blonde poker forum

It is my brothers wedding on friday and as best man i am due to give a speach, But.........................I am so bloody nervous.

I am generally a confident guy and have no problems in crowds of people cracking jokes and talking to people but when it comes to standing up in front of a load of peole you barely know (brides side of the family) then im filled with fear,

When i was a teenager at school and hd to do an oral exam on a topic of my choice, I nearly fainted and was all red and itchy and just buried my head behind my notes and ran off at the mouth to get it finished ASAP.( man how those memories are flooding back)

I really want to do a good job as its such a special day, so im looking for some advice on how to maybe over come the nerves and also some things to say in the speech (it will only be short or else i'll pass out)

Jim.

Done it once and never again, sorry that probably doesn't help!

Main advice I would give is preperation as I tried to "wing it" and failed miserably.

On the nerves front, alcohol is the best suggestion in moderation.

Perhaps Blondes could come up with some jokes for you if you give us a few details on them, maybe what they do for a living or particualr interests?

Jim

had to do a lot of public speaking over the years and each time it is nerve wracking.

Please remember though that nerves are a good thing...they show you care, and they are your way of producing the adrenalin necessary to do your best. Don't be frightened of the nerves, accept that you can't get rid of them but you can do a few things to control them

My two tips would be

a) On the morning of the big day make sure you are busy....take the groom for a round of golf for example or play loose aggressive No Limit Omaha on your lappie 8). Anything to keep your mind occupied on other things rather than pre-occupied on the speech and counting down the hours

b) For the speech itself, make sure you have a good joke to tell within the first ten seconds. This will break the ice for the audience and (assuming they laugh!) fill you with confidence. No one is going to expect you to be Peter Ustinov or Stephen Fry! Keep the speech short and Personal. I assume you know the requisite embarrassing but not too embarrassing details about bride and groom.

If you think you are really struggling focus on one person in the audience, maybe a best mate, and talk to them only...it helps!

I have done a best man speech twice, dreaded both but ended up enjoying them.

I've done quite a bit of public speaking and at first I was terrified

It's like your first game of live poker, it gets easier

The best advice I can give you is, don't try to fake anything.  

Be yourself, not what you imagine they want you to be

Talk about what you know about (I make a few notes to remind me of the main points I want to get accross, but I don't write a speech as such)

Speak slowly and clearly

Look them in the eyes

Suggestions

Do not write out the full script of your speech, use bullet points in big type you can see from a distance, you don't want a sheet of paper in front of your face better to have it just in sight so you can glance at it IF you need to refresh your memory.

Make it personal, refer to other people there in humorous terms, keep it in sections, short and sweet. Don't just concentrate on the Bride and Groom.

Don't try to embarrass the couple too much, you'll just make others squirm.

Not too much smut, if you have to have any at all. That also is a squirmer.

Take a deep breathe, look forward, move your eyes around, i.e. don't just concentrate on one spot on the far wall or that certain bridesmaid.

Practise the night before in front of the mirror and maybe the following morning.

Try to do it sober

Enjoy the experience, don't rush it.

It maybe your job to hand out flowers and stuff to those who have helped, e.g. that briodesmaid, that is good because it gives you a break as they stroll over to the top table to get their gift and it makes your speech seem longer to the others than it really was.

When i was best man at my brothers wedding, I managed to embarrass him to a quality extent.... My brother had his own place, and after the wedding the bride was going to be moving in to his house.. now with a bit of advance planning i managed to get hold of about 50 old front door keys and before the wedding, distributed all the keys to the women at the wedding (bridesmaids, friends of the bride, even the mother and grandma of the bride)

I started my speech with the usual growing up with brother stories and then came to the bit about how he would have to stop giving women the key to his house now that he was married, I then reached into my pocket and pulled out 3 keys and told every one that these had been handed to me in the previous few days by heartbroken tearfull women, and dropped them into an empty pint glass .... I then asked the question  " I know it will be quite hard for you to do, but if anyone in here has a key, could they please return it now"  Cue lots of women standing up and coming to the top table to put their key into the glass, The look on my brothers face was a picture, and the room was in uproar when the brides grandma gave my brother a big kiss and dropped her key in :)

Crickey I must learn to type faster, I thought I was to be the first to reply

So what is it with mods and speech making anyway?

We all fell over ourselves to reply

You are an incorrigible show off

Robert, Kev and I are helpful


 rotflmfao

I think the best think is be yourelf, your brother wouldn't have asked you to do it if he never trusted you to pull it off.

Have a couple of decent jokes in the locker incase it starts to go a little pear shaped.

Make a few clear and concise notes that will put you back on track, if you start going off in tangents.  

Remember it doesn't have to be a war and peace effort.  

And remember to smile.

I've been rumbled  

Was it painful?

Yes, but it was worth it for the publicity

http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/ (http://www.thebestmanspeech.com/)

I used a book when I did my brother's wedding, more to ensure I didn't miss anything & to help with structure. I told a few mildly embarrassing stories about him & took the piss out of a few of our mates as well. went looking for the book & found the above link... should help with forming the speech.

Good Luck

Practice, practice, practice. My best presentations have been after lots of practice......they say that for evey minute of a finished speech it should have taken 1/2 an hour of preparation. So for a 5 min speech (which is probably long enough if you're nervous) you should have taken 2.5 hours of planing, preparation and practice. It all shows.

Tracey

Thank you all very much for the replys, I knew i could rely on you lovely people.

Im now gonna cement your comments into my brain and get to work on a (short) Master piece  ;slavedriver;

I'll let you know how i get on.

Thanks
Jim.

I know its off topic....

I havent been to a wedding for ages, can i come aswell?  ;goodvevil;

the best advice on any aspect of speaking in public is to know the subject matter intimately. AS long as you know what you are talking about, you will be fine....

you're more than welcome mate,

Its at a really posh Manor house in wiltshire, The brides family is really upper class and LOADED and our side grew up on a council estate and are all working class folks so should be interesting.

Im taking my poker chips and hope to get them all to play in a little no limit cash game so hopefully could be a profitable night

It's never stopped me and I do it for a living.

just ask the missus then you can have one of your very own   ;goodvevil;

 :redcard:

See Ginger, he's turning

ok i'll get me coat   ;hide;

Thanks Jim, you've reminded me of two of the best days of last year, if not my life.

I was lucky enough to be best man at two weddings last year, one for my best mate, and one for my brother who had two best men.

As far as the speech goes there have been some very good points made.  I can only echo the comments on practicing, I used cue cards, and looked at them every spare moment I had, be it sitting in the barbers wating for my turn, getting the suits etc. 

Being yourself is really important as well.  I was in the same situation as you, my sister in law is from a fairly upper class family (although she'd shoot me if I said that to her face) and me and bro have been bought up in a single parent family.  I was really nervous about how Rob (other BM) and me would come across.  But we decided that we were'nt doing it for the benefit of all these posh types, this was for my bro and his wife.  There were high fives flying everywhere when we made a joke, we were being sarcy and behaved no differently in the speech than we would any other time.  People thought the speech was brilliant and I believe that had a lot to do with it.

I managed to completely cock up the most important part of the speech.  I had a quote that I was using

"Not when I breathe, but when I love I live"

It's brilliant for a wedding and the way the couple feel about each other, but can be a bit of a tongue twister so I had to practice and practice saying it out loud.  When I first started I kept getting it wrong.  The big emotional part arrives and I say it word perfect, the problem was I think I was so prepared to get it wrong I thought I had got it wrong!  I jumped in the air and screamed how I'd got it wrong (big laugh) stopped and Rob pointed out that I'd got it right!  (More big laugh). 

Another big thing to remember, although the speech is an important part of the day, it is just a part.  A best mans role extends past just a few gags about the groom.  I've been told that the speeches at both weddings were great but when I speak to my best mate, he always talks about the morning when we ran around him while he played X-box live, or the hour and a half beforehand in the pub and me keeping his nerves down in the church.

My brother still has great memories of the night before, we got pizza and the other two bet me I wouldn't eat a rolo covered in herb and garlic sauce, I won a pound.

Relatives and friends etc will remember the speech but what it means to your brother and his wife will rise above all of that.

One more story from my brothers day.  It was the morning after, ROb and I had some stuff to take to the wedding suite, it was huge and my bro and his missus were lolling about in the complimentary dressing gowns.  With great pride she started telling me what had happened when they left the reception.  It turns out they went back to the suite did the deed (a big deal, they are both Christians).

With the deed finished my bro immediately turned on Match of the day and ordered room service.

Good Boy!

Anyway Jim, good luck and I hope the day goes well.

 :goodpost:


Thankyou for posting your memories Mr F,

Its really good that i can draw on other peoples experiances as im only in my early(ok mid) 20's i've had very little opportunity to go to many weddings as all my mates are singletons, so I was unsure of what was expected of me,

Just had a chat with my brother and  he has prepared NOTHING, so were gonna take up Tightends idea of a round of golf and bounce ideas off each other.


Thanks again and i'll post any news of interest on here to let you know how it went.

Jim.

I had to do this in December, I used www.hitched.co.uk , and used some jokes from their example speeches and personalised it.  It'll be better than you expect try not to worry about it.

Well i just got back from the wedding,

And thanks to you guys i had a fantastic time,  All your kind words of encouragment really helped me to relax and enjoy the day.

Man its not easy being best man, No time to worry about a speech.

08.30: Cook a Fry up for me and the groom (Brother)
09.15: Pick up wedding cake...........so nearly dropped it aswell
09.30: Pick up flowers
09.45: Collect brides father and my nephew.
10.00: Drive for 1.5 hours to somerset.
11.30: Check in to our rooms and carry all suits/flowers and bags all over the biggest manor house ever, Then get cleaned up and changed.
12.30: Stop my brother from panicing and fix his Tie.
12.45: Meet and greet all the guests and direct them to where they need to be.
13.30: Make sure evryone is seated in there correct positions.
14.00: A most wonderful ceremony.
15.00: BAR IS NOW OPEN!!!!!.........Plenty of wine went down my neck :D
16.00: Dinner is served, and this when i start to get a little nervous about my speech because the bride decides to tell me right at the last minute that i have to add a gift presentation in to my speech.
18.00: SPEECH TIME!!!!  The brides father was 1st to go and he spoke graciously for 5 mins, then my knees went weak when it was my turn to stand up.

I started by trying to break the ice by mentioning how bloody nervous i was (which i think they knew already by my blotchy red face and shaking), then the rest of it came out quite fluently, much to my suprise.

It started by me mentioning that after all these years Micheal has finally admitted that "I am the best man!", which got a few laughs, Then a couple of sentimental words of how proud of him i was then it was the presenting of the gifts (which was good as it made my speech seem to last alot longer than it actually was :D)
And finally the toast.

NOW I CAN RELAX!! (and begin to get rather pissed)

Thanks again.

Jim

it sounds as though youve done a great job. well done. did anyone play poker with you?

No evryone was a little too drunk to be handleing poker chips at that time.....including myself. :D

Well done Jim, sounds like you did a great job

Thank you Robert,

I was just glad i could add a little something to my brothers wonderful day,

Also i got quite a nice response from everybody which i think will allow me to be more confident if im called upon again in the future.

Jim.

speeches are always better when they are over. lol. well done jim