blonde poker forum

I get sick and tired of excuses some shops will use to explain their faulty equipment

Heres a few

" This Automatic door currently only operates manually "        No   Its Broken

" the Lift is being Serviced "                                                No   Its Broken

" This cash machine only gives on-screen balances "                No   Its Broken

" The coffee machine has Hot Water only"                            No   Its Broken

" Sorry Sir we have run out of Ice"                                       No The Ice machine is BROKEN

" No Change given "                                                           No   Its Broken

" Wi Fi not available "                                                          No   Its Broken

" No hot food , cleaning in Progress "                                   No  the Ovens Broken

" The Escalator is undergoing Maintenance"                            No   Its Broken


" My brain hurts , should I take a pill"

Also heres a few labels I spotted

Found attached to the sleeve of a famous Poker presenter

What tilts me is the ubiquitous 'Sorry for any inconvenience caused'

Got signs at work that say...

Cleaning in progress
Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

and it drove me mad because there's another set of toilets literally 10 yards to the left. Sorry for any inconvenience caused doesn't tell them that. It says hold it in, you're goosed. (and if they're desperate they're more likely to come in while I'm cleaning the ladies loos and say, ooh don't mind me)

So I changed the signs to say

Cleaning in progress
Please use alternative facilities to the left.

and the punters then look left, and they find themselves another set of dunnies, and they go have a big happy piss in one of them.


Manager saw this and flipped. Come back from my day off and all my signs have been changed back to 'Sorry for any inconvenvience caused'
The thought of a sign that doesn't have this phrase on it seemed to offend their sensibilities of what people should say on A4 signs that they print out and stick onto doors with blutac.

So I appealed to the boss that that the punters (or guests if you like) would prefer to be offered a solution to their problem (needing a piss) rather than a dry apologetic phrase that is repeated to the point of it seeming insencere.

So now we have the horrible compromise.

Cleaning in Progress
Please use alternative facilities to the left
Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

I had to eat that, as they lock you up when you care too much about this sort of stuff, but I'm sorry, that's just fucking rubbish.

Too much information, people aren't going to read all that.
What's worse, if they do read it, they're going to assume it's 2 miles to the left as they're being told that it's an inconvenience.

So are we to add in something like, 'a few short paces' to the second sentence. That just makes the too much information problem worse, may as well write an essay and put it on the door.
You don't read the whole thing, but your eyes do immediately scan the familar sentence 'sorry for any inconvenience caused' and that's enough to decide you're goosed (or that you're coming in anyway)

Redirecting yourself to pisssing place B instead of pissing place A is not an inconvenience when pissing place B is next goddam door to pissing place A. We do not need to apologise for this.

Even if we did, 'sorry for any inconvenience caused' is not the way to do it. That sentence says 'you're fucked and we don't care.' Which is awful coz they're not fucked and we really do care.

Maybe a bit too much.

Went to Milton Keynes today to get my Crows feet trimmed by baby piranha's

They had gone, but in Next was an escalator out of action " Having Maintenance done "

Usually Maintenance is done after hours when the shop is closed

NOT at  11am in the morning,  ITS BROKEN, grrrrr

Michael O'Leary would love you, Thomas.

Cones at entrance and exit of a petrol station when on a shift changeover or counting the till or whatever it is that goes on....tilts the feck outta me

Another annoying sign

in a well known restaurant  " All-Day Breakfast" says the sign

in small print " served until 11.30am on Saturday and Sunday "

grrrr

FYWS


(http://www.auctionpax.co.uk/packaging/images/no_dogs_except_guide_dogs.gif)

Who's that for???????

People who can see

Who use guide dogs? Misguided imo

I am a manager of businesses and thus I am ultimately responsible for the putting of signs on things. And I see things from a different perspective ;)

I resist using the words "Sorry for any inconvenience caused" chiefly because I'm not actually sorry and I don't believe inconvenience is being caused. For instance with the cleaning of toilets I would suggest that customers having clean toilets is not an inconvenience. In actual fact it should be an absolute joy for the customer to walk into toilets that are regularly cleaned. But if customers desire clean toilets they must anticipate that at some point they will be cleaned. Yeah, you could clean them out of hours to seemingly lessen the inconvenience but you would in fact pay a higher premium for such a service which would ultimately be transferred to the customer via increased prices and thus actually heighten inconvenience. Furthermore, what tilts me is the obligation to provide a signage solution to the toilet out of order dilemma if there is indeed another set of toilets 10 yards away. Why are people so clueless that they have to be shepherded to a solution that's staring them right in the face. Any customers who wet themselves because they couldn't locate the alternative facility a few paces away deserve such an indignation imo. Some customers would expect, neigh demand, that a member of staff piggy back them to the alternative facility, unzip their flies, and take out there winkie whilst apologising profusely for the inconvenience.

Please please please print that out and put it on the door of the toilets next time you have them cleaned.

eh?  level?

lol It was a joke so I wasn't really prepared to defend the loose logic but....as a seeing person, is it that relevant to you that guide dogs may be permitted?

I dunno if i'm getting sucked into a bigger level here but - the signs are surely to prevent dog owners who are told their pets can't enter a premises from kicking up a big fuss because 'that blind woman over there is allowed to take her dog in'

Surely the blind woman could just say 'I couldn't read any sign that said 'no dogs', I'm blind, can't you see my guide dog?'

yeah, but if the sign just said 'no dogs' the manager of the establishment would have a hard time justifying to the non-guide dog owner who wants to bring his pooch in the reasons why the guide dog is allowed.  innit.

Fair point, Hat for manager:

(http://rlv.zcache.com/i_am_deaf_leave_me_alone_hat-p148561227736459200q02g_400.jpg)

if there's a genuine reason for not letting dogs in somewhere like h&s or smelliness then surely guidedogs should also be barred

No, that would then be racialistic or summit to blind people.

it's only racialismistics to dogs, I'm letting the peeps in

Yeah, there is a genuine reason why dogs aren't allowed in.

It's because your place of business isn't a feckin kennel.

You know what's really annoying? Going to the pub and having your pint put on a beer mat telling you it will take 20 minutes of football to burn off all the calories.

that's cool, most matches I go to the pub to watch are therefore 4 1/2 pints long and I can have 6 if it goes to extra time

maybe its a way of ensuring a higher class of dog visits the store. Guide by definition have a greater degree of education and therefore know how to behave in public...!

FWIW Guide dogs are not allowed in  commercial kitchens, then again its probably not a good idea for blind people to be working with so many hazards. There maybe exceptions however!!

I'm not quite as {can't think of a suitable adjective but you know what I mean} in my philosophy as Mantis.

I approve of pointing people in the right direction where applicable. One thing that tilts me in the service industry is that all too often staff don't appreciate that customers entering the building, possibly for the first time, might not know it, or the services it operates, as well as those who spend 40 hours a week working there.
An attitude that all customers are dumb and that they're the clever ones exists right across the board, no matter how humble the position. I've seen workers in Mcdonalds upon being asked by a customer if a drink was included in the meal roll their eyes and later called the customer stupid. How tilting is that, some person is successful enough to spend most of his life eating decent food and happens not to be familiar with what the gig is with the extra value meals in Maccy Ds and the guy that works there thinks he's the stupid one?

The other toilets may well be 10 yards away, but if you don't know that why would you look there? After all, wouldn't it make sense to space them round the building a bit. They don't even know there are other public toilets in the building so might not even be looking at all.

The workers you've seen roll their eyes in Maccy D's are detrimental to their business because they're displaying a negative attitude to customers. The cleaning in progress sign outside the toilets is beneficial to the business because it's displaying a positive attitude to customers. And hey, those staff do care about their customers and service standards...cos they work hard to keep the toilets clean. They needn't apologise for the inconvenience of achieving those high standards imo. I say fair play to them. Lots of places neglect their toilets, but not these guys. Always cleanin them toilets. No need to infer inconvenience is being caused by this act imo. That's a world apart from the Maccy D's employee who's being disrespectful to a customer. In actual fact you're affording more respect to your customer if you believe they have the ability to find the other bog that's not 10 paces from where they're standing at that very moment without friggin directions.

Ok,

Why are there not toilets for guide dogs in shopping centers.

If they are allowed in, they should have somewhere to go

Guide dogs that cannot read "out of order" signs should let their owners pee on the floor.

If a user cannot read English or is short sighted , a more multi lingual graphic sign is required

Out of Order signs should be a graphic depicting a man with his legs crossed

In the Search for a multi lingual Graphic for "Toilet out of order"

I found these two

First         "Ladies Toilet closed Please Cross your legs"


Second               the world's first tree climbing dog

I'm all done in this thread (edit - lies)

Sorry for any inconvenience

Fucking facebook.

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NO ITS FUCKING BROKEN!

sorry rant over :P its working again atm

"Temporary bus stop - Sorry for any inconvenience"

Walked past that earlier. Made me think of this thread :)

I would like to put a different slant on this post if i may.

Traffic lights.

I hate them !!  Its my firm belief that in most cases traffic flows far far better when they are not working ( broken ).
Some of you may have found yourself sitting in built up traffic at certain times of the day. IE rush hour because the set of traffic light ahead of you
turn green for just about the right time to let 3 vehicles past them.

This video http://www.wimp.com/trafficlights/ shows just how unnecessary some traffic lights can be.

Now I'm not saying all traffic lights are unnecessary. But do we really need all of the ones we have ? .

 

Temporary road works traffic lights

We drove through Harpenden at about 4pm last week and a set of temporary lights where set up for some hole in the road utility repair.

Trouble was the lights stayed on red in both directions, lol

As the traffic built up for about a mile in each direction, the centre of Harpenden was gridlocked.

We found a way around the side roads and managed to escape ,lol

Them Lights were Broken

You have one second after the red light has come on to evade the anti-jumper camera.

Sometimes road traffic accidents are caused by people driving fast at a green light, not taking into account the fact that the light might not be green when they reach it. These are known as 'stale greens'.

You can sometimes make a lights at red turn to green by approaching them very slowly.

Red means 'stop' but so does 'amber', it does not mean 'drive fast and beat the red light'.

If the green man is blinking a pedestrian should not start to cross, but, correct me if I'm wrong, they should not expect to get hit by motorists who have started to drive off, you drive off only when the light is at green. I nearly got hit by someone who ignored this rule recently.

More on Traffic Lights

In MIlton Keynes nearly all crossroads have 4 way lights , so when the light is green, you can turn right, as 3 wait and 1 goes

When Milton Keyney's travel to other cities , They often get hit turning right by on coming traffic,

 as most other cities have 2 way lights at crossroads, where you must Wait to turn right

In this case Its Milton Keynes Cars that get broken

Went into Iceland tonight and a large sign said  WE DELIVER

Unfortunately It was Unavailable.

After I took the picture, the store manager came up to me very angry,and said, "you must ask permission before taking any pictures."

I said wheres the sign at the entrance to the shop saying " Customer's cannot take pictures , whilst in this store "

He said it was very rude to take pictures without permission . How would I like it if he took pictures of me while I was shopping.

I said " Your CCTV is filming people all the time without their permission "

He explained that many people had complained that  they could not deliver , as the driver was off sick.

So he put up the sign.

Maybe the manager and  all of his staff did not have a driving Licence. lol

The line we were told to use back in MaccyD's when people took pictures was that it was a security issue.

You might be taking the pictures to familiarise yourself with the layout of the store, you take them home and make strategy decisions in a smoky room before coming back with your mates and your masks to execute the perfect burglary.

We told this to little old ladys taking picture of their grandchildren with their happy meals. Felt a little silly.

Nowadays I have a greater understanding of game theory, and so appreciate the security risk that not being suspicious of little old ladys involves. If the other side knows we're not regarding old ladys out for the day with their grandkids with massive amounts of suspicion then they're going to change their tactics to take advantage of this. Maybe it would involve some kind of blackmail scenario, like series 1 of 24 when they have Kim and make Jack kill Nena.

In the same manner, I may decide that people who are members of my family are very unlikely to be taking photos to plan a heist. But if I no longer comfiscate their cameras and start ripping the film out of them then the bad guys will know this and adjust their tactics. Maybe it would involve some kind of John Travolta/Nicholas Cage face transplant.

The application of game theory has improved my life in so many ways. My brother came for tea the other day and before he came in the house I got him to lie on the floor and put his hands on his head while I frisked him for weapons. The bad guys know there's no point in doing the face-off operation because it doesn't guarantee victory. As a direct result of this policy (possibly), nobody I love has ever been a victim of facial theft (that I know of).

Great Tale Mr. Tank,

But I thought I could take pictures anywhere in a public place. Most journalists do.

Whats the law regarding photos, do I need permission in a shop

photographers rights available from here http://www.sirimo.co.uk/2009/05/14/uk-photographers-rights-v2/

looks like the shop can impose any condition they like on entry to their property including no photography. if they haven't made that condition clear then you're doing nothing wrong by taking photos but they can obv ask you to leave and make it a condition of future entry