blonde poker forum

hi all,

a mate at work stitched me up a while back by photocopying my work pass and writing that 'I'm the only gay in the village' as i look alittle like dyffid (i think thats how u spell it).  Anyway i have been biding my time to get him back.  Today was the day!  he is trying to pull a girl from work and today i told her a little 'secret' 

when james was 12 he went to his friends house for a sleep over. It was his best friends (ste's) birthday and they were going to watch a film get a pizza etc. Anyway after the film and food james was knackered and fell asleep. His mate jon thought it would be a laugh to shave his eyebrows so went to the bathroom to look for a razor. problem was ste was from a single parent family and his mum didnt have any razors, jon had a look about and found some hair removal cream. he went down stairs and all the lads started putting it on his eyebrows, they all went to sleep. when they woke up james' eyebrows had fallen out, the problem was because the cream had been left on for 6 hours not the recommended 30mins his eyebrows never grew back, every1 at school took the mickey out of him and when he was 15 his dad paid for him to have plastic surgery to have some fake eyebrows implanted. its hard to tell they are fake but if you look closely you can tell there is something not quite right.

all lies of course!  she took it all in...magic!

SS

lolol

When I was a student nurse, there were many practical jokes played with us!! One of my classmates was asked to fetch a long stand and a tin of tartain paint (usual ones  but funny when you dont know them..lol) My other classmate was sent to the urinary/mens problems ward to fetch a hymen perforater :) So funny!!!!!!  When i was sent to get a 'blue butterfly', I went with my tail between my legs to the ward upstairs and told them i knew it was a joke but I had to get this 'blue butterfly'. When I left I really did have my tail between my legs and a box of 'blue butterflies' (venflons) with me..................lol Was still funny as the ward staff took the rise out of me anyway :)..............lol

when i used to work with plasterers we did summat everyday, crap pay but was worth it just for the jokes (some quite dangerous) alone, especially on a big site with loads of boys.

Will regroup and try and remember some of the best.

Have some rugby ones aswell but they mostly involve being naked or being made to do something naked so will leave them out.

my old man worked as a painter and decorator, he had loads of stories but i cant think of one for the life of me!

All trainee p/c's had to do a stint in each dept as part of their induction training. In the vice squad all the men were told there weren't enough girls loitering in the red light district and that we couldn't use real women as that would be classed as entrapment  ::)

They had to dress up in womens clothing and stand on the street corner waiting for business..made for some great video footage at the christmas parties.  Trying desperately to talk on the radio normally while laughing so much my sides hurt. 

I am told that when looking after a friends house it is not a good idea to poor water all over his living room carpet and sprinkle said carpet with cress seeds, then do not close the curtains and turn the lights off 5 days before they return, do not nip back 48 hours or so before they get back and turn all those lights on, open the curtains.  You could of played a cup final on that surface.

I am also told that if you blow a full large tub of Baby Powder under somebody's door in digs at uni with a hairdryer that when they come home the whole room is covered in a thin layer of white powder and is most annoying - army decontamination powder is even better (available at all good army surplus shops)

Oh and Fairy Excel 1 bottle of that in a toilet system or 2 in the city fountain, what a show.

A good old uni education - mis spent youth, never.

Oh yes - well stretched cling film over the loo - what a splash back!  rotflmfao

*tries to work out which Blondite is actually Jeremy Beadle*

I guess thats me, held back by 'one bad hand'.

 I detest practical jokes in all their forms.In my opinion anyone that gets a kick from standing on a chair and videoing their toilet for several minutes with the express intention of playing it back at a later date on their TV, just when their mother-in law is returning from the bathroom, is seriously deranged.

Friends wedding usual stuff from best man and ushers where we sneaked out of the reception to "decorate" his house. Obvious stuff like cornflakes in bed, squirty cream in pillows etc but on leaving we noticed he had just had a delivery of breezeblocks for the extension that was being built while he was on his honeymoon. Of course we couldnt resist and we bricked up his back door. patio door and front door about 5 feet up leaving space just around the keyhole and just enough space for him to chuck her through then climb through himself. It wouldnt have been so bad if the happy couple hadn't been going on honeymoon at 6 the next moring and when they left the reception about 1ish it had started tipping down.

this may be the only one suitable for a family forum.

 rotflmfao

used to work in a hotel many years ago and there was one guy who was particularly gullible. for example we once told him we were being diddled by our cocktail stick supplier. a box of cocktail sticks was 100 x packs of 1000. We told him "Don't to worry, you don't have to count them all, just pick 3 or 4 packs at random and chount them." That was one of the run of the mill things he fell for.

For one of my favourites though, we enlisted the help of a hotel resident. We had him request a glass of  banana juice to go with his breakfast. Breakfast chef sent him back to the resident to tell him we had none. Resident made a fuss and insisted on freshly squeezed banana juice.

perhaps you had to be there for it to be funny but the sight of this guy with a bunch of bananas and a garlic crusher, desperately trying to get some fresh banana juice for the increasingly angry guest will stay with me forever.

???

i have a glass of freshly squeezed banana juice every morning for breakfast!!

Yum Yum

The thing I detest about practical jokes is that, a huge percentage of the time, they are perpetrated by exactly the kind of person that would not be able to take the 'joke' themselves if someone did it on them.

They also tend to be used as a cover for bullies - 'it was only a joke mate - can't you take a joke?'.

This is a repost but one that springs to mind was when i used to be work for a platering company and we were doing work above a bakery, because the bakery was quite old they had their toilet which was a portaloo outsde. My boss told me go out from the house and tell my mate i was going for a piss and went and hid in the van, then my boss said to my mate 'hey, Gareth's gone in the portabog, go and push it over while he's in it so down he goes to the portabog (me watching him all the time) but he backs out of pushing it over (coz he knew who was both out of me and him!) , instead he just gives it one hell of a shake around! I will never ever forget the shriek that came from the potaloo which belonged to the old woman who worked in the bakery! His face was so funny when he realised that was too high pitched to be me and we all just legged it in different directions with tears running down our faces! When i casually walked back by 5 minutes later, the old woman was there asking some passer-by if she had seen some yobs going by coz they had shaken the portoloo. This sent me right off again. '
The funniest bit was for the next 2 days we were on the job the women who worked in the bakery would go to the toilet in 2's, one going to wee, the other keeping watch outside for portaloo-shaking yobs!

 Once when I was training a particularly gullible young lad called Gary in a chemical plant, I couldn't resist throwing in a couple of 'curve balls'. I was showing him how to operate a piece of machinery and decided to make up some imaginative names for various parts.Pointing out 4 clamps on top of the equipment told him ' always make sure before you switch this on that the Dangleberry clamps are tightened down fully'
 'Dangleberry clamps?'
 'yes Dangleberry clamps, named after James Dangleberry an American engineer that designed them'
 'Hmmm ok'
 I then showed him the outlet on the side of the equipment.
 'And always check that the inside of the Hippos' nose is spotlessly clean'
 'Hippos nose?? are you taking the piss?'
 'No, thats what its called, the hippos' nose'.
 'why's it called that then?'
 unable to think on the spot of any remotely convincing explanation I had to admit that I didn't know, 'but thats what its called thats all'
 'Hmmmmmm ok'
 I could tell that he wasn't entirely convinced but he didn't question me further.Shortly after a colleague, Hughie was due to take over on the following shift.It was obvious Gary would question him to verify what I'd told him, so I sent the lad away on an errand just as Hughie approached.
 'Quick Hughie, no time to explain, but when Gary gets back hes going to ask you what these parts are called, so these are Dangleberry clamps and this is the Hippos' nose, OK?'
 'yeah got it, Dangleberry clamps and Hippos nose, no problem'
 Right on cue Gary returns and just as expected asks Hughie.
 'what are these parts called?'
 'Dangleberry clamps'
 'and what about this outlet?'
 'thats the Elephants trunk of course'
 
 sigh......busted.
 

I used to work as a porter in a hotel. We played a fun trick on the new guy one day. It was normal to get a tip of anything from 50p to £2 for carrying luggage and he was getting tips just like the rest of us. But every time we came back from a job we folded £10 and £20 notes into our pockets where he could see us. The amount of sucking up he did with all the guests that day was hilarious.

I'm sure in some cases that may be true. In my expereince I have been on the receiving end more than the giving - Richard Prew and his Dave Clark 5 wind up being a case in point. Me doing a Blonde update asked "What's it like playing poker instead of being in the band Dave?"  A note to the wise I can be gullible and easily persuaded - a welcome guest at BB5!  ::)