Print Page - It's Just a Ride

Introduction

A tale of a man, who was once a boy. A man who found the dreams of a boy in adult life. A man with responsibilities just like many other men. A man with a family trying to teach a boy, but still with so much to to learn himself.

And now, a man with a diary on blondepoker.com/forum.

I play No Limit Texas Hold'em - the Cadillac of Poker. In 10 years I have gone from weekend player with an interest in the game but little commitment, to having an on-off attempt to improve my game and increase my profitability.

Stripping back my game as a recreational player I built a SnG strategy from the ground up. I learned a little about equity calculations, CeV and $eV, and ICM. Like many others I put in some hours away from the tables, but I was drawn to play more and study less. I ground out 20 hours on top of a 50-60 hour working week, playing a bit on my days off and for an hour or two late evening. I began to understand the game a little more and I felt like I played better than the rest of the table. So of course I went broke.

I took some time off and then found some spare income to reload. SnGs felt like such a slog and I broke even after a smallish sample size of 1k games, which I probably played over 60+ sessions in 6 months. I decided to switch to playing MTTs on a free $100 deposit bonus and out of a small roll on ipoker. In 5 months I ran my 888 bankroll into $1k. I was running way above expectation. I played less over the following year due to the arrival of my son, Roscoe. I finished the 12 months with half my roll.

I started to think about my bankroll. I had mainly been playing an adapted strategy from my SnG days. Now I needed to return to a focused way to study pre-game, play, and analyse post-game.

I had some success on the live circuit and made another $1k from only 3 live outings for small stakes. Busting Neil Channing and finishing 2nd in a tournament that he and Jamie Burland attended was the highlight. They had come to play our local club game following an Academy day we booked with them. It seems the tuition paid for itself - although I hadn't paid anyway so the value was insane.

Now I am reading The Mental Game of Poker to give structure and routine to my game and to help deal with Motivation and Confidence issues, mostly the former. I am also taking a 12 month online coaching course to improve my overall skills.

For those who have seen 'My Name is VBlue and I'm a Pokerholic' - this is a blog that has actually run since Decemebr 2010, although it has only been posted in this forum for the last few months. I'm not sure what I will do with this right now but this feels like a good time to do this.

The diary is here to keep me on a more regular track with what I am trying to achieve. I also aim to bring some of my life to the pages. For Tikay and others who like pictures, I will add some colour too.

I hope you are entertained, feel willing to contribute, and that I can pull some rabbits out of some hats as we go along.

I quote Bill Hicks, who said 'It's Just a Ride'. I hope I can make this one worth joining.

It's Just a Ride - The Title of My Diary

I have been experiencing a lot of coincidencies today. It's a shame they are happening away from the poker table.

Today commemorates the 19th anniversary of the death of Bill Hicks. I'm not going to try to define him - his wikipedia entry calls him "American comedian, social critic, satirist, and musician." Suffice to say, if you enjoy social-political comedy that challenges mainstream thought, religion, and government, and is well-informed and delivered with both anger and a message of love - then please look up http://www.billhicks.com/.

It's Just a Ride is from one of Bill's most famous quotes and you really have to see his most famous set from 1992 at the Dominion Theatre, London to put it into it's proper context. He closes the show with it. The material, whilst some of it is dated due to reference to the first Gulf War and some other historical events such as the LA Riots of the same year, is widely regarded to stand the test of time.

I first saw the set when I was aged 18 in the year following his premature death to pancreatic cancer, aged 32. Anarchistic, truth-telling, neo-Jesus prophet figure? Pot-head in thrall to imbecilic conspiracy theories? He has been called both, but I'll let you decide.

The world is like a ride at an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it, you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round and it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly colored and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: 'Is this real? Or is this just a ride?' And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and they say 'Hey! Don't worry, don't be afraid -- ever -- because... this is just a ride.' And we kill those people.

'Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride! Shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry; look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.' It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that -- ever notice that? -- and we let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because... it's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort. No worry. No job. No savings and money. Just a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy bigger guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, into a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defense each year and, instead, spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would do many times over -- not one human being excluded -- and we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever. In peace.

William Melvin 'Bill' Hicks - 16/12/1961 - 26/02/1994

Dojos, Online Coaching, and Singing The Blues

There are a few different directions I could go in today. I want to make this diary about who I am, what I do, things I find interesting, etc. However, as it is primarily a poker diary, I'm primarily going to talk poker today.

The last few weeks I have scaled back my poker activity to a single night per week grinding low-stakes MTTs. I play on Lucky Ace (the Cassava network that 888 Poker also plays on) and on an ipoker skin, Black Belt Poker. Last night I just single-tabled as I was watching Everton overcome the mighty challenge of defeating Oldham Athletic in the fifth round of the FA Cup.

The Black Belt league is an eight-legged $5 event. By playing all eight legs I earn about half a month of my reward points, which goes towards maintenance of the Orange belt level. A top twenty finish on the leaderboard earns more reward points; a top three finish a live seat at the next Black Belt Poker East End Live.

So, I play for the bonuses and with half-a-hope of bagging a seat to what would be my first big UK tour-style event. My only other live poker has been restricted to pub games, a couple of casino games, and local club games.

Although for a $5 game the standard is much better than your typical low-stakes MTT, I do feel quite comfortable playing these. There is little to say other than I built a good stack early, despite missing a river value-bet with JJ on a QQxxx board versus a tight opponent who had taking a passive line UTG. I then had way too much equity in two pots, firstly not to call when set all-in from late position with AK versus 99 from a short-stacked blind position, and then not to shove over the chip-leader's min-raise with 22 from late-position with 11bbs to lose a second race, versus AK this time.

I was pleased to be looking for good spots to steal blinds once I had got a few chips behind me to maintain my position in the tournament and making a few well considered bluffs, albeit in smaller pots.

Online Coaching and Dojos

I have used the last few weeks to start to catch up on some of the online coaching material I signed up for back in September. The material is delivered monthly, with three fairly short videos breaking each month's content into modules and finishing with a slightly longer interview with a pro to gain their perspective. There is also a monthly webinar. Nick Wealthall delivers the main content and conducts the interviews.

One of the other reasons I play a lot of my poker on Black Belt, besides the league game, is the access to training with their stable of pros, mainly Kevin Williams and Jamie Burland. The 'Dojos' are delivered throughout the year on a wide range of subjects. I have sat three already this year. They are also delivered as webinars, with limited places - up to eight for each session I think. Recordings are available post-session for those who missed out on the live Dojo.

Two subjects which I thought ran well together were on 'Tools of the Trade' and 'HM2: Dissecting the Data'. The first of those two discussed note-taking - something which I am terrible at and have long wanted to improve. Jamie provided a very useful template to have ready in Notepad, to cut and paste into the poker client, and a nice easy system of how to note villain actions. He also discussed the benefits of using sites such as sharkscope.com and pocketfives.com to get a handle on the quality of the players we are sat with. Jamie also covered equity calculations, which I have had experience of but do not do nearly as much as I would like - does anyone?

I am only halfway into the second Dojo, so will give some idea of that another time when I have found the time to go back and listen to the second half of the recording.

I also sat a Dojo with Kevin Williams on 'Winning Seats'. This year I had taken the decision that I want to play an event or two on the UK circuit. Unfortunately, I am currently trying to battle back from a downswing. I have turned a profit since I began my coaching late September, mainly thanks to my second biggest score on Lucky Ace when I took down a field of 786 in a $2 for $311 and 26 cents. However, my ROI is now reduced to only 10% over 133 tournaments. Withdrawing $300 before Christmas, a necessity, has meant that my roll on both sites is now heading towards Brokeville - a dusty stop on the road to riches, where many a gambler wanders empty-pocketed looking for a dollar on the floor to take to the nearest saloon.

With that in mind, satellites are the least of my focus now and I am concentrating on getting through the next few modules of the online coaching by the end of this week and grinding hard next week, hoping to play my best and see some cards fall kindly.

Singing the Blues

If that hasn't been enough to give me the blues, I've had the displeasure of watching Everton concede a goal with the last kick of the match at Boundray Park, for Oldham Athletic to force a replay, as well as two in the last six minutes at Carrow Road, again the game finishing with a last-kick goal for Norwich to take all three points and all but end our push for a top four finish, and possibly European qualification, this season. This all meant that the FA cup replay was a game we had to win to give the supporters hope that we could finally see Moyes deliver a trophy in his eleventh year as manager.

The result was 3-1 and a quarter-final home tie versus Wigan. Four wins and four draws against them in the last eight and the Goodison home crowd advantage will mean Everton are firm favourites for a third semi-final appearance under Moyes. Looking more closely, Jelavic is woefully out of form, Anichebe is injured, and Mirallas scored only his second goal for Everton last night. Fellaini missed out through injury - our other main goal threat in the absence of the aforementioned. Our squad looks thin, the team lacking bite, resilience, and a consistent match-winner. Everton do have a legendary strong team-spirit, some genuine quality and shared responsibility across the first eleven - ten different scorers in ten goals before Baines added his second of the tournament last night.

Right now, I'd take a scrappy 1-0 win over Wigan and a one-outer to save both the football and poker seasons.

Waiting for the Weekend to Begin

I don't intend to write much Friday through Sunday as the weekends are devoted mainly to family time. It also means I should have more to write about Sunday evening/Monday.

I only work a half-day Friday, so I usually walk home with a spring in my step, eager to see my boy. Of course, some of the time there is the mundane to take care of - shopping, household tasks, etc. Roscoe does make shopping much more entertaining though. He was the star attraction during our last visit to the supermarket - doing some sort of a tap-dance with some teenage girl at the checkouts, trying to help the transvestite who works on the flower stall, getting behind and on top of the checkout, and charming the old dears. It is just a huge playground to him and who am I to deny him having some fun?

Fitness & The Fells

I have been keen to improve my overall fitness levels since I quit my job at the bookies last year, a very sedentary day's work, which when followed by a few hours at the online tables did not make for an active lifestyle. I now walk nearly three miles per day to work and back and often take Roscoe for a walk on Friday afternoons, and again at the weekends with The Piranha.

I am fortunate to be located just to the south of the Lake District and my house sits in a really nice vantage point with views of Kendal Castle and the Lakeland fells. I am going to start to post some photos from recent walks and keep a theme going throughout. At the moment they are fairly gentle pushchair friendly walks, although I don't mind a little more challenge when it's just the boy and I, as The Piranha struggles with some steeper ascents due to her asthma. You may have to forgive some of the initial photography as I have been using my iPhone 3G - not known for the quality of their camera. I will ensure that I take the digital camera out in future. I have often held a notion that I would like to get into photography more - "Know what I mean, wink-wink, nudge-nudge?" A friend lives a little further into the Lakes and takes some simply stunning pictures - I may share some of those with his permission.

I think that I have benefitted from the uptake in walking more. I would like to get out into the Fells and took Roscoe with The Piranha and some friends last Saturday to some waterfalls, Aeroforce, at the side of Ullswater Lake. I borrowed the neighbours' backpack and Roscoe was quite comfortable for a couple of hours. This will certainly encourage me to venture further now and with the weather as beautiful as it has been the last three days, we may find somewhere to walk this weekend.

James Atkin has been following the 'Couch to 5k' podcasts and this had interested me, although on reflection I don't think I have any real desire to take up running. Michael Moore started a hashtag on Twitter, which had been running for about a year I think, #iwalkwithmike. This was an encouragement for people to just go out every day and walk for half-an-hour with no agenda other than enjoyment. Lots of people then tweeted pictures which also appealed. I like this idea for a few reasons. I think people get hung-up about fitness, going to the gym, dieting and losing weight and find it a real grind. I think the best approach is to forget all that and just go and do something for the pure enjoyment.

I've tried the gym before and got into it for six or nine months at my best. However, I've decided that after several lapsed memberships I just don't enjoy going - the environment, the solitude, the workouts. If I was to take up anything fitness related it would probably be a racquet sport or something else with some competition about it. Does snooker count?

Dinner with Friends

The Piranha and I have always enjoyed having people over for dinner. We both like to cook and we always strive to put on a nice meal and some potent cocktails to accompany. The neighbours have a boy, Edwyn, the same age as Roscoe. We met at breast-feeding classes at the local hospital - not nearly as entertaining as it could have been. We are keeping it simple tomorrow night though, as she is pregnant and he doesn't like to drink much when he has his boy to go home to. Sweet Chilli Burgers and Wedges will be my duty when I get home, as time is a factor and it's more about the company tonight than the food. Of course, everybody loves food photographs so I'll post these up to over the weekend. I'll also be asking you to Rate My Fry-Up, but am going to wait until Mother's Day as I'm going to aim high. I missed Valentine's this year and The Piranha insisted that I make up for it on Mother's Day. Rate my Cocktail will no doubt follow in future too.

Whether you are grinding online, venturing out for live action, or just taking in your surroundings outdoors and spending some time with the important people in your life - enjoy your time this weekend.

Unfortunately, the boy was ill all weekend. I won't provide details. I decided not to play online last night, as I couldn't leave The Piranha looking after the boy and I felt too tired to potentially play a 7 hour session.

I will be playing tonight, including a community game to try and earn a month's rewards points. I haven't run well in community games this year, but I still think I have an edge on much of the field and can make these games profitable.

My roll is sadly diminishing but I may be able to return the withdrawn funds from pre-Christmas soon which would put me back to about break-even and allow me to continue playing should I not get a score before then.

American Psycho

I read the book, maybe 15 years ago. I enjoyed it immensely. The obssession with detail, with image, and constantly measuring yourself against colleagues, and others who live in the same vain Wall Street Yuppie world. The relentlessness of the style in which the narrator tells his story builds the mind of what we realise is a serial-killer. The violence is extreme, the loathing laid bare to see.

I watched the film shortly after it's release and it was forgettable. Perhaps I had the book too much in mind.

I decided on a second viewing last night. I thought I would enjoy it more and I did. Christian Bale, in what I think was his breakthrough role, was superb as Patrick Bateman. The darkly comic element to the story much more easily apparent and it is so well shot - the style is perfect.

Tournament HUDs

I just got into using HUDs/Trackers last year after trialing HEM and PT3. I bought the small-stakes version of HM2.

I currently use a fairly basic set-up, concentrating mainly on the standard stats of VPIP/PFR/3-bet. The small-stakes MTTs on 888 are made up largely of loose-passive players, to a varying degree. I am not encountering many regs in these games, so am not building up stats on very many opponents. I have been adding a few other stats in, like limp-call to see how often I can bluff-raise pre-flop over limpers.

I had a thought to build my HUD inline with the coaching I am doing. If I have just completed the module on 4-betting and am experimenting with always 4-bet clicking it back, I might had a stat such as 'fold to 3-bet'. Probably not the best example as there is so little 3-betting in the games I play, but you get the idea.

The Black Belt community games I play in give me a better opportunity to build stats and I have a few hundred hands on some of the regs in those games now.

What advice can people give here? Should I just stick to the VPIP/PFR/3-bet for these types of games - I have heard stats coming in for criticism when you are not gaining anything more meaningful on opponents due to they very few specific spots you will have seen each player in. Should I go with one of the many templates built by HM2/2p2 users? Or does anyone think I have had a good idea of building a unique HUD to complement my coaching?

Session Observations

Preparation: I was happy with the pre-session preparation. I reviewed my notes on the coaching session on 'How to Love Weak Players and Take Their Chips' and wrote my session goals. I got some music ready and removed other distractions.

Session Length: I played about seven hours of poker last night. Unfortunately, the boy is still not well although he had slept until about 1:30am when The Piranha had to get up and give him a bottle and, again he awoke at 2:30am when I went to bed, so I sat with him until about 3am.

Whilst I don't mind one late night during the week and I can get by on four hours sleep as a one-off (that said I feel pretty tired as I write), I would have been less philosophical on this had I not made the top four in the last tournament of the night and at one point, when I was close to busting in fifth, I felt pretty despondent about putting in such a late shift for meagre returns.

Focus & Concentration: In the early part of the session I felt that I was giving the tables my full concentration and focusing on session goals. I exploited some weak players, made some post-flop plays that I would usually just give up on, and started to build stacks in the three earlier tournaments. After a few hours I was already finding it more difficult to retain this level of concentration. Once midnight had passed and I was now sat on the settee in front of the fire, with my goals out of sight, I was starting to flag. I definitely lose concentration when I drop to a couple of tables only. I then picked a new set of tunes, told myself that the late hour was no big deal if I could get a result, and felt pretty fresh going into the last couple of hours.

Session Goals: I definitely think that trying to go for all five of the goals in a single session when these are all plays I have not learned to unconscious competence yet is too much, which is why I decided to just focus on the first main goal of identifying weaker players and thinking about how to exploit them best.

A large percentage of the players are considerably weak, showing all of the traits as discussed earlier. I definitely played more pots in position, and a few OOP, and started to think a lot more about what my opponent was representing and what I could conceivably represent in return, with good success early on. Where I made mistakes, was in giving my opponents too much credit for some plays when they had a very strong made hand they would not fold or be bluffing with. I know when I look back I'll see that I could have got away from almost all the spots where I was behind to a better hand when the chips went in.

Again, the later I got into the session the less I was concentrating. I think when the average stack dropped towards 20bbs, although I had 40bbs-50bbs during this stage, I was going more into autopilot.

Post Session Analysis: Hand history review to follow, probably Wednesday.

Write Off

As you've seen I've pretty much had to write the week off since Tuesday night's late session. Didn't do any post-session analysis last night either. Tiredness has been the biggest factor. The Piranha works two nights per week 3pm-11pm so I had to put the boy to bed and cook and all that jazz. Was well past it by then, so I just sat and watched some comedy on youtube.

It's often a battle to stick to my planned week as I would have liked, the post-session work most often suffering from a rearranged schedule. It is not that I have other commitments Monday to Thursday it is just having the energy and motivation.

Volume

I may have to re-evaluate the tournaments I play. I don't want to switch away from MTTs right now as I enjoy the dynamic and the possibility of hitting a really good payday. Of course, making the top few spots requires a degree of good fortune. The other question mark is achievable ROI. I know this is a bit of a n00b question too, but I'm taking some figures from a trusted website I used to use when I played STTs:

0-30% ROI - room for improvement but still a positive return
40%+ ROI - reasonable results
70%+ ROI - very good results
100%+ ROI - Benchmark figure for the very best MTT players
150%+ ROI - Fantastic, but not sustainable

Of course the challenge here is to play enough volume so that if I can get up above the 40%/70% mark I am growing my bankroll to allow me to play a little higher. At the moment it is clear that I am not putting that volume in and if I am only outlaying $15 per night 2/3 times per week it is going to be a very gradual upswing. This could change if I do hit one decent score of a few hundred dollars and get my bankroll up around the $500 mark so I can just step up my outlay each night to say $30.

There are other reasons for wanting to continue with MTTs. Ultimately, I would like to play a little more live and be able to peel off the odd buy-in to go and play at my local casino once every 2/3 months. I would also like to try and get into a UK tour event and sats are my best route here. Continuing to play MTTs online should mean I keep improving my skill-set for when I do get into the odd live tournament, where the standard may be considerably worse in the monthly £50 games, and may not be a whole lot better depending on which spot you find yourself in on a UK tour event.

Last year I made about £1k playing live but ran way above expectation. I would also like to play a bit of 100nl cash when I go to the casino, as it so soft it is ridiculous.

So, my biggest obstacle, as it always has been, is volume. Any thoughts on this post would be really appreciated.

Friday Night - Fun Session

As part of my ongoing approach to focusing on session goals, I want to play a smaller-stakes session once a week , probably at the micro-cash tables, so I can really experiment with some new things. I had planned to do this on Sunday night but I ended up spending the evening with a Thai takeaway (the crispy pork belly stir fry was very nice) and a film with The Piranha.

Plans had been changed a few times this weekend and The Piranha went for an early night on Friday so I decided to play just a couple of MTTs whilst watching a bit of TV and listening to some tunes. It was certainly being treated more as a way to pass the evening than being a massively focused session.

Small-Stakes MTT Session

Schedule

ipoker - $1k GP Daily Dollar
888 - "The TWO" 2k GP

I was not massively focused on session goals other than to keep playing more pots in position with weaker players and ensure good value bet sizes to get full value.

Results

Cash - 11/881 in "The TWO" for $18.77
Cash - 126/1197 in the $1k GP Daily Dollar for $2.15

Total Return = $20.92
Total Profit = $17.92

I feel like since I have turned my focus towards post-flop poker, assessing ranges better, and exploiting opponent weaknesses I am making strides in my game. I ran well in a couple of spots in "The Two", notably open-shoving AT for about 15bbs utg into QQ to hit an Ace and then shoving 22 from the BU for about 10bbs into KK and flopping a set.

Two session played in the week and two deep runs. These two earlier tournaments meant a 12:30am finish rather than the 2:30am finish of Monday night.

Downsides to the week are mainly volume and lack of working on my game away from the tables. It has been a tough week with Roscoe being so ill, but on Friday he started to eat again (better than he has done for some time) and got back to laughing and joking, being mischievous, and sleeping really well.

I tend not to play on weekends, maybe Sunday nights if I can. I was pretty beat this weekend though with nine hours sleep only over the two nights due to the later poker session and getting up with the boy at 7am and a late night with friends on Saturday.

I took the boy up town on Saturday morning and let him have a toddle around the pedestrianised area whilst I had a coffee. He charms everyone he meets, walking up to people and shouting 'Ohhh' (he sounds like the wiseguys of The Sopranos) and grinning and pulling funny faces. There was a girl busking across the street so he stood right in front of her gawping up as she played. Will post pic later.

Films

I managed three films this weekend:

Senna - outstanding BAFTA winning documentary following Aryton Senna's arrival in Formula One and his love/hate relationship with the sport and governing body FIA, his rivalry with Alain Prost, his celebrity status as a figure of hope for the Brazilian people, and his untimely death. The footage and compilation to make the story is first-class.

Chronicle - good character-led tale about three high-school kids who make a discovery that changes their lives by giving them superpowers. Sounds like it could be done very badly, but as it delves into how this secret they share effects them and what they do with their powers it really develops. Some cool scenes when the story reaches an explosive climax.

Atonement - rather spiffing. That's not my critique, just a taste of the dialogue. An interesting story where a young girl's version of what she sees has repercussions that last her lifetime. Kiera Knightley and James McAvoy head an excellent cast. A story with a lot more going on than it may first appear and left a lot of interpretation until after the film had ended.

Session Review

I haven't done any further work on my coaching or post-session analysis, so I'm just rinsing and repeating as I am happy with my play in general. Biggest mistakes have been missing value, if they are indeed mistakes. Hope to get a couple of hours to post some hands for your thoughts tonight.

Ran pretty poorly in the $1k GP Daily Dollar - was in lots of pots early but nothing was working and I had to make some folds. Then got back to starting stack with a double up. Was pretty short thereafter and lost AK v KQ when he flopped two Queens and rivered a third.

Busted the 3k losing a flip I think and never got above an average stack in that.

Busted KQ v QJ in "The TWO" with around 20bbs and never got much of a stack going in that either.

The sickener of the night came for me in the BBP League game. A single leg victory means entry into a second chance SnG with the other seven leg winners - one Black Belt East End Live seat on offer. With about twenty left I got the chip lead, following two won races (in the same tournament) and AA shoving over late position open who snapped with AK v my Aces. I called AJ v BU raiser and lost v 86 on rivered 6 for about a quarter-stack. I then promptly saw my Playtech engine crash and took 10 mins to reboot. I came back short and ended up getting AK in to be called by QQ and AK and bust 13th - four from the money.

Hardware

I need to sort out my laptop as this reboot taking for ever really kills me some nights. I also need to make sure I close everything and log-off each night as I often seem to get problems with programs crashing if I leave on Hibernate.

Does anyone have any advice? I only use for surfing, email, occasional use of spreadsheet/word processor, poker, and sometimes stream the football.

Probably best to delete all the unnecessary programs etc and then do Factory Reset? I have some stuff from Microsoft on this at home, but just thought I'd ask here first

Back Story - More Questions Than Answers

I grew up in Kendal, just south of the Lake District. Small town, few big prospects. I left school at 16 and spent two years at Preston College gaining a BTEC National Diploma and entry into Liverpool John Moores to study Computer Studies. I went to Liverpool to escape my home and Kendal. I inevitably pissed the twelve months up the wall, had a ton of fun, learnt nothing about computers or it's studies, and signed-on the following September.

I had to return to Kendal. Toast three times per day was not cutting it for me. I quickly moved out from my home again into a flat with friends and worked a catering job and some other menial jobs. I finally found a potential career in the insurance industry at twenty-one years old and started to apply myself. I looked to take a career step and once again get out of Kendal. I worked in Manchester for the next five years and finally got to where I wanted to be. I thought I wanted to be there anyway.

Two years later, after returning to Kendal to be with The Piranha and working remotely, I had quit the industry full of self-doubt, confused regret, relief, and fear. I had thrown away £35k per annum with all the perks of a corporate career. I had also escaped the pressures of a demanding sales role in a position which needed my full commitment, which I could not give, for some reason I still do not really know.

I stumbled through a couple of opportunities that didn't turn into all they promised; I have to be honest and say I didn't give my best in either although I know that there were many failures on the part of my employers too. Despite that knowledge it does not sit easy with me, so I guess if I had given my best effort I would not still hold some of those feelings.

tbc...

Back Story cont....

I found myself unemployed four years ago; I had been employed continuously for the previous thirteen years, since aged nineteen. I found some part-time employment, tried self-employment, and some casual work through an agency. Then, on my birthday, I took up a position with a local bookmakers. I spent a couple of years working long hours for low pay in a very uninspiring company, who frankly did not know the value of their own employees. They sold out to Coral, and I was made cluster manager for five shops in my locality. The money was better, but the retail environment is not one I would rush back to now I have left. I'm now working for a local firm, once again in a sales-facing role. The hours are great, the hourly rate is decent.

When I look now at seventeen years of a working life, I don't feel like I have made progress - rather gone backwards. I have nothing I want to strive to achieve and haven't had that feeling consistently in a job since my days in Manchester when I was a trainee wanting to get out on the road as a salesman.

I have had different ideas in that time. There have been obstacles to overcome. Many of them are linked to my location and ties to the area. I ran some pub poker and events for a larger poker club in the county. Neither were opportunities that were ever going to lead to more than a casual extra income and a hobby though. I looked at sitting Microsoft exams and returning to computer studies as a field. I did some study but I abandoned it for reasons I don't remember in detail - probably a job I thought I would make a go of.

It doesn't make for particularly positive reading, but it's not meant for accompaniment of the sound of violins. I'm just giving a short but honest appraisal.

tbc...

No Limit Bored'em

Read a quote today 'No Limit Hold'em is hours of boredom and moments of sheer terror'. This could not be a better opening line to this post.

I joined a thread over on pokerstrategy.com that Jared Tendler was replying to and he asked me a very good question in response to my following post to him:

"I tend to find myself treating poker as recreational time as much as anything and typically am listening to music, social networking, chatboxing, etc. Current decent results, despite not always making the most optimal plays, perhaps nurtures this attitude further.

I want to lose the distractions and focus on my game in the short time I do get to play and I want to split my time between playing and improving, although I too often fall into the trap of only playing due to the short sessions I have available to me."

Jared replied:

"If I'm understanding correctly, you want to:

1) Develop a consistent approach to learning that you can stick with over the long-term.
2) Eliminate distractions while playing.

Add anything if I've missed it or anything else comes to mind.

Couple questions for you:

1) What are your overall goals with poker?
2) What's the reason your motivated by these poker goals? (Basically the why you want to achieve them.)
3) Why are you motivated to develop a consistent approach to learning?
4) Why are you motivated to eliminate distractions while playing?
5) What do you want to get out of poker, and from doing this extra work to improve?"

My reply:

"1) My overall realistic goals in poker are (and I want to use the SMART acronym in my reply) - to commit 10 hours per week with 8 hours playing time and 2 hours study time. This goal is non-monetary but focuses on what I can control which is my commitment and refers to the 80/20 rule of play/study. A secondary goal in 2013 is to look for half-a-dozen live UK tournaments and commit some playing time and bankroll to satellites or direct buy-in if bankroll allows. I am keen to experience some of the bigger live events, but I also want to target those which are affordable (buy-in/travel/expenses considered) and where I think the softer competition will be.

2) I think there are three main reasons why I want to achieve these goals, but the second and third probably more accurately answer question 3. The first is purely financial. I think I am intelligent enough, with the right commitment to improve, to make a decent income from what is essentially a hobby.

3) The second reason then being I enjoy playing, but I get a lot more enjoyment when I combine playing with improving my game. Thirdly, as I have already mentioned, I think this type of focus and approach will rub off on me and motivate me to work on towards some other goals in my personal life.

4) This is tougher to answer. I guess I am motivated to avoid distractions because when I am distracted I am not really playing poker primarily. What I am doing is killing time in the evenings and probably using poker, social networking, web surfing, listening to tunes online, as a little bit of escapism. What I want to do is to be more productive with my time and achieve a goal(s). Being distracted leaves me feeling unsatisfied as I never know whether I have given my best and I can always have that to fall back on if my results fall short or I make mistakes (I wasn't giving it my full attention so....).

5) To summarise then, I want to achieve financial gain from playing poker, I want to get the enjoyment from playing poker and seeing my game grow through focused and committed learning, I want the sense of achievement that comes from the improvement in my game, and finally I want this to be habit forming and to be an attitude I can take into other areas of my life.

Not asking too much then.

I'm sure there will be all sorts of different reactions to this. Maybe some people will say why not just get on with improving the other things in your life that you want to and forget about the poker. Some people might think this is all a bit of nonsense. Some people might nod and agree with parts of it.

I'd love to hear other opinions, whatever they are. I don't really mind baring my soul a little from time to time and I'm big and ugly enough to take others' opinions in return."

I have just been discussing this with someone else and wrote

"enjoyment, profit, challenge. Bankroll building too. I need to keep focusing on small improvements and setting session goals, maintaining my focus on enjoyment first and attainment of my goals also. Results will follow I know and I haven't done too badly when I look at my results overall since last September (when I started the online coaching I am doing).

I need to ensure I don't get bored and fall into the trap of doing other things whilst playing and going on auto-pilot. I have strategies to combat this, but I'm not always good at following them."

So, it seems that I am facing old problems, which I have given answers to. I am so good at the theory of these things, but never as good at the practice. I must print this stuff out and blow it up and stick it on the board I have behing my laptop, which has all my session goals on, and other stuff.

Little Things That Can Change Your Life

I believe that to make things happen for you in life it doesn't take a huge effort, it takes a lot of small efforts directed at the things that you have immediate control over. Whether to get up an hour earlier, go for a run, make a phone call, write a job application, etc. On Friday afternoon, I was walking home from work at 1pm, my mind turning towards a rare evening out to go and watch a friend deliver some stand-up at a local bar. I have made several attempts at 'writing' comedy before, mainly during drives down to the office in Manchester years ago. It began aged nineteen when a friend and I considered a short slot we had been given at another local comedy night. When I showed my friend what I had the feedback was that it was awful. It was. So, I have bottled it one way or another ever since.

By the time I had got home twenty minutes later, I had what I considered a routine that I could deliver with confidence. I made that phone call. When the compere for the evening didn't answer it was with a little relief. I sent a text to tell him not to ignore my call, it was not another complaint about the burgers at his diner in town. At 3pm I was over at Dave the Neighbour's house as he was interested in coming to the comedy night and I thought I would check if that was still the case. I got a return call and chatted around the point for a few minutes. I then asked 'would you have a spare few minutes for me to perform a set?' It was a hugely enthusiastic 'Yes' as the night is supposed to encourage people who have never got up before to have a go.

At about 9pm I got my chance. There were no nerves on my part. I wasn't doing this for anyone else other than myself. I purposefully wrote some anti-humour, played the bumbling idiot who had written his jokes wrongly, or for a different audience, warmed myself to the crowd by suggesting that they shouldn't worry if they didn't get it as some of it was quite high brow and they would have to work at my 'difficult' comedy to find a laugh, and that perhaps if the other comedians were laughing and they weren't then they were probably wrong.

I'm still not sure how it went but one friend greeted me immediately afterwards with a beaming grin and said how much he had enjoyed it and laughed all the way through even though he 'didn't get any of the jokes'. Brilliant. Almost my most sought after response.

I would love to give it another go and I think that with some practice, and some development, that a few of the jokes have some promise and could be worked into a short routine. My delivery was not as I had in my head due to lack of rehearsal but that could easily be refined by putting in a few hours.

More importantly, it has once again awakened me to the power of taking control within your circle of influence and not spending time worrying about the things that are in the circle of concern. It has also helped me answer some questions that I have raised in my previous few posts. My next post here will share those. I am taking control. I will be working very hard to get what I want. Poker, career, and life in general. I am thirty-six years old and have a whole life ahead of me. Time to go and grab it.

Poker Mantra

In Month 6 of the coaching course I am taking, the material takes a break from strategy to delve into the attitude of great poker players away from the tables and in the mental game.

In the first module, a poker mantra is suggested as a way of holding yourself accountable to high standards. I'm decided to write my own - a mission statement if you like.

It may well be a work in progress, but I wanted to get something down to work from:

1. I play poker to have fun. The game is a challenge which if I apply myself to I can increasingly get better at. The fun is in the thrill of the game, but also in seeing the work I have put in transfer into better play.

2. I am not concerned with the outcome of hands based on variance and therefore the results of each session. This is outside my control and I only focus on that which I can control and I leave external concerns alone. By committing to constant and never-ending improvement, my concerns reduce and my influence grows.

3. Every time I play a hand well I have increased my opportunity to get good results. Learning to play better is the result I am looking for. Financial results will come if I show integrity to this mantra.

4. By committing to the game, by giving each playing session my full attention, and by concentrating on each hand, my opponents, thinking about ranges, my table image, and the other nuances of the game, I am able to give the best account of myself that I can. Whether I win or lose, make good or bad decisions, I know that the commitment is not lacking and therefore I will continue to improve and always play to the best of my current ability.

5. Coaching is an opportunity to learn new skills and access greater poker minds than my own - to stand on the shoulders of giants. Every session is an opportunity to apply those new skills - to experiment and improve. Every analysis session is an opportunity to learn and grow from.

6. This mantra gives me a chance at achieving something solely from my own commitment, effort, knowledge, skills, and ability. To start to beat the game consistently and push on from there will make me realise that I am capable of anything I want to be. That attitude can transfer to every other part of my life.

A Massive Thank You

Owed to everybody who has helped me start to put this diary firmly on the map. Sorry for mixing my tomes there. I believe that with social networking allowing you to connect to thousands of people instantly, and with the right approach to your network, you can really build a readership with diaries and blogs.

I have relied on this method before once when writing my monthly blog and it boosted my numbers from averaging under one hundred readers to almost four hundred. Of course, not everyone comes back for the next episode as they are merely following a Share/Like link on Facebook or Retweet on Twitter and therefore are not notified, or do not subscribe to your blog, when there are new posts.

I wouldn't want to become a pain and pester people each and every time I write, but I think you can get away with it occasionally if you are confident, well-mannered, genuinely appreciative, and hopefully provide a link to something that interests people.

A huge, massive, and very humble thank you to everyone on Twitter and Facebook who helped me give this a push. Tikay will be able to confirm but I think I got about one thousand views since Friday.

I only joined Twitter last year and got really into it very quickly and then ran out of things to Tweet about. I trimmed back the number of people I follow, gave some thought as to what I want from the medium, and am now back using it more again.

Skype Groups & Talking Shop

I spent a good hour or more speaking to two poker players online last night. The first is a chap who lives down the road in South Cumbria and plays cash online with a view to quitting his full-time employment. He was offering some thoughts on my choice to play MTTs online as a bankroll builder and was suggesting 888's STTs paying 3/6. I 'regaled' my own experience of 6-tabling the $5 turbos a few years ago and how the small-stakes games have dried up on ipoker and 888's lack of action too.

I also mentioned that although I do need my roll to grow I firmly believe I can beat the $5 and below MTTs on ipoker and 888 and that my goal of hitting sats, playing live casino games, and UK tour qualification means that online MTTs seem like a better game to be learning my trade in. With me now playing three nights per week on average (sometimes only two) and putting in six/seven hour sessions I think I am giving myself a chance to make a positive return. Of course, I really need a score of a few hundred to swell my bankroll and allow me to play sats and maybe split some roll on to another site - possibly Party, PKR, or Sky.

The other lad I was talking to is a pro 5-card draw online player and has been for about three years now. We have been talking more and more recently and he is clearly clued up on poker strategy in general and thinks about hands in a more intelligent way than myself.

I have had a go at setting up skype learning groups before. One set-up by a fellow forum member on another site which I joined was closed down ignominiously - a scandal for another day. I set-up a small group for fellow low-stakes STT players, but one was never out of bed in time to join the conversation and one wanted to talk about anything other than the subject matter that was important to me. I did get on well with one lad and we swapped some hand histories, gave our views on each others play (the most valuable post-session analysis I have ever done) and talked about finding games, use of software, etc. Unfortunately, he then dropped off the forum and to my knowledge gave up playing shortly afterwards.

More recently, I tried again to get a group going but I think I rushed in to adding people and not selecting participants carefully enough. I want something to grow form maybe initially just two or three of us who are going to each put in as much as they take out. I don't think it's necessary we play the same games and stakes, but that we have a similar work ethic, want to discuss some strategy, and also have a real thirst to understand more about the wider game including things like software use, mental game, etc.

Standing Up Again

I have been asked back to perform some comedy again and will be doing so in about six weeks time. This is a chance to work on my material and my style, practice, and aim for a more polished performance and routine. Looking forward to it.

Top Boy

Ashley Walters (Asher Dee from So Solid Crew and star of the excellent Bullet Boy) in a "thrilling and raw four-part drama about young lives lived on the edge in east London - an honest and gripping rendition of inner-city drug and gang culture". Broadcast in late 2011 and now on 4oD. Anyone wanting a new TV show to fill a few hours of their time should take a look at this typically great quality Brit drama.

Staking

An obvious way out of my bankroll problems would be to get staking. I have a mate who is living locally again for a short while, whilst he recovers from an illness. He was at Uni for a few years and started playing at the local casino. He seems to have gone from being a bit of a cash game donk to making a quite decent return live and online. He says he may have a coaching position for Zoom coming up with an online staking business. I don't want to say more than that at this stage.

It got me looking into the options there and I may just about qualify for the minimum requirements and am fairly confident I can put in an application with some conviction showing my determintation and commitment to improving and getting good results.

I then started to look into another option with Pocarr.com and it has just got the brain-matter working on the thought of going down this route for a while to give myself a foot up in building a roll and maybe getting some live staking further down the road.

Of course, Zoom is not my game but I could definitely see advantages in playing some cash at least. They always say that good cash players make decent tourney players as the game has much more to it, especially post-flop. I really like the Black Belt Poker sponsorship route but would need to put in much more volume than I can see myself manging anytime soon, not to say I wouldn't consider it further down the road also.

Does anyone else have any experience of staking of this kind or any other suggestions or comments?

Quote from: VBlue on March 20, 2013, 02:46:05 PM

I dont have any advice on this matter, but I find myself in a similar position. I am currently seeking a staking opportunity to both develop my game further and to build a bankroll where my liferoll doesnt get effected.

I hope this all comes good for you, I am an avid reader of your posts and your methodical approach to the game. Very interesting to see how you have digested TMGOP.

Ah - nice one. I seriously am grateful to everyone who reads and especially to people who take time to comment - I can afford to be as hardly anyone does, but I think that's because I have done so much external promotion of the diary that most who read are non-blondes. I think there is more than four.

The other part that I hope to achieve other than just as a medium to tell my story is to involve. If I get any further with the staking conversation on Zoom or with the other options I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

Unfortunately, TMGOP work took a back seat whilst I figured out what I am doing more. I got some more feedback from Jared over on another forum thread he is active on and just returned to since TMGOP2 has been finished. The feedback was excellent of course and dialogue continues.

I am going to try and pre-order for purposes of trying to win the 1:1 coaching session lottery for all who do. Just need to wait for payday due to cash flow. Must re-check the closing date but think its month end, so I will be OK in that case. Will be getting back to the methodical work through book 1 before book 2 arrives, although I think I have made some strides on my own I know it is key to keep working at it as you would your game.

Still got two recordings of online coaching sessions to listen back to, one of which I took part in but had to bail half-way through due to a personal incident that required my attention. I did get some answers to my own questions in that session. I'm still pretty astounded that I have got access directly to such an expert in his field for next to no financial outlay. Love the poker world for opportunities such as this and the work people like Barry Carter and Neil Channing have done with Jared to make these opportunities happen. Very generous of Jared to give his time too.

Goldenballs

I'm not interested in turning this diary into a place for NVG. I'll leave that to the 2p2 trolls. However, I have been following a rather public affair which was Tweeted to thousands of followers and inevitably followed by the 2p2 thread. I have got better things to do with my time than sit around idly gossiping, though not to spend an hour trawling through the thread itself it seems. In amongst all the usual brain-fart comments from the frat boy element on there there is the occasional piece of comedy gold - the photo-shopped pic of Greg Raymer with Liv is pretty decent.

The interest for me came from a discussion which sprung from Liv's action on the afternoon quiz show hosted by king of quiz shows, Jasper Carrot. The man hasn't even been on TV doing his main job of being funny for a good ten years so how he got this gig is a mystery. The naysayers were suggesting that Liv has revealed her character to all by the fact that she revealed a golden 'Steal' ball when her compatriot/opponent in the end game decided to 'Split'. For the uneducated this means that Liv left with the entire ~£7k prize rather than half had she also shown a 'Split' instead.

Where do I being with this? Firstly, is it not a little, or perhaps a lot, hypocritical of people who not only play a game for real money which preys on and exploits the weaknesses of others, involves a huge amount of deceit, and ultimately could be ruining the financial life of someone else in order for their own to prosper?

Secondly, the game did not require anyone to put up any buy-in; both Liv and her opponent were playing for money presumably stumped up by the TV show which was a small slice of their advertising income. So, the unfortunate gentleman came with nothing and left with nothing, other than perhaps a sour memory of the day at worst. If he left with worse than that perhaps he should not have gone on the show in the first place. The rules were explained to all and the gameplay involved is clear to all too.

Liv did not know for sure that someone who entered a game which is based on deception would prove themselves to be willing to compromise rather than take the slightly more obvious decision to try and outwit the other person and take the whole pot. Or maybe that's just us poker players who think like that.

Seriously, it's like me entering a poker tournament and being berated for bluffing someone HU at the end to win a huge pot and effectively the tournament when we could have done a deal and split it 50/50.

Addictions and Dreams

Some people get addicted to drugs. Some get addicted to gambling. Some are called workaholics - I don't know if that is classed as being addicted to work; I have never heard it described in that manner. One thing addiction seems to be about is a high. We all will have experienced that high playing poker. We will all have experienced the low, or the crash, or possibly even the regret post-session when things have not gone well and we have lost or played really badly, or maybe just been playing without passion.

I had the high last week of the clarity of my goals, then a poor session on Sunday night where I tried to implement some things I have been listening to in my coaching sessions. I posted a few hands on the PHA boards; I had done the right things at the wrong time. I already new the answers I would get but needed affirmation. Then it dawned on me. Every time I make a mistake I am one step closer to the right answer - not a quote I came up with but a well-worn one although I forget from whom. If I don't experiment and try new things I will just be stuck playing the same tight-aggro ABC game I learned years ago. So every cloud does have a silver lining. I now can see how it is advantageous to make mistakes, how I have learned from the experience, and how this is part of the path to improving and achieving my dreams. And I have been starting to dream much bigger of late.

I have also been actually dreaming about poker these last couple of nights. Not sure how I played the hand, I don't recall it well enough to post on the PHA boards.

The Process Model - Analyse

I don't know many poker players who relish putting in the hours away from the table to improve their game. Even some players who I know who have some decent success in poker shy away from knuckling down, even for a few hours a week, and seriously looking at the holes in their knowledge and leaks in their game.

I know that as part of my process to improve my game, to move it on in a considered and meaningful manner, I need to study. I have made a bigger commitment in these last six months than I have previously by continuing to complete the Breakthrough Poker Coaching (BPC) material and I remain up-to-date in doing so - month seven awaits and I have two modules to complete of month six.

I have also done bits and pieces of The Mental Game of Poker exercises to help build my game beyond just working on strategy. However, my commitment has been less consistent and although I am pleased with what I have done, it needs stringing together into a solid plan. They key for me is to see analysis and coaching as just as much fun and just as much a part of my game as the hours spent actually playing and to relish seeing the hardwork transform into better play.

The Process Model is something that many people use, knowingly or not, in any field of performance, not just sports or games. There are three key areas in which I have done some work, but I want to focus just now on the area I have committed to the least and that is analysis.

Following a Dojo with Jamie Burland and a couple of modules of the BPC course and having done bits of analysis I feel like I can now commit to a regular weekly session and I want to get the most out of the few hours that I do have for this. I will certainly be setting some goals, much as I do with playing session goals, and ensuring I find a way of rewarding progress that I make as way of reinforcement and encouragement.

I may use the session to look through a full tournament hand history and look for spots that I am working on and how I am playing. I now I need to remain objective and look at the hand from an outside perception and ask 'could I have taken a different action and if so, what would have happened had I taken that different action'. I will also likely do some sessions with marked hands only that I post for review on the PHA boards and some other recommendations from Jamie - big pot reviews, villain analysis, CO/BU/SB/BB report, and 22+/AQ+ report. I have never done any of the latter with HM2. Pokerstove analysis will form a major part of this work, of course.

I must also make a plan to start note-taking post-session and I have a good note template that Jamie supplied which should give structure and also help me think about hands in play.

I will talk some more about the Process Model soon, namely the Prepare and Evaluate stages.

Quarterly Review

I think it's much the case with me, as with many people, that it feels like two steps forward and one step back. Maybe even one step forward and two steps back at times, so the former is surely progress?

My commitment to bettering myself as a poker player continues to be hampered mainly by my availability to the cause. Late finishes mean tired starts to the following workday. Family time and other demands mean less playing time, which in turn means that I inevitably want to play rather than work on my game away from the tables.

Despite this, it is important to look at what I have achieved and have a sense that I am moving towards my goals rather than away from them.

Financial Goals

For the first time in 2013 I have achieved the first reward level on Black Belt Poker which means I can play four freerolls this month in an attempt to win some prizes such as satellite tokens to their big live and online events coming up, an actual live seat direct, some iPOPS tokens, or shares in Sam Razavi in his next Sky Cash Game.

I earned enough points mainly through the loyalty of playing the full eight week league last time. The new league began just two weeks later and I made it HU in the opening leg, to lose out to a lad from the poker club up in Carlisle who I used to run tournaments alongside. Whilst I cracked overpairs twice at crucial all-in stages to propel me to a final table, I think I played the dynamic better and hope to have a real challenge at winning the whole thing and strike off one of the goals I made at the start of the year.

All other financial goals are as yet unrealised. The live tournament goals are on hold until I can grow my online roll enough to play sats more and of course this goal will be helped by hitting any of my other goals to take down each of the regular MTTs I play in once in 2013. I have had a few deep runs but no three figure scores yet. Crucially, I am profitable and having a few little boosts here and there including the league second place return of just under $100.

I am very keen to play a one-year anniversary tournament at Blackpool Paris next Saturday - a £40 entry with £10 bounty and £5 rake, £1k added and 4 x £25 special bounties. 100 runners with alternates. I'll keep you posted if I decide to reg.

Non-Financial Goals

I won't dwell here as I have spoken already in the last couple of posts about this topic. I have got a few things to be happy about and some that require better commitment to.

I'm happy to have written a Poker Mantra to keep my mind firmly fixed on the reasons why I commit so much of my thoughts to this game and I'm happy to be doing work on my mental game again. I'm continuing to complete the online coaching material too.

The Diary

The massive promotional push I did on Twitter and Facebook was effective in boosting new reader numbers but I'm not sure that the number coming back each time are as great. However, I'm happy overall with the readership level. I'm less happy that the diary seems to be one of the least interactive I read on blonde so need to think about why that is and address it.

I want to continue to write something a little different to the other diaries. I will probably keep hand histories to the PHA board for now as it makes more sense for my purposes. I'll keep adding photos on weekends and as I get out more up the Fells if the weather ever improves and I get the boy a backpack.

Life

My outlook on life can vary wildly; I can go from incredibly clear moments where I feel totally in control, to the complete opposite and feeling quite helpless. This diary might begin to chart that, depending on how much I open up throughout. After the recent high of performing at the comedy night and getting clarity on my poker goals and work situation things came crashing back down a little.

Firstly I got a text last Tuesday just before regging a few tournies and the league game to say that the Piranha has no work to go back to after Easter. She has been with an agency working two late shifts providing adult care at a local college and the hourly rate has been good. It has dented our plans for the year and means we have to cut back on some expectations just as we seemed to be turning a corner financially. That said, we are still going to see some improvements and I have a short-term strategy in place which should still mean we can do the things we wanted to. Of course, she is back out looking for more work already.

Secondly, we both got stomach bugs and mine kicked in at about 7pm Tuesday. I unregged all games other than the league (loyalty points to be earned) and thought I would just play that as I watched TV until I wanted to go to bed. Four and a half hours later, and half the night in the bathroom, and I had come second.

Our weekend in Liverpool suffered too as The Piranha was still not right and I was still a little off colour too. We went to see Derren Brown's new show which was good in parts but a little disappointing. Our meal out was OK and with 50% off softened the blow. When I ordered a gin and tonic and the waitress replied, in a heavy Iranian accent, 'What is gin?' I knew it would not be our night. We left the theatre and went straight back to our £50 a night bed. Breakfast was OK and a trip to the Tate Modern and walk around Albert Dock was a nice couple of hours to ourselves.

For now, it's back to the league and a full night of MTTs with my eyes firmly on the prize of a good placing in the league and striving for that decent MTT score I need to open up my options for online games and sats to live UK tour events.

Playing MTTs on a School Night

I had another deep run last night in the $1k GP on ipoker with a top 20 finish for a bowl from over 1k runners. I tend to play ipoker and 888 due to the smaller fields, affordable buy-ins for my bankroll, and softer tables.

I am struggling a little when I go deep though as last night was 12:30am and would have been ~2am had I won it. I am usually up between 6am and 7am depending on who is getting up with the boy that morning. 7:15 would be a massive lie-in. By the time I got to sleep last night it was 1:30am.

888 tournament start times have been affected by the clocks changing and now start one hour later. I don't want to be regging at 8:45pm for a tournament that often goes five/six hours. There are no other appealing tournaments at the time I like to start regging, which is usually 6:30pm-7:30pm.

I am now seemingly limited to play two regular nightly tournaments on ipoker - a $1k GP and $3k GP. I dropped the rebuy as it also finishes later and I think is closer to a 3am finish.

The compounding problem is one late night finish means tiredness the next night so I don't feel like having two together and will only play a small freeroll tonight, which I qualify for with my reward status, when I could have played a 'full' night of MTTs as well whilst I'm at it.

As I have said, my small roll also means I don't have much to split. Do skypoker, PKR, Ongame, or anyone else offer any better schedules for me does anyone know?

Thanks Red & Tal. I read all of the currently active diaries on here and mostly enjoy doing so. There is a compliment in there somewhere.

Skint

There has been much discussion about pricing up shares for staking of late. I do not want to offer any further thoughts on the particular matter, but there is some relevance to my own situation, albeit on a much smaller scale right now.

I would like to play more online that I currently do; my bankroll is severely restricting my schedule selection as I try and stay sensible and continue to play mainly $1-$3 tourneys with an occassional $5 game. I'm continuing to play pretty well and run OK and my ROI continues to improve. I was going to be able to play a live tournament next week out of my own money but unfortunately it looks like personal expenses - the plumber, the car, clothes and a toddler bed for the boy, weekend away in Liverpool, nursery bills, school and family holidays to pay off, and all chances of having a couple of hundred quid spare are gone.

It's pretty annoying to have to miss this one as I have rarely had chance to play out live much over the last few years, outside pub poker games, and the added £1k to a 100 runner field £40 tournament with £10 headhunter would have been fun. What is more annoying is that I will have money but not for another couple of months now, since The Piranha lost her contract work, whilst we get back to being straight again. Looks like July for a trip to G Casino is my next hope unless I get a win online for £100 or so. Such is the life of the small-stakes player.

Mark Up

There is an article written by Kevin Williams which has some good advice for those seeking to sell shares:

"Mark-up is a difficult thing to get right. It's very hard to accurately assess your true ROI, particularly in live tournaments. It's also important that both buyer and seller feel like they're getting a good deal. The usual factors are:

1. The person's track record in similar events
2. The perceived 'softness' of the field
3. The buyer's overall opinion of the seller's ability in general
4. The going rate of other players that are selling"

I think it is his comments in relation to the last of these four points that offers the most interesting and thought-provoking insights:

"This is the tricky one. In an ideal world, mark-up would represent a bit less than the seller's ROI so both parties feel like they're getting a good deal. I.e. if you thought you had a genuine ROI of 30% (or 1.3), you might sell at 1.2.

The problem is that it's sometimes a crowded market place and you may need to undersell yourself a little to compete. In the WSOP Main Event, for example, the structure is so good and some of the players are so poor that lots of top players would probably be technically underselling themselves if they sold at less than 1.8."

Ruud - I am Mark. I was hoping to go to Blackpool next Sat for Paris Blackpool's one year anniversary £1k added tournament, but funds are looking poor so looking unlikely.

AJR - thanks mate. I haven't actually got to doing post-session note-taking yet but I have planned to do some this Sunday. I have a note template which Jamie Burland gave me, but I need to rewatch the video coaching session I have to remind myself what notes he takes. You can have the template by all means - I'll fire it on PM to you.

Cash - I'm considering taking up some Zoom/Speed poker, potentially staked, potentially with a coach who is a mate. I really like playing tournaments though and have played very little cash over the years. I understand it would solve a lot of my problems but I can't seem to tear myself away from the tournament format. I also recognise it will likely help my post-flop play in tournaments, so maybe a session a week for rake (what do rake dollars make? reward points, as Bruce Forsyth might say) and for the benefit of bankroll growth as well.

I'm not sure I agree with people who say stuff like play SnGs or cash for steadier bankroll growth than MTTs - although someone will probably show me how this is the case. I played 1k STTs at $5 turbos, ran like shit in the main, and broke-even. I saw Kevin Williams graph for a $3k return at slightly higher stakes and over about 3k tournaments but I'm sure he had a similar stretch and I'm told it's not uncommon. I don't want to repeat that experience.

"......I'm less happy that the diary seems to be one of the least interactive I read on blonde so need to think about why that is and address it.....".

Mark - I absolutely love this Diary, it is arguably the best, freshest Diary on blonde right now. The view-count confirms that many others, do, & readership is growing. Interaction will follow, give it time.

Tom's is brilliant, but he has the advantage of having been here for ever, so he has built up a solid bank of regulars, & he does that chit-chat-waffle-talking to-everyone thing so well. Just basic, what you see is what you get. And a surprise every day, always something completely left-field.

Alex, ditto, he mixes it up beautifully, lot of poker, lot of non-poker.

Greeky (GreekStein) used to keep a fantastic Diary, ditto ditto, his had a different tone completely but was a fantastic read, & he replied to EVERY Post, & gave everyone a nick.

There are other great ones, too, including the "poker poker poker" ones, I don't read them because I work in poker for my day-job so I need a break from it, but it does not make them any less good.

Note the common theme - all are well-presented gramatically, have "balance", & are nicely set out with paragraphs & stuff. Which partly explains why they had such high click & reply counts. Well set out Posts just make reading easier, & an enjoyable experience. Few of us enjoy reading stuff which makes our eyes bleed just to read.

We all have different tastes in Diaries, & what we read, but for me I like to see.......

Well presented, "old-fashioned" correctly punctuated, with paragraphs, enboldening etc.

A good mix & balance of subjects. Some poker, but not too much. Balance.

NO Hand Histories copied from 'Stars, or disguised bad beat stories.

In poker stories, respect other players. All this "guess what the idiot/moron/fish called with?" stuff is just not nice to read. Dissing other players we share tables with, ditto.

Humility. I love humility. Arrogance is fine, in the right place, misplaced arrogance is just embarrassing.

A few photos now & then. The photos on Page 2 of Kendal were magnificent. Pictures beat words, mostly, they really do. We don't paint a picture as well as a camera.

Honesty & self-deprecation.

Not too much smut, & dear God, no gratuitious filfth, nothing looks less classy in writing. We all like a bit of hows-yer-father, but it does not translate into the written word at all well.

Now I am not typical, far from it, I'm old & out of touch for starters, with old-fashioned values (= out of date), but there are plenty like me, who I am 100% sure enjoy your Diary.

Remember, you are a newbie here, & good friendships are never made overnight, they take time to develop if they are worthwhile.

I have not interacted much because I just have so much on my plate right now, here & in real life, in fact I can't even reply to stuff weeks old on my own Diary, a place where I am happier than anywhere (online).

Keep it up, the interaction WILL grow once folks get to know you better. We have only just learned your name!

This could be one of the most-viewed threads here in a year or two, really.

It is outstanding, imo.

Fancy Play Syndrome? Blonde Diary Syndrome.

Let's remind ourselves that I play the micros/low-stakes up to $5. I found a couple of new games that start a little earlier than my usual schedule tonight. One is a good value deepstack. I busted that first hand obv. I then busted the other and I busted the $3k first orbit. Now I'm contriving to bust the $1k.

I have been trying to run some bluffs and generally playing less than optimally. Maybe I've been reading to much of the young guns' dairies today and am suffering from BDS.

Not to worry, I guess it's good to experiment. Experiment may be a bit generous for what I have been playing like tonight though.

League Games

BBP league returns for leg 3 tomorrow night and I'm top 10. I think after playing the last couple of seasons I have adjusted my play to suit the game a bit better and feel like I'm giving myself a good chance to go deep in this and maybe win a decent prize, that I won't be able to take advantage of as it's a seat at their live event at Aspers in May (or a Mega Sat seat/Sat Rebuy seat(s)). I can sell it though and the personalised hoodie would be an OK prize, though I'll probably never wear it anywhere. I might wear it out more often than my Iraq football shirt though. I've not sold that there have I?

The Piranha

Seeing as we are doing first name terms, The Piranha is my girlfriend of ten years, Hannah. The name comes from when we used to play poker between us two and my flatmate in Manchester when she used to come and stay the weekend. You have to put on your best Jessie May voice for it to sound right - Hannah Piranha. She does have a personalised hoodie with it on that the poker club I used to work gave it her for her birthday - thanks Johno.

I'm incredibly proud of her today. She took a year out to have our boy and went back to work for an agency last year, but got told before Easter that there is no more work for her at the college she has been providing care for - adults with Downs, Asperger's, Autism, etc.

She had an idea to set up a business with very low start-up costs, which her Sister invested/loaned her £200. She has built a website and back-office system, got a friend to do her logos and some marketing material for the cost of a case of wine, started a Twitter and FB account, and today had three meetings with local businesses.

This last part has been challenging as she has little real sales experience. I coached her some over the last few days. She nailed the meetings and secured one deal in two mins flat and the other two are referring them for internal sign-off. One of the businesses could provide access to thousands of potential clients each year.

Her business looks so professional, the work she has put in at evenings and weekends has been incredible. One guy was stunned with her website and that she had done it herself. She has been teaching herself coding and all sorts.

She is also partnering with a local festival in the summer to get access to 2000 local people on the day.

Han and I lost a fair bit of money when she decided to open a cafe quite a few years ago now and we have only just payed off the debts. To get back in the saddle, albeit without the financial risk, takes some doing.

What a girl.

Running Better

Got above average now. Gonna make a go of this session after all.

It seems to be a musical morning, so time for a

Musical Interlude

https://soundcloud.com/gregwilson/hacienda-good-friday-sankeys (https://soundcloud.com/gregwilson/hacienda-good-friday-sankeys)

For those who don't know Greg Wilson this is his own bio from his blog:

I’m a Deejay from Merseyside. I started out in 1975, but stopped for almost 20 years, between 1984 and the end of 2003, at which point I started again.

One night during the period I wasn’t deejaying, turning off my mind, relaxing, and floating downstream I had what might be termed a moment of clarity. Paradoxically, although I was no longer a Deejay in the literal sense I suddenly became aware that I’d never actually stopped being a Deejay, for even if I was in a room with just one person I couldn’t help but ask them ‘have you heard this?’, and not only ‘heard’, but ‘have you seen this / read this?’, for it goes beyond music. Already taken somewhat aback by this nugget of self-discovery, I realised, in true eureka style, that this all pre-dates my being a deejay and goes back as far as I can remember – I’ve always had an inherent need to share, it’s absolutely central to my nature. This was quite a revelation.

So it’s no wonder that I became a Disc Jockey, for once I fell in love with those circular pieces of magical plastic during my formative years, it wasn’t a matter of choosing this as a path, the path pretty much chose me.

For those who do not know The Hacienda - really, wtf?

I would have loved to have made the reunion gig despite never having been to the club itself. I cannot get enough of this mix - Greg never picks a bad record.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy!

The Live Pokers

I'm finally getting out of the house and down the road to the Vegas of the North, Blackpool, for a £1k added £40+£5+£10 bounties tonight. Seems an opportune time to talk about my experiences in the live poker scene.

It started for me when I saw The Badger take on The Dragons and I became interested in running a pub poker night myself. I took a trip to The Nuts Poker League HQ in Wrexham and met Steve and Doug(?) who ran the business.

I got a night set-up in Kendal and we played for points each week and had a £5 optional cash buy-in. We were maybe pulling in fifteen players per week on average. I branched out and added a second night at another pub in Kendal with what was essentially a load of Thirsty Thursday piss-heads. Much fun ensued. There was an interesting dynamic you won't find in many poker games; around 9:30pm some would start getting on the cocktails and ordering taxis to take them to town. You could obviously call down much lighter as they were more interested in making the taxi than the money.

We did the Regional Finals and National Finals events and I ran these games for about two years in total. Kostas the Jackal tore up the Day 1b National Final in Stoke-on-Trent, having arrived without sleep and fuelled entirely by gin all day. He was easily the draw of the day and donning aviators, looked like a Risky Business-era Tom Cruise with a hangover. Unfortunately, relentless aggression was picked off on the FT bubble and he crashed in 6th to miss the money by one after destroying his way through a field of about 200 for ten hours or so. Of course, he went straight out when we got back to Kendal.

At a similar time as starting the pub league games I wanted to play local poker tournaments and came across a game in West Cumbria. This was the biggest live poker event I had ever seen - seventy-odd players in a rugby league club in Whitehaven. I ran KK into AA first hand after the break. I spoke to them about running events locally to me and they agreed to provide equipment, dealers, and posters to advertise, to get me started. I recruited my own dealers and set about getting the game established.

The next episode is one I will have to consider whether I want to talk more about now it has passed. For those who know the infamous hotdog wars of Leicester in the mid-90s, or the even more infamous ice-cream wars of Glasgow of the 1980s, these weeks and months will forever be remembered in Kendal folklore as the pub poker wars......dum..dum..dum..dum..dum..da.da.da.da.

Trip Report - Paris Casino, Blackpool

One thousand of your English pounds added to this £40+£5+£10 bounty tournament. Four £25 bounties issued as Special Bounties - drawn at random.

Seat draw - couple of locals to my right, one an older fella, and an older Scottish fella. The Scottish fella the least experienced of the three. Pretty annoying and nerdy 20 year-old poker dealer to my left. Fairly entertaining older Indian local - like an Indian Rastafish to his left. Young girl. Older local lady. Poker dealer from G - sound enough, possibly a bit cocky.

I open my glasses case and pop it in front of me with my phone. Look down at A6s utg first hand (think we are 7-handed initially)....and promptly raise to 1,050 at 25/50 level. Everyone folds. I put my glasses on. Milky bar kid nerdy dealer promptly declares 21bb raise and disbelieves my proclamation that I misclicked. Laughs at imaginary scenario where someone else had KK/AA and I go broke, or something. This will be fun.

Second hand - milky bar kid loses some hand to K2s (I kid you not John Black) to guy to my right who looks like an amateur magician. Promptly declares again - 'nice call pre-flop' with large slice of sarcasm. Receives dressing down from me that we can play however we want with whatever cards we want and I only take advice from Phil Ivey and this kid ain't even black. This is fun.

Bluff 3-streets vs flopped nuts and fold to river c/r from older Scottish guy. Nice fellow who is enjoying playing. Good for him. Don't fire 3-streets vs these guys - no need. Bluff 3-streets again obv. after amatuer magician calls p/f oop. I fire scare-card K turn and blank river to be shown the K I'm repping for 2pair. I fold face down.

I nit it up suitably. Limped pot - I make 600 raise at 50/100 with 34s and get 2 callers and flop trip 3s - confirmed golden. I then c/r flop and c/r turn vs older local lady who folds on turn. I get asked my hand and declare I flopped trip 3s. Milky bar kid and possibly a bit cocky both promptly declare - yeah right and I then get asked if I had QQ. I've not had this much fun since...the last time I played live at a £50 game.

Make a 3-bet and steal with T9s. Little else to report. Indian guy is needling me about mintcake and having decent bants. Dealer is inexperienced but with all the advice she is getting from the other two dealers at our table she can't go wrong. She actually deals very well just a little unsure of the odd rule.

Dinner

Buffet is neither 'delicious', or a 'buffet', but you can't complain out of £5 rake, so I'm not. A serving spoon of macaroni cheese on a plate is better than a slap in the face with a prawn vol-au-vent. Guiness is decent and less than £3 a pint. No Masters on in view so can't sweat my bets. Not too arsed about that.

Get into 20bb-30bb territory where I am comfortable and more clued up than most of the field. Aggression pays off and I start moving and pick up some bounties. Table folds.

I then shoved KJo from BB over utg and mp limper to get called by KJo utg+1 and 87o from mp Beats by Dre man. We chopped it and his bounty. Next hand same guy, Portugese bloke, open limps again and I over-shove with nearly 30bbs with 99 and get snapped by QQ. We turn a straight and I'm back in business.

I now have a stack around 60bbs. Not sure how as my memory is a bit vague in later stages but I end up losing a flip with 88 maybe but get short and have to start folding as there are others going all-in. We are playing two tables with 14 getting paid and about 16/17 in. I shove T8s for about 5bbs and get called in two spots, both cards are live and I think the paired 8 wins it. I make £25 from busting a super bounty.
ICM knowledge, or even knowledge that ICM exists is non-existent. We see r/f out of 6bbs and all sorts of weird play.

Bitching and Moaning

Two old guys then decide to start bitching and moaning 'it's you again, every hand' as I fail to act inside 20 secs. I correct them and they revise this to 'it's every other hand then', so already being downgraded by half as often that I am doing this. I wonder how much lower I can get them. I give as good as I get (I actually prefer to ignore here but it's 2am and I'm sober and tired). I bust the main guy and am now freerolling with £60 in bounties. His mate calls clock on me a couple of times, generally being out of order. Firstly, I verse him in the finely balanced decisions I have to make, which he is clearly incapable of (I should stay quiet again and I'm really mainly just working out pot-size and looking at chip-stacks behind, etc.) and accuse him of 'sucking the joy out of the room'. TD advises I just ignore and play on.

End up busting 10th shoving 10bbs from BU into SB JT v AQ and don't get there. Make £130 profit.

Staff very good - friendly and professional. Crowd decent, but it's always the few that seem to linger in the memory rather than the majority who were sound enough. Promised to bring mintcake for Indian Rastafish next time.

Would return for added value in unconditional guarantees, decent size and well-run poker room, good parking, excellent valet service, and alright crowd for a live £50 game.

Brain Dump

The diary has faltered a litte this last week. I have not been the most focused and I think I need a bit of a break. Firstly though, to enjoy the break I need to get some things down on paper and make some initial steps to tackling them. Never leave the scene of a decision without first taking action.

I have a week booked off from work following May Day bank holiday - nine days will be greatly enjoyed. Hannah, Roscoe, and I plan to take advantage of the good weather that I am optimistically predicting with some walks locally, a bit of work in the garden, and maybe some evenings sat out with a drink or two. We get the sun all day in our garden and with it setting just off behind Kendal Castle it is a very nice way to spend the evening indeed.

My Brain

I often get periods where I just feel a little directionless. I have again been guilty of procrastination and although I have achieved in some areas, it hasn't been in enough and I've lacked consistency.

Rather than dump everything on the page here, I have started to do so privately and will introduce things I am working towards into the diary as i make progress with each.

I always seem to categorise my thoughts and plans into fitness and health, leisure time including family and friends, financials, household, poker and other income, personal improvement, and charity.

My aim is to take a single-step towards realising each of my goals in these categories before my holiday starts, or before I return to work in some cases.

Above all, I feel like I need my schedule to be packed. Looking back, I think I have always thrived the most when I have been kept busy and my mind has stayed occupied.

I do find that I don't enjoy pure relaxation as much as I used to and sometimes become a bit listless, finding I can't concentrate on a TV show, or find one thing to hold my attention for long. This may be because I do not feel that I am being productive enough and the downtime does not feel deserved and what I really want is something to fill that time instead.

I recognise that to begin to achieve what I want I must identify and apply the necessary principles that govern those results that I seek. I am fearful that I do not invest in myself enough to rise to the challenges of tomorrow and to be succesful. I know that I must prioritise, and have focus and integrity on those priorities.

I feel like I have been here a thousand times before, but I know that I can find it in me to really go after the things I truly want.

Back to Work

A week off is coming to a close. It's about two weeks since I gave any real attention to this diary too.

I wanted to use the first quarter of the year to answer some questions/arrive at some decisions and take a step of action forward in each of those areas. It has taken a little longer than that, but progress is certainly being made.

Poker

I have decided to keep plugging away at MTTs on 888 and ipoker for now. The only obstacle has been that I have been unable to replace $300 I cashed out pre-Xmas due to further financial constraints in the real world. The $300 is earmarked for deposits on two or three other sites offering a good evening schedule in my bankroll target buy-ins and with acceptable fields to enable me to play on work nights and get to bed before dawn. To be honest, the missus never liked it when I did get to bed with dawn anyway, so this had to be cutout anyway.

I did a second win last month, which I am sure I have already posted about which did return just over $300, but a second decision to start to play some Speed poker on ipoker means that I need to keep that where it is to give me a forty buy-in or so roll. I have been playing a fairly solid opening range, and 3-betting and 4-betting range. Where I have lost my biggest pots has been running big pairs into overpairs - JJ v KK type situations, where I do think I perhaps could have folded, although I need to start posting some hands up on the PHA boards for feedback. Had I not lost two or three buy-ins in this manner I would be running about breakeven. As I am currently playing for reward points primarily, and profit secondly I would be happy to keep this kind of form. Of course, I also want to massively improve my post-flop play to transfer into MTTs, and to become a profitable player, beat the 10nl tables, and move up to 20nl.

I have now cancelled the coaching course, Breakthrough Poker Coaching with Nick Wealthall, after about eight months. I enjoyed the material and still have two months worth of catching up to do. However, due to my financial constraints, and the nature of the games I play, I think I have enough to be going on with. I can pick up the course again whenever I like. Coaching hours and review sessions have again suffered and I am still yet to build in consistent sessions into my week. This must be addressed, especially if I want to leap forward with my cash game.

My other outstanding goal currently is to start building an online business I have had in my mind for some time. I will make a date in my diary to at least get the bones of this in place very soon and aim to have something online and live by the end of June. I think it will be something fresh, provide a little benefit my way, and be a great outlet for me to continue to talk to the poker community but in a format and forum that is entirely my own, rather than just through a forum such as blonde. That is not to say that I have immediate plans to close this diary anytime soon, although I am also undecided how to take things forward with it. One idea will probably be put to the test in this next week or two, so please keep following, and I hope that the interaction I am going to try and develop is well received.

Results online continued to be good for MTTs. I made a back-to-back FT in the BBP league - sixth this time, seventh last time. I was very pleased with some parts of my game; a bit suspicious that I may have tightened up too much in later stages perhaps to restrict me building a bigger stack to go on for the win. With a second in week one I have now gone from outside the top twenty into eighth overall with one to play. I'm on for my best result ever in a league - I think this is only my third full league in the last couple of years anyway. I don't think I can threaten the top three or four unfortunately though, as I had four-five weeks of pretty average finishes with one a bit worse than average.

I also managed another FT in a small-stakes MTT on 888 - fourth in a $2 double chance for $111.26. $400 up top would have allowed me to spread a few hundred around some other sites, but again I may have played a little overly tight in one or two spots. I must, must, get around to review sessions!

Personal Goals

Progress is underway - I started back taking a Spanish course last week. I use the Michel Thomas CDs. I usually just listen to and from work so maybe forty or fifty minutes per day. It is going well so far and I am really enjoying it. Walking to work muttering in Spanish phrases as I go may draw some funny looks from others on their way to work and school.

I have done nothing towards fitness at all, other than sign up to a website I think can help me with some resistance training at home. I haven't started running yet either, but have got some podcasts downloaded. I guess in itself that is a small step-forward. More on this when I can get the time and find the necessary motivation.

This week we have got on top of lots of financials. My car, minus a working clutch is up on eBay - we nearly made a real cock-up with this and scrapped it, but after looking online realised in its current condition we could get about £1k for it. I sold my old iPhone; I will be taking the returns to Blackpool to spin next weekend all being well. I sorted out the last of some of my own remaining debt to reduce my monthly outgoings and buy me some time to pay them off in full.

Family Life

We had a real trial over seven or eight days with Roscoe ill from a virus, similar to chicken pox, and a subsequent ear-infection. All plans up until Tuesday were pretty much written off. I did get round to my Mum's for her birthday and Roscoe picked up sufficiently for an afternoon to have some fun with his cousins in the garden. The rest of the week has been spent generally getting on top of things. I took my Mum to see Two Gentlemen of Verona, which was very well acted by the Shakespeare at The Tobacco Factory from Bristol, at Dukes Playhouse in Lancaster.

Watched Prometheus last night and Half Nelson last week. Loved the look of Ridley Scott's prequel to Alien (although not a direct prequel to the story of Alien as such), but thought the story lacked in too many places to rate it very highly. Half Nelson was carried by some good performances, but was a very depressing story and probably not watched at the best time following a tough week emotionally with the boy.

I'm glad to be back. Thanks to those who have come back to the diary with me. I will keep striving to make this fresh and try and give you all something worth following.

Conflict

There is constant conflict in life. Decisions need to be made at every turn. Some of these are very small and insignificant; some are large and life-changing. Some of those latter decisions occur daily yet may wash over many of us as we do not see them as decisions, but just as choices we made along time ago. Decisions such as should I get up and go to work today, or should I not, may not seem like decisions at all, as the consequences of choosing not to have repercussions too great to contemplate. Perhaps choosing to does too.

I certainly have swings and for once I am not talking poker variance.

Where conflict remains in place for a long time and decisions are never truly made, but instead we coast along with things as they are, as change is the more difficult or the scarier option, then perhaps it is a reflection that we have not accepted or come to terms with what is reality, rather than a dream.

I, like many of us who have responsibility beyond that of a teenager or young adult, have to fulfill many roles and to meet many demands. That is a fact of being a family man, a working man, a father, step-father, and partner. Of course, we still have our dreams too. It is where we must remain in reality yet not let go of those dreams that can cause conflict.

For certain, I do not think it is realistic to quit the rat race for a life which in reality is nothing like what one might dream it to be. That is the thing with dreams. They are rarely rooted in reality.

Currently, I play a couple of evenings per week and continue to focus my energies on small-stakes MTTs. My results are ever-improving and consistent, my play developing into a game that has more to it than the ABC I have largely played for so long. Being here on blonde also keeps my feet on the ground and shows me, when I delve into pleno1's diary or Alex's Prose from a Poshboy, that my natural talent is not on the same baize as theirs and my overall experience falls way behind on volume.

I feel this pull to step up my poker: to play more, to study harder, to immerse myself in the game as much as I can. Yet, I have to contend with much else which reduces my time, energy, and focus. Of course, I am happy with so much of what I have. I may not always stop to appreciate that enough and enjoy it enough. I am also probably too hard on myself. I had a very tough time last week with the boy being so ill and needing so much from us both. The first five days of my holiday was gone before I could even relax and the rest was spent getting on top of other things in my life. Money remains a constant concern; when we turn a corner and see some light at the end of our tunnel, it seems that we hit another bump in the road.

I do not write for sympathy. I am well aware and constantly remind myself of the riches we enjoy, and the first world problems we endure compared to the third world problems that billions of others have to face to survive each day. It feels good, cathartic, to write about this. I hope it does not come across in a way that I always try to avoid when I do write - as someone bemoaning their situation.

I continually fail to stick to plans to review, work on my mental game consistently, and to pursue ongoing coaching. I keep returning to goals as I think it something which does not come easy to everyone and I have to constantly re-evaluate they whys, the hows, and the whens of the pursuit of it all. I know that I must celebrate the good things I have achieved and the improvements I have made. Perhaps I will start to keep a list of goals set, goals achieved, and other improvements, to refer back to when I feel like I am losing my way.

For tonight, I think I will just chill, put on a film, and enjoy a couple of hours with the cat watching a film or catching up on some TV. Tomorrow night, another deep-run in the Black Belt League will be my aim as I try to secure the best possible league placing I can and the incremental prize that goes with it. I will play my usual schedule of MTTs too.

Thanks for those who read this one. It is these moments when I feel like the diary is truly worthwhile to me. I hope it was not too cryptic and I hope that for anyone else who shares this kind of conflict that it at least shared a problem.

Last Night's MTT Schedule

I played a little looser with my shoving ranges last night from a couple of spots, which I have taken more recently to being much more solid with. Of course, I came unstuck in both spots and ran into an overpair with 44 and a big Ace with KT. The 44 hand I certainly did not need to make a shove with and had I min-raised blind on blind I would have almost certainly seen a shove which would have made for an easy fold. That said, I don't think it's necessarily bad to mix things up like this and play some non-standard lines as it does good for my image, especially in the spot with 44 as I play against those players weekly in the BBP league.

I ended up crashing out in ~50th but made 9th overall in the final table standings. The question that has been raised is are the prizes for 11th-20th finishes better than some of the top ten prizes (outside 1st place even). Reward points versus satellite seats to their quarterly 6-max $250 event - sat seats awarded incrementally from a $5 rebuy seat, to multiples, to some super-sat seats. Many players seem to prefer just getting 100 belt points to go towards their monthly total in their quest for higher Belt awards at month end. I can see their point.

I was distracted last night. It stemmed from agreeing to play a small $5 sat to the $250 6-max and forgetting I had another MTT starting at the same time to go up to seven tables (I prefer to cap at six due to screen size and preference for tiling rather than stacking and I don't run Table Ninja).

I ended up mis-clicking an all-in call with AT versus an UTG shove when I had a connection problem and just saw my hand at the last second and called. I lost to AK.

I also got it in, in a spot I would normally have the sense to fold, when someone played a flopped set fast. Multiple decisions does still cause me to make some mistakes I would not otherwise. I think I need Table Ninja as sometimes I find my Timeout does not kick-in and my hand is folded. I think I know why but I think Table Ninja would help rid me of this issue.

Training

I had a brainstorming session and looked at all available resources that I could access cheaply and easily and that has value.

I think I like the pokerstrategy.com articles and would like to peruse a few of these to rebuild my game for Speed poker.

A lad on BBP who is very dedicated to improving has set himself a Speed challenge for 50k hands starting from 5nl and has some coaching videos and other material he plans to sue to help him. I have asked him if he fancies some skype contact and I may kind of join him in the challenge, although with my MTT schedule taking priority right now I will play less hands for sure. We have a similar approach to the game, both wanting to play a good amount of hands with a solid strategy to gain some stats before we become too adventurous in widening our ranges and exploiting opponents more.

I will post some more on this as it gets underway and would welcome feedback and advice.

I also have one or two other bits of material I can build into a training program for myself and I will try and finalise this by the end of the week.

A night off tonight - going to try and watch SightSeers if we can find our old Playstation, as the DVD we bought for £29 from ASDA seems to have brokedown - I know, would've thunk it!

Quote from: VBlue on April 11, 2013, 11:25:55 AM

It seems to be a musical morning, so time for a

Musical Interlude

https://soundcloud.com/gregwilson/hacienda-good-friday-sankeys (https://soundcloud.com/gregwilson/hacienda-good-friday-sankeys)

For those who don't know Greg Wilson this is his own bio from his blog:

I’m a Deejay from Merseyside. I started out in 1975, but stopped for almost 20 years, between 1984 and the end of 2003, at which point I started again.

One night during the period I wasn’t deejaying, turning off my mind, relaxing, and floating downstream I had what might be termed a moment of clarity. Paradoxically, although I was no longer a Deejay in the literal sense I suddenly became aware that I’d never actually stopped being a Deejay, for even if I was in a room with just one person I couldn’t help but ask them ‘have you heard this?’, and not only ‘heard’, but ‘have you seen this / read this?’, for it goes beyond music. Already taken somewhat aback by this nugget of self-discovery, I realised, in true eureka style, that this all pre-dates my being a deejay and goes back as far as I can remember – I’ve always had an inherent need to share, it’s absolutely central to my nature. This was quite a revelation.

So it’s no wonder that I became a Disc Jockey, for once I fell in love with those circular pieces of magical plastic during my formative years, it wasn’t a matter of choosing this as a path, the path pretty much chose me.

For those who do not know The Hacienda - really, wtf?

I would have loved to have made the reunion gig despite never having been to the club itself. I cannot get enough of this mix - Greg never picks a bad record.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy!

Was meant to reply to this post a while ago but forgot. I follow Peter Hook (ex - New Order basist and co owner of Hacienda) on Twitter and he always retweets a lot of Hacienda nights with people like MIke Pickering and Greame Park. Think they travel all over the UK.

Im lucky enough to have been given a lot of the old skool acid house 12" records years ago. My favourite being this classic

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ADoBW0c-18

Celebrate Good Times

Come on.

It's easy for people to fall into the trap of using blogs, Twitter, Facebook, and real life talking to bemoan their situation in life, address their shortcomings; in essence to tell bad beat stories.

Psychologically, I was always taught in sales that it is important to celebrate victory. I never see it as boasting or bragging if someone wants to share their successes in a positive manner.

So, I'm going to take stock in this post and just share some achievements - some small, some larger, as an exercise in appreciating my own efforts, and being thankful for what I have got.

Poker

Completing six months worth of coaching and using the material to integrate into my game, resulting in identifiable improvements in my game.
Took three additional coaching sessions with Black Belt pros in targeted subjects and have notes which I can return to in order to put the advice into action
Continued to discuss mental game strategy with Jared Tendler through his forum and resolve some confidence and motivation issues by completing a Process Model and writing a Poker Mantra
Played MTTs consistently and returned an ever improving ROI, including two outright tournament wins and consistent ITM finishes and improving on turning deep runs into FTs
Got to Blackpool and made a profit and booked a second and third trip
Started to play Speed Poker at 10nl and have teamed up with another 10nl player to play 5k hands per month and work on our games together

Personal

Been a good Dad and got immeasurable pleasure from the Boy and from focusing on family
Decided to 'stop drinking' for a while last month and have since drank a pint on one occasion and two pints on another. No other alcohol. I am quite enjoying not drinking and cannot see me returning to doing so with any regularity, or getting drunk in the foreseeable future
Taken up learning Spanish again. I have been listening to my Michel Thomas CDs to and from work most weekdays. Puede hablar Espanol conmigo?
Managed on a tight budget, not let lack of money dictate my mood, and resolved some debt. Sold my motor last night. Got a new car on a ridiculous good deal thanks to my Father-in-Law

Sure, there are some other things I haven't got around to yet. There are lots of other little victories too. Just a simple difference of perspective can make all the difference.

If you are having a difficult time - give yourself a break and look at all the things you have achieved and decide to celebrate them.

Posting more has been difficult this last two weeks. The boy has taken up a lot of time and energy. Since he was last ill with an ear infection and virus he has not settled back into a routine, largely down to our mismanagement. I blame the parents. Lost sleep has meant tiredness during the afternoons and attempts at catching up by napping the odd hour here and there when he has been having his.

Good Stuff

I'm going to talk to the compere and organiser of my debut comedy stand-up about getting a second night organised. I will likely be involved in this one from the start, having sourced a venue already. I think this needs someone who really wants to make it happen. As I am so keen to stand-up again, it looks like that will be me.

I am a (not entirely but still) shameless self-publicist of both my old blog, which continues to take a hiatus whilst I find some time to get a website up and running, and my diary here. It looks like there has been a nice result from having done so, when I was asked last week if I wanted to take on a job writing articles for a poker website. I have been in negotiation since over rates, volume, and a few other terms and submitted an initial article for review, which was well recieved aside from a few style pointers. I now have nine more to write in the next three weeks and an indication of more work following.

Final tabled a tournament on Saturday night - the Daily Dollar Rebuy on 888. I got a huge stack early on. I love the rebuys as the gamblers in the rebuy period give you opportunities to 3x or 4x your stack, where you are a very strong favourite pre-flop. Unfortunately, AK was no good vs KJ all-in pre-flop and I exited in eighth, losing a pot that would have placed me third and a very strong chance of another outright win. I also made twenty-fourth in the 3k earlier in the week to keep my profit line going up.

I had a short Skype session with James, the lad I know from BBP, to discuss our approaches to Speed poker. We shared some starting hand ranges and discussed 3-betting and 4-betting, set-mining, and playing suited connectors. We are now both aiming to get 5k hands under our belts and to talk once a fortnight and maybe swap some hand histories in the near future. The current plan is to keep things simple and defined pre-flop, taking an aggressive line always, with very rare passivity. One thing that seemed to surprise him most was my line in 3-betting or folding, with much less flatting of opening raises. One thing I did note was I probably talked too much and didn't give James as much chance to. I must get better at shutting my mouth and opening my ears on such occasions in future. I recovered a few buy-ins too in a few hours a the 10nl tables and it felt good to have two consecutive winning sessions.

For this week coming, I have still yet to confirm my other news but should be in a position to do so soon. It may be a few days or even a few weeks yet though. Blackpool trip, this time to Genting Casino, for a £25 game on Friday night. I'm hoping everyone doesn't drop out between now and then as I've had my first casualty today.

Watched Django Unchained on Sunday night - loved the soundtrack, Jamie Foxx was a good lead, and overall like most Tarantino films I thought it was a very enjoyable film. I think Inglorious Basterds was a better story throughout and Death Proof a little cooler. However, at 165 mins long I felt I could have watched another hour.

My First Blog

My first independent blog started in December 2010. I had been writing a blog-style thread on BBP for maybe up to about a year prior. From time to time I look back to see where I have come, what plans I had, what I achieved, and what plans I didn't see out.

At that time, I was pretty low, grinding a 60 hour week in the bookies and living with my parents. However, things were turning around as I had got back with my girlfriend of seven years at the time, and our casual rekindling was escalating into me moving back in after about nine months apart.

I was getting into multi-tabling STTs at $5 level, after going busto due to variance and taking most of three months away from any serious poker playing. I was using SnGWiz to work on ICM and reading Collin Moshman's book to work on my overall SnG game.

In February I added in some MTTs after my break-even stretch continued at the STT tables. I won the first one I played a $1k GP F/O. February through to March saw me start to win in STTs and I doubled my starter roll from December to $400. March itself saw me drop 30bis when I deposited on Party and could not win, stepping up to $10 STTs. I signed up for Deuces Cracked and downloaded some MTT videos as I pondered fleeing STTs and leaving a $1k break-even stretch to look back on. A few near misses to add to my win in February and the boredom that had set in at the STTs were to later convince me. An attempt at getting a group of STT players from BBP together to Skype regularly to discuss strategy and share hand histories, and a run over 100 STTs of 20% ROI would be a temporary reprieve.

I got myself a nice free $100 to play with on 888 and ran incredibly hot to turn that into $1k by the end of April. The surprise looking back here was this was my idea to build a website for poker players like me. It is now May 2013 and I still haven't done this, despite a muted effort last year that never got past a single page Wordpress site. I had also announced that we were expecting our boy in the November, so life changes were ahead.

In July, I was turning my attentions to live poker - having followed the WSOP blogs in the summer. I felt that 2012 could be the year to turn to sats and get out more on the live circuit. Again, it is nearly eighteen months later and this has only just started to be realised with more trips to Blackpool and a few online sat attempts. I had got around to watching a few DC videos and another Skype group had sprung up on BBP, which was to end in some drama started on 2p2.

The next six months will follow...

Writing Job

I have now had contact directly with 888holdings and barring completion of some paperwork, will be commissioned to ghost-write some articles for them over the next couple of weeks. It feels a little strange for a couple of reasons. Having your writing edited is not something I am used to, but it is helping me understand a little more what copy the sites want and how to shape it for their audience. Also, being asked to write strategy when I am far from an accomplished player is also difficult to get used to. However, I realise that it is possible to write beginner level pieces through having decent knowledge, doing prudent research, and that the writing itself is the skill I have been offered the job on the strength of.

Website Business

Another offer which came up from the same source was a chance to get a little deposit in an online account in return for writing a site review.

Firstly, I want the site review to offer something different than mainstream reviews. I want to talk about what players like me can benefit from - rewards, promotions, player pool and games on offer, and a little about the website and client software. I want to distinguish between just listing all the available benefits and making it very specific. If you are primarily a tournament player and only investing, say $100-$250 per month, what really matters to you?

This dovetails nicely into a little motivation to get my website up and running, which follows a similar theme. I would really respect the opinion of one or two on here, so if there are any players reading this who would like to give me some feedback - it would be better coming from small stakes tournament/sit and go players, who are not playing huge volumes each month.

Please send me an email to vblue@sky.com or catch me on Facebook by PM and I'll send the finished article soon.

Weekend

Blackpool

Eventually, the trip to Blackpool was whittled down to just two of us. This meant that expenses were up a little due to fuel costs - so a £40 outlay for a field of about 55 runners and a GP of £1.5k (with 50 runners conditional) meant the casino added £125.

The positives were a well-run cardroom, good staff, and a nice crowd. The negative was the structure - with only 15bb average whilst 24 remained. I had already gone by this stage.

I could not find a bet-size to thin the field pre-break. With a 25k starting stack and 50/100 first level, players were happy to see a flop regardless of price. 300 was no good, 400 was no good. I had a cold-deck set-up when I raised something like 800 from the blinds with 66, with a few limpers predictably calling the raise. Flop came 36x and I raised flop, turn, and river bets winning at showdown vs 33. At no point did my opponent make a raise over any of my action.

I had about 45k now and held that - winning and losing a little to stay there. Post-break I have 75bbs. AQ pot-sized raise pre-flop could not thin the field and missed the flop. QQ could not either when I was now 2x the pot pre-flop and still going 4/5 ways to the flop. The flop of KTx went check-bet-call. I folded the T turn to a check-raise.

With blind levels dropped to 20mins and leaping from 400/800 to 600/1200 I was now playing 25-30bbs. I raised all-in over 4/5 limpers with quick folds round to the player to my right who had to call despite knowing he was way behind with K2o. He held vs my 87s. I was beat into the next pot by A8 all-in with A9 utg limper calling off and holding. My A7 would have liked the flop of 77x. I then got QT in next hand to get called by another utg limper with A9 and that was my night done. I had probably telegraphed my desire to get all-into be fair, as the lad quickly declared he knew I was all-in and guessed any Ace would do.

Online Series

Unfortunately, these structures are putting me off the 120mile round trip to play a decent sized field within my bankroll. The Piranha suggested putting the money into some bigger online poker games and I think it's good advice. I could either put together a small roll to try and sat into some proper UK events, or just play some online tournament series - the Full Tilt MTOPS coming up might be worth a look. This is a multiple entry, turbo, low-buy-in series and just the sort of thing that would suit me right now, unfortunately extra money is on hold again so I would need to move a little online bankroll around, or hit another three-figure score. The next BBP Ninja series would be another, especially with sats and packages on offer and would give me a little longer to build up an extra roll for.

Cash

I played a couple of short sessions on Saturday and won and lost a couple of buy-ins. I seem to start by donking off a stack and then spend the next hour or two winning it back at the moment.

I want to continue to play some two hour sessions this week and spend a couple of hours looking through some hand history reports on HM2 to discuss on my next Skype session with James, my BBP fellow Speed cash n00b.

Coaching

I am certainly starting to feel a little stale and that I must make a return to working on my game a priority. Today is a day to put some plans down on paper and then to take some steps forward this evening.

Learning Lessons

Equity Calculations

I ran through an article illustrating how to use the Equilab tool last night. Initially, I think this tool is an improvement on pokerstove.

The user interface a better design. It is easier to select specific ranges with the 'range slider'. You can, of course, select and deselect specific hands, select particular suited hands, and use the display 'card removal' when you have a blocker and want to reduce the holdings your opponent can hold because of this. You can use pre-defined ranges and also save your own pre-defined ranges for future use - such as, "deepstacked BB defence against BU raise". The 'display combos' tool is also useful for training us how to quickly evaluate potential number of holdings our opponent may have.

A short example on calculating fold equity follows, where we input the flop cards and look out how often our opponent will fold to a c-bet, by removing hands from his pre-flop range. The next section also shows how we adjust a range through the streets and calculate our equity when facing bets on the flop, turn, and river.

The final section here is very useful in teaching us how to use the tool to expand our thinking about situations by asking ourselves questions and changing the parameters; assessing different flops, changing opponent actions, different starting hands, and what actions we can take differently on each street.

The Scenario Analyser looks at all possible Turn or River cards and then helps us to determine which cards are 'good' for us and which are not, considering our holding and our opponent's perceived range. Our equity against each possible individual board card is displayed. We can also set a required equity based on what we expect our opponent to bet on the next street and see which turn/river card gives us that required equity.

Playing Session

First lesson learnt here is that trying to play two tables of Speed Poker alongside a couple of tournaments is ludicrous and I gave up after the second tournament started.

I decided to get involved in a promotion on BBP. BBP are adding tokens for the ipoker daily $3k GP (which I believe has just been reduced to a $2.5k GP) to a load of their own tournaments and their upcoming league. I played the $10 Turbo Takedown last night and won it, with a token added. Prizes for the promotion are then rewarded for no. of cashes you achieve with the token entries. Top prize for seven cashes, from a maximum of twelve tokens, is a $2.5k tournament package. I have one token, which if I convert into a cash, will win me some sunglasses. I have until the end of July to win more.

Bouncebackability

How strange it is. One day you feel the weight of the World on your shoulders. Everything seems impossibly difficult and there are just questions and no answers. Then, like a bolt of lightning, the clouds lift and it all seems easy again.

I was largely bored at the casino on Friday night. Played well Monday night and did a win. Largely bored Tuesday night and exited the league in 80th and bricked everything else. I was struggling with everything that was on my mind.

Wednesday morning, I set off to work feeling really down. By the time I got there, fifteen minutes later it had floated away. I had resolved to give up poker for the week, but was now raring to go.

With one token won, towards the Twelve Days of Summer promotion) and a potential six more available - I played BBP's Deepstack Mulligan (one token added to the winner) and a weekly freeroll, the OBF, I qualify for (five prizes - five tokens to the winner, four to second place, etc.). I also reg'd my usual schedule.

I started with the $1.5k which I have already taken down in the few times I have played it. I had a pre-game review of some notes and reminded myself on how to extract value from these games, generally full of loose-passives, with some overly TAG players. I had nothing of note to play and busted losing a flip.

A twenty minute break and a few of my other tournaments started. The OBF had about 50 runners and has some very good players within that line-up. I bobbed around starting stack never getting going and then made some well-timed 3-bet all-in semi-bluffs to keep me alive.

The Mulligan is a decent BBP tourney which I rarely play, as it is $15+$1.5. With an extra token added for the winner, as well as belt points, I reg'd.

I got chipped up in the OBF shoving QQ over an utg open and AJs calling off. Later on when 99 held against AJ I had the chip-lead. In The Mulligan QQ v TT put me in the chip-lead across both tournaments.

Unfortunately both tournaments ended with mistakes.

The Mulligan saw me open in mid-position with 77 for a short-stack to shove (hand on PHA board for details). One of BBPs ex-pro players then re-shoved and had me more or less covered. I called and flipped v AK v AK. Although I was ahead and with dead money in the pot and considering it a chance to bust the best player at my table, I think it was a mistake. I felt that I was probably flipping and that the call was OK. It worked out that way. However, with the benefit of hindsight I can see how I could have been in much worse shape.

In the OBF, shamefully, I fell for the old 'GL' in the chat when someone shoved over my opening raise from the BU and I called with ATo. I had played such good solid poker all night and been selectively aggressive with success. It was an easy fold and I fell for the oldest trick in the book. I hang my head.

So buzzing for it at the moment, I can't wait to get back to another night at the MTTs.

Finding The Time

To Write

Since I last wrote there has been much going on. I have been continuing to write three articles per week with more due this Sunday. They are all strategy articles and have largely been within my own comfort and knowledge so far. I have had to undertake minimal research to fine tune some points.

I now am being asked to write some slightly higher level stuff. I think I can still largely write these from my own knowledge, but may have to spend more research time on them.

My process is to write an article in a single sitting, which takes up to an hour. I then write the next the following day, and the day after that. Day four I go back to them and edit in one session which takes another hour or two. I would say then, about five hours work in total for $60. It's not a great hourly rate, but from small acorns...

To Play

I think I played Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday last week with nothing significant I can recall to report. Mainly, I just bricked everything.

I have had a nagging feeling recently that I have so many more things I want to achieve at the moment and that playing poker takes priority over them all. I ask myself if this balance is good for the long-term. Poker will always be there, so a break would not be so bad. I don’t make any money, to speak of, by playing. I am concerned also that variance works in such a way that to play casually the hours and volumes I play will ultimately lead to very little financial reward.

It is nine months now since I turned my attentions back to trying to apply myself as a serious rec. Someone once told me that they worry about people who plough so much into the game when they are going to realistically see so little back. I have had fun playing and learning over this time. It was always mainly seen as a way to put some energies into something with potential to achieve a return.

However, now feels like a good time to slow things down. I want to pursue more work writing; ultimately I hope to develop some relationships which might lead to a full-time job in the industry. What kind of job I do not know for sure. I find that there is no well-worn path that is easy to follow and I have no experience of the industry whatsoever.

To Diversify

My focus is on taking up new opportunities. I have applied to a well-known poker room to help theme establish and maintain a new forum. Some of you may have seen the request posted on social media. My application was well-received initially, so I hope we can take the next step towards making this happen.

I can also then free time to devote to building my own online business, with some passive income initially, and as a further outlet to display my writing skills.

For Family

Parenting Roscoe has been difficult lately. I’m not going to moan I promise. It is hard in many ways. He is so headstrong, so independent, so demanding. His skin is awful some days. He barely eats. His sleeping through is better, but his waking gets earlier. He won’t take good naps, so gets frustrated and then exhibits some undesirable behaviour because of it.

Despite all this – he is very clever, very loving, full of fun, full of humour, and my blue-eyed boy. I love him so much, but it is hard to enjoy it at the moment. Those glimmers throughout the time I spend with him are so powerful though that all your frustrations are gone in a second. Until they return.

It has been putting pressure on us as a family, with tiredness followed by stress and short-tempers.

To Get Paid

On top of that, my missus is now at the official stage of a tribunal hearing. Tuesday was the first of five potential days in a court, between now and October. At which time, it will be nearly two-and-a-half years since things turned very sour with her now ex-employer.

We are pursuing pregnancy discrimination, although the timing of our claim is being disputed by the respondent. We are representing ourselves as legal costs would swallow up much of any claim we may be awarded. Hannah is also owed nearly £2k in unpaid holidays and, potentially, further notice pay. We hope that the £2k owed is cut and dried as she will have to prove why it is not payable, or that she has paid it. It is payable and she hasn’t. We have proof. Of course, I can’t help but be nervous to some degree that we will end up with nothing.

I will continue to write. My mind bounces, with my moods, off walls and up and down so much I might have a completely new take on life by next time and have become a Buddhist Monk.

Over two weeks since my last entry.

After almost a month away from the tables, time I took to start another project which I have still done nothing with, I decided to play some tournaments last week.

I've had a couple of cashes, some variance, some good stuff, and some bad calls. That covers my play just about.

I have continued to some paid writing work and with the content being all strategy so far it is helping me think about my own game quite a bit. As a method for learning I would strongly recommend writing an article on it, even if only for your own consumption. Explaining the detail to someone else, really gets you into the nuances, the right way to apply a move, the conditions required, opponent tendencies that you may need to adjust to, etc.

There has been an announcement I have wanted to make for a little while, but had to restrain. I am now very happy to say that Roscoe is going to be a big brother (and he doesn't even know what that means) sometime around the middle of January 2014. We lost one before Xmas and had a scare last week following the 12-week scan, which has tunred out to be something fairly routine.

Life is gonna get flipped upside down once again. Love the family though, so can't wait to complete it with our second and Hannah's third.

Gonna try and get my grind on for 2/3 sessions per week again whilst I have the time and probably come back to the project next year when poker will likely have to take a hiatus for 6 months or so.

Quote from: VBlue on July 16, 2013, 12:02:49 PM

Congrats on the news pal. Hope all goes well!

Sixteen months on and an afternoon spent catching up on what I have written previously.

Life has taken some very big steps forward.

The Piranah started a midwifery degree at UCLAN in September, selected for one of about twenty-six places from over eight-hundred applicants, and with no medical background. She also had to put in two-hundred hours study to complete an access course as a condition of her offer. Despite initial plans for her to commute, we have moved out of our Kendal home and in with her parents, about ten minutes from Blackpool. She is placed at Blackpool Victoria hospital. We are having our house valued and put on the market, probably after Xmas. It costs me £8.5k a year to keep it on, even after our lodger's income, and we might come out with £40k-£50k equity. A nice deposit to have in three years' time when we plan to buy following The Piranha's completion of her course and subsequent anticipated return to full-time employment.

Jesse is coming up one years old, and Roscoe will be three in a few weeks time. More on these two little rascals in future posts.

I have finally had success moving my career on and I'm going back to financial services, in sales, with a massive amount of confidence and positivity towards the role, the business, and my own ability to succeed.

I have played poker a sum total of once since about last September. Brief Blackpool 'Keystone Cops' trip report on that to follow.

I am still writing for 888, but mainly web content for tournament pages. It isn't fun, I don't enjoy it, but I am rattling off much of the work at a very quick rate and so my hourly has sky-rocketed.

In the last month I have got back on the forums. Well, here anyway. BBP has gone. APAT is deadly. Hendon Mob is a joke.

I've also got back into some wider interest; Jared Tendler's Mental Game podcasts, reading up on poker news, following a few people on Twitter, etc. Really, really up for a game.

I think the Blackpool cash games are there for the taking and have lots to ask the forum before I make a plan to get them with some regularity.

I really have good focus on on an approach to getting back into poker - sats, couple of live tournaments of decent size (if I sat), live cash - certainly no time to devote to getting back into an online grind regularly - or even occasionally at the moment.

Good to be back properly and I hope to have more to write about soon, although initially it won't be very regularly.

blonde poker forum

Poker Forums => Diaries and Blogs => Topic started by: VBlue on February 25, 2013, 08:39:20 PM