blonde poker forum

This is either going to work or, unsurprisingly, it isn't

Your task as members is to tell a Blonde story

but you can only tell it FIVE WORDS PER POST before someone else carries it on

I'll make the first two posts....thereafter up to you

A poker player called tikay

kept mis-reading his hands. He......

could have sworn he had.....

two of them this morning...

"Bloody hell!", he said "That's..

...not how I left Them."

Confused, he asked his careworker...

"They are not your hands,

Have I stll got a pair?"

The careworker said "Stop raising...

"it's bad for the heart!"

Jack four looks like kings

Tikay rang Red Dog who....

was washing dye from his

rather coppery porn star tache

'Help me RED-DOG', said Tikay

"help you with what mate?"

my hairpiece has come loose

and fell in my soup

Reddog replied," Have you still....

got that cat of yours?'

"My pussy left long time

ago, with my sense of

smell, touch taste and feeling"

"shame" said REDDOG, "you could...

always try euthanasia if

eveything continues to pack up.

Hows your septic tank flowing?

Tikay asked sniffing unsucessfully and

poured his heart out to

the guy in seat two

who just happened to have

poking out of his pocket

a similar designer colostomy bag

'Where did RED-DOG go?' said.....

the troupe of naked ladies

playing strip poker on table

13 with Colchester Kev who

cares where reddog is? slamming

his Jack Daniels on the

piano, where Robert was playing

with himself? "Have you seen...

the size of my briefs...

When I stand like this

 Giggling, The Nun walked past

who's playing soft? She shouted

never play AK soft says

Ironside "go all in immediately"

"But what if he has...

The jam donuts and coffee

'Move it all in anyhow!'

what, in to the coffee?

Where ever! Just move all-in!

and dont call me spoony

who the hell is spoony?!

said shnoppy with  an angry

growl, as he gives woodstock...

a damn good seeing to

from behind the fence,came

 Adam "Who wants  a T-Shirt?"

Embarrassed sonopy screamed "Me Please

"with this on the front"

'does my bum look big...

or is it the dog's

bollocks?" Suddenly Ariston appeared. Shouting...

"I want a free book!"

so incessantly he went on

and on and on that....

he missed the first 20

lapdances at ironsides privite club

where pairs of queens

named tikay and red dog

vied for his undying attention

wearing kilts and wigs

are you colchester kev in......

disguise? " No, we're far thinner!"

said the local sumo wrestlers

.. with their eyes on tikay

shaving his legs and waxing

his sack, back and crack.

"I feel much better now

,my body is as smooth

as a litte baby otter

" I remember the time I......

 marinated the hairpiece before

popping it into the oven

on gas mark 45 with

my famous jacket

potato with green leaf

and dumplings for my dinner

jacket and a nice pair of

suddenly the doorbell rang

It was my cats relatives...

Aunt moggy must have arrived

and all the little pussies

"What have you done with.....

my big dumplings" she asked

the reply was slow and deliberate

then speeded up a little...

to almost a walking pace

your dumplings are nice can

you scratch my very itchy

back, with this sharp stick

Then Tikay went to the...

air-raid shelter and emerged

into The Deptford High Street

After his clintons card experience

and hailed a horse and cart......

 which was driven by a

bot

osvaldo ardiles and ricky villa

and a red-dog impersonator

then he saw... a werewolf

with a chinese menu

in his hand!

I'd like to meet his...

sister with the big eyes.....

and big pair of .....

Tits tits tits tits tits

Sry, I'm ok now

Said tikay as he..

wiped the dribbles from his.....

jowls and took out his false teeth and......

 to carefully count them all

1 2 3 4 5

once i caught a fish .....

sitting with Ak and a.....

nasty little rash on his....

right, who raised his big.....

toe until it touched his

beautiful red Fendi handbag and.....

tracey struggles to count her

EEEEEEEEs in her name before.................

she counts the hairs on......

her back she realy should

not tell anyone that she...

used to be a large

tesco carrier bag

hairy carrier bags? someone shouted

OBJECTION, shouted Robert the Brief

overruled, now ewe be quiet

until i'm finished

said Kev in Green Gumboots

and a pretty little pink

y on his foot one went to the market

to see Tony Kendall, who....

Thought he was going to

be given a bus pass...

but instead he was given

a packet of Werthers Originals.

Tikay then rang Ariston who...

was at the wsop and...

who came home as

pissed as a loud newt.

came accross a RED DOG

without a collar, wandering aimlessly

looking for a hand

that Tikay had lost earlier

in the day just after

he left the oap home

in a fiat uno with

2 very wooly sheep, he......

dalmatian spotted seats and dice

and a trainspotters guide to

the galaxy chocolate bar

and the chocolate Tea Cake

Stained his blondepoker.com shirt and pants

whilst navigating a humpback bridge

Reddog came over to lick

a stamp for a birthday card

for his sheman friend in

Crewe, the road was long

with many a winding

turn, that leads us to

a poker player named Tikay

who kept missreading his hands

which is an amazing feet

was now going round in circles

OK All, we've come full circle...End of thread? or else it be never ending!!

As the Old Blonde says himself, it's been emotional!!

no said the happy crowd

Fantastic thread well done all :)

Is it finished? we ask.

maybe not- who decides when

Not sure. But Tikay was...

getting sick of all the

Sticky buns he had eaten

Where is the old man?

at the old people's home.  ::)

sitting in a bath chair

gently stroking his withered old

cod piece he inherited once

at a game in Notts

rob yong never got over

the sight of the massive

stack of chips and fish

in notts, but he mistakenly

thought the food was for

a caravan heading for

the Gala Casino in Nottingham

TO see Robin hood and his

FIVE merry hardcore poker players

Which worries Maid Marion because

she cannot resist

FIVE poker players and Tikay

all wearing lincoln green tights

and donning dyed blonde hair

which stretch her imagination to

 :)up :)up :)up :)up :)up

to utter these FIVE words

'Where the hell am I?' 

A voice replied "Sherwood Forest"

Is there a poker table?

friar tuck suddenly appeared from

Down to 20 in 12k

and dying for the loo.

the cardroom at the back

Karabiner has joined the party  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

so now six hardcore players

as maid marion and robert

thought carefully about an entry  ::)

into the Sherwood Forest WPT

45 clock 2000 trees to start

an arrow suddenly struck robert

as snoopy left the 12k

just as he was about

to win the whole comp

but Robert had arrow problems!

marion suggested an oblong blue

brick to replace the arrow




(sorry, I panicked.... I did)

....that Cupid-Chilli aimed at tikay

which missed and hit Mr

Strahan the cheap book seller

'Spitting here,' said Robin Hood.

' I could muder an apple'

said William 'NO' Tell to

anybody who would listen but

ariston drowned him out, talking

on and on with no

Pause for breath. Robert invited

the verbal machine to listen

to all his bad beats.

russ took a large blunt

sausage, egg, chips and beans

and stuck them up roberts

big brown and cream yfronts

which he has been wearing

since pussy was a kitten

and snoppy was a puppy

With eyes wide shut and

and his legs closed tightly

he could sit on his

high horse telling everybody how..

to leave his Y-fronts or

he will make you wear them

on your head without any

tea or crumpets for you!!

Which will mean you have

genital herpes, caught from your

avon lady's sister from inverness

who's claim to fame was

being international irish poker champion

the wonder horse, well hung

for a crime she didnt

pay for on her mastercard

her flexible friend paid instead

whilst her stiff friend just

stayed unused as per usual!

Staying unused was Ethel's way

OF SAVING HERSELF FOR TIKAY

Who's already been taken by......

his cell mate named Reggie

who's use of soap made

women cry and men shudder

but cleaner and fluffy like

a clean and fluffy thing

on a stick with big

appliance from Anne Summer's catalogue

Which came with two batteries

and a spare pacemaker for

for the less agile like

everybodies favourite poker playing stud O0

I guess you refer to

reddog. Ariston the innocent one

...but always looks so guilty...

he must have guilty secrets

or he's just guilty looking.

It's cos of that haircut

which was styled by vidal

sasoon. Who we talkin about?

I think a guy whos...

completely bald and called Ariston.

you are all a bunch

of my greater and betters

and I'm just not worthy

enough to lick cheese from

your very large hairy gonads

if I even wanted to

however desperate I am I'd....

never fold AK to At-It

unless my eyesight was

failing because of too much

monkey business in the rather

seedy location that he often

frequents in the early hours

of the morning with his

trainspotters guide to las vegas

hidden inside the latest playboy

bunny's woollen floppy white tail

Then... just like magic he..

noticed a tiger alongside him

shittng himself, he ran like

a girls blouse, wailing loudly

"who the hell has taken...."

Me to Dingdell's colonic clinic?"

"touch your toes" she said..

slipping into white latex gloves

With a loud Snap! they...

tripped the light fandango, shot

cartwheels across the floor, a

stopped by flexible plastic hosepipe

they were feeling kinda seasick

he turned a whiter shade...

of Tikays hair, later, drunk

intoxicated with the thrill of

the chase and chasers,sex

and the city, thoughts of

romance filled the briefs mind

the gap, said the irrigator

its a little tight at first

but some vaseline helps with

the chafing. Out of nowhere....

MrsC appeared, her lilting voice....

" and now back to studio!!"

"you're our supposed poker pro!"

"but Ed's there, never mind"

The, young, handsome cricketer bet

that tikay is older than

than he even looks when

In came Red Dog screaming..."

"look where she put the ..

original signed Rolfe Harris picture

meanwhile, ozzie ardiles emerged from

a bolthole in turkey wearing.....

a tartan tablecloth and blonde

cup for tottingham, come on

Oswaldo, we have work to

do Ron, Ron. Work to

dodge, lets play pineapple and

take all the money off

the popular reality TV star

and  poker pro Devilfish Ulliott

resplendent in a new hairpiece

Made from finest gerbil fur

ensuring collar matched his cuffs

is it tin tin? said

Captain Haddock and Proffesor Calculus

and the bespoke merkin maker...

does my bum look big?

for those that didnt know

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_232.html

I, knowing that, embarrassingly continued

to read about merkins and marvelled

at their ability to cover

the stack in seat two

when falling off the ceiling

oh what a feeling when

it falls on your head

and your memory is lost

of how you played Aces

and how you filled spaces

Anyone remember this old chestnut?

A classic. Which idiot started

what old chestnut is that?

The oldest of the old

why did it end so abruptly?

For fear of being locked?


(don't worry TE I've nearly finished)

Not guilty. I loved it

said he, choosey about locking

certain threads for no good....

and lawyers in metal chains

it died because 2 words

are better than five words

i agree

exactly. Like "sod off". Yes!

It could have been worse

we can start a seven

now that would be fun

super cala fragilistic expe allidocious