Okay society you win- Diary of a fat boy

[Snatiramas]

I remember some time ago reading a book called the “secret lemonade drinker” about a guy who works in a launderette and goes home one day to find his wife in bed with his best friend......the story meanders hither and thither and it all works out well. Why do I tell you this useless information? Well in the launderette is a sign. It says “today is the first day in the rest of your life” and to be honest folks that is what I have done today. Just taken it as the first day of the new diet......more of that later. First up “The basket dock and musical boot boys”.

Well if you think adults are nasty it is my humble opinion that teenage boys are far worse. Having been bullied in my first year at senior school I was not the honourable man that one would hope I would become. Oh no. I crossed over the fence to the dark side with devastating force. It started with musical boot boys where a group of us would gather around a poor unfortunate victim and to the cartoon theme of Roobarb and Custard would summarily start kicking him. Why? I don’t know. I honestly don’t, other than violence in a group is exciting ask any West Ham fan who has been to Millwall away. Well nobody got hurt too badly not at school anyway, the odd bruise was about the sum of it and also it wasn’t done to any one boy but would rotate and members of the group all got it done to them at some time or other. Hang on a second it sounds like I am trying to justify my behaviour. There is no justification. Sound familiar? Sounds like diet.

Back to the subject in hand musical boot boys was okay but it lacked style. I decided to come up with something a little more creative. The basket dock. Unfortunately I had to find a victim to see if it would work and a bit like Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn painting the fence, I would have to make this look as though it was great fun. So what I did was this. In olden day classrooms were olden day wastepaper baskets. These were large cube shapes made out of flax with holes on either side as handles. Well you could sit in one and when you sat in it you could pin someone’s  arms in by using the window poles through the holes in the basket. You then balance the pole on two desks with the basket hanging down and rock it gently backwards  and forwards like a homemade swing. Making it look like great fun until somebody says “that looks like fun can I have a go?” Sure enough only a minute of gently swaying when Germaine June walks past and looks fascinated by the whole idea.

So we plonk him in the bin and pin his arms inside the bin and feed the window pole through. You really cannot get out. This time we are going to put it to the test. We get  two old wooden chairs and place them on the desks. We then balance the pole from  the top of one chair to the top of the other across the pathway between the desks. At this moment unfortunately the red mist overtook the group and what started off as a gentle swing had the basket doing for the full 360 with Germaine scared as hell. Just at that moment the lunchtime bell goes off again and we take poor GJ down get the chairs off the desks and all wait for baldeagle to walk through the door. Unfortunately we had forgotten to take the wastepaper basket off GJ and he was walking, well crawling round the floor as baldeagle walks in. Not much GJ could do really as his arms were still pinned. Baldeagle “June what are you doing? Stand up right now!!”.
“I can’t sir!!!”
“Then you can have a detention”
Evil really. Poor bloke is green at the gills and has just picked up a detention. Unfortunately for my regular readers I have rather a lot of stories that may not paint me in the best of lights but there you go in that respect I am no different to anybody else.

GJ was unfortunate in many ways really. He was in my maths set and our teacher was a teacher who had the nickname “chopper”. Chopper was scary and not just scary, but in the way that baldeagle was thick chopper was sharp. Well GJ walks into maths one morning and chopper says “June where is your homework?”. GJ answers quick as a flash “it’s at home sir”....Chopper weighs him up like Tighty does before banging in a reraise and says “well then you won’t mind me checking in your desk then!” and with that grabs GJ by the ear and drags him across to the other side of the school reappearing five minutes later with GJ’s ear in one hand and the said maths exercise book in the other. Not good.
And finally on the subject of school my favourite moment for so many reasons. It was the year of the great acorn fights. All years were involved and they bloody hurt when you got hit by them. Acorns were at a premium and being the businessman I am I spotted an opportunity to make a bit of money collecting and selling them. I became rather good at collecting them and there were a number of Oaks in the school grounds. Now I had a trusty half brick that I would wang up into the trees trying to dislodge acorns. Anyway on this particular day at the exact moment that the half brick leaves my hand the deputy head walks round the corner of the old school block. The brick misses him, but only just. I loved the moment his face paled as he picked up the trajectory of the brick in his peripheral vision. I loved watching the evasive action and the severely dirtied trousers from the undignified sprawl and I loved the fact that I had managed to get out of sight so he could not be sure who had thrown it. He of course had his revenge when he expelled me for writing ten sides on how to improve the education system in my mock A level history exam.

So on to fat club. I was asked to list down all the emotions and feelings around me eating the stuff I did on Monday and Tuesday. There is a lot of it. You know me not one to hold back once in motion. I now understand the following emotions
1.   I eat because I am happy
2.   I eat because I am unhappy
3.   I eat as a displacement activity
4.   I use the petulant child technique as an excuse
5.   I am not going to beat myself up but I am going to get up and find the inner strength to carry on because that is what I want to do.
So I have Smoke on the water ready to blast out on the stereo when I get into the car but the mobile goes off before I can get to listen to it. A good mate phoned to see how I was because he was concerned about my post earlier in the week. Having shot the breeze with him for a bit and hung up I then get a phone call from my guvnor and once we have finished that I am there. Well walking up the stairs to the fat club room I feel mentally about four stone heavier than last week.

Well I lost a pound. Only one but one more than I deserved. Forty eight pounds in total. My addictive nature around food though would appear to be there and as strong as ever. We had a good session at fat club today talking about addictive tendencies and the addictive circle. It is a nice group of normal blokes who are just trying to find their way through their relationship with food. It made a lot of sense and I am a wiser man because of this week’s activities. Battered yes but not bowed. A big thank you for all the support both on the thread and by pm it really helped and to CC at fat club because she really knows what she is talking about.

So on to next week. I think we need to look at a new topic and so we will go back to sport and my passion for West Ham United or maybe rugby and my undying love of the Leicester Tigers.
This week the words of a very wise man entered my head. He always said I do not want you to change a lot. I just want you to move an inch. I don’t want you to be a good man but I want you to try and be a better man. He understood that if everybody moved just a little bit and just tried to be a little bit better then we would all have moved to a much better place. As I said he is a very clever man.

[tikay]

This week the words of a very wise man entered my head. He always said I do not want you to change a lot. I just want you to move an inch. I don’t want you to be a good man but I want you to try and be a better man. He understood that if everybody moved just a little bit and just tried to be a little bit better then we would all have moved to a much better place. As I said he is a very clever man.

Wht a great quote.

A clever man indeed. Far more clever than someone who uses the word "sport", "passion", & "West Ham United" in the same sentence. If I may make so bold.

[pokefast]

Superb Snatty as always.

[AndrewT]

This week the words of a very wise man entered my head. He always said I do not want you to change a lot. I just want you to move an inch. I don’t want you to be a good man but I want you to try and be a better man. He understood that if everybody moved just a little bit and just tried to be a little bit better then we would all have moved to a much better place. As I said he is a very clever man.

Wht a great quote.

A clever man indeed. Far more clever than someone who uses the word "sport", "passion", & "West Ham United" in the same sentence. If I may make so bold.

You didn't make anything bold - you used italics.

Great post as always Snatty.

[I Am Willis]

Wow, this thread is deep,

Some very quite clever and meaningful quotes in here Snatty, keep up the hard work =)

[cia260895]

wow didn't realise we were so much alike Phil,

You were trouble at school,so was I,
You are a West Ham Fan,so am I,
You play poker,so do I,
You are a tops bloke,similarities end.......

[Snatiramas]

wow didn't realise we were so much alike Phil,

You were trouble at school,so was I,
You are a West Ham Fan,so am I,
You play poker,so do I,
and we are both top blokes.......

FYP

[cia260895]

 

[Karabiner]

You got expelled for writing ten sides on how to improve the education system in your mock history "a" level.

What an truly heroic deed. 

Yet another superb post Phil, which really cheered me up, please do keep them coming.

[Chompy]

48lb is a major achievement Snatty, top work. Like I mentioned the other night you've got me at it too.
I dropped from 115kg to around 98kg after breathing problems surfaced and the weight loss helped a lot. But I've stuck 9kg back on over the last year, mainly thanks to inactivity before and after that hip replacement thing.
Now I've started hitting the gym five days a week for the past fortnight or so and I'll soon drop below 100kg again. Once I'm there I can stay there; it's true what they say you have to change your lifestyle either on the food or the excercise front. There's feck all chance of me cutting out takeaways, as I live on them, but gym I can easily fit in. One hour is enough time to burn 500 calories and it's something that's worth doing anyway.
Keep it up, have no doubts you'll get where you want.

[Snatiramas]

There is one thing that I know for absolutely certain as I sit here in my forty fifth year. Life goes in cycles. Just when you are fully enjoying what one might describe as a golden time a seismic shift occurs. And so it was for me this week.
I had just read Tighty’s magnificent series of posts about his relationship with his father. I was glowing in the warm feeling of having regular posts by Red back on his thread. I had spent the weekend in Leicester with the family just catching up. Ads was showing off his latest trophy and my folks were spoiling the kids rotten. They stayed with Mum and Dad on Saturday and Anne Marie and I were going to get up early on Sunday and join everyone for breakfast. Now Sunday morning breakfasts at my folks are the things of which legends are made. Often my sister and her kids pop in and one visitor is always there. Uncle Gerald.

Now Uncle Gerald is an amazing man. He fought in the war and was a lieutenant in the artillery in Africa. He also fought in Italy and had a great love of the country. He was demobbed in 1947 and he went into the family cabinet making business in Leicester as my grandfather was unwell. He kept the business growing and ensured that all his brothers and sisters were financially supported and able to progress and develop their careers. Uncle Sidney became a doctor. My father became an accountant. Uncle Laurie went on to LSE and Chicago business school. My aunts both got married. All of this though was based on the rock like behaviour of Uncle Gerald. A real capo di tutti capi

So there we are, all having breakfast on Sunday morning and it was lovely. Uncle Gerald at eighty two was in great form and my kids absolutely adore the time they spend with him. He made all children feel special. He had a way of relating to them in a way that just brought light and challenge at the same time. He would ask intelligent questions and develop discussions regardless of your age.

So the weekend over and I am throwing myself into another week and have reached Wednesday when the phone goes. It is my Mum. “I have some bad news I am afraid. Uncle Gerald has had a massive heart attack and is in the Royal Infirmary”. You know when you get punched in the stomach and it catches you off guard and all the air is sucked out your lungs well that is how I felt. An hour later a second phone call tells me he has unfortunately passed away. The kids are home so I have to stay upbeat and calm until Anne Marie gets back. Breaking the news was gut wrenchingly horrible but I needed them to hear it from me so that we could talk it through together. An hour and a half later I am in the car and on my way up to Leicester.

Through the night in the Jewish religion people stay with the body and the body is not left alone as a mark of respect. It is also an honour as the person obviously is not doing it to hear the words thank you. Jewish burials always occur as soon after death as possible, frequently the next day. And so yesterday we buried Uncle Gerald. I spent a fair amount of the night with Dad at the Synagogue with Uncle Gerald and managed to get Dad to go home in the early hours. I was there and to pass the time I went and had a look at the bookcase that stood in the corner.

Now Uncle Gerald could play poker. And by play I mean if I had ten percent of his ability I would be a sponsored player. He only played for fun but he was a regular winner in his “game with the boys” as he described it. I remember as a small boy on a Sunday morning the stories he would tell of the hands against this one or that one. So dear reader I can hear the question in your head, what on earth (or beyond if you like) has this got to do with 5 am in the morning and guarding the remains of one of your heroes. Well I will tell you.

Whilst looking at the bookcase I came across a book called Heroes of Jewish Thought. I reached a great man called Hillel who lived 1000BC and at the end of the story of his life I found two quotes. The first was “Do not judge your fellow man until you have been in his place”. The second relates to poker. There is a regular player in Luton called Avi. He is a devil to play against as he plays a wide spectrum of hands and whatever he is playing he does it with a smile. He has a favourite saying “If not now when?”. At 5.05 am I see the following Hillel quote. If I am not for myself then who will be for me? And if I am for myself only then what am I? And if not now when? There were hundreds of books and probably millions of pages and I get a poker quote. I have never felt more connected.

Finally how great a man was Uncle Gerald. I will tell you this. Some people measure themselves by their possessions. Some by the number of friends. Some by the seeking of knowledge. All I know is that all my friends called him Uncle Gerald just like me. If that’s not true greatness I do not know what is.

As they say where I come from “I wish you long life”

[RED-DOG]

Through the night in the Jewish religion people stay with the body and the body is not left alone as a mark of respect.

It's the same in our society Phil.  On the night before the funeral the women folk stay indoors and the men light a big fire and stay outdoors. No one sleeps.

My respect to Uncle Gerald. May he long be remembered, and may he rest in peace.

[Tonji]

RIP Uncle Gerald.

[boldie]

RIP Uncle Gerald. Zichro livracha.

[Compo]

I wish you long life