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For years we have heard the mantra "Terminal 5 on time and on budget". Today this has been subsituted by "Terminal 5 in chaos". And the reason for this turnabout - the old chestnut of baggage going missing.

But how can this happen after four billion pounds has been spent on a world class construction, feted by the airline industry and opened by the queen only last week?

The answer, acoording to BAA, is that passengers have been bringing luggage with them and then not following it to its destination. "Passengers seemed to think that they could just turn up, check in their bags and it would be waiting for them the other end with no extra effort from them" A spokesperson for the airport said."If they want to arrive somewhere with this luggage they insist on bringing, they need to follow it. We can't be expected to look after all of their stuff - I mean come on they're adults. Apart from the children that is - but they shouldn't have bags"

The spokesperson continued: "We have built a beautiful building in which passengers can wait and spend a fortune in our shops. The idea that we could improve the whole luggage issue was madness. I mean, this is Heathrow - no amount of glass and steel is going to change that."


http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s1i32690

Sandy

Quality site, i love this one.


In blatant plagiarism Terence Cloth reports that the British hide and seek champion, Shannon Matthews, is trying for European glory.

This task may well prove difficult though as the current European champion, Madeleine McCann, has still yet to be found.

"I want that posh jock birds record, and I will do all I can to get it." Shannon said on the day she was found.

Since being found and being taken to a police station in West Yorkshire, Shannon has disappeared once more.

Shannon's 12 year old step-dad said: "We is well proud of Shans, and as soon as I have finished me homework I am gonna make a banner saying so."

Portuguese police have gone on to confirm that Madeleine is still missing and the lead detective would be making an announcement as soon as he had finished walking his guide dog.

rotflmfao even though MrsB says I'm sick.

Better keep her away from sickipedia then as that has some real bad rubbish as well as the odd gem.

Primary School Children Writing About The Sea


1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs. (Emily Burniston age 5)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky age 8)

13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny (Julie age 7).

Sandy