blonde poker forum

With thanks to the incomparable Cybertim, and in his honour!


Much like storymakers, one of the funniest threads we've had on here


A poker story please


but two words per post only


Lets begin with:



Tikay smiled,

at his

hole cards

jack four

, off suit,

PLEASE DON'T FORGET YOUR PUNCTUATION :)

,he thought

Ohh! Aces!

all in

he announced

i call

said the

big blind

, oh s**t

, said tikay,

when he

saw the

pig's ear

he'd made

of the

tournament again.

he remembered

how lucky

that Kev

likes pies

made from

and marmite !

Surreptitiously, he

used big

convey how

much he

liked making,

ladies wriggle

when he

unzips his

camera and

shoots his

cat with

a shotgun

loaded with

shotgun pellets

the end

of the

world is

getting closer

but it

won't end

untill the

jocks win

with Aces

trumper calling

from behind

as usual

and putting

his stack

all in

with no

outs, however

a volcano

 was about

to errupt

5000 miles

off of

Western Australia

this made

the chance

of winning

much more

doable because

poker is

not for

seismologists with

blurred vision.

and no

sense of

direction. They

found Red-Dog

eating pies

with some

chunky bits

of Yak

hair and

Update - from the top.
Tikay smiled, at his hole cards jack four, off suit, he thought Ohh! Aces!
all in he announced I call said the big blind  oh s**t said tikay, when he
saw the pigs ear he'd made of the tournament again.
He remembered how lucky it is that kev likes pies made from sheeps innards
and marmite. Surreptitiously, he used big words to convey much he liked
making, ladies wriggle when he unzips his camera shoots his cat with a shotgun loaded with shotgun pellets. The end of the world is getting closer but it wont end until the jocks win with aces trumper calling from behind as usual and putting his stack all in with no outs however a volcano was about to errupt 5000 miles off of Western Australia this made the chance of winning much more doable because poker is not for seismologists with blurred vision and no sense of direction. They found Red-Dog eating pies with some chunky bits of yak hair and lice. He

loved lice

,egg fried

with worms

.Snoopy gasped

for air

but forgot

that he'd

left his

common sense

in Colchester

Kev's pants.

Big mistake

thought Snoopy

I will

have to

wash my

mouth out.

with soap

before annoucing:

"I'm sorry

that I'm

such a

 4c Kc

 Qh. Suddenly

Tightend flounced

around the

room, wearing

nothing but

Ali's finest

home made

bright pink....

wonder bra

and matching

pink panties

which looked

crotch-less  :o

. They actually

made his

buttocks look

smaller than

an elephants

. Suddenly the

doorbell rang

,Kev answered

hello sexy

said tightend

...fancy a

bit of

slap and

chips with

mayonnaise? Ironside

no thanks

 ::) cantankerously, irritated.

because he

was jealous

of scotsmen

???????? he thought

kiv said

pie and

chips with

extra pie

(Fray Bentos)

with more

magnetic fields

to attract

knives and

more pies

in tins

secreted down

Karabiners trousers

which accidentally

got lodged

in his

Turn ups

turnips!!!!!!! shouted

Red_Dog lustfully

drooling slightly

and remembering

Vicky's potential

to win

from behind

having flopped

top pair

against tikay's

bottom set

of teeth

. Tikay groaned

and admitted

he had

forged his

passport and

his age

because he

was really

a ladyboy

called Sharlene.

with designs

of pink

Tightends panties

size 32.

very pretty

said Flushy

i must

remember to

buy some

for Ginger.

i wonder

if she

would want

a zebra

for Christmas?

instead of

the rabbit

with batteries

and lights.

up her

junction. "Duracell?"

last longer

unlike Flushy

the kangeroo

with his

funny walk

and tiny

pocket pair

suspended from

his ears

unusual that!

only seen

in XXX

movies, which

Contain scenes

tikay wishes

he was

starring in

wide screen.

Nemesis wondered

if it

would ever

rise again.

after the

accident involving

a lasagne

and crispy

duck. Psychologically

representing the

semi bluff

i prayed

for forgiveness

but, Lo!

Hi Lo!

Dealer's Choice,

gamblers love

a nice

banana split

with extra

bacon bits

and cherries

washed down

with a

gallon of

castor oil

,followed by

three tonne

lashings of

fortified wine

with a

suggestion of

.......... help me!

Flailing wildly,

devil dog

calmly wiped

his a*$e

with Mr

muscle oven

cleaner, which

tickled his

googly bits

and blistered

his tongue

,"ouchie" said

Poonsy, remembering

that he'd

done that

twice before

with jif

mixed with

a pancake

aayyaaarrrr! he

exclaimed. Later

skin exfoliated,

smooth as

a badgers

and foxes

smooth bits

that had

been sanded

with an

apricot sponge

Mmmm apricot!

said chavchesterkiv

shoving the

apricot pies

down his

lilac pants

borrowed from

el blondie

wife MrsC

squeezing his

pendulous orbs

was excrutiatingly

painful as

his right

ear had

become aroused

because of

he was

confused about

his sexuality

with non-sequiturs

, whipped cream

had a

large place

in Kiv's

bedside cabinet

for his

athlete's foot

which was

resembling herpes

, boils were

oozing, rapidly

, the smell

of onions

was pleasant

,yet overpowering

mmmm cheeseburger!

exclaimed Heid

nice baps

whose? mine!

said Ali,

pulling up

her knickers

cheesily. "Awesome!"

mmmmmmmm cheese

very fishy

that merkin

needs washing.

It's bespoke!

Bicycles are

not welcome

throughout Honduras

no grifters

, Chairman Mao

number 42!

WITH NOODLES

extra msg!

pablo picasso

loved it

she cried

ironside, I

want to

play with

your lovely

photo and

drool over

your stack

whilst licking

your dickensian

1st edition

such a

sweet aroma

of wd40

mixed with

beetle juice

and creamy

cheesey peas

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese

Squeaked the

little rabbit

,burrowing hurriedly,

directly beneath

the changing

rooms of

the ladies

boules club

ooooo posh

and Becks

were wearing

less than

Heid and

seek, recently

, since the,

downsizing operation

shrunk their

best assets

to only

currant buns

oh my

darling clementine

I lost

my virginity

a long

long loooooooong

looooong time

ago, in

a galaxy

far far

chocolatey than

a ripple

with extra

ripples in.

funnily enough

ha ha

laughed dikay

"who's dikay"?

the boss

he is

of blonde

poker .com

with Mr

Burns, aged

only 83

last week

but still

spritly when

compared to

a snail

on heat

Discombobulated, disappointingly

long words

for such

an imbecile.

LOL LOL

lollipops, anyone?

for tennis

new balls

please, said

kojak, sucking

loudly on

purpose. Immediately

after he

spontaneously combusted

wearing lycra

two sizes

bigger than

Martina Navratilova's

strap on

New Balls!

Purple rain

fell from

Marshmallow skies

Marshmallow, hmmmmmmmmmm

squidgy, cloying

within her

generous disposition

shamelessly spoiled

her incorrigible

er... er...

'What's incorrigible?'

said the...

show pony

pawing nervously

Unique horse

with paws

not hooves

Jumping Jehosiphat

what was

pretending to

prepare crepes

with extra

thick soles

Are soles

are sore

so apply

anusol liberally

with your

best china

tea pot

spout first

, KY Jelly

discolours rims

ki korsikov

and hurts

my aching

breaking heart.

TightEnd Snoozed

and dreamed

of tarts

with their

clothes off

and their

legs akimbo

just like

when Tikay

was photographed

glamour style

for playgirl

for £10k

only if

he removed

jacket and

and no

shorts or

hairpiece, but

strictly no

white trainers

just espadrilles.

I dont

have any

poker talent

he exclaimed

suspecting unusual

fetishistic positioning

causing premature

ejac..

er...

aging and

thats four

not two

words numbnuts

Language Timothy!

ding, round

two. Heid

sat demurely

as if

she were

<careful lads>

double jointed

yogic flying

around the

world in

Blonde Forum

threaded parachutes

huge ones

Unseen to

human eye

. The Nun

took hold

Took Off

knock knock

who's there?

Freddie Mercury

i want

it all

Said Heid !

Greedily looking

desperation evident

ding, round

three. Tight

as anything

Goes here

strange habit

fork collecting

said Tikay

Just as

his suspenders

twanged loudly

against the

head of

grosvenor security

, a big

Boba Fett

Star Wars!

darth vadar

the force

was strong

in my pants!

but not

for long.

It must

have come

prematurely again ::)

a messy

business probably

knowing that

his tissues

had been

used previosuly

by a

brown yak

with HUGE

purple and hairy

upper molars

with gold

front teeth!

The Baron

and Shirley

don't call

me Baron

Bassey had

pocket cowboys

lassooing her

volupturous bazookas

bouncing uncontrollably

toward terminal

four Heathrow

Airport, Junction

six, M4.

TightEnd waddled

Ali wobbled

cheeky f***er

Switzerland intervened

France scarpered

Turkey sneezed

bless you

my son

Bird flu

over the

cookoos nest

misspelt, sadly

tut tut

ho hum

anyone fancy

a shag

jackpot! Thought

David Blunkett

, his dog

sick of

playing gooseberry

growled, nefariously

when he

began teasing

his secretaries

dictation machine

with a

large bonio

, she lusted

and lisped

" Wed Dog"

"Wexy Wed"

"Welease me"

"wet my wo-"

Suddenly, lightning

struck Tikays'

blond roots

causing calcification

which required

hospitalisation, after

chalk dust

was liberally

found up

his sleeves

"well that's"

snooker" said

Mary Whitehouse

lustily gloating

over Adam's

very long

cue.   Later

that night

,whilst dark,

adam m

grasped his

extremely large

and wooden

arguments and

explained that

30% wasn't

that cheap

for a

t-shirt printer

I'll give

you nits

on your

not scabies

with a

karate chop

wax on

, wax off

. Flocinocinihilipilification is

misspelt, check

16, not bad!

floccinaucinihilipilification is

misspelt worse

lmao that's

 4d Kh hilarious

fork it!

16 more?

I'm sulking!

antidisestablishmentarianism? Perfection!

bah humbug

inferior intellect

said the

cheeky git

to numbnuts

beep beep!

ding, round

four, Heid!!

yodelled mountainously

pigtails flapping

ginger interupted

repeatedly, downstairs

where's my

loo seat?!

toyboy Fish?

reply required

( :redcard: )

James snivelled

and threw

his toys

at Adam

have them

said Adam

i like

dolls houses

and barbie

, my little

pony is

Flushie's really

on Ginger

"oh my!!"

"that's huge!"

when magnified

with a

electron microscope

used to

hover over

Tikay's cards

"ACES!!", cheared

tikay, but

had he

had his

glasses on

he'd have

seen the

valet suddenly

going berserk

seeing Tikay's

battery powered

sausage protruding

from his

Left nostril

. Heid laughed

secretly because

TightEnd told

whopping great

porky pies

about a

strip club

in notts

where smoking

cracks the

norm, for

off-duty judges

and members

of the

local constabulary

Who like

Tikay's impression

of a

pole dancer

on acid

"Hello sailors"

Shouted Ali

stranded on

a pole

vaulters lap

top. What

the f

lipping heck

is that

inis hand

a tentpeg

with big

hairy blonde

Arm pitts

which hung

like a

pair of

donkeys under

an ass's

suddenly, Tikay

declared undying

love without

moving his

grandfather clock

from his

nylon y-fronts

for a

good airing

for fumigation

coz his

big hand

was sprained

from excessive

mass debating

quite publically

.  Everyone laughed

and pointed

roof joints

said Scoobydoo

to shaggy-doo

, idly licking

SOFFIT FASTENINGS

- don't shout -

Im lost

in time

,lost in

Space. Unsurprisingly

Oh Rocky!

complete gibberish

spoke Tightend

Like Kevin

and Heid

and Robert!

especially Kev

he's handsome

and deluded

and hung

like a

haermaphrodite caterpillar

alias ..DONKEY

slow, ponderous

but gifted

with pies

and chips

with gravy

.  I hate

Old Kings

Coles Jumper

, the braces

the timekeeping

is appauling

his poker

is small

and slow

to raise

from 1st

position with

scrabble pieces

and little

French letters

yes, no

ribbed ones

for her

continued pleasure

to tickle

the nuts

of a

geriatric baboon

when aroused

because he

is worth

10 mars bars

12 surely?

"Greedy monkey!"

he shouted

while playing

with his

one eyed

soldier, called

tiny tim

a fearsome

one, within

His arsenal

of three

crap players

useless toads

their names

have been

altered too

protect the

their true

fishyness but

here goes.....

Ariston , Flushy.

and tightend

are fishier

than scampi

after two

fish pies

with extra

fish fingers

and added

tomato sauce

flavored sardines

without bones

but with

prawn cocktail

crisps, yummy

yummy yummy

I've got

chicken tonight!

with plump

juicy breasts

covered with

a white

Stripe. Elephants

wedding tackle

hurts painfully

but not

with lubricant

spread generously

. Ironside laughed

How much

is lubricant ?

you'd know

said Jumbo

, remember that

huge trunk

I inserted

with gusto

 repetition? repetition?

said Robert HM

I object!

Overruled, fish.

plankton, terrified.

as the

sharks circulated

their pamphlets

about TightEnd

s underwear fetish

his commando

physique glistened

like mud

and lack

ed something spectacular

Tiny tadpole

as he

dived into

the gloomy

world of

diversity and

chocolate biscuits

dunked in

stale bovril

errrrr , yuk!

said dewi

after he

threw up

all over

Tikay's cats

pyjamas. Nobody

else had

a clue

where the

nun went

last night

her habit

was feeding

baby velociraptors

big macs

. This thread

is very

very substantial

and a

little bit

 4h 7c   ishhhh

suited surely?

don't call

me a

taxi now

my skateboard

pads are

upside down

on my

buttocks, hard

luck tikay

lawyers said

youre going

back home!

hopefully now

you'll realise

you cant

smuggle Andrex

up your

two nostrils

out of

Kwik Save

because eddie g

eddie who?

eddie g

plays  4s 7c

always utg

while drinking

purple meths

which helps

his bowel

move along

like a

great big

whoopie cushion

.

Chapter 2 -

Russian Adventures

of tikay

w/ a midget

called Mr

dik small

visiting every

second wednesday

madame Whiplash

<just as an interlude, I know Ms Whiplash>

so does

tony kendal

on a

pogo stick


(Interlude, I met Mdm Whiplash one day...still bear the scars....)

Pumping Away

like a

possessed gerbil

on heat

hubba hubba!

Said Ariston

"Free book?"

Interrupted UK

immigration officials

"smuggling books...."

enititled "How

to chop