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I'm sorry guys I read this and just couldn't resist!


Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He
enquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look Michael, look what I've
made" said God.

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call
it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing down
to different parts of the Earth,

"For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth
while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be
a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a
continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."

God continued, pointing to the different countries "This one will be
extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in
ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of
land and asked, "What's that?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the North of England, the most glorious place on
earth. There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the
North West alone and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world's
finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians.
The people from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent
and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be
extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known
throughout the world as speakers of truth."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the bunch of w@nkers I'm
putting down South!"

Typical northern monkey joke!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D

Never a truer word spoken in jest.

 ;D

Yogi

You got it wrong - it was Scotland he made special  ;D

Special????

I'm sure lots of jokes can be made from that.

I'm not going to rise to the easily offered bait tho.

HEHEHEHE

Yogi

The bait wasn't even meant  :( - oh well - asked for it I suppose  :-X

Tut  ... so obvious !!     God made scotland because all of the beautiful people in the north of england would need somewhere to go to the toilet :)

Someone's lesson's worn off....  ;D

I can speak freely on the subject due to the total humiliation i recently suffered while dressed as a blonde jock ... i might take the wig to the Vic this weekend, im sure barry "thee from Thine" would wear it at the table :)

There was a Scotsman, an old nun, a beautiful ggirl & Cochester Kev sharing a train carriage. The train lights had failed when the train went through a long tunnel. In the pitch dark everyone heard a kissing sound followed by a loud slap.

The old nun thinks "that portly fellow has just kissed the girl & been slapped for it - GOOD".

Kev thinks "That jocko's kissed the looker & she's slapped me by mistake".

The girl thinks "The lech who kept staring at me must have tried it, missed me, got the nun & got slapped."

The Scotsman thinks "can't wait for another tunnel to kiss my hand & slap that sassenach again".

 ;)

Lol   .... although in england, we have electricity ...so the lights stay on in our trains even when we go through a tunnel ;)     

LMAO

Donald Rumsfeld is giving President Bush his daily briefing. He
concludes by saying:  "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an
accident'
OH NO!" the President exclaims.  "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously
watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, the President
looks up and asks:
'How many is a Brazillion ??!

Ermmmmmmmm  I don't get it and I read it about 6 times.

cos you don't do sophisticated humour oop north clearly...


back to watching "Last of the Summer Wine"???

Are you for real?   ;D ;D ;D ;D

That joke can be easily changed and used to insult as many northerners as I can get to speak to over the next few days.  ;D

No, I'm made of plastic and known around the world as Barbie.

you are quite fond of the scrolling text stuff arent you nemesis :)     

Yes, Sir Kevin, I am

Just call me Kiv ....  everyone else does  :-\    Only my staff and my agent call me Sir ;)

Ahhhh  I got it!!!   (Thank you Mr PM-er!)  lmao xxxxx

How many hours did that take Tracey?  ;D

Ermmmmmmmmm quite a few actually Robat!   >:?

... the missus said 'well how many is a brazillian?'... god i'm lonely :( :(

You've been telling me to read this for days and im really not impressed.Im no a southener im a midlander adopted by northern monkeys :( O0

Tubeless, i know exactly how you feel mate ;)

heh everyone good in the north has come from the midlands and south anyway we're just trying to help them out;0

Well we have to try and improve the gene pool ... ;)