blonde poker forum

I have been invited to this golf event alongside a few fellow Blondeites. The reason I am asking for staking is because I would like to get the forum involved on our Spanish holiday.

The rules are simple, we will be playing Stableford rules (points). 18 holes for 5 days straight. We all play off our handicaps (6 of us), and the winner will lose 2 shots on next round, 2nd place will lose 1 shot, middle two will stay the same, and 5th will gain one shot, with 6th gaining 2 shots.

We will be playing €5 for each of the following.. front nine, back nine, overall and par 3's. There are 4 par 3's on the course. This is a potential loss of €175 over the course of the week, for which I will be charging €21 per 10%.

Why am I charging at 1.2 you may ask? Well, the reason for this is not only do I play off the joint biggest handicap, therefore having the best chance of winning, but I have also guarenteed us an extra shot for every round by using the rule "best dressed gets one extra shot for the round". After seeing this rule, and realising how vital this one shot could be, I went out and spent £1100 yesterday on golf apparel. If this doesn't tell you I mean business I don't know what will.

So, handicaps are for each of the players :

Dave 'Leknave' Jones   (16)
Thomas 'hitthehole' Middleton (17)
James 'RoyalFlush' Dempsey (19)
Brent 'The Horn' Horner   (28)
Ben 'TheOracle' Turnstill (28)
Dave 'Dubai' Shallow (tbc)

Strengths of my game :

I have many strengths to my game, but first I will start with my weaknesses. I am poor at the following, Driving, Pitching & Putting. BUT, my strengths are second to none, on a recent trip with Dave and James, we played the par 3's and I won both on the round to ship the money off them both times. As there are 4 x par 3's on the course I feel nobody will take advantage of this like I will. My trusty 8 iron will get us on the green and we will 2 putt it out for par, guarenteeing us the money. Other strengths include, knocking out opponents with our tee shots despite them standing behind me, driving opponents towards a lake and diving out just before we go in without them even noticing, and finally knowing how to dress around a golf course. All of which will be helping me win across the week.

What I will provide :

I will provide pictures of me winning best dressed each day. And evening updates on how that days play went. Also, if neccessary, pictures of my opponents in the lake in a buggy, or sparked out on the floor with a golf ball imprinted in their heads.

Do not miss this opportunity at taking money off of some of Blonde's greats. I AM NOT A 28 HANDICAPPER AT ALL.

Please contact me if you require any further details, or post on here if you would like to take a slice.



EDIT : Tank, Matt, Blatch 10% each. Shieldsy & Pokefan 7.5% each

I might sell at 2.2 if I can play off 28

More info needed please : -

How well do you play with a hangover?
How is your Spanish?
Have you seen Flushy play since his weeks intense training with a PGA pro over the xmas period?

I will not be drinking the night before a round.

Sehr gut.

Yes, he is still terrible.

I'm in for between 0% and 50%

Roll a dice, subtract 1, then mulitply by 10% and tell me how much I owe you.

So you six are going to Spain and playing golf for 5 consecutive days and you expect us to believe you wont be drinking?

Also very important and probably a stupid question ...... will buggies be used?

Of course, thats where one of my strengths come in!

They may be drinking, but I am there purely for the money, I wouldn't have spent £1100 to gain an extra shot per round otherwise would I.

Weee, 10% sold.

lol @ not drinking.

Rooks I would buy a piece, and you know I love you and all but I'm gonna hold out until ChipRich puts up a staking thread for the same event.

Hope you understand x

$28 to RookieITB on Tilt, if you need to pay a different way pls let me know.

For absolute degen and comical stakes ill have a piece too.

Seeing as were rolling dices ....... roll a dice, add that to the number on the opposite side of the dice and then -6. Times that by 10 and ill have that as a % too.

Plenty of pics please

Haha, thats v com, I actually rolled the dice too before realising... 10% booked, $28 to RookieITB on Tilt pls.

There will be plenty of pics :)

bless

7.5% sold for $21 to my COACH, Shieldsy.

Right then I'm in.

Roll a dice 14 times. Take the average of the rolls.

Multiply that by Chip Rich's roll and add 10%

Dave 'Leknave' Jones   (16)

Watch out...."shark alert"  :redcard:  ;nanana;

Sigh. Wish i was off, but cant.


grease.


P.S. All the best with this Rooks, i think you have what it takes to go all the way.

MBN to get an invite though

Shipped

Video of you all singing Trigg went to the shit stable if at all possible plz.

this will be possible!

fyp

Oracle is 10-10-10/5 not 5-5-5/5

gg buddy

It sure is mate. I don't want to win that much off you when you paid for the holiday..

That'll be 10% then, mev..

If you havent already pls ship to RookieITB

37.5% solddddd, looking to sell 12.5% more..

Need to get involved for the comedy value and seeing as though Horner has sold out : Roll a dice, score 1-5 multiply by 2.5% score a 6 you get to roll again.

I threw a 6 twice in a row, but just threw a 3, so I believe thats 7.5% sold to yourself, $21 on Tilt to RookieITB pls mate.

tyty

5% left.!

Send on stars in a mo.

Cool.. rookieITB on there, ty

Where is the longdrive contest?

Forgot about this, i'll have to take all my action on this, I will be using my happy gilmore tactic.

Yeah ok buddy.

Will ship on stars when I get home. GLGL

Sent mate.

Let's gogogo.....

TYTY

Flights booked today. We arrive in Spain at about 2.45pm on Monday the 8th. Our first round will be on Tuesday the 9th, but I will be having a night off the booze on Monday night to walk the course 2/3 times instead, just to get an edge come tee off.

Omg my golf trousers and shorts came today.. I have the extra shot abs locked!

Hi guys, my weeks preperation before the big event started today..

I got up at 8am and had a round with Shieldsy and Dempsey, I did really really well, but without giving away the fact I am defo not a 28 handicapper... I won on one par 3 on the 14th hole, nailing a 6 iron off the winter tees and putting out for par.

Here I am pre match - in the gear that will win me best dressed..

£1100 for that lot?  One of the Mexican servers in the Circus Circus food court would have sold you a pair for a tenner.

There quality, and the superman belt, well dont need to say how good that is

why do your legs look fat in em tho rooks

I think you may have undersold yourself.

did you make those trousers yourself out of the remains of your old car?

Some of my gear arrived today, gg Oracle.

What golf club allows trainers, or are they actually golf shoes in disguise ?

Just watched a few golf tip videos online, pretty sure ive managed to knock off about 10 shots off my true handicap in about 20 mins.

Yep it worked, played today round leeds with Jones, Middy and Brent.

Scored a huge 22 points overall, including one birdie on a par 4, giving me 4 points on the hole.

Hi quick update with breakfast as havent got any internet here (Jones´ parents are nits)..

Ive won 1 par 3 and lost all the others, have currently played off of 28, 30, and 38 on the handicaps and thrown all 3. Today I am off of 54 so will be winning it all, front back and overall including binking all par 3s.

25 euro winnings so far but when I scoop all par 3s today and front back and overall I will win 200 euros. Lets gogoogog.

GOGOGOGO Rooks!!!

Thanks Tittyhead. Yesterday was a com day and update with report/photos will follow, just got back to Leeds and will grind a few tourns tonight and will update after.

Ok, so last we new I was playing off of 54 on Friday and seemingly should have a chance to win.

Well, we started well, scoring 12 points after 5 holes.. Feeling good that we should take something today until our 3 ball (Me, Jones, Demps), met up with the 3ball infront consisting of Dubai, BH, and Middy. Somehow BH had managed to outscore me over the first 5 holes, feeling hard done by I lost concentration and managed to score 17 in total on the front 9. Not good enough, so BH won that. On the back 9 I tried getting my head down and come the 18th hole me and Jones were on 15 points each, the other group had finished their round and BH was on 16, with Dubai on 17. So I needed to score 3 points to scoop the back 9 on the par 5 18th. I get 3 shots on the hole so needed a 7 to win. I play two lovely shots first and despite trying to mess it up I left myself a two putt for the win, and got it. Took the back 9, scoring 35 points overall but came 2nd overall because BH shot something like 40 points.

Saturday morning came and we had organised the new handicaps, I was cut to 50, so still fancied my chances. Dubai had been mentioning a drinking game on the course all week, basically you get 18 beers and have one a hole. I'm not a big beer fan, and would have been 1.01 to puke had I just done beers, so I said i'm in, but i'll just take this litre bottle of vodka and grab a dozen redbulls and do those instead. Deal, so me, Jones and Dubai were going to do the full game, while the others just had beers when they wanted.

The first hole was the hardest hole of them all, the burn in my throat from the vodka where I put far too much in for my first drink and not enough redbull, but after that they went down ok, I got smashed pretty quickly because within the first 5 holes there are 2 par 3's, so I had to drink quite quick. Come the 9th I was well over halfway throught he bottle and Dubai and Jones were pretty out of it at this point also. Somehow though, good news here, I managed to win the front 9 with a score of 19 points I think. I was playing quite well, swinging alot more easier now I am pissed!

So onto the back 9, we were urged on the 10th hole by the course marshall to go as a 6 ball because we were too slow in 3balls! So we joined up and continued to play. On the 12th, Dubai, Demps and Middy just tee'd off while us other 3 waited for the two ball that was behind to play through, so we split back into two groups. Myself, BH and Jones are known as the "Nut 3", the best 3 you can get on the course. So we continued playing, and me and Jones continued with the drinking game.

We got to the 14th and I poured out my last drop of Vodka left in the bottle and the redbull, and then with people on the tee next to us I decided to start celebrating to them and waving my bottle about, just getting evil looks from them in return. This didn't put me off tho, and I proceeded to drive off hanging half out of my buggy with drink in one hand and wheel in the other.

We finally rejoined the other 3 on the 17th hole, where we struggled round and then onto the 18th, I had managed to somehow scoop the front, back and overall although I can barely remember a shot I played. Good news for backers though.



Total returns for the trip were :


€125

If people can pm me how they want their moneys back and i'll get it sent.

Thanks for investing in me, i'm glad I could get some return and do us justice on the drinking front, I told you I was not a 28 handicapper :)

Day 1 outfit :

Pics from the 14th hole on the last day....

Great report wpwp at the end there. Sounds like drink played it's part as the great leveller.

Ha the drink day was incred, i took 1 for the team and was the designated driver, this sure stopped me polishing off 10 cans on the way round.

Can the other 5 please use this thread to post near misses by death from myself ...

I've had my money's worth from the images I've got in my head of the drinking day.

Just get me a couple of pints next time I see you.

WP bud.

haha ok, cheers bud

I want paiiiiiiiiiid

Ha was so com as me and middy walked over that bank "hmm should probs look out as the oracle is shooting in our direction" next thing we heard was ball whistle past our heads, bounce of a wall and fly into the water with Dubai on next tee saying we nearly died, fun times.

My best attempt at killing you imo was when I drove straight at you with my buggy at full speed only for you to jump out the way just before and I crashed into your cart hard with Jones hitting his face on the front shield.

ah yeah forgot about this one, chicken with the oracle.