blonde poker forum

A South African gold miner loses his leg in a mining accident and is sat in hospital talking to his mate.
"Well that's me f*cked, who on earth's going to want a one legged gold digger?"
His mate replies "Well, you could try Paul McCartney”

 :D

 rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao

oooo thats pretty close to the bone

 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao

Its sick but I like sick.   rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao

Pryor to their split, Paul McCartney got Heather a new, state of the art, prosethitic limb for Christmas.

It wasn't her main present, just a stocking filler.  :D

 :D :D

they keep getting worse.

    Next

rotflmfao rotflmfao

I thought he split up with her because she had a drinkin problem- in all the reports it seemed to say McCartney splits with legless heather

rotflmfao rotflmfao

I don't care what u lot say...She always had a foot in the door..

I lay upon a grassy bank
my hands were all a quiver
I slowly undid her suspender belt
and her leg fell in the river

A poem by Sir Paul McCartney

On a more serious side guys.. who's the mug here..The pretty girl with with a slight limp .. or the old old ageing pop star who thought he could still pull..?

McCartney's minted, but he's no gent.

The lady still pays half. Even when they dine in restraunts that charge an arm and a leg.

Or the people mocking someone because they have nothing better to do?

Het Josh..slow down bud..
I was merley making a point that we can all take the mick out of someone..because of the money aspect of this marrage .. but lets not 4get Paul aint no oil painting..

Hands up, nothing better to do here.

I do like the lass though, not trying to be cruel.

I must say I do find it a little sad that so many people think this is funny. She strikes me as a pretty brave lady.

Guess I'm just an old fart. I've just got up from my aftenoon nap, & I'm always grumpy when I wake up. I'd be a lot grumpier if I only had 1 leg, & Posters on Fora ascross the world thought it was funny.

Maybe it's because we don't know her. Nobody would laugh at Ironside's problems, except in the way that good friends bust each others balls, is that just because we know him?

This is the problem with getting old. We see things different.

Yours etc,

Grumpy Old Fart.

Really sorry if i have upset someone here..I shall retire ..Sorry..

I think "retiring" is a bit extreme Maureen. I tried that & look what happened to me!

No offense sorry, just a bit of less than PC banter-I felt quite guilty postin mine but we all know its just a laugh and not anything malicious meant by it

peace out!!!

Sorry if anything in this thread has offended anyone.

Political correctness is a funny thing.

One man's taboo is another man's fair game and vice versa.

Personally, I don't find anything to do with flicking baby monkeys, or any kind of cruelty to animals, remotely amusing.

Grumpy Young Fart

I dont see it as a PC thing. I see it more as, if we knew her, or she was a blonde member, would be be quite so cruel?

But it's me out of line with the rest of the world I think, it seems the fashionable thing to do these days.

After 9/11, it took 2 days before the text jokes started, same after the cockle pickers disaster at Morecambe.

Think, maybe, I need to lighten up sometimes. Then again, maybe not.

So true Tank..

If I got upset ever time someone mentioned a colostomy bag or similar.. I would never stop but unlike me ..not everyone can take what life throws.. you have to have a laugh or else you'll cry..and to be honest I was sticking up for the lass...

Very good point Tank.  I don't think any badness was meant in this thread. On reflection , the subject matter may be offensive to people. Heather Mills is a very brave lady of course and so is everyone else in a similar position.


Here is a light hearted joke to ease the situation.


Two zebras pondering
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."
 

On behalf of all the Zebra members of blonde, I object to that......

Why,  that is a funny one.  It isn't offensive.  I was going to tell a monkey one, but I didn't want to risk upsetting matt

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one penny."

"One Penny?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"

"A penny," the barman replied.

"A penny?" exclaimed the man."Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

guy i am the most un PC person out there when it comes to disabilties, i "walked" down the corridor of the spinal unit 10 years ago singing "you'll never walk alone", i call friends in my local wheelchair basketball team "crip" or "crips"
i have the name "ironside" from the fact thats what the boys in the pub called me after i ended in chair

all this is amongst people that i know and who know me, if someone i had never met called me "crip" or "cripple" even in fun he would be needing medical treatment this is due to the fact the term was being used to belittle me and make them look superior

if i knew heather we would proberly poke fun at each other disabilites and there would be no problem (all depends on her take on life) as neither of us would be trying to make the other person looksmaller than the other BUT i dont know heather and feel it would be wrong of me to make a joke about her disabilty.

i dont mind any blondite taking the mickey (within reason) about my disabilty (after all its part of me) just as i hope you guys dont mind me taking the mickey out of you. but i would prefer it if we dont take the mickey out of people we dont know just for something that makes them different from anyone else (disabilty or race etc etc)

Fair enough.

I think it is wrong the way many newspapers always comment on the fact Heather Mills has a disability.  Why not say Heather Mills the ex-model or business women.   That is something that baffles me abit.

It is the same as Oscar Pistorius who is a South African runner in the paralympics. He has no legs, but still manages to set times that place him in able bodied events.  But the first question people ask is about his disability.  Why not say, how were you able to become such a talented athlete at age 18 and beat older, stronger opponents. Because regardless of his situation, at the end of the day , he is an amazing runner. He is going to try and run the 2008  able bodied olympics

Other examples include Alex Zanardi the racing driver who lost his legs in an Indy accident in 2002. He is now back driving and is just as good as before. But the media always report on his physical position before the fact he is one of the finest and bravest Touring Car drivers around . It must be very frustrating to be asked the same questions again and again

We live in a crazy world and I fear it will just get worse. I am dreading the time when we are eye scanned and discriminated against due to our genetics.  " Asthma, diabetes, heart disease... ingrowing toe nail.....  nope you don't qualify.... get in that line to pay ".  Healthy people go straight through.

Can I still poke fun at midgets?

*not being serious*

(perhaps only because I don't know any midget jokes)

as long as they are shorter than 5'5 and a half inch

What has happened in their lives is unique in their fields they participate in. That is why the media emphasise on their disabilities. How many disabled runners have you heard of who can run as fast as an able bodied runner? How many motor racing drivers have no legs?

I am not sure about this jioke Sark, these thngs are rarely black & white.

Yeah, but it must be frustrating when the disability they are trying so hard to overcome, is always used to define them.

Exactly. That was what I was trying to say. You do it better

This is why I like Ironside so much.  He takes no crap.

Neither should anybody with a disability.  I have problems myself but will laugh along with jokes that are clearly in fun, rather than reacting to more serious mocking or abuse, which has gotten me into trouble before... sorry officer, I was provoked.

I find the Heather Mills mocking pretty sick, but then *I* would.  Should a family member be maimed in a car crash tomorrow, would the same jokes still be funny?

 

Wish I hadn't bothered now!

If any of you read the title of the thread it is called "Joke" not "Insult". That means that it is suppposed to be funny not offend. It isn't racist or sexist and it doesnt contain any bad language - that in itself is unusul these days.

I think by now someone in the public eye is aware enough to realise the ways of the world and I bet that it bothers most of you more than her.

Loosen up and join the real world.

Yay the best post in this thread

I found the joke funny!

You can't censor a sense of humour. Things are either funny or not. It's instinctive. I often laugh at things that can be viewed as cruel or horrible. I don't think this is cos i'm a w***r but jsut because they are funny.

Often the funniest things are those closest to the bone. People falling over - funny...boy throws ball into man's testicles....funny....drunk dances like loon at wedding and falls into wedding cake...funny. All of these things caused a small measure of misery for the people involved and around but at the same time, you see them happening you crack up.

I love Bill Hicks as a comedian - if u haven't seen him I highly reccomend him. He was always brutally honest in the way he viewed the world meaning he never made it into the mainstream in his lifetime, but the honesty and lack of censorship in his act made him remarkable.

i agree, humour is bereft of sentiment

Not really a valid point you have.

Matey falling over...he can get back up!

Mateys testicles getting hit by ball....bit of ice and a rest and it's ok.

Drunk matey dancing like a loon and falling in wedding cake....he will sober up and  a new cake can be baked.

Taking the mick out of someone with one leg...nahhh.

Let me try again :) ..............................


A guy was on the motorway driving at 90mph when he noticed a blue flashing light behind him. He accelerates to 100mph and the car is still flashing behind him. He continues to accelerate to 110mph, 120mph, 130mph and the police finally catch up with him at 140mph.

He is pulled over into a lay-by and the policeman says “Did you realise we were following you at 90mph and you continued to accelerate to 140mph before we caught you?” He replied “yes, I saw you in my rear view mirror”. “Then can you explain why you didn’t stop please?” asked the officer.

The guy replied “last week my wife ran off with a copper and I thought that you were bringing her back!”

:)

I like that one Highstacks :)

that is unacceptable... its not right to cast policeman as marriage wreckers.

Also, you should thank your lucky stars that you arent a policeman, they cant help what they are ;)


ps. it was a good one :)



How about this...

An old man was sitting on a bench at the park. A teenager sat down next to him.
He had spiked hair that was red, orange, yellow, green,
blue and violet.
The old man stared.
Whenever the teen looked at the old man, he was staring at him.

Finally, the teenager said sarcastically: "What's the matter old man ... never done anything wild in your life?"

Without missing a beat the old man replied :" Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was Just wondering if you were my son."

rotflmfao

Fire away squire, after all i regularly yank your chain about being from the outskirts of known civilization............

p.s. under all this fur we're quite thick skinned ;)

Ambulance crews, paramedics, firemen, etc are amongst the most caring of people, but they use black humour to get them through the day.

 I know a pollice woman who is attached to a RTA unit. One day she attended an incident where the severed head of a young man was found on a railway embankment. She was absolutely horrified, but as she picked it up by the hair, she thought it looked like someone who was wanted in connection with a spate of burgularies. "Does this look like Mr X to you?" she asked her colleague. "No" he replied, deadpan, "He was taller"

This joke would never have been made in the presence of the man's relatives, just as the Heather Mills joke was never intended for her to hear.

I have to admit that I do find black humour funny sometimes, but I also feel guilty if I am taken to task about it.

The truth is, we all have different ideas about what's funny, and what crosses the line. We all have different tabbos depending on our experiences. Like most people, I suppose I'm a bit of a hypocrite.

On an open forum, the chances are that you will offend someone.

How is is that Tom articulates his thoghts so much better than most of us?

 :goodpost:


I liked the joke Highstack  :D

I would suggest that he is more intelligent, but someone will probably accuse me of being 'anti thick people'! :D :D

 :D

Good post Red.  This thread has had me thinking.

My mate had a horrific incident on the weekend.  Basically he had been out and was jsut eating some fried chicken and chips when a girl comes up and nicks one from him.  Anyway one thing leads to another and she invites him back to hers.  They got to the front door and she collapsed and died.  Suspected heart attack.  

he told me yesteray in the pub.  I'm surprised he was even there.  Thing was the way he dealt with it was by making jokes.  I won't put anything on here, but suffice to say I felt a little uncomfortable.  But that was his way of dealing with a terrible situation, there was no harm meant by any of the comments any of us made but we had to try and help him in some way.

Back in the old Wild West, there were two blonde cowboys, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sarsaparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm. The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars." The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head. The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy. Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy." Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this." Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand." But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this." So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians. Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh my God! we're going to be millionaires!"

I'm waiting for the punchline here ...

'Fraid not mate, true story.  Just seemed to fit in with what Red said.  I don't joke about stuff like that, but under the circumstances it seemed like the only thing to so.  I think if he had sat there being all depressed about it he would have a breakdown.

He had only just met the girl so didn't know her parents or friends or anything, but like Red said we/he would never have said stuff in front of them.

Gallows Humour is how many people deal with such things Mr F.

I can imagine the comments that would come out though.... tempted to post some that come to mind - but that might be a bit sick.