blonde poker forum

i adore my girlfriend and the remarkably stupid things she says, they are known as soniaisms.

A couple of examples...

While disucussing the 400m hurdles with a mate when the olympics were on, she chirps up '400m! thats a bit high isn't it?'

Absolutely insisting it was royal doulton who wrote the big friendly giant etc

Anybody else's better half come out with any pearlers?

 

Curently free, single, and easy.

I think another half would have trouble competing with me anyhow. Work colleagues won persuaded me to go looking for some elbow grease. I duely obliged.  :'(

Ahhhh the good old work pranks, in my work experience from high school, i was sent to the local warehouse with instructions to ask for a "long weight" .........  20 minutes (of sitting in reception with various people poking their head round the little glass reception window with stupid grins on their faces) later, it finally dawned on me that it was all a set up, and i returned red faced to the office :)

OK here is one from my days as a flight student.

I was hour building in a small single engine aircraft having got my licence when this happend.

Now the flight school i was at was in Florida and i was 'hour building' which is when you take a plane and fly it on your own to build up solo hours for your log book, as you can imagine after flying for 4 weeks str8 over the 'intresting' terrain of Florida i had gotten rather bored. A couple of guys (martin and steve) who were further through the trainning than me offered me to sit in the back of 1 of thier lessons in this twin engine aircraft (seneca) i jumped at the chance.

Now to set the scene, the 'flightline' was 10 minute walk from the flightschool, so we go out to the plane's and when we get there the guys say "shit we forgot the keys" (now that wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt for the humidity and heat in Florida during August, combined with the flight unifrom) i had forgotten the keys a few times before and its a right pain, by the time u get in the plane to fly you are dying and covered in sweat and just dont feel like it. So i offered to go get the keys for them seeing as they were letting me sit in.

So having walked all the way there and back in the heat i started looking for the keys, tearing the place upside down for them, i ask 1 of the instructors 'where are the seneca keys, Martin and Steve forgot to take them out with them' he laughed and said he hadnt seen them. I spent 10 minuts searching everywhere but with no success, i decide the best action is to return to them and hope that maybe they had found them in the plane.

So by the time i got there i was dying of heat having walked for 30 mins in the heat seperated by a mad hunt in the flightschool for these keys.











Well......it turns out the Seneca is a button ignition as so doesnt have any f****ng keys!!! B****RDS

Aged 13 years old having just finished my morning paper round the paper marker upper (18 yrs old) says he is missing his french girlfriend and wants to write to her.  He then sends me to boots to buy some 'French letters'.  I dont know who was more embarrassed me or the girl behind the counter but I thought I was going to die of shame. >:D

my second job was working in a hgv garage - we had this young apprentice who was the bosses son and knew it all , after the obligatory three weeks of sending him to the stores for the usual , long stands,buckets of steam, striped paint etc we got bored and decided to try another tack , he had just bought this boy racer ford escort with the usual furry dice wheel arches and stripes , in the workshop we had a kind of pippet which was used for getting water out of radiators to test the anti freeze mix- every day we used to go in the car park and take some water out of his radiator and squirt it on his engine and leave a puddle under the car - every regular that came in was in on the joke and used to say "theres a big pool of water under that escort outside" , this led to him spending the dinner hour for the next six weeks with the car over a pit trying to find this mystery leak - he replaced every joint, every seal , hoses and jubilee clip[ , some twice - very juvenile i agree but fun whilst it lasted

When I was a cocktail bar supervisor in a hotel ew had a casual guy who was a doddle to prank. on one occassion, a quiet bank holiday monday I put a box of 10 000 cocktail sticks on the counter and explained to him we thought we were being short changed on our sticks.
"Christ, you dont want me to count 10 000 sticks do you?" ha said.
"Don't be daft," I said, "just pick two or three boxes at random to check."
I went for an extended fag / coffee break. came back to him 30 minutes later.
He'd been really clever about it. he'd put them in piles of 100 incase he lost count. ::)

The same guy also did some casual breakfast waitering. We enlisted the help of a resident and got him to order some Banana juice to go with his breakfast.
"We haven't got any" the breakfast chef informed the waiter, "you'll have to squeeze some fresh.
now picture this poor guy with a bunch of bananas and a garlic press desperately trying yo extract a glass of freshly squeezed banana juice. priceless

LMFAO adam thats so cruel!

bit more imaginative than the old, tartan paint / left handd screw driver stuff.

We once had him clean the bosses wifes car, promptly before it was towed and scraped.
oh, happy days

LMAO...... look who just got yellow carded!!   :P

Hehe. He just needs the occaxsional slap does that boy.......

What exactly is 'occaxsional'?

Trouble is Tikay.... He enjoys it far too much!!!

Occaxsional is when Flushy has a mountain of chips & does not blow them all.

knew there must be a reason i have never seen that word before...... >:(

My no 3 daughter Sadie never forgets anything, she just remembers it wrong

We were doing a pop quiz

Q Who sang Cum on feel the noize

A Sledged

Q Who sang Rag doll

A Walter Raleigh and the Four Seasons

My ex girlfriend once asked me if the pope was Jewish.

A few years back I got into a huge argument with my girlfriend.

I had no idea what I had done and everything had been fine when I dropped her home the night before. All I had done since then was sleep. I was pretty sure I hadn't forgotten anything, and she was pissed off before I spoke to her so wouldn't have had time to figure out that I had anyway.

So I probe a bit and find out what was wrong.

It seemed she was dreaming and in the dream I said something nasty, so she blamed me.  >:?

LOLOLOL

Earlier this year, while I was in Malaysia I was watching TV in my flat with a local girl who I'd recently met. The news was on, and there was a story about David Beckham so I asked this girl if she knew who David Beckham was....'I don't think so' she replied. I was quite surprised as I thought everyone had heard of him so I asked about a few more celebs.

Posh Spice - Yes
The Pope  - Yes (She was very sad that he had died)
Homer Simpson - No

An advert then came on the TV for some Elvis Cds. Laura knoew who Elvis was, but then asked if he was dead or alive!

And people say it's a small world. It's bloomin not you know