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Title: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: pleno1 on March 08, 2011, 04:31:44 PM First line of a new paragraph on a new page of a whitepaper.
1. There are currently two problems regarding player experience at micro stakes, 1) xxxxx and 2) yyyyy 2. Currently there are two problems regarding player experience at micro stakes, 1) xxxxx and 2) yyyyy 3. Currently two problems regarding player experience at micro stakes are, X and Y 4. 1) xxxxx and 2) yyyyy are two current problems affecting player experience at the micros. Which do you think sounds the best out of the four? Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: Girgy85 on March 08, 2011, 04:32:55 PM 4.
Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: EvilPie on March 08, 2011, 04:34:54 PM 2
Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: kinboshi on March 08, 2011, 04:35:15 PM Out of the four, 3 sounds the clumsiest.
I'd probably go for 2, but put a comma after currently. Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: pleno1 on March 08, 2011, 04:40:33 PM This is what I originally had.
Currently, there are two problems regarding player experience at micro stakes. 1) When a player deposits for the first time it is imperative they have fun/enjoy themselves, if not they won’t come back. 2) If a player plays for months and improves from reading articles/watching videos and they still can’t beat the game (20bb/100!!) it is likely they will lose motivation to play and give up. But was edited after I sent it. Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: kinboshi on March 08, 2011, 04:43:59 PM Should probably hyphenate 'micro-stakes '.
I'd replace the full stop after micro-stakes with a colon: Other than that, it looks fine. What did they edit it to? Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: pleno1 on March 08, 2011, 04:46:10 PM Should probably hyphenate 'micro-stakes '. I'd replace the full stop after micro-stakes with a colon: Other than that, it looks fine. What did they edit it to? ah yeah, it would have had a colon I just wrote it out again off memory. Can't remember exactly but it was a variaton of number 4, Girgy obv owning us all. Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: kinboshi on March 08, 2011, 04:55:18 PM Should probably hyphenate 'micro-stakes '. I'd replace the full stop after micro-stakes with a colon: Other than that, it looks fine. What did they edit it to? ah yeah, it would have had a colon I just wrote it out again off memory. Can't remember exactly but it was a variaton of number 4, Girgy obv owning us all. Either that, or Barry Carter is the editor. Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: kinboshi on March 08, 2011, 04:56:16 PM In fact, because the points are so long Option 4 looks like a poor choice, imo.
Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: pokerfan on March 08, 2011, 05:05:22 PM In fact, because the points are so long Option 4 looks like a poor choice, imo. Deffo agree. Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: gatso on March 08, 2011, 05:11:19 PM I agree with the editing. 1 and 2 both suggest that there are 2 and only 2 problems. I doubt that this is the case or that this is what you were trying to say
Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: gatso on March 08, 2011, 05:14:56 PM would probs prefer something like this though
2 current problems relating to player experience at micro stakes are x and y Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: kinboshi on March 08, 2011, 05:19:32 PM would probs prefer something like this though 2 current problems relating to player experience at micro stakes are x and y So Option 3 would be the closest in that case? I agree with your logic, and that Options 2 & 3 are the preferred ones, but they have different meanings. Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: gatso on March 08, 2011, 05:40:55 PM would probs prefer something like this though 2 current problems relating to player experience at micro stakes are x and y So Option 3 would be the closest in that case? I agree with your logic, and that Options 2 & 3 are the preferred ones, but they have different meanings. of the 4 options in op it'd be 3 followed by 4 but both are too clunky imo not sure how you get to 2 & 3; 2 has the exact same meaning as 1 just with the words in a different order don't like my rewrite now. I'm preferring 2 problems currently....... or 2 of the problems currently...... though the second of those may not be ideal depending on the readership as it's drawing attention to the fact that there are more problems besides those being discussed Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: pleno1 on March 08, 2011, 06:05:57 PM would probs prefer something like this though 2 current problems relating to player experience at micro stakes are x and y So Option 3 would be the closest in that case? I agree with your logic, and that Options 2 & 3 are the preferred ones, but they have different meanings. "Options" with an O? :P Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: ItsMrAlex2u on March 08, 2011, 06:51:49 PM You all need to get out more IMO
Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: Longines on March 08, 2011, 07:34:55 PM 5. There are two issues currently affecting the player experience at micro-stakes; 1) ....... and 2)........
Title: Re: Call the grammaaarr police Post by: Geo the Sarge on March 08, 2011, 08:43:53 PM Currently two problems regarding player experience at micro stakes are:
1. When a player deposits for the first time it is imperative they have fun/enjoy themselves, if not they won’t come back. 2. If a player plays for months and improves from reading articles/watching videos and they still can’t beat the game (20bb/100!!) it is likely they will lose motivation to play and give up. would be my preference. Then again I'm thick as shit Geo |