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Now we know what he does when he's not online!

The Old Man

Tikay, An aging man walked into Dave Ulliots jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young woman at his side. He told the Devilfish he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The Devilfish looked through his stock and brought out a £5,000 ring and showed it to him. Tikay said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the Devilfish went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only £40,000," the Devilfish said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. Tikay ( the master of tells )  seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The Devilfish asked how payment would be made and tikay stated, by check. " I know you need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very peed-off Devilfish phoned the Tikay.

"There's no money in that account!!"

"I know", said Tikay, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?".

Better than your usual standard. I laughed at this one! ;goodvevil;

 yep , ill give you that one  :)up

are you sure it was Tikay?  I heard it was IFM......

Rather apt I think.....

A woman wakes up during the night, lets call her my wife, and her husband is not in bed with her. She goes down stairs to look for him. She finds him sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee looking rather sad. he looks deep in thought, staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and take a sip from his coffee.

"Whats the matter dear?", She asks (at this point it can't be my wife any more because theres no swearing involved) "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, and says "Do you remember 20 years ago today, where were just dating, you where only 16?"

"Yes" she replies

"Do you remember, your father, the judge, caught us in the back of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember", she says lowering herself into the chair beside him.

"Do you remember what he said as he shoved the shotgun in my face? 'Either you marry my daughter or I send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that too", she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says "I would have gotten out today"

No, ifm went to the sweet shop...

That's more like it.

they are the two funniest jokes I've heard fora long long time thank you   rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao

And came out with a bag of sweeties and a child on each arm.

A sick old man lay dying in his bed.
He awoke to the smell of cooking. 'mmm that smells delicious' he thought.
He tried to call out for his wife but his voice was too weak for her to hear.
Driven by the smell of baking he slowly rose up out of his bed and struggled to put his dressing gown, then with aching legs he gradually made his way to the stairs.
Every step was painful but the thought of the food kept him going.
Eventually he made it down to the hallway where he could see a plate of cakes sitting temptingly on the table.
He used every ounce of strength to get to the table and reached out slowly for one of the delicious looking cakes.
Suddenly his hand is smacked away and his angry wife shouts at him.
'Hands off! their for your funeral'