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I'm sitting writing this in quite a lot of pain, have done in my ankle after a heavy fall and have about 100 scratch marks all over my body. Dunno yet if ankle is broken or just badly sprained.

Took a shortcut across a field two days ago when going to the train station, cuts 10 minutes off my journey. Fields were clear and I was making good progress.

I approached the intersection of four fields, each had an opening to the intersection where their thick border hedges ended. I was about 20 metres short as I spotted them. A herd of about 40 cows approached the opening, suddenly very aware of my presence. I stopped abruptly, but the cows didn't; they started filtering through the opening towards the field I was in, 10 of them now flanking me on one side. Aware that they were starting to surround me in large numbers, and with no immediate way to escape I started waving my arms and shouting. This stopped a couple coming through but seemed to encourage a couple of others to come right at me. I stared down to 'check for udders', but fml there were none and I realised I might be in trouble. One of them had decided to 'take me on' and started making side-on posturing and lowering his head a bit. I charged at him briefly and he flinched but started moving towards me again. During this whole exchange another dozen cows had moved into the field and had assembled 20 metres behind him, all staring at me.
Things now looking pretty bad. I weighed up my options.
-Run back the way I came, 500 metres to safety. Cows would probably chase. Could I outrun them? If not, trampled.
-Keep waving arms, shouting. Cows aren't being fazed by this and are surrounding me in growing numbers.
-Back off slowly, facing them. 40 metres to nearest hedge, very large, maybe insurmountable.

I took one large lunge at the defiant bullock, didn't flinch this time. Something about this particular action really pissed off the others and they all started coming down the hill now, closing on me fast. I turned and ran. With the thunder of hooves behind me I closed down on the hedge and then threw myself on to it with everything I had. Large thorns pierced my trousers, jacket, as I caught the black and white flash of the bullock charging the hedge just short of my feet, followed imminently by a sea of monochrome fury. Somehow I managed to get my legs up and over, crashing backwards over the other side, smashing my ankle on a rock as I landed. No pain felt, Flight-or-F*cked system blocking all other signals. I get up and see them all assembled at the hedge, snorting and peering. Hoping to god they don't know the way around, I limp off as fast as I can through the field to the main road, and safety.

Have discussed it since with farmer neighbours ("Turn and run") and friends ("Stand up to them"/"Wave your arms") with no clear consensus on how to approach what was, in all honesty, a totally terrifying situation. They look from a distance like the world's most docile creature but I know that if I didn't make the leap or they catch up to me, I am butted and trampled and it could easily be lights out.

Turns out it's a fairly common occurrence.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8134778.stm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8114529.stm


This one made me lol so hard I almost forgot the pain:


http://paraglidetv.com/index.php?id=3689&itemid=14&option=com_seyret&task=videodirectlink


Don't think I'll be going near any fields for a while. Will be eating as many steaks as I can for the forseeable future though.

Sounds like you got away light - a farmer's wife down near my folk's place ended up losing a lung after a cow crushed her against the ground for getting between the cow and her calf. And like the articles you linked to said, there's been deaths this year (and Blunkett made it - gg life :( ).

Usually if you act like you know what you're doing and like you're herding them they'll back up - but when they don't you're in trouble. Amazing how fast you can run & how high you can jump in those situations though isn't it!

:( poor woman, that must have been terrifying.
Yer, something else just takes over when you start legging it, didn't know I had it in me :)

I'd be more inclined to go with the opinion of the farmer neighbours over the friends.  Reckon they have a small advantage in the knowledge stakes.

I'd have thought so too, yer, these are all bovine devilspawn dairy farmers, but I'm partly inclined to think that the sight of a threat turning his back and running encourages cows (and aggressive dogs?) to charge.  :dontask:

I know feel a bit less of a wuss for always being a wee bit scared when faced with the prospect of walking through a field with cow in.

Sounds horrible, but glad you got out of it (relatively) ok.

Thanks! I can almost walk properly now :D

Walked nearby yesterday, thought I'd take a pic. 1 is where I was, 2 was where they entered.

Bet you wish you'd gone the udder way to the station now...

The whole episode is udderly ridiculous...

Surely there's a rule about using the same pun two times in as many days.

I thought the cows would have mooved by now

Three days...

I've told him about this before but it's like it goes in one ear and out the udder

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8216869.stm

lol

Farmer buys field
Puts his cows in field
Random townie walks through field, gets in trouble with cows who give chase
Townie *successfully* sues farmer for not doing enough to protect him from the obvious danger of these lethal animals

Pull the udder one!

May as well milk it.

If you think this is bad, wait til REDDOG gets here. Once he gets a set of puns between his teeth...

http://www.nwemail.co.uk/news/barrow/cattle_stamping_court_case_a_genuine_beef_or_milking_the_system_1_579318?referrerPath=home

SHIRLEY McKaskie was walking her dogs near her home when a herd of cattle, which had young calves, reacted violently in protection of their brood.

She suffered serious head injuries and was hospitalised for months following the incident in May 2003.

Last year Miss McKaskie, of Croft Barn, launched a £1m claim against farmer John Cameron, of Millrigg Farm, near Greystoke, Penrith.

She has now been awarded an interim pay-out of £250,000 – plus £100,000 costs – but this has been put on hold pending an appeal from the farmer.

Her legal team argued the 40-strong herd, a number of which had calves, had the potential to be unpredictable. But they were being grazed on land which had a public footpath crossing it, with no signs to warn of possible danger.

The court heard that she had veered away from the line of the footpath, but Judge Howarth ruled that the route was not clearly marked.

He stated in his ruling: “It is fairly argued on behalf of Miss McKaskie that Mr Cameron plainly demonstrated a lack of concern which route was adopted by walkers when trying to use the footpath.”

Miss McKaskie’s legal team said they were delighted the wait was finally over.

But as the farmer has indicated he wishes to appeal, they will now have to wait to determine the full scale of compensation.

The farming community has expressed extreme disappointment over the ruling, and farmers are worried if the appeal is unsuccessful the agriculture industry will become another victim of an excessive claims culture.



Bet that tort him a lesson. I going for a bit of a gambol today methinks...

Take a video camera with you.

Are you going to grab the bull by the horns and take the short-cut again?

nah, apparently he thought butter of it

I only have my old black and white camcorder.

I'll give it a go, if they look troubled I'll have to steer clear.

this may just be the greatest joke ever


knock knock
who's there?
cowsgo
cowsgo who?
no, cows go moo

Nooooooooooooooo.  That was my next pun!!

Bullocks.

moool!

lol
Herd that one somewhere else

Could you not have got the cows moooooooooooved on?

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work........

It was a cold winter morning and Farmer Giles is out checking his prize herd.

As they come into sight he is shocked by the sight that greets him. They are all standing still as statues. On closer inspection he discovers that each and every one is frozen solid. Not knowing what to do or who to turn to the farmer sits on the field gate and begins to think of the repercussions from such a calamity. Without the cows he can't produce milk. Without milk he will have nothing to sell. Without having any income he will probably lose his farm.

At that moment an elderly lady approaches and asks what's wrong. Upon hearing of the farmer's predicament she proceeds to wander slowly around the field of cows. As she touches each cow it slowly defrosts and comes back to life. After the final cow is mobile again the little old lady disappears over the horizon.

As the farmer stands in stunned silence a man approaches and says quietly, Pretty amazing, eh?' Amazing?' shouts the farmer. It's a miracle, the most incredible thing I've ever seen. Who was that woman?' Oh' says the man, that was Thora Hird'.

2nd best. Best is:
knock knock
who's there?
daisy the interupting cow
daisy the...
MOOOOO!!!