blonde poker forum

Cheers to Tighty for allowing this.

As most of you will know, I have a book out with Jared Tendler, called The Mental Game of Poker. Jared is a mental game coach with tons of qualifications and years of experience working with professional poker players and professional golfers. We are coming up with new more interactive ways to promote the book and we also want to give Blonde some exclusive content where we can, because they have been very good to us and lots of you have bought the book already. One of the most compelling things we have found people responded to is actually listening in to what a client session with Jared sounds like and also anything interactive where Jared can answer your questions, so we thought we would combine the two.

So we are going to offer out a free session with Jared to someone who has a major tilt/confidence/motivation issue at the poker tables. All we ask is that we can record it to turn into a podcast for the Blonde community. If you are interested just reply in this post why you want the session - be as detailed or as daft as you want.

For more info on the book go to http://mentalgameofpoker.com/ and use promo code 2011 for 10% off.

Blonde thread about the book http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=52878.0



Press Blurb on Jared:

Jared Tendler, M.S., LMHC, was a mental game coach for golfers on the PGA and LPGA tours before he became the leading mental game expert in poker. He now coaches some of the top players in poker and more than 150 other professionals from around the world. Jared’s groundbreaking methods have also helped thousands more through his training videos, articles, and forum Q&As. He is also a featured coach for DragtheBar.com, and writes monthly instructional articles for WPT Magazine and Poker Pro Europe.

Jared earned a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from Northeastern University, and became a licensed mental health counselor prior to becoming a mental game coach in 2005.

Dale Phillips Blurb on Barry Carter:
'Jared Tendler's bum chum'

I purchased the book a few weeks ago, i haven't read it yet but have only scanned through various pages/chapters so far but I would love the to have the session with Jared. I have always been fascinated by the the Psychology of Sport and studied this particular subject for 4 yrs at University at undergraduate and postgradate levels, winning national awards for my dissertations and producing content that was published in the Journal of Sport Sciences :) Can't believe no one has posted anything tbh, this seems like a great opportunity imo. Right, here are my psychological problems/issues lol. Probably get ripped to shreds by a few fish on here but fuck it....

I have been playing poker since 2004 and have been earning a living from the game since 2008. However, my main problems are been not being able to push on and have the balls to play higher limits and bigger buyins even though i feel i can beat the higher games something has always held me back. I think its partly to do with fear and my gulp limits. It still hurts to lose say $1k in a night when i have lost and won that amount many times before, it still bothers me. Therefore im reluctant to risk $2-3k in a night sometimes even though in the past i have probably been bank rolled to do so. Arrrgh its annoying :)

Furthermore, its been well documented in my blog over the yrs and im well known amongst other poker players as a 'lazy' player. However, although i am a lazy shit i think this again has something to do with sitting down at a table and risking a large some of money. Im not motivated to play the game i know i can beat because i've beaten them games many times before and the prize pools they offer don't really excite me, again probably because i have won what they have too offer previously. I also have the problem of booking a win and sometimes not continuing when the games are good. Years ago when the games where ultra soft i used to sometimes sit at a few $1/2 2/4 games and quickly make $600-1000 and then log off! Stupid, but i wanted to book the win and didnt want to lose it back even though i know the longer i play the more money i make. Same thing with tournaments now, i roughly know how much i can make per tourn on avergage but i still dont increase my volume just incase i brick every mtt and lose a few grand in one session. It seems the very best players are able to dettach themselves from the value of money although that can also be their downfall too i guess.

I've never really had any poker related goals either which is obviously a huge problem aswell. I've just drifted along the last few yrs, content to make a modest living in comparison to some other players earning. I have just basically just lived a comfortable life and done a fair amount of travelling with the freedo that poker provides but never really pushed on or tested myself partly due to the above reasons.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh, help me Jared lol!!!

I need it more than anyone on blonde. That is my case. I whinge, moan, take beats personally, berate the fish and have fallen of the non whinging bandwagon more times than I can remember.

Oh and I might chuckle on the podcast.

Oh and I have purchased the book and read 3 chapters. It is helping me but I am still finding myself falling into the same habits. Then I try and not be a mental fish and it frustrates me even more lol

i need the motivation more than anyone, i just cant keep my mind on the game. i keep letting mind wonder even stuck on bedrest at the moment i could be playing 16 hours a day but i keep putting off opening the software. any old excuse will do to do something else, i really enjoy the game when i get going but do lose concentration when deep and tried opening more tables and closing don table to keep mind active

i only have 2 hobbies in life chasing women and playing poker and currently i cant chase women so should be 100% focused on poker but tonight is another example of me not being motivated enough to open the software up

oh and i can moan more than GL2 if anyone would listen to me

Yeh same as Ironside. I waste hrs of my life sometimes sitting in front of the lappy when i should be grinding but i dont. I blame it on a lack of motivation but i'm not sure thats the sole reason. For example im going to a wedding tomorrow so i'm reluctant to logon incase i lose money tonight thus affecting my mood tomo. arrrgh uehfuihgcdbzfjscdiljfdskcj

I just want to meet Barry Carter and get his autograph.

FYP

I have met Barry Greenstein, Barry Chuckle, and Barry Hayles. I just need to meet Humphires and Manilow to complete the set

would love to meet the chuckle brothers

Humphries is obviously a difficult word to spell.

ffs messed up my own fix

i'll get my coat as i am leaving

I was about 8, it was at Butlins, I went to get his autograph, he asked my name, I said Barry, he said 'thats my name that is'.

Best day of my life

got my nephew a dvd of the chuckle brothers love it when we get to watch it silliness is great

I am the ultimate tilt patient/nonbelieving spazz monkey

pick me

I think that i would be a good candidate for this because perhaps if i was set on my way i think i could be exceptional.

I have the ability to grind between 16-18 tables at a time well and not on abc mode. I can play 12 hour spells relatively easily and i am a big winner in the tournaments i play when i play them effectively and that is the problem. I never seem to be prepared for a grind nearly as much as i should be. I am always tired or somewhat already preoccupied with something else and sub consciously i would say i do it deliberately because i always want to have an excuse in case things don't go as well as planned. I always have never set up a HUD always complaining that its too hard to setup and the stat boxes would only set out to tilt but i have never tried it because a part of me thinks i am too good to be needing it and another thinks its a weakness to be getting this much aid.

I may have an overconfidence problem as well, i never really look to improve my game via openly trying to watch videos or read on forums because it loses my attention very quickly and there are definitely spots that i need another opinion on. Particularly 3bet spots pre flop with AQ, but these are normally dependent on who has just raised you, maybe if i had the HUD setup i would know how best to act!

In most cases i know exactly where i am going wrong but i am feeling that maybe i am strangely perverted towards wanting to give myself a hard time. Maybe because i like the rush of losing money so quickly because of the harsh bodily sensation it gives you and as you can guarantee that over the equal sensation of winning huge amounts, its easier just to lose money to feel the rush. Interested backers apply here!

If i get this i think i would be a very interesting listen because it will most probably be a deconstruction of my lunacy and i believe not many players have stayed afloat as a winning poker player with the tendencies i have but somehow i am still winning enough to be comfortable. Wouldn't mind knowing what i would be like if i was in less self turmoil, perhaps Mr.Tendler could help me on my way, obviously i know he would have no magic wand though!

I suffer from a lack of confidence and often doubt my ability ;scarymoment;.
Err not really. Think George would be very good as the subject/patient.

I REALLY NEED THIS SESSION

if they dont use you i will give you a session George. X infact x x x

So George wins it, mainly because of the sheer desperation in his posts.

As I said in the OP, this is an experiment, and if it goes well (ie. if people like what we come up with) we will do it again, one of the reasons we picked George is (because of what I know of George) his issues are a (more extreme version) of the most common ones face by Jared's clients, and therefore might have the most benefit to anyone that listens to the recording.

First dibs to the guys that missed out if we do it again. In the other cases, you all had a pretty good base understanding of your own issues and Jared has very kindly said he will come onto this forum this week to chat to the rest of the guys who posted to see if he can give them some advice.

Skype headset ready to go. No idea if it works. Nitted it up and got it from poundland

lol. theres the power of positive thinking for you. good luck and i hope he dont write you off as a lost cause after 10 mins

How much was it?

You can actually get these things from poundland?

after last night posts i thought i had a lock on this

now i am tilted even more than i was

Haha, I had to get one from there when I was travelling on the train and had forgot mine, had broke it within 2 minutes of leaving the station, be gentle with it.

seems fine. I mentioned it to a work collegue that I was going to Smiths to get one and they were like "poundland" when I said "nitnitnitnitnitnitnit" they looked at me quite strangely

Me yanking the lead out of the headset as it seemed ridic short wasn't a great idea.

Took me a little longer than expect to get my arse back to answer everyone else's posts, so here goes...

Btw, George and I are close to setting our time up, and one we're done, I'll post the audio...and then the fun will begin.

Interesting dude are you. The book is right up your alley then.

I'm interested in helping you break through this, and I say that because it may take a few exchanges before really sizing up the real problem here. First things that come to mind are:

Fear of Failure
Hate Losing
Lacking skills to achieve mastery

Tossing out some ideas, does any of those seem relevant for you? Basically, I'm wondering if the pain you experience when losing 1k is so great, that it makes you fear it. Plus, if you tend to be lazy, then it make it harder for you to actually learn from those losses and improve, because you aren't working as hard as you need to be. Which also means, it's likely that your actual skill in mastering the game at higher levels is also weak - since it takes a unique set of skills compared with learning at lower stakes.

If I'm on or off target here, post more details or what comes to mind and I'll help you break through the underlying issues here.

Motivation is driven by goals. What are your goals?

Motivation is also hidden by issues like tilt, fear, and confidence - do you have any of these?

The second part of what you said, says it all: "encase I lose money thus affecting my mood." This is an example of tilt or how badly you handle losing affecting motivation. You're going to avoid playing because you're avoiding the wrath of losing. It's like beaten dog syndrome - you cower from poker because you're avoiding the lashing. The key here is to make losing hurt less. May sound hard to do, or like you have to rationalize it, but the reality is that not everyone hates losing, so there must be a reason you do. So what is it? Why is losing so painful?

You're not alone with this kind of enjoyment of losing - I've found another reason players enjoy losing is that it's in their control. When other parts of the game feel out of control - at least something still can be controlled.

Whether that's true or not, why is it that you need an excuse? Obviously it's going to relieve some of the pressure of having to play at a high level - which makes me wonder if you're also holding yourself to unreasonably high standards/expectations? Perfectionism, that kind of thing. What do you think?

Yeh that is spot on really. I do demand a lot of myself and i tilt as a result of thinking that i am not doing all i can but in all honesty i probably am. I need to accept the nature of the game and just be as good as i can with the fluctuations without trying to find meaning behind it all.

The perfectionism thing is pretty hardcore with me. I have to play long hours i have to try and win every tournament and i need to make as much money as possible as quickly as possible and it makes me over zealous at times. Will need to know how to relax really.

Also possibly i rate my game too highly when i have leaks and should be more adaptable to change my learning more through online tuition videos.

my goal is to win enough online to pay for my trips away to play poker (which are mainly piss ups)

i never used to tilt though i think i have started
i have no fear or confidance

Great insight. This is a big step towards cracking this prob. Relaxing isn't the solution, the solution is to prove why your expectations are too high, and are unreasonable. Often that comes down to a failure in understanding the realities of the learning process. Being perfectionistic, means that you'll have very little tolerance for mistakes, when mistakes are a legit part of learning. Very simply, if you aren't making mistakes you aren't learning. It's part of it. Perfect poker over large stretches of time isn't possible, and the best players in the world know that.

Also important to breaking perfectionism/high expectations is to change everything you think you should be able to do, and turn it into a goal. Expectations mean, that you subconsciously believe you already have the knowledge to be able to achieve your expectations...but that's clearly not true. Instead, set goals, and work towards it. Do that, and your last point about ignoring leaks will go away as a problem.

Make sense? Help?

Every time you find your motivation slipping, remind yourself of the money you need for your trips and the consequences of not playing. You get a choice in that moment, just make it more conscious about the reward of playing and the consequence of not.

I have always thought that making mistakes was a part of learning and i do often make mistakes in spots whereby i know it would be safe to fold but i have a gut instinct that he is bluffing and i make the call. A lot of the time i am correct but obviously there are times when i am not and when i am not it boils down to me overlooking some vital, pre flop/flop information that would have made me think differently or of course i have just been plain outplayed and that is also fine.

So a goal here would be to make sure i know all the action that has happened before i make a tough call for a lot of chips. This would be done by ensuring i am not playing so many tables that i cannot track the ins and outs of a hand. So make sure i am never playing an uncomfortable amount of tables at one time that would be a detriment towards effective poker.

Thinking about it the reason i may be playing lots of tables in the first place is the over zealous nature i have to get to the promised land of a much higher bankroll as quickly as possible when really i probably get there on less tables and playing them more effectively.

I think this would increase my tolerance towards mistakes partly because i would naturally be making less and also that despite making mistakes, there were logical intentions behind them and weren't the actions of a man on tilt. Normally i would get more upset about the reasons behind making the mistake than the mistake itself, if you understand me? Hopefully with what has been said above that can be nicely quelled, eventually.

I do quite like the goal setting angle instead of thinking too much on expectations. Mainly because as you said i am in no fit state to be someone who is making expectations!

My goals would be to go to gym daily for an hour to improve concetration levels, 5 days a week, for the long hours of poker play, improved diet for the same reason, 30 mins a day to spend on hand history revision and tuition videos. Also, making sure i am gambling within a safe limit so i needn't worry about how adventurously i play. Getting Holdem manager to be up and running as well to help in play and with revising hand histories.

Would also imagine by the same advice you would say not to concentrate too much on what my bankroll is but more towards how i can improve myself towards making it easier for me to make more money?

Thıs ıs ıt! Ive kında known the reason myself tbh but these words makes perfect sense. The stupıd thıng ıs ı know ı can and have made a lvıng out of poker for 3 yrs and ı roughly know that ıf ı play X amount of hands/hrs/mtts ı wıll earn an approx amount of $. However, ı stıll tend to avoıd playıng even though ım a proven wınner at the games ı play?? Deep down ı know the more ı play the more ı wın, sımples. But ı dont do ıt, ı put off playıng. The only tımes ı really put gd effort ın ıs when ı have too and when my bankroll drops to a certaın lımıt whıch has to be topped up to pay the bılls etc and be comfortable. I suppose ıts the same when ı play a few hrs and and make a gd profıt, ı log off just ıncase ı lose all/some of ıt bk. Stupıd. You,re sooo rıght ı need to make losıng less paınful.

Great reply again. I can tell this is really hitting home, and you're on a great track.

I bolded one phase in your post, just to point out how relevant it is as an underlying cause of you're problems. The key here is not just to go slower, it's to realize that going slower is the sustainable way to build your skill level. Which is why my answer to your questions is yes. Skill is what you really want to be focusing on most, because it's what's going to help you to continue to grow your bankroll in a real way, and not have it just get artificially padded by variance.

You're on the right track. Stop back if you have questions in the future.

:) Glad I could make things more simple for you. Perhaps one thing that will help make losing less painful, is to not be quite so hard on yourself. High expectations can be a big cause of losing being more painful than it should. Keep an eye out for that being true. There are likely others, and let me know if you get stuck trying to figure out how to make losing less painful.

So the session with George is now up to listen to and I think it is pure gold.

http://jaredtendlerpoker.com/instructional/handling-bad-beats/

I'd advise anyone who struggles with bad beats to take a listen, not only does Jared give some great advice, but George really really makes it something special. Its worth a listen just to hear Jared call George a 'highly skilled complainer' and George's reply to that.

yeah priceless... its intresting that in the original questinaire george is going through the list saying "yeah i do that, and that ,and that" the end result of this is gonna bring a new poisitive george to the table that is gonna mean pain and heartache for the rest of us"

I'd like to be more motivated.  I'd write more about it but...........

What is the total running time Barry ?

in 5 parts about 12 mins each

Tks.

Got the book a few days back and read 2 chapters today.  Gr8 so far and when reading and not always getting, it explains in terms so understandable that it clicks.  I'll crack on with the rest then re read on my hols to make sure it goes in and take notes.

Recomend it to everyone.  Will take a listen to the Seesion on this thread at some point soon.

oh - And got a part refund today socan only assume Barry sorted that recognising my name from PM, so thank you Barry (I assume it's the Blonde code that I didn't think I entered)

Actually that small refund is because its cheaper for us to send to the UK than the website advertised. Glad you like it so far, keep us posted what u think of it.

I'm bumping this as a small thanks to Jared.

I've not spoken to him since but am planning on contacting him with a huge thank you.

This was a major turning point in my poker "career"

I'd like to think that I don't moan as much as I did?

We'd all like to think that too

Wow, jared is better than I thought, he managed to brain wash you into thinking you don't moan as much. What a guy ;)

Book by the same guy (and some other chappy who is stealing a living off it) is currently free as an audio book http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=52878.msg1583395#msg1583395

#justsayin

Holy s*** George, congrats on the score! That's huge. You've made a lot of progress from just one session, so that tells me you were ready to make a big change and you've worked at it.

Look forward to talking with you again and hearing more.

Hey Jared- if you're in Vegas in July let me know. Drinks are on me :)

Get a room you two

Done! I'll be in Vegas from the 1st of July through the end of the main. Be good to grab a beer with you.

 :hello:

In before 'Is George real?'