blonde poker forum

I've been meaning to start tis thread for a while.

My wife buys loads of those trashy womens magazines; at some point I invariably picked one up to see what the h*ll they find so interesting about them. Most of it is total junk dedicated to skinny celebs, wifeys murdering bigamist hubbies, wifeys bedding hubbies best mates son/wife - that kinda stuff.

However I found a goldmine of humour at the back of one in the form of a colum entitled 'Blimey! Thats Clever'. Women send tips in to help each other and get paid £200 a time. Some of the tips are just common sense, some pure drivel and some jut insanely ridiculous!!!!

I will now endeavour to update this topic each week with cr*p tips. If anyone can think/find any equally humorous/cr*p tips then post them for a laugh (and I'll send them off to see if the mugs publish them!!!!)

A few to follow on next post!

I don't really do mags, but heres a tip for you men out there.

Don't waste money on expensive ribbed condoms, just slip a handfull of frozen peas inside b4 popping it on..

Frozen peas = foozen pees

???

Not sure about this one, for a start there's no room for anything else inside - plus even if there were they'd soon thaw out and become mushy peas!!

 ::)

Will sweetcorn do?

:dontask:

Try gravel, it won't defrost. Here to help  ;D

lolollol

Stop bread from drying out by keeping it in a bucket of water.

Stop water from drying out by leaving the tap on.

Avoid hangovers -- stay drunk

Avoid that awkward, sober, dreadful realisation moment in the morning by kicking her out as soon as you've finished your "business".
Also saves you the price of a breakfast!!

Come on we all know you're not that heartless. I reckon you would subtly remind her she ought to go home to do her homework.

School holidays..........

drill a hole in the fridge door to see if the light stays on when you close it

Your hunting season  :P

Manchester United Supporters: wear a strap on dildo on your head and a pink rara skirt. That way you won't need to spend a fortune every season on a new strip, but everyone will know what team  you support.

Whilst in bed protect yourself from vampires and werewolves by hiding
under the covers.

Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the
direction of oncoming traffic.
D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead.

Foil pick pockets by placing a freshly toasted "Pop Tart" in each
pocket. Would-be thieves will quickly rupture the fragile pastry and
receive nasty finger burns from the steaming hot jam inside.

A length of plastic drainpipe with a roller skate at each end makes an
ideal "car" for snakes.

Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply
changing your name to match your existing plate.
Mr KVL 74IY, Lincoln.

Pass off as Welsh by putting coal dust behind your fingernails and
talking gibberish all the time, stopping occasionally to sing loudly,
or set fire to someone else's house.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the
fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.

When crossing a one-way street always look in BOTH directions in case
a large, blue furniture removal lorry is reversing the wrong way up
the road.
D. Rogers, Hemel Hempstead General Infirmary.

Anorexics. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating
cakes again.

Play "Moth Aircraft Carriers" by floating a shoe box in the bath with
a torch attached. Leave a window open for ten minutes, then turn off
the room lights and watch as the moths attempt to make their dramatic
and dangerous landings.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive vibrator.

Thanks to Viz......

Saw a chair in half, attach to either end of a plank, and hey presto! You have yourself an attractive garden bench.

To add weight to your husband's trousers, simply attach onions to the belt loops.