blonde poker forum

me and bobba fett have been talkin about the crap some ppl talk at tables  the same preditable pish poor table talk that they say every day that does your head in and makes you cringe.. here are just some.. add your own thoughts


"its ma big blind you better no raise"  you here that one every single hand when the blinds 25/50

"you missed your aces when you were away"  abousltly hilarous has me in stitches everytime someone craps that one

"unbelivable"   god nothing is unbeliable in poker we have all seen it all   the amount of times someone says that when    simply hits a set on them

"drawing dead"   when somone clearly isnt


" you always raise my big blind"  whio fucking cares

Why let it get to you?

rather than get annoyed why not work out what that means for each player.

its means nothing there just weirdos that have no other chat

tells me more about there lives than anything else

hmmm... a new way for me to p1ss people off at the table .. !!  LOL...

haaa
great idea

belive me it works

Complaining about someone raising ur BB during the rebuys or on level 1 needs to be retired.  When someone comes back to the table, the telling them they missed aces joke needs to be retired too.  Also the fake shove of the chips then fold, was it ever funny?  "you wouldve been out if I had played"  yeah yeah and last but not least "how many chips you got?  well add those to it, I fold"  waste of time, people buy ipods for poker because of this kind of chat.

here here...

lol, good post

While we're retiring things, what of the "no respect, I don't get no respect" when people raise to 150 at 25/50 and get called in 3 spots.

[  ] pining for some live poker now


I hate the people who think that banter is complaining to the dealer about the quality of the pre-flop cards they are being dealt.

you get this, plus all the above, again and again and again, then for some respite you get up from the table and go to the bar, only to be greeted by some bad beat shit.


The only thing worse than poker people is non poker people.

"Online poker? How does that work, you can't see their faces"

Thanks Tank, I forgot those ones.  Someone raises, gets a caller  "non believers"

Remembered some more that need retired.  When checking the BB  "let them live" or "Let them catch up"  just check your pish in peace and quiet please.

the break..

"when is the break?"

you get it 5 mins in.. someone tells them

10 mins later

"here when is the break?"

Showing one card.

Why does everyone want to show one fucking card.
Pre-flop raise, they take it down, show one ace. ooooooooooooooooooooooo, he had an ace.



To be fair, I can deal with that.

The people that wind me up are the ones who think they're Jack fucking Strauss or something.

They win the minor ass pot and the dealers trying to collect the cards and shuffle up for the next hand.
The player who just won the pot offers both his cards face down to the opponent and says "which one do you want to see."

lmao

on the tanks point. they win the hand  dealer misses there cards at 1st... and u get a chant off

oh are you trying to keep them

How about the bum deal

8 obligatory "Awww for fucks sake" before they hand their one Queen back

 rotflmfao

Lets all just sit for 9 hours at a table ignoring each other, not saying anything in case someone said it before, and we piss everyone off..!!!  How exciting would that be..!!!

there is talkin and there is this

To be heard in every competition at every table in every cardroom up and down the country every single night...

"These are the exact same two cards you gave me last hand."

usually followed up by the amazingly witty, "I wouldn't mind so much if they were any good"

I think we should trial a silent poker tournament.  Only spoke words allowed are binding poker terms such as all in, fold, call, raise and betting amounts.  In fact, u dont even need to say any of this, pass ur cards over the line or pass the chips over the line.  Easy.

I also had the "had to call" when someone makes a ridiculous call with like bottom pair or something to a massive bet and its obvious they can never be good  "had to call, he could have anything"

My pet hate is...  Just after I have put in a decent raise.... "fold"...  whats that about...  fold... ffs...   hear that way too much..!! :)

Then at the end of the night, we'll go home in a taxi, and we won't be able to hold it in any longer, we'll just be so jam packed full of inane shit that we crack and have to ask the driver "is the town busy tonight?"

I said that once when I had Quad 2's... Most of the table took the piss out of me for that one...  LOL..

What time do you finish?

i am a taxi driver and this is now going onto another post...
the next person that asks me is it busy tonight or when do u finnish i am going to fuckin hit

Yer all fannies, the tabletalk is great, you gain a lot of info from it and you can use it against people in the same way, really tilting people up


then again thats not the game for everyone

lol

no no the ppl we are talkin about dont have brains u dont need them to open there mouths to beat them..  you cant get a read off a guy who chants dont raise my big blind every single time its his bb before the cards are even dealt

Or...  What type of car is this....  Ohhhh a Skoda, aren't they nice these days..!!!

what kinda car is this..   fuckin hell can you not see before you get in

is this your own car

then you get a random one... were is the furthest youve ever been

or how much is a taxi to   falkirk when they have no intention of ever going to falkirk in there lifes

Its ok for you, you're always out by level 2 and dont have to put up with the banter ALL NIGHT!!!!!  You're probably getting fresh new material from this thread for next time you play live  ;)

Actually we should all go and play live and try to say all these lines as often as possible and see how long it takes someone to lose the rag

i was going to suggest that

or great slogans for vegas 09 t shirts

I've got to admit, I ask every cab driver I've ever had if he's been busy.
I don't mean to, just literally can't fucking stop myself.

Never understood the "what time do you finish", but that sometimes comes out too.
I mean, wtf, am I wanting to ask driver out for tea and buns?

Ach, you've got me depressed now. My patter is pisch

in all honestly i get it all day then i go on a night out jump in the cab and i bloody do it to

so when do u finnish are you busy  oh dam! sorry

Ah well, at least we can come onto the blonde forum at the end of an uninspiring week and experience the wealth of creativity that manifests itself in the form of cracks about Tikay being old and bolt not getting a t-shirt.

New table talk suggestion.

Each hand dealt, look at cards. Announce "Fck my life" and fold.
Occasionaly adapt to, look at cards, announce "woo hoo" insta shove all in out of turn

John you have the worse banter at the poker table ever IMO.

Fett has none, only time he speaks is when when he has a blow up when some spew monkey calls his shove with KJ and spikes on him. Sweet IMO.

Will trial this tonight and report back.

 ;popcorn;

Glad i dont have to play poker north of the wall - you sound like a right bunch of miserable boring ba****ds :D

• This is my favourite hand and I dont like folding it.

• Is it my turn?(whilst listening to I pod or reading Poker Europa.)

• Ill let you have it this time but dont try it again.

• Deal a bit quicker the blinds are about to go up.
  

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Just been to get my haircut, and you think the talk round the poker table's bad. 

"She said this, and they said that, and I said oooh, and she went yeah, and so I told her that, and she said it's funny because, and we laughed, you know what I mean."  You're sat there, and you can't escape this constant drivel.

FML.

should we ask why you get your hair cut in a ladies salon?

 rotflmfao

He has yet to respond on MSN:

Dawn & Timothy says (11:51):
exactly how long did it take to get yer hair cut?
Dawn & Timothy says (11:51):
AND...why did you go to a girly place instead of the local baber shop?
 

I didn't.  It's a barbers.  It cost £8.50 which I think is extortionate. 

[ ] I have enough hair to go to an expensive place.

Shavers FTW!

It'll be happening very soon.

steady on - family forum!

i barley speak now bandit..   i like to sit and talk about none poker issues  or just general poker talk none of this cheesey talk..

bandit you have some of the best banter at the table

like the time you slagged off the local milionare telling him he didnt need the moiney he was loaded.

or the time you stood up when somone raised point in his face who the fuck are you

now thats banter  nne of this crap the local weirdos come out with

Err, I don't really remember much of what happens at the table tbh, if I last long enough to make any impression I am normally blind drunk.  C'est la vie

the one time bandit you were at my tourney table,you were fairly quiet.....gave me a ribbing for limping with queens in early position but thats ok...lol

then you moved tables and within the hour you had a monster stack and were stood singing religious hymns and much mayhem commenced...shame i got knocked out ,i heard you made the FT that night...


n John ,I dont play live often these days,but I've noticed a wee change in you from the cins days,when it was fresh for me and probably you...I guess you are just jaded with the usual pish play and bad beats, n hero 3 bet all ins with  5c 5d..


was sat with auld robert on thursday,n sat listening and watching him play,and a lil banter..he turned a nut flush but got 2 outered on the river for his oppo ( the quiet tall lad with the hearing aid ) who made his boat with  5c 8s..he took that beat so well...just said shit happens and left the table...I just said see you later,nice playing with you,instead of ' unlucky'....I say that too often,apparently its annoying


I also hate when ur all in and way behind needing a 3 outer when the chorus chimes in telling you..nah i had one of your outs,then another,then another,leaving you drawing dead....lol...JUST SHUT UP,give me a little hope,tell me after the hand not during

i allways ask the taxi driver if he ever gets sex instead of the money,,,,,?
                                        he shit hiself ,,,,,and said why?????

i hate that ****.

yeh i used to be full of life at the table.. the bante rin the cin cins was good banter

maybe its just the stanley banter thats pish

pmsl...u mean hearing aid guy?

I was wanting to have a pop at him too,didnt have the spot though...would feel good to felt him..but cmon now john its sub optimal play when it gets personal...if we ever get to the same table lets tag team against him...lol.....ur da is a fan of his too....btw he cb's every single flop he raises....

tag team

we were on a table once and all 9 of us tag teamed against him and put him out

no1 and i mean no1 likes him that i know of

hes a twit


and btw he isnt deaf   he kids on he cant hear and once his mate shouted on him from 6 tables away and he heard him no bother but then he claims he cant hear ppl say raise.... con man

I sense some animosity here John. 

I hate arseholes who were sun glasses indoors.  Boba Fetts Fosil Man specs were funny but black sun glasses indoor is fking ridic.

yas welcome bandit


i also hat ethe guys who have nevr ever played live before you know because they ask silly questions at the start.. but thats ot what annoys me i dont mind answering them for them becuase we were all there once

but then

when the game starts they wip out the sunglasses and hat sit there like a robot but there cards side by side like there on tv sit for a while then fold.. they put them there even when there gonna fold....

to much tv

what about " i would have won that hand (if only id played my 94 off suit to a 5 bet pre)"

i like it when people say to me how the fuk can you call wiv that shit.,.,.,.,.,.,
i just say quietly.,.,.,.,.,.,COZ I GOT FUKIN PLENTY.,.,.,.,.,.,usually shuts them up .,.,.,

^^This annoys me greatly too, lol

Possible cheating to gang up on a player ............................

reeks of fergus and KK tbh







take a joke!

LMAO!  Dry your eyes mate

I try to sit and seethe as quietly as possible

Lessons on table banter coming from the guy who's table banter got him barred from the Stanley during a tenner rebuy   GG Bandit  WP

fergus kk steve me ali baba     anyone else involoved


no ganging up here 

LOL to be fir I was rather inebriated that night had been on the booze for about 9 hrs solid. 

You know what I also hate, when I am in the same cardroom as Billy because that means I am not the loudest.

u look like uve been going for 9 hours here

Haha, that was the night he was chewing on his gums all night

looks like a white sanjay

Think I won that night as well.  Ahh the good old days I miss cincins.  We used to have fun.

Yeah, remember the night Rangers beat Celtic at Ibrox when Adam pinged that freekick under the wall and me, u Cambo and John the Dog all ended up being in there that night, awesome banter.

Charlie Adams - now there was an ugly bastard of a man. 

Why after winning the pot, do players look back at there cards before the throwing them in the muck.


Fannys

Tank has mentione dit already but I hate when the table nit raises then bets at an Ace high flop, everyone folds and they show the Ace.  Cmon!!  Everyone knows you had the ace, just muck and lets get tot he next hand.  Leave everyone in some doubt that you are capable of betting without the ace.

I just read this whole thread but couldn't possibly start a session as I am insanely tilted now.

"Have you got an Ace?"

What a stupid fucking question imo

Just goes to show that poker players in general are a pretty boring unimaginative crowd.

Same little conversations held at tables up and down the country.

I don't really feel this thread - surely a bit of small talk is better than sitting in silence?  Having said that, I do have a particular aversion to 'that's poker!'

I was sitting on Paddington rank for nearly 30 mins and all I got was a bloody Lancaster Gate !!.

a new one.


thats a lovley air freshner  owww look at that to there freind.


i get that all the time as well as my airfreshener is a foot shaped thing

Asking  "is that a tape?" when subjected to 3am easy listening radio - follow up with "been busy?" then "what time you on til?" for the clasic trifecta

i like to ask taxi drivers.,..,,..,.,

hi mate,,, do you live around here or are you local????.,.,.,.,.,.,they always say no im local.,,..,.,try it but promise not to laugh.,.,.,.,.,

ahhh taxi drivers..... never forget the night a minicab brought me home from cincinnatis - about 8 miles.

"very good sir, that will be 40 pounds"

"40 quid ? i think you must be new to this game... heres a tenner and count yourself lucky you can still grip the steering wheel, theiving cnt".

"very good sir, goodnight !"

That kind of table talk puts me on life tilt.
The worst are 'Mission f*cked' when the fish misses a gutshot and 'value' when they have 26o and a 3 way pot. It drives me nuts, these people, how come they even play the game?

cough * john* cough

Why are taxi drivers such miserable bastards?

FYP

Haven't read the whole thread yet but one I saw happen many times at DTD this weekend which reminded me of teh live pokerz was someone saying 'sorry' after sucking out.

I'm NEVER sorry after filthing someone and nor is anyone else. A new rule should be made whereby you have to give someone their entire loss back if the word 'sorry' is used after a bad beat imo.

Ul=ok. Sorry=gay.

What about saying that it's OK to slowroll, because "I always do it"?

That's only allowed when Mr Hopkin is at the table to explain to villain that he 'always punches people in the face'.