blonde poker forum

The first thing you all need to know is that im not copying Ben "RookieITB" Turnstill's idea with this thread. The idea of putting up a staking thread for the golf tour belongs to James "Flushy" Dempsey. Further to this, "RookieITB" promised last night that he would wait till after i had posted my thread to post his own because Flushys initial suggestion was that i put the thread up. Despite this, after much soul searching i now hold no animosity towards "RookieITB" and i hope we both sell out our quota as calling us both 28 handicappers is literally absurd, we are like the Ian Poulter (Rooks) and Paul Casey (myself) of Shrewdie golf.

Anyway, this is your chance to back the best handicapped player on the golfing tour known as "The Shrewdies do La Finca 2010"

The Shrewdies do La Finca is on March 8th - 14th.

The Rules & Handicaps of The Tour

We will be playing Stableford rules on this tour. 18 holes for 5 days straight. We all play off our handicaps (6 of us), and the winner of each indiviual round will lose 2 shots on next round, 2nd place will lose 1 shot, the middle two scorers will stay the same, 5th will gain one shot, with 6th gaining 2 shots in the next round.

There is also another rule which is that "best dressed gets one extra shot for the next round".

We will be playing €5 for each of the following.. front nine, back nine, overall and par 3's. There are 4 par 3's on the course. This is a potential loss of €175 over the course of the week.

Tour Handicaps:

Dave 'Pierre' Jones   (16)
Thomas 'Mcdonalds' Middleton (17)
James 'Flushy' Dempsey (19)
Brent 'The Horn' Horner   (28)
Ben 'RookieITB' Turnstill (28)
Dave 'Dubya' Shallow (tbc)

My Proposal

I have decided to sell 100% of my action for this tour at the extremly fair price of 1.1. This Tour to me is all about having fun and playing winning golf. Some people like to gamble when playing and watching sport but being a religious man i have never gambled in my life and dont intend to start now. However you can be under no illusions that because i cant win any money from this i wont be giving 100%. I am extremly competetive and am desperate to win to get one over on my friends. You will see more detail in the next section as to why this is a price not to be missed.

This works out at €175 in total. 175 x 1.1 = €192.50. I AM NOT PROFITING FROM THIS. The €17.50 i hope to make from this staking i plan to use to spend on golf balls and tees for the tour.

5% = €9.62 or £8.43 or $13
10% = €19.25 or £16.85 or $26
20% = €38.50 or £33.70 or $52

Why should you buy a piece of my action?

I have a cunning plan. I plan to play really badly for the first 2 days thereby picking up 4 shots on the field. Despite playing awful golf i plan to try my very best on the Par 3 holes thereby keeping us at break even or in small profit, whilst shooting 10s on the par 4 and 5's, thereby locking up an extra 4 shots for the latter 3 days. We will then be shooting off a handicap mark of (32).

Given the fact that if i played regular golf and utilsed my talent fully i would probably be around a (22) handicapper and on this tour i am playing regular golf and by day 3 things will have started to click, this will mean i am basically getting 10 extra shots on Round 3 to what my ability merits. lol, laughable. Of course i will cruise through Round 3, and i will still be playing off (30)! on day 4. I will again absolutely cruise through Round 4, winning us mad dimes along the way. And the best bit about all of this is that i will still be playing off (28) on the final day!!! So obviously i will sweep up all the cash yet again, meaning we have broken even on days 1 & 2 and made mad mad profit on days 3, 4 & 5.

Other reasons to buy a piece of my action:

SPANISH LANGUAGE. I plan to write to my hero Rafael Nadal prior to the tour to pick up some hints and tips on the Spanish Language.

ANTONY. I once had a golf lesson at Garthorth Golf club where a great coach named Antony taught me how to play golf. He was a fantastic teacher and the inspiration behind my golfing career.

PICS/REPORTS. Although i can't compete with RookieITB on the best dressed front (hes spent £1,100 on clothes!!!) i will post daily reports & pictures on this thread so all my investors can follow my progress and see that my cunning plan is working. (This relies on me finding a working internet connection but i dont envisage this being a problem)

FORM. When i played with my Dad and friends in Florida 08 (pics to follow) i was awful for the first couple of rounds but ended up winning the tournament on the final day! for a return of $40.

ALCOHOL. This will not suprise you if you have read my cunning plan but i plan to get absolutely blotted on Days 1 & 2 and have a great time, but after that i will be getting down to business and drinking very modestly on days 3, 4 & 5. By the start of day 3 i will have already sealed my reputation as a big big drinker so there will be no pressure on me on the last 3 days. I have planned all of this down to the finest detail.

Some Pictures of me playing the game i love.

There may be a storm brewing but all i'm thinking about is whether or not my hair will get wet the next hole.
(http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/166/hornerisdoesgolf1.jpg)

A picture of me teeing off mid-swing:
(http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/3968/hornerisdoesgolf2midswi.jpg)

Me admiring my 250 yard drive (notice the tee mid-air (not a plaster on my leg), classic sign of a great golf shot):
(http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/9079/hornerisdoesgolf3admiri.jpg)

SOLD
30% to Maldini32 (via msn) ballin! - PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIID
10% to Sledge13 (via msn) - PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIID
20% to LUFC_BAS (via msn) - PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIID
10% to Creepy_benji - PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIID
9% to Blatch - PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIID
1% to ChipRich - PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIID
10% to Pleno1 - PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIID
10% to Stuart Hopkin - PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIID

:)

10% plz

Can't spend value. I'm betting on the winnah :)

1% plz

5% is £8.43 Rich. Surely surely you have £8.43. I cant do 1%, it will mess things up for other people.

9% please

lol booked. and extremly generous to Rich as it now means he can have his 1%.

Sure wasn't the plan.

aseytgfdeastyejthgfeds

1% please!

PS u need to bend ur knees more!

and there was me thinking I was doing you a favour ;)

too much weight on the right leg during backswing - well too much weight on both legs - but especially the right one  :D

your right mate.

But i was using a yellow ball so can i put you down for 10%?

if he takes 9% i can have my 1% ;)

10%

Same as rooks kid, you got the stakes wrong, shameful.

Rookie creates the Laws around here mate, not you.

In other news.....10% left

10% please!

Thanks Stuart!!! & Pleno.

100% sold now guys, ill contact you all via pm within the next couple of days to arrange payment!

As a blonde shareholder i think its only fair i share this information:

James says:
 lol just change them
 or just kick in half stake yourself
 pretty sure you can handle the swings
Brent says:
 lol no way
im absolute dead money
i wud need like 30 shots
im jus grimming the blondeites
 ill jus wait till u and rooks come to an agreement

lol, i can re-assure all my investors that the above conversation did NOT take place.

and any attempts from certain people to change their msn name and font to the same as mine and say the above are just pathetic and futile.

James says:
 check your thread pal
Brent says:
 lol i saw that coming
James says:
 its pretty com
Brent says:
 i expected a shreenshot tho tbh
James says:
 your exact words are world
 like i couldnt make it up and sound any better
Brent says:
 lol, i think all i can do is vehemently deny that conversatin ever took place
James says:
 obv
Brent says:
 but then u cud jus screenshot this now!
 haha

Very very clever stuff Dr Dempsey.

Sadly for you, i dont think my investors will be fooled.

Oi where's my 1%?

sorry mate, you didnt get on.

Spend it on this instead?

(http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/4002/burgerkings.jpg)

Burger King is not my thing pal!

Would rather have this.... (http://i499.photobucket.com/albums/rr358/girgy85/kfcbucketofchicken.gif)

hahaha me too.

lol funny, seems you have got all the angles covered Sir Wp

lol he got proper mad like a girl on a tantrum when I mentioned you bumped into him in KFC yday!

sure did greeky!

Playing my first Prep round tomorrow afternoon.

Playing with Maldini & LeKnave, at a course near Bradford.

Its an easy course and should get me nicely back into the swing of things.

Also planning a trip to the driving range oN Wednesday than a round with LeKnave & The Oracle on Friday.

Still Pleno & Sledge to paiiiiiii plz, let me know if you need my details again.

Wp today m8. Im glad I invested.

sigh forgot. bank transfer tomoz morning.

TY, was a good round enjoyed it. A few pars, back into the swing of things nicely.

You played well on the back 9 mate.

No probs mate, thanks.

You have our monies, now TID!

Remember this when you are on the course - YOUR HAIR IS FINE

Gl!

Some very good news to report from a practice round on Friday in Leeds.

Over 18 holes the final stableford scores were:

LeKnave - 34
Me - 31
Rooks - 22
Middy - 8

I was leading after 9 and i was the only one to hit the green consistently on the par 3's!!!

Confidence is high.

To be honest, the main reason for Middys terrible terrible score was that everytime he geared up to hit a shot and swung back he got numerous items thrown at him from golf tees to golf balls to golf clubs to golf club bags. I can tell you all  officially that this will also be happening in Spain.

you rec monies?

ahahhahaah i can confirm this was shook on 2nite between me rooks and bh.

yes thanku.

enjoy your trip m8, just to confirm your going away this week, yeah?

yes pal, 2moro :)

Going tomorrow morning

The first round is on Tuesday

I will find an internet connection to post the results and report on Tuesday evening

Just to confirm, ive been paid in full by everyone, thanks for that guys, i will endeavour to win as much as possible off those 5 mugs.

lets gogogogogogogogogoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all the best buddy. gl

gogoogogogo brent

Thanks m8, hope your having a ball.

Don't think theyve got anywhere with internet

But from what i gather from texts, BH came joint 3rd 1st day and came 3rd overall yesterday. Although said he was still in contention to win it yesterday going up the 17th, but fked it up.

Says hes been made 3/1 2nd fave 2day, gogogogo.

Hi all.

Jones Villa doesnt have the internet but found a portal, but my full english wil be ready soon so wont be a big post.

1st day of Golf - Tuesday.
On the first day i shot a decent score of 25 on stableford points putting me in 4th place. Rooks and Flushy shot under 20 points so i wouldnt have been able to come 5th or 6th but gained a shot by coming 4th for the next day. Jones won the first day by a long way with a ridicolous score.

2nd Day - Wednesday.
I was joint first going up the 15th with Flushy and Middy, i was laying off 29 and hitting my drives better than ever.
I choked a little on the 15th and 16th, shooting into the water, fml. I ended up joint 3rd on 26 points, cleverley ending up 4th by shooting a worse back 9 score than Dubai meaning i gain 1 more shot again for today. Flushy won yesterday.

3rd Day - Thursday.
Im playing off 32 handicap today, i shouldve been playing off 30 with the scoring system, but we changed them all a little bit to give Rooks and I especially, a chance to win. Rookle is playing off 38 today so should be in with a chance, he plays some good shots.The way ive been playing i should be confident today, and iv been installed as 3-1 2nd favourite, behind Jones.

In better news, i have won 1 par three but lost the other 7, so atm there is 25Euros in our kitty in terms of returns.

and im having a great time thanks Maldini.

we were expected to be terribad at the start, your about to peak now right? pics/funny stories/birds?

We beat crispy duck tonight m8, enjoy the rest of your trip m8. Spk when u get bk.

weeeeeeeee

wp beating Crispy Duck Maldini.

Some bad news and some good news followers.

3rd Day - Thursday.
Fucked up on thursday, even tho playing off 32 it was really hot and i got an attack of the hayfever (ive never got it before in a foreign country so didnt think i would get it) and had a nightmare round. It was horrible, i spent all day sneezing and blowing my nose, was gay.

4th Day - Friday.
wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I played off 35, Rooks was off 54, otheres were off their usual. I got the win, shooting 23 points in the first 9 holes to wrap up the front 9, i then stayed solid to wrap up the overall with a score of 39. Rooks got 2nd and played very well, shooting 35.
I didnt unofrtunately win the back 9, i shot 16 points, still better than average, but i didnt wana race away with it and have a shit handicap today.

Im playing off 30 today. I still think i have a decent chance of that mark, but Flushy is a big danger off 23. The plan hasnt really gone too well tbh, due to my illness on Thurs, so a win today on all front should just about put us in profit.

Kitty so far

Was - 25E
Unclaimed Par 3`s this week - 15E
Back 9 victory yest - 25E
Overall victory yest - 25E

Total = 90E

I need to get cracking on those par 3´s today, only won 1 so far.

sorry there hasnt been any pics or stuff, you cant upload them on this shitty computer in a random cafe.

gj so far bh, keep it up friend. :)

So what did we win...?  ;topofclass;

So glad BH turned down my stake!

sorry guys busy with Cheltenham, and might be going down for a bit of it, will write up a big trip report and ship all funds to people from Saturday onwards.

Our total returns were 115 Euros, a loss of 60 Euros on the staking.

Huge apologies to all backers - my plan failed, but i have excuses. Obv the plan was to win it all on each of the last 3 days, but on the 3rd day my allergies got really bad and i couldnt focus, i won on the 4th day, but on the 5th day we played drinking golf and although i didnt get totally wasted and ended up coming 3rd, Rookie was just absolutely on fire on his vodka red bulls and no one could get close to him.

Are you allergic to winning?

gimme my money!

Spin up time!

paiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii thyem.

everything on liverpool tommorrow!

lol dont worry im not gona grim.

Its just i went absolutely mental at Cheltenham and maxxed my overdraft so will have to wait for numerous withdrawals to come through (should be Monday).

So then ill give you the oppourtunity to be paiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid or to be involved in some sort of spin up decided by us. Possibly footy acca next Sat or will entertain any other ideas?

spin up dizzles. Arsenal to win league.

i put your share on this buddy.

is this thread 1 big grim

not a single pic since the OP

sigh

The pictures and reports were sent via pm pal, had you invested you would have enjoyed them.

The original plan was to put them on this thread as stated but my investors requested privacy for their purchase.

lol

Need a receipt Brentus Maximus

PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII us!

Grim master!  ;gobsmacked;

ZOMG!

(http://advocatesstudio.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/thief.jpg)

ok, ive been paid.

115 Euros i returned. The plan not going completly according to what i had hoped due to drinking golf and allergy attacks. Sorry i didnt lose it all or win the world.

You are owed:

Maldini = £28.99/$43 - FOOTY BET
Sledge = £10.33/$15.34 - PAID ON STARS
LUFCBas = £20.66/$30.68
Benji = £10/$14.85 FUNDS SEIZED FOR CARPET CLEANING FEES
Blatch = £9.30/$13.81
ChipRich = £1.03/$1.53 - FOOTY BET
Pleno = £10.33/$15.34 - PAID ON TILT
Stu Hopkin = £10.33/$15.34 - FOOTY BET

Please PM me how you want paying. I can deposit on Tilt or Stars and send on there or can send via bank transfer.

Alternatively, anyone who wants to try and spin up their portion on a Football 5 or 6 fold on Saturday chosen by myself (ill throw a tenner on it too obv) then please post that choice here before midday Saturday. And of course i will post the teams chosen on midday Saturday on this thread (and on the football thread).

cancelled for carpet cleaning fee's

yeah, he wont be seeing a bean now.

Football bet for me

yea footy bet

ha com, did he puke?

sent pm. tilttttttt pls.

Football bet for me too plz

Bet Placed.

Done it early as stayed up late coz just came 7th in the 50w1 on Tilt and wont be up by midday.  :(

Ive placed our bet, the odds are just below 20/1.

Please rail the following teams:

Accumulator (4)
27 Mar 2010 - Derby v Leicester - 90 Minutes
Derby @ 7/4

27 Mar 2010 - Brighton v Tranmere - 90 Minutes
Brighton @ 5/6

27 Mar 2010 - Norwich v Leeds - 90 Minutes
Norwich @ EVS

27 Mar 2010 - Coventry v Sheff Wed - 90 Minutes
Coventry @ 23/20

Stake : £65.00
Estimated Returns : £
1409.15

Maldini in for £28.99
Stu £10.33
Rich £1.03
Rooks £5 for a seperate thing
Me for £19.65

lets gogogogogogogo.

 :D Yeah sod the footy bets! did my first accumalator in two years last weekend, sure got 4 Premiership games correct, and of course it all rested on Leeds...gg £440!

SickoChamp10K on tilt please

gogogo us!

just seen there was footy bet option. just put the £10 on lets gogogogo.

2 winning, 2 drawing at half time.

Chances.

FFS, Die Chris Coleman.

Im pretty devastated, 3/4. missing out on the £1,400 by 1 goal.

Also had a big treble on Brighton, Norwich and Coventry myself.

dieideideidiedieideideidie.

what a joke of a thread this has been.