blonde poker forum

I had a - conservative estimate - five minute rant while at a poker table at the weekend when this advert came up on a nearby telly:

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n_b219oWFM

Was it the annoying music? No

Was it the twee comparison between the people driving to be free and the fish doing the same? No. Well, maybe. But no.

How does a fish go from fresh water to fresh water to fresh water to the flipping sea??!

I love adverts. When done well. This, unless there's some fish I don't know about that can do water with or without salt, is not one of those.

I mean why not have them driving to a big lake and the fish swimming about happily there? Easy.

Anyone else?

You're thinking about shit way too hard mate  :)

You were OK with the fish jumping those distances?  Or the fact it is clearly a tropical fish, so wouldn't handle the temperature outisde the tank?

The two ladbrokes adverts have always tilted me into shouting at the tv at them.  I must have seen them combined over 1000 times i reckon.  The first one 'free betttttttttttttttttt!' always made me shout 'layyyyyyyyyyyyyyy a bet you spineless fucks' and the 2nd lolbrokes life advert with the 5 jokers on it just makes me hum the theme tune to the ad.  One of the characters 'Gut Thruster' is the spitting image of Carl Spicer (pro gambler/poker player). 

ROFL thread!

Correct. That would be overthinking.

The fundamental concept of the advert is the fish escapes from its bowl to the sea in order to be free. That is necessarily flawed.

How do you reconcile your theory that freshwater fish can't live in the sea with the fact that they survived the Flood?

C+P from next door:

i'm not one for tilting usually, but adverts constantly annoy me.

Being patronised must really work on some people, but i just feel like boycotting products on principle. non more so than pepsi max, coke zero and lynx adverts

pepsi max was conceived as men had stopped buying diet coke. now in the late nineties we had two competing male archetypes:

the new lad who swilled beer, sh-gged birds and wore expensive jumpers recommended by sartorial style-bibles like, er, nuts magazine and FHM

 and the new man - a bookish type who can quote byron, cook lasagne and understand feminist issues all while wearing knitware and brogues.

women it was said appreciated the later archetype, while the former was said not to care, being more interested in seeing what trabs tim lovejoy was rocking on soccer am.well the diet coke adverts cut right through those archetypes. here were successful city-women, far from being passive manhood vessels for burberry-sheathed meat-heads,  making a sexual object out of a man. and not a bookish, new age man who whips up a mean risotto and can 'emptathise' and 'listen'. they were ogling a ripped alpha-male who was doing manual labour for them. the type who may struggle to quote nursery rhymes [much less 'sonnets for the portugues'] but who can fix things innit.

New lads had the rug pulled from them as men became object and not the objectifier. and new-men realised that no matter how many deliah smith recipies and chicken soup for the soul self help gurus they brushed up on, they could not complete with raw masculinity. men stopped buying diet coke. i guess it made them feel like drips compared to the Diet Coke Man

.then we have pepsi max and cokr zero, strange adverts. one involved a man resorting to an elaborate set up where he had to convince a woman that an asteroid was about to hit the earth in order for him to get a chance with her - he had to con her into sex. another featured drippy, emasculated men protesting. not just protesting but marching. not just marching, but marching up city streets. the same city streets where the successful and objectifying diet coke women work. a column of maleness marching up an alley of femininity. the semiotics are clear. this was a metaphorical gang-rape of the diet coke women by these drippy non diet coke drinking men.

and what were they protesting for? well men have traditionally marched against oppressive governments, illegal wars and unfair taxation, they have marched for jobs, rights and notions of truth and justice. what do the men in this advert march for?

we want holidays without the packing, yeah... YEAH!

we want bras without the fumbling, yeah.... YEAH!

we want the right to drink sugar free coke without feeling insignificant and castrated, yeah... YEAH

pathetic. dont buy pepsi-max, innit.

lynx is another brand that comes up with adverts that patronise and disturb in equal measure. their adverts feature similarly  pallid men spraying lynx on themselves and then having women flock to them. but what happens to the women when they smell this lynx saturated man? they lose their rationality and become either docile or feral. their humanity dissappears and they cannot resist, cannot deny consent and then fall for a man they would otherwise pass-by. they call it the lynx effect;  they may as well call it Lynx-Rohypnol and be done with it.

also smell is the most ephemeral and evocative of the senses. it can instantly transport you back to a time or place long before you consciously work out what the smell is. it can conjure emotion, recognition and memory. with that in mind why then would you slather yourself in lynx and be instantly associated with every bad 90's lacoste swathed scally going?

pathetic. dont buy lynx, innit.

(http://www.creativereview.co.uk/images/uploads/2015/01/screen_shot_20150126_at_14.52.40_1.png)

Don't watch finding Nemo then, that will tilt the shit out of you, all two hours of it!  :)

(http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/3458129/salmon-leap-o.gif)


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fish_migration

The featured fish are probably Catadromous, like Salmon. You have heard of salmon? Big fish, often found in tins in  Lidl, or smoked in Waitrose.
Can be really big. I mean really really big, like big as a big 10yr old. 97lb 4oz big.
(https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3235/2992763073_08607bcd11.jpg)
Yeah, that big.
Hard to miss really.

They only change water type to breed, before returning to their salinated or non-salinated water.

The chap in our advert isn't getting back to his bowl any time soon.

Agreed. This advert actually stopped me from using their comparison services.

Funny for the first few views, I thought, now annoying, like many of the best ones are.

Haha - the bearded "professor" tilts me.  At least the 10 team aca overhead kick broken shoulder man knows he is punting for a laugh but the professor thinks he can beat the house edge and still get on.

No no no. The professor has four mates and a missus who all have unrestricted accounts.

Agreed, I find it quite disturbing too. 

This makes me feel physically sick each time it appears to the point that I can’t watch it. What the feck has it to do with car insurance. Why the feck does Sharon fecking Osbourne have to appear in it. How much fecking money did they have to pay the fecking Pussycat Dolls in royalty for the song. And who pays for all of this fecking shite? WE DO! Sorry but it really does make my fecking blood boil.

The woman in the trivago advert sounds the neediest of needy needies.

who still watches adverts? :)

between Sky+, Live Pause and Netflix, there's no need to be watching this nonsense

Bad enough to make you kick the telly

I'm pretty sure that the only effect that advertising has on me is negative towards that brand.

With Sky+ etc I don't watch any live TV apart from sport so I can zip through the adverts.
That means that the only advertising that I see is generally for betting companies (if I'm not quick enough to find the mute button and distract myself by reading Blonde or similar).
Adverts irritate me so much that I have started recording live sport now too.

I have a reflex reaction to the BetWay advert where I shout "F*** off, you c***" and feel a very strong urge to want to punch the guy in the face - I'm not an aggressive person, generally.
Luckily, I live on my own but I worry about what might occur in "polite" company.

BOB

Definitely!

Right up there with Tighty's Dallas Cowboys rant ;D

Thread delivers

lol, only other one that does this to me is Ray Winstone's stupid cockney geezer schtick

Cortana remind me to buy a bottle of whisky and some pills, I don't think I can take any more of your adverts.

Didn't even think mere knew words like that!

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVpsjqsvttA

Cats. All over the internet. Viral on facebook. Cats dressed up, doing funny stuff

liked thousands of times, shared

Just fuck off with the Cats please everyone.

and then this

A male budgie singing in a female voice with some sort of CGI mouth movement with a not particularly attractive tabby carousing a budgie

oh just sod off

is it just me that wants the cat to do what it should do and eat the budgie when they are next to each other?

and then, just in case we weren't shallow enough, the advertisers think we are more likely to buy McVities chocolate biscuits because an advert has cute looking kittens in

Oh just fuck off again

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxXZ_uEVr9c

there are people whose job, career and life's work is to find young animals for the big advertising companies for their adverts

it started 40 years ago with Andrex and puppies

ok, fine

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-IFWxiTlOo

but now, enough. Please please find something original and stop showing me fucking cats in every other advert.

:D

Some videos should never ever have been made in the first place.  If you get that knock on the door you only have yourself to blame.

 :D agree with the cats thing, I think it's a woman thing, it is on my Facebook anyway. All my female friends and relatives cooing over or laughing at some stupid cat pic with a 'funny' comment on the pic about what the cat might be saying or thinking.

don't anger the cats, Tighty.

(http://img.pandawhale.com/75163-SOON-black-cat-meme-2Iwo.jpeg)

Working in the same location as a female dominated Marketing team I can only agree, they were overly excited by this whole group of adverts.  If biscuits are truly only bought by women this advert must be gold.  However I do suspect its done more for kitten rehoming then it has for biscuit sales - not seen any increase in office biscuits but a big increase in pics of my "new kitten".

O2's "Be more Dog" annoys me.  Why should I be more dog?  They're dependable and follow their masters around.  I'd rather be more cat but the cat want's to be like a dog.  I don't get it.

Is the cat waiting for a smoke in this picture?

Tighty's excellent rant reminded me of this. Produced before Mr Minchin sold out.

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cB35Tfebxio

Loved Vince's rant so much, this is for him.

It's because I care.


(http://thumbsnap.com/s/ymRcrmSA.jpg)

Can't forget Tighty, either, we get one rant per annum from him, it's the rare times he loses it we love him most.



(http://i.ytimg.com/vi/GchUiYAmlLM/maxresdefault.jpg)

that. and world domination. like all cats.

I won't rant, but I could cheerfully chin this ***** with his fucking accusatory tone.



YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPIv350V2Tg

This guy is annoying...

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw0acK3Jb6c

Not an advert as such, but why does every pretentious platitude which appears on fb have to be accompanied by several bloody MINIONS.  ;grr;

The two twats from the 118 adverts drive me insane
Now they are money lenders too
I'd like to borrow £5 k off em and not repay it in the hope those 2 twats would turn up at the door to collect it
They'd never be seen again
I like watching older films on film 4 and those 2 pop up every advert break makes my blood boil
118 my arse

Sold out how?

Arena tours, Matilda, the overdose of anti-Christian and anti-religion material in recent tours and yet he took the shillings for appearing in Jesus Christ Superstar.

He's not the first to tread this path but he's one of the most disappointing for me.

I think we have a different definition of "selling out."
He's always wanted to be really famous and if he's achieving that doing what he loves, good for him.
Still a personal hero of mine.

Muller Deserts with Nicole F***** Shirtzinger.

Why can't the ego, not join in and get covered in the stuck when she has her "accidents" instead of just a pathetic dot on the nose?

It's not even a sexual girl covered in chocolate wish(that said.....) just roll up your sleeves and get stuck in girl, it doesn't matter if we don't see you abso perfect all the time.

Oh I like Nicole,  no problem there, Mullerlicious

I shout at most, they piss me off!

The one that really tilts me is that "bad betty"  arrrrgh.   Gambling is always painful apart from when we win, it doesn't mean its out of control you w*nkers!!

My personal favourite hate at the moment is the Barclays advert with Alan Shearer and his reminisce about his first game at St James and knowing he wanted to be a footballer.

What a crock of shit, the wooden Alan Shearer does my head in at the best of times but have to laugh at the epic timing fail - giving tickets away for another Newcastle defeat and Ashley out protest.

So many shite adverts on the tellybox these days, it's hard to name just a couple!

On the flip side, I do like the Homepride advert, and some of the Irn Bru ones can be amusing.

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/12/National_Accident_Helpline,_Underdog_Character.jpg)

Have you had an accident at work?



(https://i.vimeocdn.com/video/508766036_640.jpg)

Not an advert but my God I would love to kick this silly bastard in the bollocks.

From about 35 seconds in..

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWSYWlvxXq4

The latest Health Lottery advert with Anthea Turner. What a pile of shit!!!

That bloody PPI ad. with added bad grammar just to rub it in.

"possibly mis-sold to you and I"   ;nemesis;

"Booking.com, Booking dot yeah!"

Ooh, how clever, it sounds a bit like swearing.

Fuck right off. What do you think we are, 5 year old's? ;grr;

direct line with that perick of a bloke

"If it's not an iPhone, it's not an iPhone"

Duh.

It's Fuck off Friday.

Fuck off Anthea