blonde poker forum

LOL Soldieraments.

"STFU and listen to me"

"me hands are numb"

"STFU, get the poles"

PMSL poor bloke.

First time I did it (12 years ago now) some idiot made the mistake of sending the coaches (used as troop shelter) away. So being about 110th in line (I still remember counting) I was frozen before going in. Absolutely bricking it.

Imagine my surprise when I went in and found the water to be WARM. Quality I thought. Skis away, bergen off shoulder, bergen thrown out of ice. Easy. Time to showboat a little and swim calmly to the other side.

Then it hit me. Like an articulated truck. The cold came over my body so fast I lost my breathe and thought I was gonna suffocate. OK GET THE FCUK OUT OF THE WATER my head started screaming.

Get to other side and start daggering my poles into snow. Kick like crazy. Kicking so much that my mate ,instructing at the time, was laughing an said he could have done his laundry in the water. But I'm going nowhere. In fact after a while I start sliding back in.

'Daggers Mulligan! Daggers!'

'I am FCUKIN daggering!'

'Well give it more'

'I am!!!!!!!!!'

'U fcukin idiot you have your poles the wrong way'

(Instead of pointing the tips towards me to give grip, they are pointing away. No grip, hence why my body weight is just pulling back in)

By now though I am seriously low on energy but after a struggle get myself out.

Roll in snow.

Then the run to the side. Having thought, as a v good runner at the time, I would do this easily it became a real slog. Joints frozen, I ran like some kinda zombie on speed to the side.

At the side I'm greeted by the Ambassador to Norway and the MA (apparently some SAS bloke from the Embassy siege). They hold out the obligatory brandy.

'Yeah cheers, brrrrr'

'...and give us that one ya fcuker...' as I snatch a second out of his hand...

(I didn't know who they were, and as a Pte, was not really into formalities when frozen to the bone)

Then into the back of the BV206 to get warm/changed.

PROBLEM.

1. BV is like a fridge, heater not running.

2. Myself and artillery lad from my tent group made a serious mistake. We had tied our artic whites as trained to. So lots of very small frozen nots at both wrists, ankles, waist, inner thighs and bottom of jacket. Frozen hands/small knots don't go together...

Especially when....

3. A young officer walks past the BV and SHUTS/LOCKS the BV door!!! Obviously to keep the heat in...but failed to check on the boys inside. And fails to come back and check for a verrrrrrrrry long time.....

Meanwhile...

Myself and Arty boy having tried undoing our on knots and then each others knots start going down with cold weather injuries big time. Knowing this we shout as loud as we can (not very loud by this time)...but we're in a locked BV and its like shouting in a vacuum.

Eventually a Sgt opens the back up to see whats inside and finds the two of us laid out on the floor!!!! Oops!

Get warmed up, straight to Med Centre! Caught just in time really. All I came away with long term was frost nip in my heels, which did affect me for next few trips to Norway (but not this time). But it still qualifies for war pension when I get out!!!!

The next time I did the Ice Breaking I was alot better prepared...
 
But if you find yourself in the (unlikely) position of taking up a chance to go ice breaking, or another extreme team building type of challenge. Do it. It will be difficult, challenging and unpleasant - but the experience will never be forgotten...