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Title: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 04, 2015, 10:54:22 PM I was just thinking about all the crap that adults used to tell children. for instance, if my granny caught me picking a scab she would say, "Leave that alone or else it will turn into a pig's foot".
Or, while my granddad was cutting my hair, "Be sure to burn the clippings because if the rats get them and uses them to make a nest, you will have the headache for the rest of your life". (I was about 17 before I realised that this might not be true) Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: DMorgan on September 05, 2015, 01:16:58 AM The ice cream van only plays that tune when it has run out of ice cream...
Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 01:18:24 AM The ice cream van only plays that tune when it has run out of ice cream... Lol. That's so bad. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: bobAlike on September 05, 2015, 01:31:52 AM Stop playing with it or you'll go blind.
I still have my sight although I do now need glasses for reading. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: stato_1 on September 05, 2015, 02:47:12 AM Pick nose -> eyes cave in
Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: david3103 on September 05, 2015, 08:22:54 AM If you swallow bubble gum it will tie itself in a knot around your heart.
Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: tikay on September 05, 2015, 08:30:20 AM "Don't have a bath after eating a banana - you'll drown if you do. " Grandma Angell Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: The_nun on September 05, 2015, 08:30:27 AM Mum used to say if we swallowed bubble gum our bum would stick together . Nice.
Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: tikay on September 05, 2015, 08:31:28 AM "You have a cold, so go and stand by the gasworks, that will clear your chest" (This might be in the dead of winter) Grandma Angell Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 08:43:05 AM "You have a cold, so go and stand by the gasworks, that will clear your chest" (This might be in the dead of winter) Grandma Angell I think there could be something in this one. We were told to stand by the road menders and smell the hot tar. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 08:47:32 AM Too many sugar butties will give you worms.
Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 08:48:51 AM If you tell lies, the Devil will 'ave ya.
Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: Steve Swift on September 05, 2015, 08:52:08 AM Don't eat yellow snow, surely nothing wrong with that :)
Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 08:54:41 AM Sitting on the hot radiator pipes at school would give you piles.
I didn't even know what piles were. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: kinboshi on September 05, 2015, 08:58:14 AM Sitting on the hot radiator pipes at school would have you piles. I didn't even know what piles were. Yes, but you wish you hadn't sat on those hot radiator pipes now... :D Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 09:05:00 AM Don't look into the mirror at night because you will see the Devil.
Thinking about it, it's amazing I turned out so well adjusted. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: kinboshi on September 05, 2015, 09:07:40 AM Ouija boards.
Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 09:09:10 AM Ouija boards. I'm still scared of ouija boards. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: tikay on September 05, 2015, 09:38:58 AM "You have a cold, so go and stand by the gasworks, that will clear your chest" (This might be in the dead of winter) Grandma Angell I think there could be something in this one. We were told to stand by the road menders and smell the hot tar. Yup, it was an "either/or". In fact, when the guys came every 2 or 3 years to tar & grit our road, she'd say "go stand outside & smell that, in case you get a cold". There's a belief that old people are wise, but I think it's a sort of bell curve thing, & Grandma Angell was 90 odd. In my judgement, we reach the top of that bell curve when we are in our late sixties. Ralph is a shining example. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: tikay on September 05, 2015, 09:39:45 AM Don't look into the mirror at night because you will see the Devil. Thinking about it, it's amazing I turned out so well adjusted. You did? Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 09:50:25 AM "You have a cold, so go and stand by the gasworks, that will clear your chest" (This might be in the dead of winter) Grandma Angell I think there could be something in this one. We were told to stand by the road menders and smell the hot tar. Yup, it was an "either/or". In fact, when the guys came every 2 or 3 years to tar & grit our road, she'd say "go stand outside & smell that, in case you get a cold". There's a belief that old people are wise, but I think it's a sort of bell curve thing, & Grandma Angell was 90 odd. In my judgement, we reach the top of that bell curve when we are in our late sixties. Ralph is a shining example. Can you imagine anyone sending a small child out to stand by the road menders these days? Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 09:51:36 AM Bloody Hell Tone, we're turning into Flanagan & Allen.
Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: tikay on September 05, 2015, 10:00:29 AM "You have a cold, so go and stand by the gasworks, that will clear your chest" (This might be in the dead of winter) Grandma Angell I think there could be something in this one. We were told to stand by the road menders and smell the hot tar. Yup, it was an "either/or". In fact, when the guys came every 2 or 3 years to tar & grit our road, she'd say "go stand outside & smell that, in case you get a cold". There's a belief that old people are wise, but I think it's a sort of bell curve thing, & Grandma Angell was 90 odd. In my judgement, we reach the top of that bell curve when we are in our late sixties. Ralph is a shining example. Can you imagine anyone sending a small child out to stand by the road menders these days? If I may put you right Tom - well I'm going to anyway - what on earth is a "road mender"? We don't mend roads, we repair, rebuild or replace them. "Road Mender" is something I'd expect to see in The Sun, or Woman's Weekly. "Road mender" falls into the same department as that ridiculous expression we see so often in the media, "workmen". WTF is a "workman"? Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: EvilPie on September 05, 2015, 10:08:33 AM Ouija boards. I'm still scared of ouija boards. Me too. I have no idea whether they work or not and I have no intention of ever finding out. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: arbboy on September 05, 2015, 10:11:36 AM "You have a cold, so go and stand by the gasworks, that will clear your chest" (This might be in the dead of winter) Grandma Angell I think there could be something in this one. We were told to stand by the road menders and smell the hot tar. Yup, it was an "either/or". In fact, when the guys came every 2 or 3 years to tar & grit our road, she'd say "go stand outside & smell that, in case you get a cold". There's a belief that old people are wise, but I think it's a sort of bell curve thing, & Grandma Angell was 90 odd. In my judgement, we reach the top of that bell curve when we are in our late sixties. Ralph is a shining example. Can you imagine anyone sending a small child out to stand by the road menders these days? If I may put you right Tom - well I'm going to anyway - what on earth is a "road mender"? We don't mend roads, we repair, rebuild or replace them. "Road Mender" is something I'd expect to see in The Sun, or Woman's Weekly. "Road mender" falls into the same department as that ridiculous expression we see so often in the media, "workmen". WTF is a "workman"? Road mender used to be a nightclub in Northampton when I was growing up. No idea how it got its name or if it still exists. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 10:14:27 AM "You have a cold, so go and stand by the gasworks, that will clear your chest" (This might be in the dead of winter) Grandma Angell I think there could be something in this one. We were told to stand by the road menders and smell the hot tar. Yup, it was an "either/or". In fact, when the guys came every 2 or 3 years to tar & grit our road, she'd say "go stand outside & smell that, in case you get a cold". There's a belief that old people are wise, but I think it's a sort of bell curve thing, & Grandma Angell was 90 odd. In my judgement, we reach the top of that bell curve when we are in our late sixties. Ralph is a shining example. Can you imagine anyone sending a small child out to stand by the road menders these days? If I may put you right Tom - well I'm going to anyway - what on earth is a "road mender"? We don't mend roads, we repair, rebuild or replace them. "Road Mender" is something I'd expect to see in The Sun, or Woman's Weekly. "Road mender" falls into the same department as that ridiculous expression we see so often in the media, "workmen". WTF is a "workman"? (http://lothianlives.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Cleugh-Road-Trust-Image-3.jpg) Road-mender at Blackburn. Image supplied courtesy of Violet Carson Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 10:15:34 AM "You have a cold, so go and stand by the gasworks, that will clear your chest" (This might be in the dead of winter) Grandma Angell I think there could be something in this one. We were told to stand by the road menders and smell the hot tar. Yup, it was an "either/or". In fact, when the guys came every 2 or 3 years to tar & grit our road, she'd say "go stand outside & smell that, in case you get a cold". There's a belief that old people are wise, but I think it's a sort of bell curve thing, & Grandma Angell was 90 odd. In my judgement, we reach the top of that bell curve when we are in our late sixties. Ralph is a shining example. Can you imagine anyone sending a small child out to stand by the road menders these days? If I may put you right Tom - well I'm going to anyway - what on earth is a "road mender"? We don't mend roads, we repair, rebuild or replace them. "Road Mender" is something I'd expect to see in The Sun, or Woman's Weekly. "Road mender" falls into the same department as that ridiculous expression we see so often in the media, "workmen". WTF is a "workman"? Road mender used to be a nightclub in Northampton when I was growing up. No idea how it got its name or if it still exists. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/staticarchive/71867a2d406de55dd4c7c1456f1da57bedd1137f.jpg) Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: tikay on September 05, 2015, 10:21:59 AM "You have a cold, so go and stand by the gasworks, that will clear your chest" (This might be in the dead of winter) Grandma Angell I think there could be something in this one. We were told to stand by the road menders and smell the hot tar. Yup, it was an "either/or". In fact, when the guys came every 2 or 3 years to tar & grit our road, she'd say "go stand outside & smell that, in case you get a cold". There's a belief that old people are wise, but I think it's a sort of bell curve thing, & Grandma Angell was 90 odd. In my judgement, we reach the top of that bell curve when we are in our late sixties. Ralph is a shining example. Can you imagine anyone sending a small child out to stand by the road menders these days? If I may put you right Tom - well I'm going to anyway - what on earth is a "road mender"? We don't mend roads, we repair, rebuild or replace them. "Road Mender" is something I'd expect to see in The Sun, or Woman's Weekly. "Road mender" falls into the same department as that ridiculous expression we see so often in the media, "workmen". WTF is a "workman"? (http://lothianlives.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Cleugh-Road-Trust-Image-3.jpg) Road-mender at Blackburn. Image supplied courtesy of Violet Carson Violet Carson - are you kidding me? She was about as daft as Grandma Angell. In fact, she even looks like her. (http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100424171131/coronationstreet/images/1/11/002.jpg) Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 10:22:28 AM Ouija boards. I'm still scared of ouija boards. Me too. I have no idea whether they work or not and I have no intention of ever finding out. Crazy isn't it. I would happily spend the night in a 'haunted house' or a graveyard, but play with a Ouija board? GTFO. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 10:24:43 AM "You have a cold, so go and stand by the gasworks, that will clear your chest" (This might be in the dead of winter) Grandma Angell I think there could be something in this one. We were told to stand by the road menders and smell the hot tar. Yup, it was an "either/or". In fact, when the guys came every 2 or 3 years to tar & grit our road, she'd say "go stand outside & smell that, in case you get a cold". There's a belief that old people are wise, but I think it's a sort of bell curve thing, & Grandma Angell was 90 odd. In my judgement, we reach the top of that bell curve when we are in our late sixties. Ralph is a shining example. Can you imagine anyone sending a small child out to stand by the road menders these days? If I may put you right Tom - well I'm going to anyway - what on earth is a "road mender"? We don't mend roads, we repair, rebuild or replace them. "Road Mender" is something I'd expect to see in The Sun, or Woman's Weekly. "Road mender" falls into the same department as that ridiculous expression we see so often in the media, "workmen". WTF is a "workman"? (http://lothianlives.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Cleugh-Road-Trust-Image-3.jpg) Road-mender at Blackburn. Image supplied courtesy of Violet Carson Violet Carson - are you kidding me? She was about as daft as Grandma Angell. In fact, she even looks like her. (http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100424171131/coronationstreet/images/1/11/002.jpg) I bet Granny Angell didn't send you out to stand by the 'Road Rebuilders". Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 10:29:58 AM Anyway, back in the day they didn't re build roads, they mended them. Like mending a cooking pot with a bolt and a washer.
(http://i44.tinypic.com/2qmd9qv.jpg) Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: tikay on September 05, 2015, 10:39:02 AM Roads don't break.
They wear out, fall into disrepair, require maintenance or rebuilding. They don't break though, so they can't be mended. Which brings me on, in this silly thread, to the daftest expression ever. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Every time a product is improved, the merchants of gloom trot that one out. It's tosh. These were not broke, but they still needed fixing. (http://netdna.webdesignerdepot.com/uploads/cellphone_design/dkmb86g_487pr55s2hc_b.jpg) As a result, we ended up with these...... (http://www.techadvisor.co.uk/cmsdata/features/3510615/lg_g_flex_smartphone.jpg) If it ain't broke, don't fix it, my arse. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: Redsgirl on September 05, 2015, 10:44:46 AM If you swallow bubble gum it will tie itself in a knot around your heart. My Grandad Percy used to tell my mam this ;D She reckons she didn't believe it but she still said it to us just in case. He also reckoned to much vinegar would dry your blood up. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: Redsgirl on September 05, 2015, 10:46:21 AM Roads don't break. They wear out, fall into disrepair, require maintenance or rebuilding. They don't break though, so they can't be mended. Which brings me on, in this silly thread, to the daftest expression ever. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Every time a product is improved, the merchants of gloom trot that one out. It's tosh. These were not broke, but they still needed fixing. (http://netdna.webdesignerdepot.com/uploads/cellphone_design/dkmb86g_487pr55s2hc_b.jpg) As a result, we ended up with these...... (http://www.techadvisor.co.uk/cmsdata/features/3510615/lg_g_flex_smartphone.jpg) If it ain't broke, don't fix it, my arse. Glad to know your arse isn't broke Tony. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 10:46:40 AM Which reminds me of my grannies sister's husband, (I don't know if that make us related) who had a rather pronounced limp due to a hip problem. His name was Jim but everyone referred to him as 'Broken Arse'.
I wasn't really in a position to judge, but afaik there was never any offense taken nor intended. He was well liked by all. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 10:52:58 AM Roads don't break. They wear out, fall into disrepair, require maintenance or rebuilding. They don't break though, so they can't be mended. Which brings me on, in this silly thread, to the daftest expression ever. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Every time a product is improved, the merchants of gloom trot that one out. It's tosh. These were not broke, but they still needed fixing. (http://netdna.webdesignerdepot.com/uploads/cellphone_design/dkmb86g_487pr55s2hc_b.jpg) As a result, we ended up with these...... (http://www.techadvisor.co.uk/cmsdata/features/3510615/lg_g_flex_smartphone.jpg) If it ain't broke, don't fix it, my arse. And when I come to think about it, you can't break a sock but my mam used to mend plenty, so up yours Custer. (https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/dd/25/9a/dd259a914a6b5277b21ad3af9a88be82.jpg) Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: baldock92 on September 05, 2015, 10:56:11 AM I can remember as a kid wanting to try some sweets called "eye poppers". My mum told me I could have them but they actually make you eyes pop out. I never did find out what they tasted like, I was petrified.
Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: The_nun on September 05, 2015, 10:56:46 AM We used to have a lot of bats that swooped down right onto our path to the gate. Mum used to say if we went out after dark the bats would go straight for us and get stuck in our hair resulting in a head shave.
Strange this, as it was always said on bingo nights. Must have been to scare us into staying in the house. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: TightEnd on September 05, 2015, 10:58:39 AM my grandmother told me when i went to stay with her
"night night sleep tight, watch the bed bugs don't bite" having not heard this before, i insisted on sleeping with the light on so i could see the bed bugs Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 11:00:53 AM We used to have a lot of bats that swooped down right onto our path to the gate. Mum used to say if we went out after dark the bats would go straight for us and get stuck in our hair resulting in a head shave. Strange this, as it was always said on bingo nights. Must have been to scare us into staying in the house. Yeah. Strange how many of those 'facts' worked in the adults favour. They said if I told lies my nose would grow, but sometimes, if I didn't lie, my ear got thicker. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 11:03:27 AM I was told not to put money in my mouth because it had canker on it.
WTF is canker? Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: Cf on September 05, 2015, 11:03:55 AM Not quite in the same vein I don't think but when I was little I loved Thomas the Tank Engine.
Unfortunately my dad got sick of reading it to me so one night told me the story of how the railway was being decommissioned and that Thomas and friends were being taken to the scrap yard. I'd never been so upset in my whole life lol Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: tikay on September 05, 2015, 11:05:11 AM You are being deliberately obdurate Tom, almost Methuselah standard. You don't mend socks, you darn them. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 11:11:12 AM You are being deliberately obdurate Tom, almost Methuselah standard. You don't mend socks, you darn them. Tony. Give over. Just admit you're wrong and move on. mending ˈmɛndɪŋ/ noun noun: mending things to be repaired by sewing or darning. "a muddle of books and mending" http://www.thefreedictionary.com/mending Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: RED-DOG on September 05, 2015, 11:12:57 AM Not quite in the same vein I don't think but when I was little I loved Thomas the Tank Engine. Unfortunately my dad got sick of reading it to me so one night told me the story of how the railway was being decommissioned and that Thomas and friends were being taken to the scrap yard. I'd never been so upset in my whole life lol I know how he felt though. I used to come home from a hard day at the office and have to watch Zippy and Bungle. BTW- You're still little aren't you? Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: Redsgirl on September 05, 2015, 11:46:27 AM If you swallow bubble gum it will tie itself in a knot around your heart. My Grandad Percy used to tell my mam this ;D She reckons she didn't believe it but she still said it to us just in case. He also reckoned to much vinegar would dry your blood up. Going back to chewing gum Granny also used to tell is it was made from boiled down horses hooves. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: neeko on September 05, 2015, 03:04:00 PM Eat all your yoghurt, the bit at the end is the best bit.
Don't go swimming until an hour after lunch. Easter bunny, tooth fairy, Santa, etc etc The lies we tell our children are ridiculous. Title: Re: If the wind changes... Post by: simonnatur on September 05, 2015, 04:20:19 PM If you want that graze on your knee to heal quicker just get a dog to lick it.
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