blonde poker forum

A place to tell the world something you've only ever seen once while playing cards. 

For some of the more experienced players, this might be a challenge, but it should hopefully throw up some good stories. 

Today, the table captain at the local Grosvenor, a 19 year old earphone dangling ninja, who has been playing 80% of pots, at least a dozen dark, met the arrival of the valet with the words...

"Hello. Can I have a milk, please...with ice?"

I once played on the same table as a guy who used his wife's ashes in an urn as his card protector.

I once saw someone climb on to the table, lower his trousers and do a little dance.

A woman I shared a table with at the weekend was doing a colouring in book. Thought it was pretty unique.

That's not that odd. I've ordered coke and milk together before. It's quite nice.

At least that's a cocktail

In The Oaks cardroom in Northern California I saw someone flash a gun he was carrying after he thought he was slowrolled. He was asked to leave very shortly afterwards, I'm not sure what (if anything) happened after that - hopefully nothing.

I saw a guy muck his hand straight down the slot into the rake box.

He was chucking his cards about all night, and he was lucky enough to fling them so hard they bounced off the dealer button opposite and floated straight down the hole without touching the sides. You couldn't replicate it if you tried a thousand times.

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This happened at GUKPT Luton a couple of years ago. 

(http://i59.tinypic.com/124g7sy.png)

Guaranteed to have happened countless times around the world and online, but the best part is we all managed to talk our way into receiving the standard free drink from the bar for a straight flush as we were technically involved in the hand because of the antes.

The Luton Grovesnor giving away £40 worth of drinks, never seen that before or after for that matter.

Seen a guy in Macau have a very scary fit/seizure at my own table. He was young too.

I was absolutely amazed that after it happened (he hit his head too on a drinks table) that staff didn't insist he get some medical attention.

His friend said it was the first time it happened yet when he came around he was assisted to the bathroom for 5 minutes and came back out and insisted he continue playing.

I couldn't believe the whole thing. I'd want an ambulance asap if that was me.

Roger Brush clearing the whole cardroom after just a single fart.

Would love to read the stories behind these one liners.

Playing poker in Vegas and the loud drunk opposite announces he needs to visit the bathroom. Gets up, walks around, finds a suitable fruit machine and urinates all over it. Audible gasps from everywhere. Think it was a Da Vinci's Diamonds.

Playing poker in Macau and after a particularly intense session I walked into the bathrooms to find a rather sweaty chinese player literally wringing his pants and socks into the sink. Audible gasp from me.

I played at the Luton G one time and we got down to the last 3 tables and Chompy was insisting we waited until the last 2 tables before sorting out a deal.

Not poker table but blackjack.

My Brother my mate, and myself in Vegas '99. Very earlier in the morning drunk. My brother very.

Playing away and the dealer asks me if my friend may want to retire!?

I turned and he was face down, asleep on the table!  We left

Once saw Tikay 3 bet preflop in Omaha without aces double suited.

Amazing

There used to be a guy known as "Spicy" who frequented Derby and Nottingham cardrooms fifteen or twenty years ago and he used to come with his rather pale slim girlfriend and for some reason that i am not aware of it had been deduced that Spicy's missus wasn't getting enough attention in the bedroom department.

One evening I was playing on a back table in Gala's cardroom when it used to be where the bar area is today, in the company of Spicy and a well-known Nottingham character who was banned from DTD for a few years and the aforementioned character pulled out his not unsubstantial family jewels, slapped it on the table and said "you want to get yourself one of these Spicy".

Good sizing on the flop

Fight at omaha cash table, good few £££ in play , whole table went up lol

Tommy Dunwoodie standing up and farting directly in some young students face.

Someone throw a full cup of tea at a chap after he binked a set on the river.

About four years ago, one of the local poker clubs in Portsmouth decided to have a pole-dancing night in the back room that they hire out for functions. Unfortunately, hardly any punters turned up. It was also a pretty quiet night poker-wise - just three tables I think. So it was decided, rather than having the girls performing to an empty room, that the poker tables would be lifted into the back room. So we played while five or six girls waved their stuff around and took their tops off, while basically being ignored by twenty-odd people more interested in focusing on the poker. Apparently, a fair amount of the girls' money is from tips for lap-dances, which they tried to encourage by leaving the pole and dancing around the tables while the game was in progress. It wasn't a good night for them, even when they reduced the lap-dances to half-price. There wasn't much point when we were already getting a free show.

In the same club, about two years ago, I was involved in a hand where two of us (in seats seven and eight) were all-in and had been called by a player in seat three, so it was just a case of turning the cards over and dealing out the rest of the hand. The player beside me was a friend of mine and I asked what she had and peeked at her cards as a joke. As all the action was finished and the cards were about to be turned over, this didn't affect the hand, but is obviously something you are not supposed to do. Seat three took serious exception and objected loudly. Next he claimed that her hand should be dead and then that both our hands should be dead. He had had a lot of beer, but he also had a huge pile of chips. He worked himself up more and more until he flipped and grabbed a handful of his chips and fired them down the length of the table at us as hard as he could. Unfortunately, he had tons of ammunition and he carried on pelting us, maybe ten or twelve handfuls, while we tried to duck.

End of day 1 of a 2 day event, player given bag for chips, pisses in it and hands it over (didn't put his chips in)  just a sealed bag of warm urine

was he a sport star might have thought it was for the drug testing

was a bloody big sample if he did  :p

A lot of win in this thread.

A guy once soiled himself at Sheffield Napoleons and continued playing until we told him he needed to go and clean himself up because it was starting to smell really bad. He was very drunk obviously.

The board is KJT9* (can't remember the order) guy bets,  is called and shakes his head the caller shows TT and the better turns over a King...

He then takes from his pocket a bag with some white powder in it, taps a little bit on the card snorts it then turns the card over to reveal a Queen.

I also once saw a guy pull a meat cleaver out of his pocket and said he would chop anyone's head off I'd they outdrew him this hand.

He won that pot lol

Ha sorry,  you got me going now!

In vegas,  mid game (big game) the main guy in the game who is losing quite a bit stands up in the middle of a pot and demands everyone come to play craps, having to be persuaded to allow the ongoing hand to finish lol

He won $120k in about 30 minutes at craps, then insists (after lengthy row with the manager) that we can all order food from Picasso to the card room, despite Picasso being closed for 20 minutes, so we all end up eating steaks. Was fun :-)

I was in The Nugget cardroom during a mild earthquake.
All the ceiling lights started swinging backwards and forwards, tables moved a little etc, but not one player moved or acknowledged it in anyway until the hand they were in was finished.

At the same time lots of people ran into the hotel from the Pool and Spa screaming and generally doing the Team America secret signal - was very surreal.

I once played in a game where everyone chatted and smiled all night. There were no arguments, no one had a go at the dealer and everyone wore deodorant and washed their hands after going to the loo.


I've gone too far haven't I?

I think that's known as a snow-roll :)

Hahaha very good

I call.

Broadway.. few years back. cash game/ Board reads something like 6789x I turn over j10 for nuts, opponent turns over A10 and demands ruling claiming his Ace kicker plays. 

I think this was said game  :)

Playing 4 card PLO at DTD a couple of years ago.

All the money is in between me and a rather large, muscular, drunk gentlemen. I have AAxx and the nfd and call it off on the flop. Pot is over £500 and the gentlemen in question slurs 'You're unlucky mate, I got dealt quads' and rolls over QQQQ.

I politely inform the dealer that he is going to have to explain this situation to him as the chips were pushed towards me.