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So as avid readers of my scintillating posts will be aware, I have been helping my friend Dave the digger man to clear his yard up.

Most of the work has been brute force and ignorance stuff, and yesterday was no different. My mission, (which I chose to accept) was to remove and replace a broken tine on the Merlo.


For those of you not versed in the noble art of messing with plant, this is a Merlo and those pointy things at the business end are tines.




(http://www.mods-2015.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Merlo-Edited.jpg)




The tines are like giant metal toothpicks with a point on one end and a threaded section on the other. to remove one, you undo a 5/8th retaining bolt, and then just screw the whole thing out. The trouble was, this one didn't want to screw out.

I tried using bigger and bigger tools along with more and more force, until I finally equipped myself with the unscrewers pièce de résistance, namely a huge pair of stilsons and a length of scaffolding pipe.




For those of you with no knowledge of unusually big tools, I've posted a picture below.











(http://images.esellerpro.com/2921/I/39/SP070A.jpg)





So I fitted the stilsons snugly on to the tine, slipped the length of scaffolding pole over the handle of the stilsons, pulled with all my might and....





The bloody scaffolding pole ruptured.




(http://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag66/plainreddog/IMG_20150915_142220_zpskajrlmos.jpg)





The other end of the scaffolding pole hit me just in above and in front of my right ear, somewhere in the temple area. Immediately I felt myself start to lose consciousness, dropping to my knees as darkness closed in.

You wouldn't think it possible, but in that split second I recalled reading about a cricket player who was killed when he was struck in the temple by a cricket ball. Apparently blunt force trauma to that area can tear a big artery that is attached to the back of that very thin section of skull. You lose consciousness quickly and die shortly afterwards.

I was totally convinced that that was what was happening to me. It was truly a soggy sphincter moment I can tell you.

I didn't die. I could tell by the smell of Dave's manure laden glove as he prized open my eyes and peered inside.

At that moment, the pain of dying was replaced by the pain of living. My head felt like Jonny Wilkinson had attempted to convert a try with it, failed and took a Mulligan.

How am I now? I'm a bit better, thank you for asking. My worst problem is that the muscle that opens and closes my mouth is in the exact spot where I got hit, (see for yourself, put your fingers on the side of your head just above and in front of your ears and clench your teeth) so now I can't open my mouth wide enough to put anything worth eating in, and I can't close it tight enough to chew.

No cards or flowers please, although I wouldn't refuse a pie and a blender.

  

;)

I do miss your Diary Tom, but I appreciate you sticking Diary stuff elsewhere on blonde these days, too.

Lovely bit of writeage, including a new word - unscrewers.

How bloody selfish of you trying to die before i'm better.

Now be more careful you ...you....well just be careful. X

Tom this post made me laugh out loud.

Mainly because I new this was you posting and you were still alive.

Why do we find people getting hurt funny, like when you get in right in the testicles with a cricket ball or such.

What happened to the tine?

Yeah, it flies by.

I don't know why.  I especially like the aftermath. The limping around moaning in barked shin agony,  or the pranged gonad roll into a ball and slow topple over with that 'condemned man' look that says they know the pain will get worse before it gets better.  

It's still in situ but I'm not beaten yet. I have a cunning plan. I'm going to attach the stilsons in such a way that they stick out at the side, then Dave can lower the boom so that the stilsons make contact with a well placed railway sleeper, thus causing the tine to turn.

Hydraulics to the job I say.



PS- Can someone tell me if that explanation made any sense at all please?

I am careful. When was the last time you saw a scaffolding pipe rupture?

Bend yes. Rupture no.

Now stop nagging....  and thank you for caring.

Never or one bend, I don't tend stand around to watch half dressed men erecting scafolding with there hard hats on and high viz vests unzipped displaying dark tanned bodies I will have you know.

In a similar vein I cut my little finger open yesterday with a new knife I treated myself to. I even had to put a plaster on it.

It looks like you pipe ruptured along the seam. I wonder if all scaffolding pipes would do that with the same amount of pressure applied. Can you try again tomorrow for me Tom and see what happens?

Put one of these on first though...

(http://orig01.deviantart.net/13aa/f/2013/008/c/d/pilot__s_helmet_by_mikejensen-d5qwwdt.jpg)

Deets of the knife please. I like knives. What kind is it, what do you use it for?

Something very similar to this

(http://www.sabatier-k.com/client/gfx/photos/produit/292.jpg)

All I was using it for to slice some haloumi.

Just Googled haloumi. It sounds delish.

The explanation makes perfect sense but I'm not convinced it's going to work.

Surely if Stilsons and a bar can't shift it it's just seized and it's going to shear? Has he not got any 2" steam pipe knocking about? That stuff beats the crap out of scaffold bar and has to be worth a try before the other more extreme plan?

How about a bit of heat?

Anyway if you go for it with the Stilsons tie a bit of rope to them and the tine and also to something immovable like the frame of the Merlo just in case something snaps. You're going to have some incredible forces acting in all kinds of strange directions and you don't want anything escaping in your direction.

Looking forward to the results.

We did try heating it up Matt. No joy though. You may be right about it shearing and you're definitely right about the risk of it flying into attack mode.

I left it soaking in Plus Gas so hopefully it will have eased.

Hi Tom,
          Sounds like you are having fun ! ( dont let Tikay see that ! lol)
'Plus gas' havent seen that for years, nor 'Duck oil', remember that ?
If it does shear off can you just cut the threaded bit out with gas and weld new one in, its going in the sale too i take it?

You remember Duck Oil? You must be older than me.

Wait!

I've just found out that you can still buy it.

http://www.autosessive.com/products/61689/duck-oil-5l?gclid=CM-ehbWC_scCFckaGwod5C8AyA




(http://www.swarfega.com/sites/default/files/SDO5L.jpg)

ha thats excellent news Tom.
The tin looks a bit modern. No 'cartoon' type duck on it, shame.

Havn't seen Swarfega about for years,always used to have a big tub of it around.

I'm going to tell you something incredible now.

Baby wipes are the bees knees for cleaning oily hands. (which is an amazing coincidence because oily hands are great for cleaning bees knees).

More tea vicar?




(http://www.gandjtissues.co.uk/images/Johnsons%20wipes.jpg)

Sorry to hear about your head. Be careful with big toys in future

WD40. Aint nothIng that can't bad boy can't loosen.

Its made of fish oil you know.

Yes, and Irn Bru is made from girders.

http://www.lifehacker.co.uk/2014/06/28/40-weird-wonderful-uses-wd-40 (http://www.lifehacker.co.uk/2014/06/28/40-weird-wonderful-uses-wd-40)

Could we have an update on this please.

Tines freed?

Any exciting accidents?

Well my head is still sore and it really hurts to open my mouth to it's full extent.

On the plus side, the half open position is enough toaaccommodate most things.

We're having another go at that tine this morning. I will report back later if I survive.


I rang a mate who deals in plant and farm machinery to ask if he had any advice. He said no, but if there was any fog on it, it belonged to him.