blonde poker forum

Hmmm.....sounds interesting.

From :jacob david
Abidjan, Ivory Coast
(jacobdavid0@yahoo.co.jp)
   
 
           APPEAL FOR BUSINESS ASSISTANCE.
 
Dear ,
 
Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. I got your name and contact from our country chambers of industry (internet department). I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to its esteeming nature and the recommendations given
to me as a reputable and trust worthy person that
I can do business with and by the recommendation ,
I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple
and sincere business .
 
I am jacob david only son of late Mr. and Mrs. david Morgan . My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan , the economic capital of Ivory coast, my father was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings on a business trip .
 
My mother died when I was a baby and since then my father took me so special. Before the death of my father on october 2006 in a private hospital here in Abidjan he secretly called me on his bed side and told me that he has the sum of Six million,five  hundred thousand United State Dollars. USD ($6,500,000.00) left in fixed / suspense account in one of the prime bank here in Abidjan ,that he used my name as his only son for the next of Kin in depositing of the fund. He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisoned by his business associates. That I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where i will transfer this money and use it for investment purpose.

Dear, I am honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways:
(1) To provide a bank account into which this money
 would be transferred to.
(2) To serve as a guardian of this fund.
(3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your
 country to further my education and to secure a
 resident permit in your country.
 
Moreover, I am willing to offer you 15%
of the total sum as compensation for your effort/
input after the successful transfer of this fund into
your nominated account overseas.
 
Furthermore, you indicate your options towards assisting me as I believe that this transaction would be concluded within fourteen (14) days you signify interest to assist me. Anticipating to hear from you soon.
 
Thanks and God bless.
 
Best regards,
Mr jacob david.




...WOW sounds great. 15% of 6.5 mill or $975k, that will bankroll me for at least a few months playing 3-6 omaha hi lo limit.  Far be it for me to take advantage of a guy who has suffered such misfortune, but, well they raised us greedy on the gold paved streets of west london, so I'm going to up the stakes.







Hello Mr Jacob,

Thank you for your correspondance. It sounded intriguing! I would like to congratulate you as your english is remarkably good.

I received an offer a while ago from a nigerian businessman, and was poised to release my bank details but a close friend alerted me to the notion that nigerian businessman cannot be trusted to conduct multimillion pound deals with total strangers over email.

I found this shocking!

In england a man's word is his bond. I once gave a vagrant ten pounds under the condition it be spent on a good meal and some blankets to keep him warm. He promised me this and it being england I took this man at his word. Later on I spied the same vagrant lying on the street inebriated, surrounded by several tennants super strength cans, singing "I am a little goblin and i like a little gobblin'" at the top of his voice. Clearly he had spent my funds on furthering his debauchery.

Outraged at the betrayal I demanded my money back and when he responded by vomiting on my shoes I bitch slapped him multiple times till he handed over the 27p in his possession. Small return on my investment but at least he learnt his lesson!

I trust a man's word holds similar value in your fine country of the Ivory Coast. In fact I am a close friend of a star from your country, a certain Didier Drogba. I say close friend, in fact i met his sister once, and have watched him play on tv a few times, but you can see from the way he strikes the ball so sweetly, he is a man of honour and I would expect honourable intentions from anyone i enter into business with.

Now here is the crux of the matter....I see you have promised me 15% of the 6.5 million dollars (US) that you inherited in return for my safeguarding of your funds and to provide education and residency within england.

Now, as regards education, I think we could arrange this very easily. I have an old copy of endyclopedia brittanica which I would be happy to lend to you. Some pages are missing but mostly these are concerning mettalurgy and I think it may be a few years in england before you require information about the miscible properties of molten copper and iron. You should learn all you need to from this book.

Residency-wise, I believe the government are clamping down on immigration as part of their get tough policy. In order to dissuade the vice-like clamp of the immigration authorites from removing you from the country once you arrive, I will arrange for you to stay at the bottom of my garden.

 I have a small wendy house there. Whilst this is primarily designed for 6 year old children, I think you will find it quite advanced. It comes complete with many facilities including a Fisher Price "My First Oven", a small plastic chair and even a stuffed toy with one eye missing we call Simon the Cyclops. You may find the winter nights a tad chilly but cuddle up to Simon and the time will surely whizz by!

So with these details taken care of, there is only the small matter of the money. Of course I am happy to send you my bank details through immediately but I think as I am sorting out most of the arrangements, I would require a slightly higher percentage of the money.

You have offered me 15% of the 6.5 million dollars (US). IInstead I would like to propose a figure of 99.5% of the monies as renumeration for my efforts. If you can agree with this request I will immediately send my bank details and we can begin the business in hand!

Please let me know your response as soon as possible Mr Jacob.

Thanks for you help and i look forward to our future business.


Yours sincerely,

P S Taker

 ;tightend;

you could be passing the oppertunity of a lifetime .I think you should reconsider.

Lol awesome response :)

Me and my business partners once spoke to a 419 fraudster on skype for over an hour, transferring him to and from phones pretending to be a total of 8 different people in the same company (between the 3 of us transferring the calls). I recorded the conversation too. We took the piss relentlessly for the whole hour, without him picking up on a single piss-take lol :)

Great fun :) Good luck with the reply and further fun to be had! Please update us on this thread with his reply! :)

 rotflmfao

quality

 ;applause;

jedus

its meant to be off suit

thats why your only 43% roi and not 659%

your a class act mate. ;applause;

Superb stuff... ;popcorn;

BOL - tremendous banter.

http://www.419eater.com/  - is worth a look

I read a book called 'gangs' (nothing to do with Ross 'utlimate force' kemp.

Apparently people actually fall for this scam regurlarly, there was one case of a man that went out to meet the contact in nigeria. He was kidnapped, and taken to a cashpoint, and ordered at gunopint to take out as much money as he could - he refused.

They found his body in a field near the airport, with the burnt remains of a car tyre around his neck.

Your correspondence is awesome! Definitely worthy of a spot on 419eater.com.

Surely there is no way he can fall for your latest email, especially with the mugshots.com photo. Who is that btw? Some serial killer?

Keep us up to date! Classic thread! :D

Joy of Joys.... classic stuff

is it Andre the Giant ?

GOOD SPOT  ;applause;

Thanks for the comments. :) that 419 eater site is brilliant.

I realise I laid it on a bit thick with the last one, but the photo i sent through was edited to remove the mugshot text from the edge so hopefully he will get back. If not, well I'll jsut have to miss out on thsi great opportunity.....or will I?

still laughing out loud...........pure class

 rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao rotflmfao

just read all this, absolute quality

74 was the Panther 2 years before anyone had even heard of that particular Brian Wilson

Quality JC .... Please let him respond quicly, i cant wait for the next instalment :)

Rod, that's fookin hilarious, like the fact you picked up on his humanity :-), am starting to think you maybe have a little too much time on your hands..... long may that continue... not 'arf

Be careful Panth...that 74d may just let this guy identify you...he may have friends in gaytown!

OK, so Mr Jacob (or is it Mr David?) didn't reply to my second e-mail. I obviously didn't approach him with the tact and decorum required and it looks like I may have blown my chances of shaking hands on the business deal :(

Perhaps a woman's touch is needed. Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow as they say.....



Dear Mr Jacob,

I am writing on behalf of my husband Peter Staker.

I know he has spoken to you recently concerning a business arrangement. I read the details of the proposal from your email and found it very exciting!

You sound like a wonderful attractive man and I would love to help you out if I can. If I am honest my husband can be a little distant at times. He is always attending his TOTE ALK UNTS meetings and tending to his carrier pigeon, "Speckled Jim." He says there is nothing going on but I find all sorts of strange purchases on his credit card. I mean what is a "pigeon strap-on" anyway?

He often fails to pay me the attention I deserve, spending hours in his pigeon loft doing press-ups apparently and I sometimes wonder if he would rather smoke a packet of cigarettes and stroke his bird than make love to me.

I am a woman with needs, both material and sexual and if we can help each other out in any way, then please let me know!

Yours hopefully and lovingly,

Penelope Staker x

PS I have enclosed a picture so you might better know me. I'd love to see one of you. I don't want to offend you but I have some more raunchy ones if it won't offend your humanity xxx
[picture of pretty girl attached]




BINGO. Mr Jacobs is quickly back on the case with a swift, if brief, reply....




Dear One.
 
Thanks for your sad response to me but i will not contact you if you can not say thing that sound very good to me or in the intrest of this transaction pls . let me know  your intention clearily.
 
I wait to hear from you and God bless you and your family.
 
From Jacob David
 



Ok, so it's not exactly Mills and Boon, but from small acorns mighty oaks will grow. Let's try and clarify things for our new Ivorian friend and perhaps get his mighty oak to grow! I think him and penelope could get on really well!





Mr Jacob, or may I call you David.

I am so sorry that you did not understand. Please, I yearn to talk to a man who can help me.

I have a small amount of money set aside if that is of use to you. Probably not seeing as you are a multi millionaire but I also bake an extraordinary spongecake and in my youth was voted Miss South Acton Estate, a prestigious title in these parts!

I long to meet a man who sounds as honest and approachable as you. The fact that you have 6.5 million dollars and could keep me in gucci handbags and prada accessories for several years is of little consequence.

I don't wish to moan but my husbands antics worsen. Last night I was doing  my evening job as a table dancer in my place of employment, "Megajugs", but was forced home when disaster struck.

A rowdy group of boys calling themselves "londites" or similar entered the establishment and started to throw peanuts at me, yelling "check out the norks on that!" and "that's the first big pair I've seen all day!" The worst offender was a man in a wheelchair (the others called him copperside i believe.)

I was obviously shaken up by this so I rushed home, only to walk in on my husband lying in our bed with his pigeon, Speckled Jim, shouting obscenities such as "F** yeah Jim, you like that don't you!".

He looked shocked on seeing me but claimed nothing was going on. When I enquired as to why Jim was dressed in small suspenders and a tiny bra, he told me this was the standard uniform for the great pigeon race and he was merely relaxing Jim to prepare him for the race.

This sounds reasonable but something is going on, I just know it! I tell you Mr jacobs I feel ready to cry and simply walk out on my husband into the arms of another man with whom i can share my love, life, bank details, scanned copy of my passport, address, postcode and any other personal details he may require.

Please tell me you can help. I have no one else to turn to!

Yours lovingly,

Penelope Staker  xx

PS My husband does not know I am writing to you. He told me you have become a TOTE ALK UNT? Is this true? Are you really a TOTE ALK UNT? It doesn't matter to me either way. I still long to hear from you........... I have enclosed a further picture of me so you may admire my grandiose norks...I hope you like it x

[attached picture of girl with top off]




Much more subtle this time, I'm sure you'll agree. There's no way he won't write back, no way......

LMFAO .... I have just laughed so much i almost soiled myself. :D :D :D

best of blonde, best of blonde....


great stuff!


Copperside in Megajugs? artistic licence surely

hahahahahaha this is deffo for the best of blonde thread!long may it continue lolol

oh my - big lol at this bit!

i fail to see whats funny about any bird named jim thus attired-erotic yes,funny no.

"....voted Miss South Acton Estate...."

!

 rotflmfao classic

class rod

You sir are a man of supreme wit.

Hope he replies again soon

lol

"Blackadder,did you kill that plump breasted speckly pigeon Speckled Jim? Did you did you?" 


you'll be getting your influence for the next one from Hitchhikers or Red Dwarf lol?

rotflmfao

This thread should come with a warning not to be drinking coffee whilst reading  rotflmfao ;hattip; rotflmfao

I would like to  be the first to nominate this for Blonde's hall of fame.

lol, very good thread this!

Mr cat if you want a new challenge i pont you in the direction of

http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=24675.0

i can supply you a copy of the email if you wish to partake in a piss take and keep blonde informed