blonde poker forum

Nothing to do with poker but it made me laugh

Mrs Red was in one of the local charity shops when she noticed that ?Operation? game, you know, the one where children have to remove bits of a dummy?s anatomy through little slits cut into its body using tweezers, if you touch the sides of the opening during the process a buzzer sounds and the dummy?s nose lights up, then it?s the next players turn. Mrs Red thought this would keep the grandkids quiet for a while when they came to visit, so she bought it.

The next time my daughter brought her girls (aged 5 and 3) over, Mrs Red produced the ?Operation? game. They loved it, and they sat in a corner with it totally engrossed

Enter my Nephew John, who is older than the girls, but not so old that he didn?t want a go at the operation game, still all seemed well until my eldest grand daughter suddenly shouted ?LEAVE HER MINGE ON.? Tea was spluttered and adult jaws dropped to the floor; we all listened in shocked silence, what kind of game was this?

After a couple of screams and more cries of ?LEAVE HER MINGE ON? I could stand it no longer, I went to investigate, ?What?s happening girls?? I asked, almost afraid to hear the answer, ?Oh? my grand daughter replied,  ?John keeps trying to take the kidneys out and it?s too hard, I?ve told him to leave em in?

?LEAVE EM IN JOHN?

Phew!!

LMAO Kids are so funny.

Excellent Red  :D :D

Splutter!!!    ;D  ;D   ;D

OMG!    PMSL!!!!!

FANTASTIC POST!!!!!

Choking on coffee moment, need to clean monitor now

Not as funny as Red-Dog's (what could be funnier than Red Dog's!!!??? :D)

but last weekend my five year old daughter was with me

My next door neighbours have wanted a family for ages with much heartache, and after a long wait were able to adopt. The little baby boy, who is black (the couple being caucasian), arrived for the first time a week ago

we happened to meet out front last weekend when Mrs Neighbour said to my daughter "would you like to hold our new baby?". my daughter trotted next door for a quick go! She looked puzzled but like a little trooper lavished the little baby with affection

On leaving and sitting in my front room she asked...

" Daaaaaaad (with a very exaggerated vowel), was Annie's baby born while they were on holiday?"

Kids are so wonderful..... except when they embarras you :o)

The problem with kids is they miss nothing and repeat everything. My first experience of this was when I first got divorced and had a four year old asking his mum what an alcoholic was." Daddy and Nanny said you were a wino and an alcoholic when they thought I was asleep in the car- what does it mean? " Get yourself out of that one  :-[

Granddaughter standing on bathroom scales "Grandad, what time is my feet?"

Me, baby sitting, unable to find babys bottle "Orange alert for babys bottle" small voice replys "Orange won't hurt for anyones bottle"

lmao what a topic i can totally understand kids droppin you in it my 2 are always doing it to me lol

Yep, my two too - both boys Age 14 and 9 - cept at the mo they are dropping me in it with the Police!!!!

I've lost count how many times our local bobby and his side-kick have knocked on my door since the school holidays started.  I wouldn't mind so much, but they are just being kids - not like they are putting windows through or burning cars or muggin old ladies  -  well not yet anyway!!!

Intrigued now. What part of just being kids means the police knock at your door?

The bit where the neighbours moan they are playing football on the grass outside their house, this is grass I played on when I was little and that has been there longer than they have, and belongs to the local council NOT them.  The bit where the side-kick (police)confuses my eldest with one of his friends and comes round to give him a referral, only to leave the house rather red in the face.  The bit where said neighbour's daughter decides to report them for throwing litter in her dad's garden when said litter was on previously mentioned grass, and said daughter started throwing it at them and calling them all the names under the sun - said daughter looked a right chump when police went back to have words with her!

Needless to say myself and said neighbours have history, all cos I have a posh driveway and they can't have one cos I stopped them getting said grass removed.  Oh and said neighbour and wife are fiddling the social for benefits, and will get their comeuppance soon!

OK RANT OVER!!  Unless you want me to tell you about said neighbour and his video camera?  lmao

Video camera???? Do we want to know? Course we do!

It's not THAT interesting, but cos said neighbour thinks he is hard done to, he has now started leaving a video camera in his living room window when he goes away, his daughter comes round at regular intervals and checks/changes it etc.

Well seeing as most of us that live here can't stand the guy or his family - you can imagine the fun we have had outside his house!!!

My mates told me that tarring his windows was going a bit too far!!!!!!   GGRRRRRRRRRR   :'(

Hmmm, actually thinking about it, if he is videoing my kids without my permission, surely I have grounds to report him?  Where's the resident solicitor when ya need him?

Sounds like you should sue him under the Human Rights Act section 13 "Infringing you and your kids rights to be annoying BRATS"



edited by ironside to incurr same meaning without as much offence

Why thank you RedSimon!  That sounds very ermmmmmmmmmm useful - NOT!

In fact I took that to be very rude and not at all called for!

PMd you

Gulp!!! You had a bad day at work redsimon? Not sure you meant your message to read as it did.

Nope, just personal experince in my family. My mothers house was routinely egged and attacked when she was away from the house. Usually by kids who's parents excuse was "they are only kids, doing what kids do"....so it don't wash with me.

PS

...and if you ever do anything about it their "rights" seem to be paramount.

Anyway I'll get off my soapbox, feeling a bit dizzy ;)

is there something in the air today .... there seems to be a lot of bad moods about ??

i think its cos we all hopped onto the hendon mob while this was down lol looks like we all got caught up lol

personally, i find redsimons post more offensive than anything Ariston or Diceman posted.

i have altered the wording in reds post to the word "brats" this i believe brings along the same meaning to his posts and  view he is intitled too without being so offensive

No comment after my earlier Hendonmob moment its better I keep it buttoned. Ironside is gonna be kept busy enough tonight methinks  ;)

It's the weather. Had a lot of weather today we have, how about you?

RedSimon I can assure you that I do not live in an area where that happens - I can also assure you that my kids would NEVER EVER EVER do anything like that.

Both myself and my other half (Alfa666) have a sense of decency, and if anything like that were to happen and my boys were involved - there would be hell to pay!!

Please DON'T put all kids into the same bracket, if you had read my original post, you would have read that they haven't mugged any old ladies, put any windows through or burnt any cars.

Neither of them have been cautioned by the police or had a youth referral.

Like I said I live a decent area, not the bloody BRONX!

Well this is what Trace T said

"Well seeing as most of us that live here can't stand the guy or his family - you can imagine the fun we have had outside his house!!!

My mates told me that tarring his windows was going a bit too far!!!!!!   GGRRRRRRRRRR  

Hmmm, actually thinking about it, if he is videoing my kids without my permission, surely I have grounds to report him? "

Maybe I missed the irony?

The old weather deflection didn't work earlier Robert and I don't think its gonna work here either. Where is the headmaster when you need him?

stfu


 


 ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D

Weather? Its just about to start pissing down here....Just in time for the weekend :o

If its raining at the weekend it must be those pesky kids fault  :o

yeah the tarring was a joke - I aint that daft, and besides i'm so clumsy i'd prob get covered in the stuff.

Drunk people do silly things when walking home - like mooning at cameras!!!!

Also, this family have one son that used to live at home, he wouldn't think twice about driving down a narrow road at stupid-miles-an-hour with cars parked either side - did he care if he hit a kid? - did he f**k.  Did his parents care?  Did they f**k - their response - you have back gardens your kids should play in them, - this from a family whose kids when they were younger played on the grass outside like the rest of the kids.

The son now has twin daughters, but he still finds it funny when other kids are on the grass, to drive onto it as fast as poss and slam on at the last minute!!

So you tell me why the family is disliked so much????????    NO SMOKE WITHOUT FIRE!

red i think tracet meant she tarred his windows not the kids

and i think   tarreing his window was a bit far was a joke and she didnt infact tarr his windows

No I blame William Hills support..they're terrible :D

rlmao at simon- u c**k   ;)

No I DIDN'T tar his bloody windows - but I want to if that sodding video camera comes out again!!!  But like I said, I'm so clumsy I'd end up covered in it and would look very guilty!

Oh and I got the tarring idea from when I worked at a Newspaper for Fleetwood, apparently some woman came down one morning and found ALL her windows tarred, prob not funny I know but I wet myself laughing when I was typing the report up!!

And NO, I don't live in Fleetwood, I live in a posh little village not far from Blackpool!


P.S.  Thanks for changing the post Ironside, but I won't be forgetting in a hurry what I was just called!  What goes around comes around!

Posh village near Blackpool? Thats an oxymoron Trace I am afraid. In fleetwood you feel overdressed with both your ears.

I'm between Blackpool and Preston, and although it isn't a village - isn't Lytham St Annes posh???? lmfao

Ok I will give you that one. Lytham St Annes is quite posh, Isnt it true you are originally from grange park though?

Glad I dont live next door to you  ;D

Errrrm where's grange park???

Originally I was from my mummy's tummy, and then following that I was from Irlam (for about 2 or 3 weeks), ever since then I have lived in this lovely little POSH village, called Clifton.  

I made a comment in this thread, and then realised I was being drawn in to the one thing we want to avoid on here, arguments and bad feeling (Yes I know thats two things)

I have removed it

I think the worst part is somone now has to decide where to draw the line, do we let things go the way of other forums, or does someone have the horrible task of deciding the rights and wrongs

Im sure its possible to disagree without resorting to abuse

ewww grange park lol, only been in blackpool 2 years and i know all about that dump lol

at least noone from there will read this as all the pcs there have been nicked lol

I would like to publicly apologise to Red-Dog for ruining what should of been a hilarious post/topic.

I'm sorry m8.



Can we lock this one down now?

Keep your minge hair on TraceT

whats round and blue?

Dunno, what's round and blue?

Is it a round blue thing?

Lytham St.Annes isn't posh.  Is it ?  ??? ???

What's green and has wheels?

Go on Magnum, what's green and has wheels?  ::)

Go on then

Grass, I lied about the wheels

Aarrggghhhh. I think I'll got bed!

Havent you caused enough trouble RED DOG, without lying on here too.?
Now go and **** ***. you ****  ;D ;D

He's just an old peado getting his kids, no irony in that.

Ok, my attempt to lighten the thread back up ;)

 i took my daughter Danielle (who was 4 or 5 at the time) to meet her grandad for the first time, my ex and he hadn't spoken for some years seeing as he ran off and moved in with her then best friend!!!
She was very, very excited to see grandad and he too was excited to meet her, in the car over there she was asking all sorts of questions about him including what was his real name? i told her Frank.
As we walked up the path the door opened and grandad Frank came rushing out "hello Danielle!!!"
to which she replied "hello wanky Franky!!"
I nearly died, to this day he must think she overheard something!!
Ian

My youngest, William, gets obsessive about various things, he gets away with his actions because he is so damn cute. He had a blonde classroom assistant at his special school for a while who, one summer's day wore a T-shirt with a, slightly lower than normal, neck line. William noticed a tattoo above her bra line when she bent over, it was the girls zodiac sign, Cancer. For months after, when he saw the opportunity, he used to look down ladies blouses etc and when asked once what he was looking for he said "crabs".

In the run up to the last elections, my nine year old asked me if I was going to vote for the conservatries!!

Glass house to run the country anyone?

Brilliant!

At a barbeque with friends one of their toddlers fell over. To try and distract the kid to stop her crying they all start 'Oh Darn' ie getting her to say something instead of crying. Clear as a bell she says 'Oh f*ck' - cue Rod rolling on the ground crying with laughter at the faces of her Gran (horrified), Mum (glaring at her Dad like "That's YOUR fault you bastard") & Dad (waiting for ground to open).

They're still not happy with my reaction because the wee one took it as approval & they'd a terrible time stopping her doing it whenever she wanted attention.  ;D

Another cracker was my ex's nieces. we were baby-sitting & heard the middle one (about 6) say f*ck. Aunty & Auny's Bidey-in (me) are being all adult explaining that that's a bad word to her & her wee sister.

Melissa replies with "but f*ck's not a bad word". We ask her why she thinks this.

"Daddy says 'God's Sake' & 'F*ck's Sake' & Mum tells him off for it. God's not a bad word so it must be sake".

We then realised that the kids had been thinking they were getting away with swearing when they kept saying sake at eachother  ;D.

Needless to say my adult demeanour disappeared as I again burst out laughing. I'm just destined to be a great example to kids - the type of example where parents can go 'Don't you EVER be like him'.  8)

Well enough - more than enough - heat has been generated by this thread, & like so many things in life, it was "out of a clear blue sky". One moment all was going long nicely, meandering in true blonde style, then KSABOOM, all hell is let loose.

But you know what struck me most forcibly? - the amount of folks who quite deliberately posted & tried to "lighten it up", to change the subject, to cool the thing down. Even Ariston did it.

I fancy if a blondeite ever needed help, he'd be overwhelmed with blondeites rushing to his or her aid.

"Where is Grandad Headmaster when you need him"?......... Busy building a mountainous stack at Sheffield, whilst getting to know The Nun.