blonde poker forum

I'm putting this here because the other two 'Selling it' threads are confusing enough without adding more random bits.


Part one is here.  http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=63383.msg1914039#msg1914039

Part two is here.  http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=63383.msg1914201#msg1914201


Part 3

I managed to avoid clashing with Hank again for about an hour. I played some hands against normal players and managed to win a couple of decent pots. Meanwhile Hank spewed a few off, so when we tangoed for the third and final time, I had him covered, but only just.

I picked up aces in early position and was counting out a raise when a handicapped player on my immediate left, (deafened & blinded by headphones and shades) pushed all in out of turn for about 20 bigs.

I knew that Hank had witnessed all this from his vantage point two inches above the felt because his cheeks inflated like a hamster with mumps and his lips played a silent version of the William Tell overture on an invisible trumpet.

He looked directly at me, and the brow of his one open eye shot up his forehead like a bushy vulture caught in an unexpected thermal.

“You were going to raise weren’t you?” He asked.

“Yes”. I admitted, doing my best to avoid his cycloptic gaze.

“I’m all in”. He shouted, opening his other eye in a fit of excitement.

I called of course, flipping over my aces.

The young man to my left, who had by now removed several hundred pounds worth of audio / visual impairment, let out a deep sigh and tabled pocket fours.

Hank did a little fist-pump and turned over ace queen of clubs.

“Dingleberies”. He explained, helpfully.

The flop came down J 6 9. One club.

I sneaked a glance at Hank, He was sitting back in his chair totally unconcerned, blowing on his fingernails and oozing confidence.

The turn card was the 10 of clubs.

Hank hummed a little tune, “Dum de dum….”

The river was a club, I don’t remember which club exactly, I couldn’t think straight. I felt like I had been simultaneously kicked in the bollocks and lobotomised.

Hank was gleefully stacking chips and babbling, “Dingleberries…… never fail…… shouldn’t play aces…. always get busted….. dingleberries…..”

As I passed my cards back to the dealer, I noticed that the skin on the back of my hands had developed a faint green tinge. Then, muscles that I didn’t know I had started to bunch and flex beneath my clothing.

I was just so angry.

With a wail that was more animal than human, I pushed back my chair and leapt on to the table. The other players looked at me like I was a monster and quickly pushed themselves back out of harm’s way. Hank on the other hand, continued his babbling.

“Dum de dum…. Aces no good….. tee hee…..dingleberries…..”

I sprinted across the table towards him. It seemed like a long way because for some reason, I was running in slow motion. Nothing in the room existed for me except Hank’s bald head as it hovered just above the green baize like a big pink football.

I swung my foot as hard as I could, making contact just where the nose joins the upper lip. Hank’s head ripped free from his body and arced gracefully over the crowd before ricocheting off a fruit machine and scoring a beautiful field goal through the open door of Trickett’s room.

I must have blacked out after that, because the next thing I knew I was back in my seat and a dealer was shaking me by the shoulder.

“Excuse me Sir, but we’re on a break, you will have to leave the table”.

When we came back, I managed to spin my micro-stack up into a playable amount and actually managed a min cash.

I never saw Hank again

Never saw that ending coming, great writing Tom. You should start a Diary.

Rofflcoptering or whatever it is the kidz do which is a good job as I'm doing my conkers at Cheltenham.

Off to look and see if there are any dingleberries running in the next couple of races to get me out of it.

you should have helpfully informed him that they are infact puppy feet.

I may have exaggerated a little bit about jumping on the table and my footballing prowess, but I swear everything else is true.

I had my money on this being an excerpt from A Beautiful Mind and you get carted off at the end because there was no Hank.

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCEjeTb1rrs
.

I'm beginning to detect a hint of scepticism....

I'm a belieber.

Great writing as usual Tom.

I really did think this was a post on breaking bad, haha! WAL!

Its taken me nearly an hour to read all three, I'm still crying and I think I've wet myself.

Dingleberries hey!

Well done Red Dog

Hank wasn't from jersey was he, genuine SN and hand

PokerStars Hand #113510454470: Tournament #881751107, $4.00+$1.00+$0.40 USD Hold'em No Limit - Level III (25/50) - 2014/03/19 14:05:35 WET [2014/03/19 10:05:35 ET]
Table '881751107 102' 9-max Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: oleg74107 (6030 in chips)
Seat 2: soika63 (2950 in chips)
Seat 3: kazah123 (3095 in chips)
Seat 4: Renan101 (3000 in chips)
Seat 5: v.tel (11185 in chips)
Seat 6: dingleber750 (1130 in chips)
Seat 7: Nikollson (2925 in chips)
Seat 8: corto12 (6310 in chips)
Seat 9: Rab90 (2350 in chips)
soika63: posts small blind 25
kazah123: posts big blind 50
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Rab90 [Kc Kh]
Renan101: folds
v.tel: folds
dingleber750: raises 150 to 200
Nikollson: folds
corto12: folds
Rab90: raises 200 to 400
oleg74107: folds
soika63: folds
kazah123: folds
dingleber750: calls 200
*** FLOP *** [2c 8h Qc]
dingleber750: checks
Rab90: bets 400
dingleber750: raises 330 to 730 and is all-in
Rab90: calls 330
*** TURN *** [2c 8h Qc] [3c]
*** RIVER *** [2c 8h Qc 3c] [Ah]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
dingleber750: shows [Ac Jc] (a flush, Ace high)
Rab90: shows [Kc Kh] (a pair of Kings)
dingleber750 collected 2335 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 2335 | Rake 0
Board [2c 8h Qc 3c Ah]
Seat 1: oleg74107 (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 2: soika63 (small blind) folded before Flop
Seat 3: kazah123 (big blind) folded before Flop
Seat 4: Renan101 folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 5: v.tel folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 6: dingleber750 showed [Ac Jc] and won (2335) with a flush, Ace high
Seat 7: Nikollson folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 8: corto12 folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 9: Rab90 showed [Kc Kh] and lost with a pair of Kings