blonde poker forum

Samsung Electronics
>>Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
>>Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are
>>talking
>>about".
>>Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it
>>clearly
>>states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall
>>socket
>>and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number
>>for
>>Jack?"
>>Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>RAC Motoring Services
>>Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when
>>I am
>>travelling in Australia ?"
>>Operator: " Doesn't the product name give you a clue?"
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in
>>France ):
>>
>>"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering
>>wheel
>>to the other side of the car?"
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Directory Enquiries
>>Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar
>>in
>>Cardiff please".
>>Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling
>>correct?"
>>Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish
>>Bar
>>but the 'B' fell off".
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in
>>Woven.
>>Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
>>Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven
>>in
>>Scotland".
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a
>>phone
>>box told a worried operator:
>>"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
>>number
>>on".
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
>>Customer: "OK".
>>Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
>>Customer: "No".
>>Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up
>>menu?"
>>Customer: "No".
>>Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
>>until
>>this point?".
>>Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I
>>wrote
>>'click'".
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the
>>screen,
>>can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
>>Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
>>there?"
>>----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just
>>realised
>>that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I
>>have my
>>file back again?".
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>-----------------------------------------
>>There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things
>>in a
>>long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.
>>This
>>is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was
>>transcribed
>>from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless
>>to
>>say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently
>>suing
>>the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
>>Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
>>(Now
>>I know why they record these conversations!):
>>
>>Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help
>>you?"
>>Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
>>WordPerfect."
>>Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
>>Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
>>sudden
>>the words went away."
>>Operator: "Went away?"
>>Caller: "They disappeared."
>>Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
>>Caller: "Nothing."
>>Operator: "Nothing??"
>>Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I
>>type."
>>
>>Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get
>>out??"
>>Caller: "How do I tell?"
>>Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
>>Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
>>Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
>>screen?"
>>Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
>>accept anything I type."
>>Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
>>Caller: "What's a monitor?"
>>Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
>>like
>>a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
>>Caller: "I don't know."
>>Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
>>find
>>where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
>>Caller: "Yes, I think so."
>>Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me
>>if
>>it's plugged into the wall.
>>Caller: "Yes, it is."
>>Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
>>that
>>there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
>>Caller: "No."
>>Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there
>>again
>>and find the other cable."
>>Caller: "Okay, here it is."
>>Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
>>securely into the back of your computer."
>>Caller: "I can't reach."
>>Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
>>Caller: "No."
>>Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something
>>and
>>lean way over??"
>>Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right
>>angle
>>- it's because it's dark."
>>Operator: "Dark??"
>>Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only
>>light
>>I have is coming in from the window.
>>" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
>>Caller: "I can't."
>>Operator: "No? Why not??"
>>Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
>>Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got
>>it
>>licked now.
>>Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
>>computer
>>came in??"
>>Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
>>Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
>>pack
>>it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
>>store
>>you bought it from."
>>Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
>>Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
>>Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I
>>tell
>>them??"
>>Operator: "Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a
>>computer!!!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and one of my own personal experiences, a call which I received a few weeks ago...

Me: Good morning Autoglass, Sophie speaking, how can I help?

Customer: Oh yes hello, I need some help, the cd that I put into my computer won't work, it says the product key is wrong or something

Me: (pause) Erm.... Do you have a vehicle?

Customer: (confused) Yes, why?

Me: Do you have any broken glass in the vehicle?

Customer (even more confused) No, why?

Me: Because you've called Autoglass, I can't help you with your computer.

Customer: Oh right, sorry to have bothered you!


(Customer had obviously looked up 'Windows' for his computer and somehow though Autoglass could help!

In these circumstances I would think the best course of action would be to ask the TD for a ruling. Whilst the palyer concerned is not, in my opinion, angle shooting, it is best to seek advice.

The more pertinent question is, with bottom set on this dangerous flop, how would you play it?

 rotflmfao

I'm not sure - which call centre were you talking to when you asked them about bottom set on a dangerous flop?

the poker forum advice line, for poker queries.

any chance i could have their number? The bloke on the Samaritans hotline is getting tired of me ringing him!!

This is apparently a real letter from the IR to an irate taxpayer:

 Dear Mr Addison,
> I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply
> to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you
> raise. I will address them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue
> with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps
> more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the
> Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy; traditionally
> referred to such documents.

> Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the"endless stream of
> crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on
> to the doormat"has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen
> the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their
> being from"pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant
> gas-mongerers"might indicate that your decision to"file them next to the
> toilet in case of emergencies"is at best a little ill-advised. In common
> with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters
> do see you as a"lackwit bumpkin"or, come to that, a"sodding charity". More
> likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility
> to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

> Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth
> in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the
> canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's
> rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the
> government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party"
> yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of
> the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little
> off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on"junkets for
> Bunterish lickspittles"and"dancing whores"whilst far more than you have
> accounted for is allocated to, for example,"that box-ticking façade of a
> university system."

> A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
> 1. The reason we don't simply write"Muggins"on the envelope has to do with
> the vagaries of the postal system;
> 2. You can rest assured that"sucking the very marrows of those with
> nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even
> if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer
> medicallogistics involved would make it financially unviable.

> I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way
> wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out
> that even if you did choose to"give the whole foul jamboree up and go and
> live in India" you would still owe us the money.

> Please forward it by Friday.

> Yours Sincerely,
> H J Lee
> Customer Relations

class double up!!

Something like this??

"Thank you for calling the Flushy poker advice line. Please bear with us, your call is very important to us and an operator will be available shortly to mock you.

If you require an answer with the prefix "insta" please press one.

If you have a question that our operators will deem so blithering obvious they will answer by banging their head on the wall, please press 2.

For a more involved response, using pictures and more elaborate piss taking, hold the line and an operator will answer you shortly....

We are sorry for the delay. Our lines are currently busy. PLease hold and we will be with you shortly

(YMCA tune plays in the background)"

presumably being put on hold by the "Flushy hotline" neverends?

>>On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a
>>phone
>>box told a worried operator:
>>"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
>>number
>>on".


genius

They wouldn't put you 'on hold' - they simply dwell up before answering.

When I worked for NTL in Swansea as Tech Support for their new dial-up ISP, some geezer phoned me up and asked me if he could subscribe to Television X.

;djinn;

Cancel your credit cards before you die

This sounds like as good advice as don’t rent a casket when you die. It's not just the government... Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: "So what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew."
(Lawyer info given)
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

[quote author=Poppet7 link=topic=23766.


>>---------------------------


Bar
>>

>>----------------------------------------------------------------------


>>until


>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>-----------------------------------------
>>There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things
>>in a
>>long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.
>>This
>>is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was
>>transcribed
>>from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless
>>to
>>say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently
>>suing
>>the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
>>Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
>>(Now
>>I know why they record these conversations!):
>>
>>Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help
>>you?"
>>Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
>>WordPerfect."
>>Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
>>Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
>>sudden
>>the words went away."
>>Operator: "Went away?"
>>Caller: "They disappeared."
>>Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
>>Caller: "Nothing."
>>Operator: "Nothing??"
>>Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I
>>type."
>>
>>Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get
>>out??"
>>Caller: "How do I tell?"
>>Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
>>Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
>>Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
>>screen?"
>>Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
>>accept anything I type."
>>Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
>>Caller: "What's a monitor?"
>>Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
>>like
>>a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
>>Caller: "I don't know."
>>Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
>>find
>>where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
>>Caller: "Yes, I think so."
>>Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me
>>if
>>it's plugged into the wall.
>>Caller: "Yes, it is."
>>Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
>>that
>>there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
>>Caller: "No."
>>Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there
>>again
>>and find the other cable."
>>Caller: "Okay, here it is."
>>Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
>>securely into the back of your computer."
>>Caller: "I can't reach."
>>Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
>>Caller: "No."
>>Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something
>>and
>>lean way over??"
>>Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right
>>angle
>>- it's because it's dark."
>>Operator: "Dark??"
>>Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only
>>light
>>I have is coming in from the window.
>>" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
>>Caller: "I can't."
>>Operator: "No? Why not??"
>>Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
>>Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got
>>it
>>licked now.
>>Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
>>computer
>>came in??"
>>Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
>>Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
>>pack
>>it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
>>store
>>you bought it from."
>>Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
>>Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
>>Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I
>>tell
>>them??"
>>Operator: "Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a
>>computer!!!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     utterly   brilliant  ;applause; ;yippee; ;yippee;











Customer: (confused) Yes, why?

Me: Do you have any broken glass in the vehicle?

Customer (even more confused) No, why?

Me: Because you've called Autoglass, I can't help you with your computer.

Customer: Oh right, sorry to have bothered you!


(Customer had obviously looked up 'Windows' for his computer and somehow though Autoglass could help!
[/quote]





staggeringly  true  i have found.

staggering


'our system is not set up for death'

lmao

god ,so sad,but im laughing under the desk here after falling off the chair....

what an indictment on todays society

When I worked on an IT Helpdesk for a large Utility company in the Midlands, the bost bizarre call I received was from an old lady calling externally,
I took her details and then asked how I could help her and she replied she needed a new colostomy bag fitted. I was speechless for a good 20 seconds before explaining she had come through to an IT helpdesk, she had misdialled her doctors/hospital.
Put me off my work for the rest of the day.

Worse mistake I made was I received a caller saying he had lost he's Drawing Control icon. This was a bespoke CAD like software package however I had never heard of it at the time and was convinced he had said Groin control icon. I asked him three times whether he had said Groin control icon to which he confirmed and i entered the details into the call logging software and sent it off to the second line group to deal with.  This was going back about 12 years and i was new to IT but surely I should have sussed that groin control software had not been invented yet.