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OK I'll throw this one out there....

My son Rio, at the grand age of 4 got into a fight at school today.

He lost :( Ended up with a bloody nose. He apparantly started it after him and 3 of his friends were playing power rangers. Rio threw a punch (airball) His more "street smart" friend who has had a scrap or two then walloped him.

Now to the question- I can't help feeling a bit proud of him! Is that stupid? Wrong? I mean at the end of the day violence is violence!

Proud?  He lost.

;)

AND he started it!











Seriously though; Yeah..of course you should be proud...First fight is one of those rite of passage sort of things like; First time watching Star Wars, First beer, First wank...etc.

WD him.

Now teach him to fight proper FFS!

I know he lost.... takes after his old man. Wimp to the end!!!

FFS man! Where was his knife? This is Leicester!

maybe it's just because I'm a woman, but no, being proud doesn't seem right.  I'd be devastated :(

Needs to be taught better table selection imo

Testosterone Haribo-fuelled violence FTW

I don't quite understand why you'd be proud of it either  :dontask:

But I do remember making daisy chains  (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/29/Daisy_chain.JPG/275px-Daisy_chain.JPG)
when I was 4 or 5, so I might not be the best judge of anything to do with fighting :D

Agreed, however I would be more subtle and say teach him to defend himself as opposed to teach him to fight.

If you can, enrol him in a good martial arts or judo club, this should teach him the discipline and also discourages others picking on him when they know he's doing an organised art (whether he's any good or not) there will be others that will say it will encourage others to try it on with him but my experience tells me different.

It's important to encourage him to stand up for himself but not to pick fights. Also important to let him know there is no shame in losing now and again.........there's always someone bigger and better somewhere.

Geo

Fair point

Never trust someone who has never been in a fight and got their arse kicked IMO.

Don't get me wrong. Words were had- the most important being don't pick a fight with the wrong person!

But agree with what Geo said-need to know he can defend himself but disappointed he started it.

Quite easy for me really, my sons are now 20(tomorrow) 23 and 26, I have the experience. I also taught self defence/arrest and restraint as a PTI during my time.

You wouldn't think it looking at me  - lol

Geo

Teach him to head butt. He wont lose next time.

yeah

[ ]You don't look like you can handle yourself at all.

BTW- results orientated imo

LOL!  It was just variance.  He needs more fights for a larger sample size.

My bad, I giggled

Geo

Geo's right though.  Some sort of martial art is a great idea.  It'll give them confidence and help them to avoid trouble as well as helping them to look after themselves.

Either that, or practice makes perfect.

Surely at 4 years old he's a bit young to need to go to martial arts class' or out like that,imo i wouldn't be giving him the life story on how he needs to be able to look after himself at just 4yo keep his "innocence" as long as possible i say

yes glasgow kiss ftw

4 years old is the ideal age to start.  It's not about being able to defend yourself at that age, it's about fun and doing something you enjoy.

i started judo at 5 and quit at 14, I wish I had kept it up but before it seemed cooler to go out with my mates I loved Judo and you learn much cooler stuff then Karate for kids.

Fair play Neil, each to their own.

Many congrats George. Starting at 4 he'll be awesome before he hits his teens. Just teach him fight selection.

'If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten'.

If you ever want a good read, then get Jackie Chans biography. In it there is a story where, at the age of 7, a group of older boys in his neighbourhood were dishonouring the family name. Chan's father told him he had to go out and fight them, to restore the honour of the family name, he went out and they beat the shit out of him.

So his dad told him to go out and do it again the next day, he did and they beat the shit out of him again.

This continued for weeks until he finally beat them in a fight, he returned to his father who congratulated him on honouring the family name.

At which point his father stuck him in a dustbin and made him sleep in it in the street overnight, as a punishment for fighting.

Top book.

Thinly veiled 'Jackie Chan's Dad is a mentalist' post imo.

Get him to wax your car, paint your fence and then sand your floors.

He'll be ready for anything next time.

can't remember my first fight at school, but it was probably, 5-6 years old. I was pretty good at fighting when i was 12-18. My tollerance level was low, if someone said something to me i didnt like i would just hit them. Got me into a lot of trouble and i became a douche without knowing. Been in two fights since then. One in my home town when a guy was harrassing me for an hour before, it got violent and one in manchester where i luckily recieved a bind over (??) where i have to keep the peace or face a heft fine and a record. Nowadays, fighting for me is a last resort im much more stable and at peace.
I guess what i am saying is, if he's not a good fighter he wont get into trouble, however might not be able to defend him self properly come 13 or so years old.

Well I've done shed loads of kick boxing and brazilian ju jitsu so class myself as being more than capable of looking after myself. I'm also 6' 4" and was until recently built like a brick shithouse.

Would that make me a target for thugs or would they steer clear? I don't know tbh.

Fortunately however I've found that by being a nice bloke and having the ability to talk my way out of situations I've been involved in the sum total of 3 (uncontrolled) fights in my 34 year long life.

People skills are far more important than fighting skills and will stop almost any situation before it develops. That's what you need to teach your lad imo.

It's all about being able to diffuse a situation before it turns nasty. Avoid eye contact with people who look like they want to fight. Maintain a calming but confident composure when forced in to talking to a potential assailant.

You can't afford to look weak and feeble, the thugs will pounce on that because they are bullies. Avoid the fight but make sure that inside they know that if they'd started on you they would've been in a world of hurt.

Scrapping should be the last resort. There's no harm at 4 years old because nobody really gets hurt but you could use this as a stepping stone to teach him a few life lessons.

Judo and ju jitsu are far better classes to take if you ever consider anything for him. Karate is all well and good but you need a bit more rough and tumble. It teaches you to take a few hard knocks and be able to get back to your feet. The ability to be able to get to your feet is the most important aspect of any survival situation. If you can get to your feet there's always the option to run!!

Get him in the gym mate wait a few weeks and then get him to  wait for the kid after school for round 2 ding ding

get him a hand bag and put a brick in it just like dewey in malcolm in the middle

Dewey rules.

    hal rules

Great post and agree completely with it. The last three lines in particular are fantastic advice for anyone considering taking up a martial art and I say that as someone who spent 14 years doing Karate. I've done a good few other martial arts as well and my biggest regret now is packing in Judo when I was a kid as it wasn't sexy enough. Judo and Ju Jitsu FTW in the street fight situation and for self defence.

I wish my Dad had encouraged me to fight in the way that all Dad's are supposed to do on the sly with a nudge nudge wink wink don't tell your Mother kind of way.

[  ] Passifism is a good playground tactic.

[  ] Primary school was good times

[ x ] If I ever have a son I'll be telling him that when it looks like things are going to get to a fight, get the first hit in.

Tank. I've met you just once and you seem like a really nice bloke.

From this post it seems as though you weren't the sort to get the first punch in in your younger years.

You also had a tough time at primary school.

Do you wish that at primary school you had smacked a few more people in the nose?

Do you think you might've carried that through to secondary school?

Do you think that you might still like to smack people in their noses?

Do you think you would still be the same nice guy that you are now?

A few knocks at primary school are harmless. It's when you get older that they hurt and develop in to more serious situations. Avoidance is far more important.

If you ever have a son I'd strongly suggest bringing him up very similar to yourself. You haven't turned out too bad.

This whole thread reminds of the scene from 'Good Will Hunting' when Matt Damon sees his old kindergarden bully and smacks him in the middle of his basketball game.

I was slightly bullied at secondary school, nothing major - the occasional pushing over and the like, yet whenever I think about it I regret not simply smacking the lad in the face.

My boys are 5 and 3 and I am already thinking about sending the oldest boxing or martial arts. Being able to stand up for yourself does not make you any less of a nice person.

id be proud to be honest

i mean.. atleast you no he wont grow up to be one of these kids that gets started on then crys and runs away

he will be able to stand up for himself right? (even if he did get beat) lol

I understand your point EvilPie, but I don't necessarily agree. Encouraging someone to stand up for themselves physically is not the same as turning them into a thug.

Jackie Chan's Dad had it about right. Teach them that you've got to be able to do fight if you need to, but also that fighting is wrong.

With anything it depends on the club and the instructor.  Doesn't really matter what you do, as long as the instructor is competent and not full of bullshit (as so many are), then I'm sure it'd be a positive thing.

This.

I did loads of Karate when I was younger...I guess it also depends on the style you get taught. I practised Kyokushinkai ..plenty rough and tumble, and pain, there.....ah...good times...wish I hadn't quit that TBH. To be fair, We also got a bit of nin-jitsu a jiu-jitsu smashed in there as our teacher thought it'd be useful so we went to different schools to pick that up.

Bump.

Taking my boys (now 6 & 8) to their first Judo class tonight - fingers crossed that they enjoy it.

judo is great for little kids. As they get a bit older and invariably want to use their legs as well, there are worse choices than Taekwondo (which I did for many years) which will utilize the hip movements you learn in jdo to full effect.

When I was a kid at school I fought most days between the ages of 4-8. It was a pretty rough school and basically if yoy didn't look after yourself you would get the shit kicked out of ya. Between 9-12 I got interested in Martial arts and pretty much only got into fights when sticking up for mates who were getting bullied etc. Don't recall having a fight past the age of 14, though come plenty close a few times betwwen the ages of 18-24( usual drink induced shit on nights)

Anyway my son, who's now five, is a bit too nice for his own good, i.e if he's playing with something and another kid comes along he just lets them have it/play with it, even though he wants to. Despite this he loves playfighting with me.

Anyhow the other day he was at the park after school with the mrs and several other kids/mothers. One of his friends was annoying him constantly and he raised his fist to his face(didn't hit him) as to say 'back off'.

Mrs said the other kids were a bit wary, and the parents.(fair to say he go to a pretty middle class school) My view was that while I certainly don't condone fighting, he needs to stick up for himself at times.

Anyhow, it's not related to that incident but he has his first karate lesson at the weekend

How did I miss this gem the first time round?

Well played Matt

 ;applause; ;applause; ;applause;

Geo