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One of my cousin's (13) added me on facebook a few months back and at first I didn't really pay attention but on his wall he posts a lot of status updates. He's very intelligent - I guess you could call him a little on the geeky side.

His wall lately has been filled with the same 2 or 3 boys posting nothing but non-stop abuse. Really nasty comments.

I phoned him to see if he was ok and he said 'yeah, I'm not the only one they do it to', but it's just way OTT. There's gentle ribbing but this seems like outright bullying and despite having his own unique interests and style I'm worried that little arseholes like these kids might affect him as he's going through the whole growing up phase atm.

I offered to take him to the cinema this weekend as a bit of a diversion for him and maybe also to subtly ask him about these kids.

I don't really want him to feel I'm betraying his trust by telling his parents but at the same time I don't want to let it go on.

What would you do?

Wouldn't worry about betraying his trust. Tell his parents to look at facebook, which at 13 they should be doing anyway imo. Let them decide if anything needs to be done.

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not this, The last thing you want at 13 is your mum looking at your facebook and ringing up there mums and dads it will make it 100% worst, i would just keep an eye on it for now  maybe leave a comment under one they the bullys and say something!!

Yeah, get involved.  Don't worry about sticking your nose in where it's not wanted.

I typed that sincerely, then realised what I'd said.

That's not what i meant Rhodesy, I meant, tell them your concerns, tell them to look at facebook, his wall etc. Then they can assess if there is anything to worry about, i.e has he changed in the way he acts recently, strange behaviour, coming home upset, any signs of bullying that they may not have noticed before? I didn't mean find out names and addresses of the people and start banging on doors ffs.

Add them on facebook, and turn the bullying back on them viral internet styly rotflmfao

As rhodesy said, I'd probably start by replying to a comment or two and seeing if it helps to put them in their place.  If not, agree with Vinny - have a word with his parents who can perhaps chat to him about choosing his friends or something.

the other thing to bear in mind is that there might be a bit of a generational thing here - what you see as way ott might just be normal banter to these kids

Proceed with caution.  You need to make sure it isn't just a bit of banter amongst their group first. 

If it isn't just banter, then you need to remember 13 year old bullies reckon they're invincible.  They're smart enough to know the law of the land is on their side and will only get worse if they see they're getting a 'reasonable' reaction. 

This is why your reaction must be totally mental.  IE, they have to reckon you're crazy enough to have a total disregard for said laws and will follow through on any verbals you've thrown their way.  Basically, you have to throw out one hell of a convincing bluff and possibly even involve their parents.  Then hope the whole lot don't call that bluff.  Twice my kids have been involved in bullying.  Both times it never lasted more than 48 hours from once I found out.  Now the whole lot are friends. 

Get Barry Neville to become Facebook friends with the bullies.

Be there for him if he wants to talk, if he asks for help etc then go for it, but dont tell his parents unless he wants you to.

This - if they are bullies dish out their names - fb 'friend' requests from Booder, Laz, & Kev and polite requests to wind their neck in should scare the living shite out of them :D

no point it making any threats, total waste of time and would prob make it worse.  I would speak to him about it, maybe tell him you've been through it (white lie - although with a nose like that you must have had some stick in your day) at least then he may open up and talk about it.  If it really doesnt bother him then problem solved but if it is worrying him take it from there.

Telling his parents won't help imo however if its very bad then maybe they should be told, if you can find out the extent of it first you will be in a much better position.

lol, this

oh, so this

Just realised I had made light of a serious thread, i would go along with the suggestion of posting some comments back, nothing heavy, just a "back off" type comment and see what develops from there

Report the abuse to Facebook!

Sov pretty much nails it. If it really doesn't bother him then there isn't much point doing anything about it.

Explain to him how facebook works, tell him about privacy options and how to remove friends from friend list. He can then choose his preferred option as he deems fit.

This.

You're his uncle, and you can be the mature adult (I can't believe I said that) in his life that he can talk to you about it there is no need to tell his parents to check his facebook page. Not unless it gets out of hand obviously.

All good ideas here, I think telling the parents is a bad idea unless the bullying clearly is very very bad. Being the older cousin confidant is great, I always looked up to my older cousins when I was young. Perhaps you could take him down the gym or something like that to help with his confidence if thats what needs working on?

Anyone else freaked out by this thoughtful mature Cos we keep seeing?

Sounds to me like the lad has low self esteem, do something with him to boost it cos, take him down the snooker hall or gym or something, let him loose on everything and praise him up. If he is really into something, take him to do that, and big him up for it.

Also do the Dik9 suggestion, but do it in a jokey way, make out that you got some tossers giving you grief so this is what you did ... good luck and look after the lad.

xx

Very much so.

Cheers for responses guys.

As it happens, when I called my cousin the day before his dad was actually around and kinda got the gist of the conversation we were having. My cousin's parents looked into my cousins facebook and are going to take it up with the school.

Cheers for advice, would have been rather funny to get big baz to tell the kid he was gon t'eat te lad's intestines

Disasteraments and not the way forward.

Can't believe I'm saying this, but agree 100% with the green frog.

yeah, he sure won't be in more trouble if the school has a word with the bullies.

Yup.

Stay the f**k out of it unless the young fella asks for help.

He won't thank anyone for making him a laughing stock and unpopular.

Unless he seems unhappy then leave it with him to sort in his own way. It'll probably make him stronger in later life anyway. Wrap him in cotton wool and he'll just get the piss taken out of him for being a mummy's boy.

Well I just spoke to my uncle and they saw his facebook and some of the remarks really are pretty shocking. He had a feeling something might be up but my cousin, Michael, who's also pretty mature said he wasn't scared of these guys but it obviously upset him and that he wasn't the only one they did it to.

My uncle asked what Michael wanted him to do about it, if anything, and Michael said deal with it through the school - the bullies are unlikely to know who reported them as there's a handful of people they do it to.

If thats what he wants to do then fair enough.

I would guess there would be a fair chance they will find out it was him though.

Do you know if we are we talking violent bullies or just all talk?

I don't know about the other kids but they've not laid a finger on my cousin. He's just turned 13 and is my height, like 5'10 which is pretty damn tall for his age which may be why they haven't got physical with him.

Blatant "I'm harder than 13 year olds cus I'm so big" brag.

Pretty sure it's a "I can't even scare year 8's, they're so fucking big' beat.

A lad at our school was getting bullied, it only took him bricking one lad for it to stop.

Happy to help.

How long did your scar take to heal?

Cat piss Graham would never brick me, we got on great guns!!

Oh, i thought that was how the baldness started.

This is one subject I feel really really strongly about. I have to disagree with getting involved directly.

You need to tell him how to deal with them, you could even make it fun for him, take different approaches with the bullies.
For eg if one of these bullies were to make a remark to him in person, just one stern look at them as if to say "is that the best you can do?" could end it right there. It's those kind of signs of confidence that scare the shit out of bullies.
It also reverses the focus of the moment, instead of your cousin looking the butt of the joke it actually changes the situation and makes them look like arseholes and creates an awkward moment for them.

So many different things you can do which will crush them.

Cos, I think you should actually be the person who helps him, he's added you on facebook so he obviously looks up to you and would take your advice.


Getting the school or parents will make him appear weak, but not only that, it will make him feel weak and he won't know what to do in the next situation. He's 22 and starting a new job, he's got to know how to deal with arseholes or he will just get run over.

nah that was because of my high levels of testosterone.

grass doesnt grow on a busy street cos...

I like your idea to take him to the cinema. You have no idea how much he is being bullied 'off-line' and what kind of things might be happening to him. Most children who get bullied are very secretive about it. Give him a chance to open up to you in a comfortable an informal setting.

Telling his parents is probably a good idea but let him know if you plan to do that and get his involvement if you can. The more he is in control of how this is handled the better.

I wrote an article a while back. It's aimed at parents but you might find it useful. It's on how to talk to your child about bullying.: http://www.bullyingfullstop.co.uk/html/bullying_advice_for_parents.html

/thread

very much this