blonde poker forum

EV world,
by Primadonna

Some hands love me
Some hands haunt me
I think thats okay
If they don't give me proper pot odds
I just walk away yay.

Players will beg and fish can plead
But they can't see the light (that's right)
'Cause the boy with the calc-u-lations
Is always Mister Right, 'cause we are

Living in an EV world,
And I am an EV whore.
You know that we are living in an EV world,
And I am an EV whore.

Some will draw and some will slow play,
That's all right with me.
If they can't raise my implied interest then I
Have to let them be.

Some will try to bluff me off it but
I don't let them play (no way)
Only boys who save their pennies
Get away from me, 'cause they are

Living in an EV world,
And I am an EV whore.
You know that we are living in an EV world,
And I am an EV whore.

Living in an EV World (value)
Living in an EV World
Living in an EV World (value)
Living in an EV World

Hands may come and hands will go
And that's alright you see
Plus EV has made me rich
And now they're after me, 'causes everybodies

Living in an EV world,
And I am an EV whore.
You know that we are living in an EV world,
And I am an EV whore.

Living in an EV world,
And I am an EV whore.
You know that we are living in an EV world,
And I am an EV whore.

Expected value, expected value, expecated value, expected value world.

Living in an EV world (value),
Living in an EV world.

That's a good effort.

I feel a competition coming on. :D

All entrants to post their poker song alternative lyrics on this thread. The winner is the first one with the record contract.

The prize, a part-tme job on Radio 4.

Looks like I'm the only lyrical genius around here :(

I'll make one then, going to be seasonal.

Watch this space for 'Cold Deck the halls'

Cold-deck your pals to win their lolly.
Fa La La La La La La La La
Tis the season to be jolly.
Fa La La La La La La La La
They'll have a hand, but you'll have the best
Fa La La La La La La La La
The chips'll go in a pissing contest
Fa La La La La La La La La

Deal you big and deal them small sets
Fa La La La La La La La La
Soon you'll empty all their wallets
Fa La La La La La La La La
Silence those that say you're cheating
Fa La La La La La La La La
Take 'em out back for a vicious beating
Fa La La La La La La La La

Your flush is straight while theirs is Ace high.
Fa La La La La La La La La
The rules aren't there for you to abide by
Fa La La La La La La La La
Don't be greedy or too severe
Fa La La La La La La La La
You want them all to come back next year
Fa La La La La La La La La

I'm working on my next version... first draft is good enough I think:

I dunno what you heard about me
But you aint gettin this next card for free
You bitches will have to pay to see
Cause I'm a mutha****ing PIMP.

I dunno what you heard about me
But you aint gettin this next card for free
You bitches will have to pay to see
Cause I'm a mutha****ing PIMP.

Now Fishy, he's in the club, he's not too tight,
He'll raise my made flushes if he thinks the price is right.
He's into any face cards and kickers which are raggy
He lucked out a flush draw and thinks he's the daddy
I don't tap the aquarium, just get on with my game
Keep it to myself how his outdraws are so lame.
It's bingo night and it's bad for his wealth,
There's been 21 buy-ins and they've all been for himself.
Middle or bottom pair, we've heard the excuses,
He'll pay you off because they where suited.
He's not a bloke that's only playing when hes ahead,
He's that bloke that calls when hes card dead.
Look you can leave now, if you're feeling board.
Just avoid the loan shark cause you're losses aint insured.
Look mate, it's simple, if you're sitting with me.
You'll have to outdraw this PIMP.

I dunno what you heard about me
But you aint gettin this next card for free
You bitches will have to pay to see
Cause I'm a mutha****ing PIMP.

S h a r k bait thats him,
Save you're buy-in 'cause your not going to win.
He's playin on his wages or his pension or his dole,
And you know he's never even heard of a bankroll.

S h a r k bait thats him,
He's itching to play and his gills are burning
Don't ya know hes just a big fish?
Now you know about him.

Yeah, Hes got his raybans and hoody on,
Hes bout to show you why all-in with rags aint wrong,
You're not wrong if you think he gets lucky once or twice
But hes playin poker like its a roll of a dice.
He pisses his chips the same way he pisses a pint of water,
Hes the biggest gambler, with another re-buy on order.
Bullets, king kongs, the ladies in the hole,
His shaky hands will bare his inner soul.
He tells of tales at home games and how he gets down,
How he prays on the fishes when they come to town,
Hes deadly serious and he aint messing around,
We ask information on where this game can be found.
Hes done another buy-in and hes opened a tab
Hes gonna give this all-in bingo a stab.
The clocks a ticking and its double up time see
I FOLD, nobody outdraws this PIMP.

I dunno what you heard about me
But you aint gettin this next card for free
You bitches will have to pay to see
Cause I'm a mutha****ing PIMP.

Yeah. Now in hollywood they say theres no business like show business.
But in the cardroom this fish said theres no business like this poker business.
I'm going fishing.

Continuing on the festive vein.

Here's a verse to be sung to the tune of 'Hark, the Herald Angels Sing"


(Sing it to yourself to enhance your online experience, and puzzle those within earshot)

Move, with a pair of Queens all-in.
Glory to the flop with no King.
A blank on the turn is mercy mild.
With the poker Gods, I've reconciled.
Dodge the river and I'll no bore ye,
With another bad beat story.
Close my eyes so I can't see
What fate deems to deal to me.
Move, with a pair of Queens all-in
Pray there be no river King.

Dashing through the flop
Two pair holding sway
O'er the turn we go
Laughing all the way
Four the river brings
Filling my boat right
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A wilson song tonight

Oh, 47 off, 47 off
47 all the way
Oh, what fun it is to raise
47 off suit today
Oh, 47 off, 47 off
47 all the way
Oh, what fun it is to raise
47 off suit today

You guys have way too much time on your hands.  :D

Now look at them cowboy’s that’s the way you do it
You play the poker in the EPT
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Your seat for nothin’ and chips for free
Now that ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them PROs ain’t dumb
Maybe get a blister on your keyboard fingers
Maybe get a blister on your thumb

We gotta install littlewoods poker
Sixpak sats, full of fishies
We gotta win these little tourneys
Get our mugs on colour tv’s

See the geezer with the earring and the makeup
Yeah buddy that’s his own hair
That geezers got his own jet airplane
That geezer he’s a millionaire

We gotta install littlewoods poker
Sixpak sats, full of fishies
We gotta win these little tourneys
Get our mugs on colour tv’s

I shoulda learned to play the poker
I shoulda stopped tryin to play bingo
Look at that mama, she got it stickin’ in the camera
Man we could have some fun
And he’s up there, what’s that? hawaiian noises?
Bangin’ on the tables like a chimpanzee
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Get your seat for nothin’ get your chips for free

We gotta install littlewoods poker
Sixpak sats, full of fishies
We gotta win these little tourneys
We gotta get our mugs on colour tv’s, lord

Now that ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
You play the poker in the EPT
That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Seat for nothin’ and your chips for free
Seat for nothin’ and chips for free

Wots the hells goin on here? Its like 8-Mile or better! A particular favourite was to the tune of 50 Cent! Inspired!