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A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches,
with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips.
Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon. 'It's very brave of you to come
out here,' says Matthew. 'Please tell the audience what happened?'
'Well' replies Simon 'about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when
we had a really bad accident.
Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped
in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free.' 'The doctors
had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs.'
'That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?
'asks Matthew.
'No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my
uncle had in fact died, but that his legs were fine and with all the
advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his
body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful.
I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking
fully again by the end of the year. A huge round of applause erupts from
the audience.
Kelly responds with: 'That's an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are
you going to be?





'Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Halfuncle:)

And another while i go through my e-mails.

octopus walks into a bar,says...i bet i canplay any musical instrument. bloke gives him guitar which he plays better than jimmy hendrix. 2nd bloke says...bet u cant play the piano...the octopus plays better than elton john...jock gives him the bagpipes,the octopus fumbles for a minute and looks confused jock says;ha can ye nae play it? octopus...play it? im gonnae shag it as soon as i get its fucking pyjamas off........