself and didn't know what I was doing" ;) I have used these plays many times lately :-[

you don't need the translator to hear that.  ;)

Maybe Doyle Brunson should have got 1 after this:

?Jay Terrell: Ok gezzers, it?s a monkey to go!
Doyle Brunson: How many players in the hand dealer?
Jay Terrell: There are 3 punters in this coup geeze
Doyle Brunson: Floor! I can't understand a word he says...'
Doyle Brunson during the £10,000 buy-in London Poker Open

I'm not sure it works with dialects. I'll have to take it back on the road. Preferably Newcastle.

Dialects?  Are they those things from DR WHO?

Excellent Snoopy that made me laugh, its so true!

Nah. That's 'Daleks' you're mixing it up with.

and ty Sunday.

my favourite one is after a pass of someones bet after the river!

"i knew you had trips" or "i knew you had the straight" = i didnt have the balls to stick it in with the better hand and didnt have a clue what you had!

I had to hear this all night on Monday in Notts  - not mentioning names  ;D

Great post.

I always love the line of "How did you call there?!!?", which translates to something along the lines of "You obviously worked out my bluff with a medoicre hand when I quite obviously had nothing. But if i insult you and made it look like it was you that played the hand wrong everyone will respect me and I'll look fantastic."

Guy playing last night got angry because the dealer insulted him -

"Monkey"
"What did you call me?  >:("
"500 to play - a Monkey  ::)"

 ;D  ;D

And what's so insulting about being called a monkey?? :(

I thought you were 'monkey boy'. Isn't there a difference?

well when i grow up i'm going to be a monkey :)

Hold my hands up to that one. (although sometimes i really don't know how they called for all their chips with K high!!!)

I certainly considered including this one, Phil, but I'd don't think it's 100% conclusive. I reckon about 50% of the time, the case you suggest applies, but for the other 50%, it ends up being:

'How did you call there?' = 'You hadn't the foggiest whether you were behind or in front, so took a stab in the dark and got lucky.'

However, once or twice I have had your response float through my mind when I've been caught red-handed.