blonde poker forum

I received an email from FullTilt tonight warning me about abusing my chatbox privileges. It told me that 'calling names' and 'harassing' players is not allowed. And it quoted what I had typed as evidence (see below).

What actually happened is that a player was very rude to me after I beat him in a pot. And I responded in the following way:

Does your mum know you use language like that?

I am going to tell her... she is here with me right now.

She can't respond though I'm afraid.

Because she has her mouth full.

Which I thought was rather funny tbh, although some may disagree.

Anyway, I wrote a long email response to FullTilt, and thought I'd share it with you:


Dear Jennifer,

I assume there has been a mistake. I was neither harassing anyone, nor calling anyone names at the table!

If you carefully re-read the exact wording of what I typed you will notice that in fact I did not say anything wrong/offensive at all. There is surely nothing offensive about saying I will tell someone's mum that they use abusive language? Neither can there be anything wrong with saying that his mum is here with me now. And finally, what is wrong with saying that she has her mouth full? We all get hungry sometimes, and I have myself been known to cram far too much ham and cheese toastie into my mouth from time to time. Gluttony is a sin, but it one of the minor sins in my opinion.

I don't know what kind of tawdry mind you have Jennifer, but you have obviously jumped to certain conclusions about what I was inferring. Shame on you.

Okay, okay... I am only joking! I will come clean. I admit that I did intend to infer that his mum was engaged in ... I blush to even type the words ... pleasuring me, whilst he spent his valuable time harassing me in the chatbox. And I feel utterly ashamed of myself, particularly as you - no doubt an upstanding lady of innocence and virtue - have had the misfortune to read the shameful words I wrote.

Being a little more serious now Jennifer. I was merely responding with humour to an unpleasant person who was being rude to me in the chatbox. If you look at the full chat log then you will see that HE was the one abusing me, not the other way round. At the risk of sounding like a schoolchild... he started it. I was merely responding.

Now granted, my response was a little politically incorrect. Your Mum jokes are of course rather juvenile, and perhaps a little sexist. But it is really just a funny way of putting down someone who berates me, rather than the other way round. And it is pretty funny too, you must admit. Surely you must admire the comedic device, even if you are not personally a huge fan of the subject matter.

My response was meant to be playful and light-hearted, and to teach a gentle lesson to the guy that it is not okay to abuse someone in chat. I tried to do it with humour rather than getting into a big war of words with him.

But rest assured, I will refrain from using this humorous retort next time I am berated in the chatbox. I will try to think of something else to say in response instead. It probably won't be as effective in getting offenders to desist from their textual beastliness. Neither will it be as funny. But I promise that I will never again type what I did.

By the way, have you any ideas for a witty retort that I could use instead? Preferably something that is funny and playful, yet puts the chat abuser firmly in his place, and makes him realise that I am not someone to be messing with. If you have any ideas please let me know. I would love to hear back from you.

Kindest regards, sincerest apologies, and lots and lots of love.

Stu


P.S. As a further apology I am including a link to a very funny YouTube clip of Jimmy Carr (yes, the evil tax evader) putting down a heckler at one of his shows. It is on a related theme. I hope you enjoy it and that it gives you a giggle at work and brightens up your day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PioR66L8Hq0

P.S.S. Since I have apologised from the heart, do you think it may be possible to turn off the Doomswitch on my FullTilt account? I suspect that the person in charge of turning the switch on and off has forgotten about my account, and has left the switch in a permanent on position. Also, it seems that he has turned the setting all the way up to TOTAL DOOM. Which I think is a little harsh. Fair perhaps, given my dastardly chatbox misdemeanors. But definitely harsh. Morale really is at an all time low right now and I worry that, with the distraction of humorous chat banter now denied to me, it may soon reach rock bottom. Will you please look into it if I promise to behave myself in the chatbox and not to bombard you with any more YouTube links? It would really mean a lot Jennifer. Thanks so much xxx

(http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/smiley-says-lol.gif) (http://www.sherv.net/emoticons.html)

Lmao

I think the fact it was funny was the reason why you only got a warning.

Lol. Don't think Jimmy Carr was a tax evader though.

So did the offender report you for the chat? I figure he must have done so for them to be aware of it?

Playing devils advocate, he could be really protective of his mum, and this take offence to the inferred comments about her.

That said, its all madness to police this type of thing, as taking offence ranges so differently it's impossible.

Offence is taken not given!

Keyboard warrior ! Lol

I don't really get why you would write anything back in the chat box.

Fairly sure if this wasn't the legendary honeybadger, someone woulda posted to say how shitty your reply was.

Maybe it's too early for me to see the funny side?

Made my Day Stu

Much as it pains me to align myself with Vinni, & against someone as universally respected as Stu, Vinni echoes my EXACT thoughts on this.

I'm really surprised that someone as mature & level-headed as Stu, who rarely does anything I can't comprehend, would even get involved, & lower himself to engage with these people. (The abuser, not the Site). Surely we are above all that by now? Not sure the richly sarcastic reply to FT would have helped our cause much, either. Sarcasm & irony rarely helps solve a problem, it just prolongs & worsens it. 

Maybe, again like Vinni, it's a bit early in the day for me to appreciate some hidden subtlety or nuance, if so, apologies.

PS - you must have a LOT of time on your hands, irrespective of the rights & wrongs of this! Teach me to play PLO8 better with some of that spare time, please. Seriously.

For some reason, the thought of you aligning yourself with Vinni conjurers up an image of a snooker player addressing a cue ball.

If Vinni were a snooker ball, what colour would he be?

Red, because there's lots of him.

Brilliant :)

Standard

when I get berated in the chat box, which happens often, my stock response these days is to submit the abuser to a barrage of different smiley faces

:)
:D
:P
:)up
 :-*
;D
 ::)

Lol. REDDOG SO FUNNY

I was just having fun! The guy called me all sorts of horrible things, and told me he hoped I died of cancer. Amongst other things. So he was fair game for having some fun with IMO. Nothing wrong with having a bit of a laugh every now and then, and that's all I was doing... Enjoying myself. It cheered me right up.

I've never had anyone abuse me in the chatbox, but then I've never outdrawn anyone online ever. Never comes.

I get quite a bit live and generally on the street, mind.

I think u can mute people that talk rubbish on table . Like me , I mute myself !!

Stealing Jimmy Carr's joke pretty blatant imo.

Yeah true... but I did include a link in the email to 'admit' to the plagiarism.

Jimmy Carr stole standard yer mum routine off the Internet IMO*.

* tho to be fair visual gag is v good.

Yes, fair enough, you are probably right. My sense of humour seems to desert me in the mornings.

I still want to learn to play PLO8 better though.....

It's usually gone for about 24 hours. (that's if he doesn't get grumpy)

Me too!

You are welcome to sweat me (via Skype or Teamviewer) playing online if you want. It is not PLO8 though... I am currently grinding 6 card Omaha (High) on Fulltilt.

Also, if you want to chat about PLO8 we can do so over Skype if you want? Not sure if I will be able to give you much useful advice though, but perhaps we can learn from each other? I am much more versed in 5 and 6 card PLO8 than I am in the straight 4 card game. But I know a couple of the little 'tricks' at 4 card that you may or may not be aware of.

Skype? Teamviewer? What them?

I have a Pager, if that helps.

Will reply properly a bit later, bit tied up at the mo.

Thanks!

PM me or call/text me. You still have my mobile number, right?

555-F#$*

Looks like the form of most  NH horses I back...

:D

It's due a good run, though...

What's the deal with poker players wishing cancer on peeps after badbeats? Seriously, seems to be their auto standard insult, horrible little runts!

When I get berated I find it so funny! I pretty much always use the same reply and that is by just typing "<3". It's pretty annoying when someone else does that IMO.

This hole thing is amazing! thankyou!

Very funny. Abs nothing wrong with doing something fun against cruel nasty fools, they fair game imo. the reply to full tilt hilarious. please post their response if they do. Kind of reminded me of this.  http://www.urlesque.com/2008/11/07/broke-man-tries-paying-bill-with-a-picture-of-a-spider/       not sure how to do links so if someone could get on to it and do proper link for me please if it don't work. cheers

ha, pretty funny

Sorry, going against the tide here, I think you were a bit out of order also Stu. If you were abused initially you should have reported it and left it at that. Doubley so for anyone following the DTD cash games rules.

Have I done it before? Yes, but not for a long time because I think it's out of line.

I think it's fair to say using sexual innuendo about someone's mum is one where you maybe want to know your audience first.... especially when playing some random entity, playing who knows where in the world, with who knows what sense of humour, further extrapolated by the fact I'd presume their support team is probs American, a bucnh renowned for their lack of appreciation of all things sarcastic. Onto a loser from the start...

 rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao ;tightend; ;tightend; Brilliant..

Whilst I appreciate it was meant in the satirical, if you lower yourself to someone else's level, it doesn't really make you any better than they are.

Granted, they might have said something nasty. Sexual insinuations about their mother is no worse, mind.

I am on the side of any one who gives some back to the vile  "cancer/die in a fire"  posters. especially if it is short, sharp, clever, witty and ideally puts the vile poster in his place.   Then to take all that effort to reply to Support in a hilarious response gets my vote.  We can all read between the lines and those that can't need to get some practice in....  only MHO of course.

Steve

I would imagine they are Irish

The reason your mum jokes were so hilarious at school is not that the jokes were very good, actually pretty shit on their own, but the minute someone bit back at it or looked a little tilted at it then they used to get relentlessly hammered about for hours/days.

So fkn infuriating lol kinda rofl if it wasn't you taking the bait though :-D

Think they should prolly stay in the playground though lol

I can't lie, I still love mum jokes. Nan jokes hurt though. :(

I do try and keep up with the latest mum joke trends, one doing the rounds atm is:

"Your mum is so fat when she walked passed the tv you missed 3 episodes.."

Your mum's done it before, and it wasn't for a long time.


Your mum lowers herself to someone else's level.


I'd imagine your mum's Irish.


I hear your mum stays in the playground

Do hope these Mum joke's were not inspired by my actual table banter.
Although did get the whole table rolling with Mum joke's.

Playing  the deepstack few months ago and this Adebayo (Black guy from London I think ) had an arguement with me . In between shouting and quarrelling he called me " MOTHER F*****R " . I quietly say back to him that I don't do my own mum but if u do good luck to u . The whole room at DTD burst in laughter ! He sat there quiet like a church mouse .#SERVEHIMRIGHT

Very good Frankie. That guy was really hostile and classless the one time I played with him. One of those unpleasant players who thinks he 'gets an edge' by intimidating and unsettling other players with his argumentative and abusive manner. Perhaps he does, but getting an edge by acting like a tool is not acceptable IMHO. So he is fair game for a witty put down as far as I am concerned.

However,


I call.

they are tilting beyond belief. Used to enter the 6th form canteen for lunch and virtually every day there would be a singalong that went something like "als mum has got big t***, als mum, als mum, als mum has got etcetc". For about 6months.

I wish AndrewT was my mum.