blonde poker forum

"Yes madam, I am drunk. However in the monring I will be sober but you will still be ugly" Churcill to Lady Astor


"If i were your wife i would put poison in your coffee" Lady Astor
"If you were my wife I'd drink it" Churchill


"If ignorance ever follows oil to $60 a barrel, I want drilling rights on George Bush's head" Anon


"He can't help it he was born with a silver foot in his mouth" Texas governor talking about Bush


"Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a condom stuffed full of walnuts" Clive James


"Do you mind if I smoke?" Oscar Wilde to Sarah Bernhardt
"I'd prefer it if you burn" Bernhardt's reply

Tighty makes his bid to be the person who starts the most O/T threads in the one day!

they have been brewing up inside me for weeks

I blame my mystery benefactor who made the grave mistake of buying me the book "The World's greatest book of useless information"

One belter I heard was from Davie Provan (Celtic winger) to Alex MacDonald the Rangers full back.

"I could keep a beachball off you in a phonebox".

========================

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend if you have one."
George Bernard Shaw, to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in reply

=================================

BUT THE WINNER......

"Sir, you will die either of the pox or on the gallows."
Earl of Sandwich to John Wilkes

"That, my lord, depends on whether I embrace your mistress or your principles."
John Wilkes, in reply

 :respect:

Mark Twain on Jane Austen: "It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death."

An excellent read if it's the one I'm thinking of!

Is it the one where a quote from a critic on the back says "This book is totally and utterly useless!"  :D

More Churchill

The Americans will always do the right thing... after they've exhausted all the alternatives.

The problems of victory are more agreeable than the problems of defeat, but they are no less difficult.

There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.

This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.

We should have felt more confidence in the success of our policy. We should have seen that he [Hitler] risked falling between two stools.

What could you hope to achieve except to be sunk in a bigger and more expensive ship this time (On Admiral Mountbatten )

that's it, yes

Is that a mistype - shouldnt that be on most mens t-shirts - "This man is totally and utterly useless"?

WC Fields to woman on train "Got any gin?"

Woman: "Do I look like The sort of woman who drinks gin?"

WC: "No, got any vinegar?"

"bampot"

My favourite insult. Great for those, like me, who are lacking in the quick wit department.
Zings your advesary every time.

Nuptuals over, I grabbed huge handful of tissues

Mrs Red: "You don't need that many, it's not that big"

Me: "They are for you dear"

Nameless girl to nameless moderator, once upon a time....


"Is it in yet?"

 :D :D :D

sry Mrs Red...But you have to admit... he is funny

LOL Same happened to me as a young lad , thats brought back some memories. Mammories too!

For anyone who likes a laugh this book is really good. (Whilst being totally useless of course!)