blonde poker forum

I just don't get it!

As I grow older I realise that I just like the simple things in life, I don't want to procrastinate I just want to say yes I understand or no I don't, I want to be able to say yes or no when posed with a question, I just want to get it, no messing about. At work I have to think, away from work I just want to not care.

Now I understand life isn't always like that and that there are nearly always grey areas which need to be considered but lately some things are just puzzling to me and I'll never understand them.

Unlike the 'Piss you off thread' the things in this thread I do not get irate at I just don't get them.

Pretzels

Lily Cole

Baby sweetcorn

Rap 'Music'

Boredom

Sagging

Computer lid colours to match your mood

Pet lizards

Litter

Getting really really drunk

Fruit machines

Watching big brother contestants sleep


 

Pretzels and Baby sweetcorn are awesome!

What's wrong with Pet Lizards?

Nothing. I just don't get them.

Blasphemy!

Women.

Twitter

Men who sit with a leg over their other leg

Socks and sandals

Heavy metal

Tofu

Polo

White people with dreadlocks

Barring Heavy Metal, I agree with everything so far.

Good work  :)up

Apart from Heavy Metal & some Rap, and Lily Cole (ok I don't get her but wish I could). I'm pretty much in agreement.

I like rap, getting really really drunk and fruit machines, but apart from that I agree with most.

I forgot to add those stupid Chiwawa dogs

Getting really really drunk is just sloppy drinking technique though isn't it? Enjoying a good 'pissed' but able to remember it and make your own way home shows proper drinking skills. Shame I was cut down at the peak of my career  :( .

Chihuahuas are only good for bait.

Nah, I can often go on all dayers and keep at a decent level n just get 'pissed'. But sometimes you have to just push the boat out a little bit. You know the 10 sambucas staring back at you are going to end you, but you neck em anyway.

I guess there is no rhyme or reason for it, so I suppose I don't really 'get it', it makes you feel shit the next day. Can't see me stopping though.

Sushi

SMART cars

Bottled water in the UK

Football hooliganism

Smelly things for plug sockets

Danger of Drowning /Falling/Electrocution warning signs

Ricky Gervais

The over 50's plan

These, and...


People who 'get' homoeopathy.

Absolutely Fabulous

Coffee

Olives

People who get angry at the dealer when they lose a hand

Sycophants

Corn on pizza

The youth of today.

Celebrity Juice. Particularly Keith Lemon

Nandos

New Tricks, BBC1

Two Hairy Bikers. Fuck off, one of you used to be a make up artist

Nick Hewer on Countdown

Audi Q7s

Games on facebook eg Farmville, Zynga, Dress a Pirate, build a playground etc etc. Just fuck off my page

Derby. The City.

Devilfish

Knowing what to defend with in the big blind to a min raise

Postal deliveries after 2pm

Courier deliveries between 9am and 5pm and no further clue.

Four antiques shows in three hours on BBC2 teatime weekdays

The wanker who hosts Flog it in particular

why all blondes are wimps and say "it hurts" when discussing paintball.


i just dont geddit

Little Britain.

Formula 1

Football

Sounds like a few of those could go on the other thread.

My postman that asked me for a cigarette while getting me to sign for a parcel (I don't smoke)

People that get number plates that say "W4nker" "C11nt" etc etc (Why would anyone pay for that)

Kim Kardashian

Paris Hilton

Men with Satnav's (Sorry fellas it's not at all masculine to own one)

Burton upon trent (should be a continuation of Derby or Lichfield)

Range Rover Evoque

The Mosh Pit and while we're on the subject the Moon Walk (Both ridiculous)

The fake Jamaican accent

People who do degree's in "American Studies" come on guys and this is coming from an ex Yank

For the Americans

People who complain about the price of Gas then drive 500 Miles and pay $400 dollars for the new Nike Air Jordans
People who steal your shit and then try and help you find it.
People who think the pistol whip is a legal form of self defense
People who say "Pacific" instead of "Specific"
People who order Steak at IHOP
I just don't get it..

That reminds me...

Blokes that would rather be lost and just guess then ask for directions.

Tattoos on your feet   :dontask:

Tattoo's full stop  :-X

What real men... hahahahahaha...

Get use to this, although this should probably be in the other thread

+1

People who say this.  

White tattoos too

Not getting Nando's.

People not getting things.

Welcome, you're in the right place.

Enough sex

That's what she said.

Bono.

Not getting anything I
Not getting how WH Smith are still trading
Not getting working too hard that I can't play pokerz

People that say sorry for something that is in no way their fault, what's that about ?

Online Grammer police.

PS Did I get the their correct ? getttttttttttttt.

Sorry.

::)

FFS

You did Honey so ignore the Boshi.

Athletes who wear gold chains when they are trying to run as fast as possible.

Grammar, clearly.

Yeah...ya weren't so good with that bit.   rotflmfao  Tis ok.  Most of us speak 'mond' at this stage anyway. 

The worst thing is, I actually googled there, then did a test of 20 questions about there/their/they're, did shit obv, then still got it wrong.

#givesup

don't worry -  your googling wasn't in vain.  your 'their' was fine :)

"Football Fan's" Who support teams like Man Utd and Liverpool despite living miles away from the actual places where those team play and never going there. Just thinking about them has left me so tilted I am going to have to give up poker for the rest of the month.

So it gets worse ?

Did I really just get levelled from Kinboshi, or maybe just levelled myself.

This is why I should be drinking on a Friday spgjspadokhsdfpgkjoasjhpodkjfo.

yes have a drink  :cheers:

lol

Warning - while you were reading a new reply has been posted. You may wish to review your post. Does anyone edit?

Football club overobsessionism. I've known of people being killed just for wearing the wrong strip. IT'S JUST A SILLY GAME!

Rap Music

Driving round and round town in a souped-up old motor. Hold your orgasms, ladies!

The happy acceptance of a life that is 99.99 percent filled with the mundane.

Apple obsessions.

Poking on Facebook.

Posting on someone's wall on FB about how much you love them/their face/that last night you spent with them.

Morris dancers.

people that haven't turned off the 'a new reply was posted....' thingamegig

Micky Flanagan

people that wear the waistband of their jeans below their arse

fruit or fish on pizza

Hey what have Morris dancers ever done

Tuna is ace on a ham and pineapple pizza

+1  or chicken

Teach me master!!!

Skyrim

Minecraft

Farmville

Dogging. Mmm, intimacy.

I know how I got from Minecraft to Farmville, not so sure about the next sequitur.

Scottish people that talk with a posh english accent. Just wear a giant dildo hat instead?

Lol my fav pizza is ham / pineapple chicken and tuna ..... True!

If you are one, they have gone up in my estimation.

This

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/551841_10151744662790377_212641675376_24094573_1410607732_n.jpg)

leethefish

Have we ever met in real life so to speak?

Basketball

The latest Cathay Pacific TV ad

Why X Factor / BGT etc are still popular

Picking John Terry for Euro 2012

Smoking

Why 'English Muffins' as ordered in the USA can't be found in England.

No, but I know you well enough from here to know that you are level-headed with decent taste.

LOL any supermarket mate  ;)

Lol it's cool no morris dancing here .....wondered if you'd bite!
If we had met I think u would guess that !

Taste and texture are totally different.  UK ones are 'bready' inside, US ones are more crumpety.

was gonna say - isn't that just what american's call crumpets?

Can't say I notice much difference tbh.

No, they're different again!

blokes that shave/wax their chest

fruit/herbal/earl grey tea

Tulisa what's her name

The media destroying any English Football manager

Real ale drinkers

Skinny dropped crotched carrot chinos

Messi being described as the best ever  ;)

lol one day mate. I'll listen for jingling bells ;)

It was all going so well until the Messi part.

So good that you got 2 mistakes in the same word

Tom had already covered the last one "sagging" as it's called if you're street.

White beer

a long time ago i was wandering alone along hollywood boulevard (as you do) when a hell's angel type started chatting to me as we waited to cross the road.  "hey, you're english" he said. "yes i am" I replied. "do you like tea and crumpets?" "they're ok" "wtf IS a crumpet" "I believe it's what you call an english muffin".   Now I know I misled the friendly man and i feel bad.  if anyone would like to sponsor me to go back to track him down and right this travesty then please get in touch :)

i presumed he was talking about lady's boobies.  I would like to say I didn't get that either but I'm a big girl up top :)

any beer.

with that in mind, especially non-alcoholic beer

Really wish someone could tell me what English Muffins are called in this country. 

Muffins  :-X

I'm guessing we just don't have them, so the 'english' tag is a bit misleading!

Adam Sandler

Donnie Darko

How any politician can claim that exams aren't getting easier after 20 consecutive years of increased pass rates.

This man is funny

 I know it's been said, but deserves saying again....Nandos

Nandos

Nandos chav food

Men who get there nipples pierced

Mond!  sort this out please!

Girls who don't at least trim down below (http://i724.photobucket.com/albums/ww249/mikill_thomas/unsure.gif)

It's obv their, tut, did you not go to school or summit Bob ?

Use this for future reference plz

http://www.wikihow.com/Use-There,-Their-and-They%27re

No excuses.

Donnie Darko is incred! Gonna watch it tomorrow me thinks.


Sparkling water

lol, it's a fair cop guv

I just don't get it, how people can find him funny.

people that get offended by my offensive jokes.

Young male poker players with hoody sleeves that cover their hands, leaving just the finger tips showing.

Young male poker players who pass their cards like they weigh 30 pounds.

Young male poker players who pass their cards by tossing them four feet into the air.

Young male poker players who pass their cards by pushing them toward the dealer half a millimetre at a time.

So basically anyone that is a better player than you or me?  :D

Or male or young or who fold

No, just those who have the more affected mannerisms. Unless we're assuming that all 'young male poker players' are better than both of you

People who hoard money for their entire lives and live like poor people.

People who speak to their own children in public like they are the scum of the earth

Linkedin. A place to effectively Bullshit about what you do for a living

People's obsession with keeping on top of all (or any of) the uk's soap operas. These people usually find out exactly what is going to happen in the story lines weeks before it actually happens.

Tyre kickers who have zero intention of buying anything but feel the need to waste everyones time and make a hideously offensively low offer, and then wander off and go to the next shop/salesman/car boot and waste everyone else's time (including their own)

Scientology. I don't get it, so you believe humans are actually aliens reincarnated. Ah I see makes sense.

People who put 6 consecutive posts what they could have just put in 1

Trolls who don't actually contribute to the thread in a creative way and instead make a shallow attempt at humour instead by referring to a poster in the thread

The irony

Sigh....

 :dontask:  I really don't get it. Why wouldn't you just make a list in one post?

Again lol :)

TV programmes that start with a 3 minute trailer that gives the whole story away. (American documentaries are the worst offenders. they include a reminder before and after every ad break).

TV interviews where the camera flies around the room and then zooms up the interviewee's nostril.

TV programmes which include dramatic reconstructions where the 'drama' is provided by the camera zooming in on the subject in a series of rapid jumps. often accompanied by a flash of white screen and the sound a tin tea tray makes when you hit yourself over the head with it.

+1 Christian til I die.

And then what will you be?

What is going through the mind of most live players when they are in the tank

Less subtly ironic probably :p

Why I am thick ( but not as bad as mrs fish) when it comes to using I pads and laptops and pcs and I phone and remote control

Alcohol-free wine or beer.

Caffeine-free coffee.

Mild cheese.

What is the point?

MM's subtlety.

I just copy Mantis' style and hope for the best.

Alco pops.

Different tasting Cider (apples ffs).

People who don't use deoderant.

Idiots footballers with the world at their feet, like John Terry, Joey Barton, Jermaine Pennant.

Eating seaweed.

Slow rolling.

Vitriolic dislike of rival football teams and supporters.

Pretty much all 'seaweed' that is served in chinese/asian restaurants in this country is not seaweed which is something I don't get and can still be added to the thread.

Same with crab sticks.

DTD software

Add Quorn, if you want to taste meat, get some meat imo.

I don't get why people put things like

"To my best hubby, thank you for the best years ever blah blah" on Facebook - why not just go tell them?  Other messages like that bug me too, not just the soppy shit that you could just get off your phone/computer and say in real life.  Birthday wished to really young children?  Really? pretty sure they don't have facebook pages, why not put "Wow, it's been 2 years already, can't believe XXX is 2 alraedy!"

special occasion ones i kinda get, but the ones that say things like 'can you pick up some milk on your way home please?' or 'what do you want for dinner tonight?' posted on people's walls, i don't get.

Seems like one of the more practical uses to me.

Not if you only check facebook when you are at home

People who say 'lol' instead of just laughing.

People do that? (http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y178/CrazedBrickist/huh.png)

Laughing.

Only ironically, surely? Else you're hoisted by your own petard, if you're not actually laughing out loud?

Holly Willoughby. Is someone paid to dress her on the voice?

who cares


Stunning.

If they'd turned round & said "There's a world recession & the Chinese raised the bar too high, so this time we're dropping the over-elaboration and concentrating on the sport" lots more would have been behind it - now it just annoys me.

For the record the things I don't get about it are 1) the point of an opening ceremony with all the fireworks, 2) the 'torch running' tradition - the Nazis came up with a lot of idea that were rightly not adopted - why this one?

People who go and spend a fortune to watch a premiership team and leave 15 minutes early if their team is like a couple of goals down and not playing particularly well. Why leave?

Beat the traffic?

Footballers taking their shirt off after scoring.

Not just because you get booked for it. Just don't get what makes you want to get nikkid in that situation.

Might try it in a 150 deepstack when I next win a race...

Might as well be German shotputters as they are both rancid.

Volleyball, Swedish girl footy team and rhythmic gynastics is where its at or Javelin if Paraguay are chucking..

(http://cdn.faniq.com/images/blog/aaae763de553715e9a0bce3bfc6852eb.jpg)

I'm sensing a "Fit Olympic Competitors" thread can be expected soon

That's Amatays domain

Thought of doing it myself, but will obv leave for Amafish.

People who drive on the hard shoulder with their hazards on when the rest of motorway is at standstill.

You're just jealous.

LOL at saying Ennis and Pendleton are rancid.

Yep. It's the hazards flashing that I don't get Tom. At 1 point there was 3 cars, 2 van and 2 HGVs all in a line on the hard shoulder with the hazards flashing. Just don't get it.

It's so when the cops appear they can say "I'm sorry officer, my car/van/lorry was overheating and I didn't want to break down on the motorway".

lol, and are the cops that naive to believe it? Probs no need to answer that. :)

It just so happens there were a van and a car broken down and these idiots just compounded the issue. If there was a need for the emergency services they may be hampered and when it's me on the hard shoulder having a heart attack I'd like to think they could get to me quickly.

Oi! thats my car your talking about Tom. One drive and you will be converted.

The Olympic torch relay.

Why my wife is making me drive to Peterborough to pick up an expensive fridge when i have a perfectly good one already.

Could actually just have posted - 'my wife'.

OK. I have an open mind. Convert me.

My van can tow a caravan, has a one ton payload, 5 seats, a double bed, returns 60mpg, cruises at 90 mph and is a bit of a fanny magnet. (That last part could just be driver related).

What does the smarty do?

FYP
;)

LOL.

It's funny because it's true.

Where would you send her?

Yeah I didn't understand the comment either

me neither

both are lovely, and more importantly supremely talented

Peterborough  :dontask:

Geo

I'm pretty much with you here, but I have to say, when compared with the Paraguayan Javelinist both are average.. But all is relative, it's like saying The Eiffel tower isn't Tall compared to the CN Tower, doesn't mean that the Eiffel tower is small by any means... I'm sure you get my point..

I'll leave you with a picture which should add weight to my argument..  

Stick by my call on Ennis and Pendleton. One looks like a horse the other a man. Next you lot will be telling me you think Fatima Whitbread is attractive..

Please see pics of Paraguyan Javelinist to see what attractive is.

Didn't Ennis wingold for her arse?

Both are lovely people and extremely fit. I can understand why someone might not find Ennis particularly attractive - but struggling to work out whether Pendleton is the horse or the man  :dontask:

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/ba/Jean_Christophe_Novelli_and_Victoria_Pendleton_cropped.jpg/220px-Jean_Christophe_Novelli_and_Victoria_Pendleton_cropped.jpg)

She might be a horseman.

GTFO Milligan with your fussy stick after spending the best part of a 10 stretch in the RAF....

Poor Milligan.  If he thinks those two pretty young girls are 'rancid' his eyes must bleed every time he walks down the street and has to look at normal looking people.

Amazing. I expected better of Jon MW

"Struggling to work out whether Pendleton is the horse or the man"

You what?

She's stunning!

I think you've completely misread Jon's point

Im all in on that.

oh.

If so, sorry.

Anyway, she's nice, and talented.

yup - milligan said earlier one of them looked like a horse and the other looked like a man.  think the point jon was making was that she is far from looking like either.

Tell me about it..

If you lot think these two are worth enduring some of the Olympics then there isn't much else i can say.

(http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/51862000/jpg/_51862303_pendleton_int.jpg)


(http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Sport/Pix/columnists/2012/3/22/1332444985154/Jessica-Ennis-in-the-new--006.jpg)

Not fussy IRL, but unless its Paraguay Javelin, Sweden footy, rhythmic gymnastics or Volleyball then they can gtfo.

tbf when googling Pendleton there were some decent pics of her. Photo shopped to the max i would imagine.

Ennis looks like a man. FACT and Pendleton has a long face like a pferd.

That's why I deliberately picked one which wasn't photoshopped at all to make my point - that most people got.

sorry again Jon


This all reminds me of Rebecca Adlington-gate on here. Men are completely barmy sometimes.

I guess 'I just don't get it' when it comes to guys thinking them 2 in particular are worth watching the olympics for/being beautiful etc.

That's not quite the same as them being 'rancid' though is it?

ok ok, I yield. Pendleton not dog ugly but Ennis certainly is RANCID.

ran·cid  (rnsd)
adj.
1. Having the disagreeable odor or taste of decomposing oils or fats; rank.
2. Repugnant; nasty:

come on Dave, she is neither of those! You may think she isn't attractive, but its simply the wrong word.

Milly like a bit of meat on his bone.

I'm afraid I would have to disagree, I believe she would qualify for the second part of the definition.

She isn't related to a blonde is she? the love for Ennis is strong here.

Don't mind a bit of meat at all Girgs, but cheese grater Abs on a woman I find revolting. Guess it comes with the territory being an athlete.

No, she's not a blonde, but she's a human being, and as such, entitled to a little respect.

IMO of course.

See, this is a completely different matter. Do i Respect her? massively so, yes! She is an Olympic athlete and a very good one at that, hardly anyone will be able to represent their country at her level. The woman commands respect, which i willingly give.

Does thinking she is rancid in a solely superficial sense make me respect her any less as an athlete/human being? No

Some of my closest friends are hideous, of course I tell them this just as they point out how fat I am. Does it make me love/respect them any less? No. Why would it?

Tip: having ugly friends makes you better looking no matter how fat you are.

Yeah, whatever.

EZ Game. tyty

Love this...

Is this why I have so many friends....?

Also as much as Milligan84 has defended his position on Ennis and Pendleton I'm sure the use of the word "Rancid" was a completely flippant comment.  I agree with Red-Dog everyone on gods green earth should be treated with some respect, but this particular comment is just a bit of banter...

I Think Confucius said it best "Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?"

meh,  I think she's lovely anyway

She is lovely, and if you get a chance to see her in the flesh (so to speak), she's adorable.

If Jess Ennis has the body of a man I am v happy to be homo.

Don't say it often - but I agree with Mantis.

Milligan has just levelled us all for the day I'm sure.......

+1

Jess E

(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/03/06/article-0-07BCF2FE000005DC-443_306x423.jpg)

Rancid
(http://rancidrancid.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/tumblr_lykhsj6vPW1qb4l5ro1_500.jpg)



I know which I'd rather wake up with and feeling "used"...

turns out milligan's right to not fancy ennis. she's too fat

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/olympics/olympic-news/absolutely-ridiculous-outrage-as-top-olympic-boss-say-jessica-ennis-is-fat-7788651.html

now that I really don't get

lol, she doesn't have an ounce of fat on her from what I can see!

Daley Thompson's comment was a bit odd!

Yea that's Obv Redic. A bit of fat would probs make her more appealing to me personally.

People driving at 23mph in 30 zones.

People driving at 23mp.

People driving.

People.

I don't get why Donald duck always wears a towel round his waist after he's been in shower.

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pN-6SOZANE

How unwittingly creepy the jingle that the ice-cream van plays is.

Rofl, used Jason manfords line on my godson today. "oh when they play the music it means they've ran out of ice-cream" worked a treat! £1.50 saved...

Makes me sad, reminds me of gran's and better times, which I miss.

supermarket announcements

'come to the butcher's department where we have 2 for £7 offers and 3 for £10'

tell me what it is that you're selling ffs. excuse me if I don't rush over just to find that you're trying to sell me 3 sausages for a tenner

The word 'project' in relation to football.

Tampon adverts

Vagisil

dogs with facebook accounts. people do realise that they're not actually communicating with the dog right?

Pedestrians who wait for the little green man before crossing the road when there is no traffic for miles.

the woman at the crossing today who I saw from about 200 yards away waiting at the crossing. when I got there I saw she hadn't even bothered pressing the button, she'd probably still be there if I hadn't wanted to cross at the same place

I just dont get it when pedestrians press the button when no cars are coming? ? This soon turns to pissing me off when as a driver I have to stop at the red lights and there's nobody crossing.

http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=32688.msg1347011#msg1347011

People who go on holiday to (insert European destination here), who will only drink english lager, eat english food all day and then in the evening just spend the evening in the english pub! Then they get all cocky when they learn how to say 'i'll have a large beer please sir' in spanish.

   
Hijos de puta tontas

Oi! Pedro! Dos beeros por favor.

Don-day fools y horses bar por favor?

Manuel?! Do you do chippos? Chipseos? [Turns to wife] he don't understand his own flipping language!

Ha ha. You should see the dirty looks off all the mums after we have dropped our kids off at school. The lollypop lady is still there but thanks very much but I'm an adult and  I can get across the road quicker than it takes her to get her act together.

the lollipop man on the zebra crossing near my house

could the council find any better way to waste money?

producing a sports programme for an english channel and getting a pundit who can hardly speak english.

Blogs.

Age being somehow related to wisdom.

Pocket Jacks.

Chavs.

"Reality" tv.

Road rage.

You'll learn...

Neil Diamond

On Betfair, why DRAW NO BET is written all in capitals but no other markets are.

I guess someone may shed some light on this.

Wtf Neil diamond is awesome.

Gotta agree with Girgy.

Geezer.

He doesn't sing. That's what I don't get.

<3

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57q3kq4FP2o

LOL

still don't get it but thank you for a valiant attempt  ;izimbra;

People who walk across the road really slowly in front of you and are dying for you to beep so they can act dead hard.

+1

Does it make you a really bad person if you really want to run them over?

no

Does that mean I can, because the wife always says I can't?

no I don't think you can, sadly.  It's a tough urge to fight though.

Oh well, accidents do happen.
;)

Why would you beep?  You are in a car just drive towards them and watch how quick they jump out of the way.

People who listen to music on their mobiles through the speakers

1) You are distrubing me
2) The sound quality is piss poor
3) The music you listen to is crap, not that I can work out what it is
4) Made even worse if it is more than one of you
5) How do you know if your phone is ringing

Young kids that buy 1.0 cheap cr@p cars because they cant afford the insurance then spend £1000s on body kits, paint jobs, seats, rollbars and so on.

SAXO - Citreon

Hunger Games
Fake Tan
Cazu Marzu ( Spanish Cheese Filled with live Maggots )
Jager Bombs
Gok Wan
Imitation Log Fires
Nigdawg ( name obv  )

The Olympics

Just would prefer a Super Bowl/Euros/World Cup

Paloma Faith.  Why the heck do the press give you the time of day?

Just sing along with them. That or point out how whatever they are listening to is sooooo last year.

I once asked a mackenzie-swathed oik on the train to turn his music up as a few of us were working out which Barbara Steisand song was being sampled. He could not have hated life more at that moment. It only cost me a small lie...

What are hunger games?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Hunger-Games-Suzanne-Collins/dp/1407109081/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339055720&sr=8-1

Ahh, I see. Ty.

was in reference to the film. havn't read the book although if it's anything like the film there's like zero chance i will pick the book up.

http://keh.hu/index.html

 :dontask:

the braille?

I can't get it to work! No matter how slowly I run my finger across it!

(http://chzupnextinsports.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/funny-sports-pictures-quadruple-facepalm.jpg)

Oof, had a look at that on the web last night. I guess it's mainly bravado..... It does affect the flavour and consistency of the cheese (which itself has pretty much decomposed). The maggots can live on pretty healthily inside you, but can't do you damage. Other types of maggots can, when they survive and start burrowing :/
Some people put the cheese in a sealed bag at the table, to suffocate them (pitter patter popping sound as they jump for their lives). And they do jump a lot when disturbed, up to 15cm, people eat the dish sometimes with their hand over it to catch them. The EU banned it (maybe dangerous), but that was overturned (because it's a traditional, going back centuries, so allowed.)
What's wrong with a nice cheese triangle?

 ;kev;

The Co op. "Gud with fud"

Quality response.

Someone told me to type "English Person" into google and hit search.  :dontask: I don't get the first answer at all....

Left my cat out in courtyard (other side of house, pictured). Left some water in Margarine tub I was about to throw out (he loves margarine, there was a little still in it). Margarine tub disappears, I go for a walk today and find the tub 500 metres away over a field (2 sets of hedges). wtf.
Cat or other animal went for the margarine and got head stuck, walked off with it? Also loads of birds, and birds of prey, some big wild cats around here. Also rabbits, hare, deer. No other humans walk these fields really.
Been windy, but not windy enough to throw it over a hedge.
Perplexed.

Where are you? It's been windy enough here in the Midlands to blow trees over, so a margarine tub wouldn't be much of a problem.

South West Scotland...
It would have to take it round a building, over a hedge, through knee high grass, over another hedge...

Right to the edge of the Shire?

 ;applause;

how do you know it's even the same margarine tub?

It might not be. But what are the chances of me losing a Clover Light margarine tub from outside my house one day and then someone else's tub showing up 1/2 a mile away a few days later? Unless the cat is messing with my head. Cats do that.

clover light?  wtf.  get some proper butter inside you man.

When our little girl lost a tooth a few back, she wrote a letter to the Tooth Fairy.  Mrs C decided that it would be fun to write back to her pretending to be the fairy.  It's been a few letters now and today she lost another tooth and for some reason it's fallen to me to write the Tooth Fairy letter, so I'm sat up at midnight writing it. 

Have to say, I don't get it.  Well, I do, I'm just not the Tooth Fairy type.  When do they learn the truth?

Wanted to get it off my chest and thought this thread most appropriate.

and now the printer has run out of ink so I have to look for the spare cartridges

Girls who put eyelashes on their cars. I've seen loads of them lately. Big fckin comedy eyelashes above the head lights. Wtf?

Agreed, my kids even don't get them.

People thinking Vanessa Paradis is attractive either now or when she was younger  :dontask:  And as for those nasty fooking gap teeth she has  :-X

Blummin meerkats. Primarily those that advertise comparison websites.

Trying to do your bit for the environment by getting solar panels installed on your roof, only to be told you can't because your house isn't energy efficient enough.

(https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQFm37fEC7J3FJsUuiM1cqFJPReDXpf07TGsvux_-f92wQHkis5mQ)

Instructions on shampoo bottles.  Seriously...who actually needs them?!

Money out of NatWest

;gobsmacked;

When she was younger she was undoubtedly attractive!

No she still had those nasty gap teeth, never liked her.

Woodsey! You have just failed in life!

She is top 5

She looked about 13 years old too back in the day when everybody seemed to have the hots for her too  :-X

I'm not trying to fool you, even though I would like too.

I think she is really fit, she's fit, but my gosh, woodsey don't know it.

She was 14 when Joe le Taxi came out. I was about the same age. Perfectly acceptable.

No argument from me, if that's what you lads want to fight over good luck to you I say.  :D

Wonder if she gets food stuck in those teeth?  ;whistle;

(http://i444.photobucket.com/albums/qq167/Andr4w/article-2160809-13A6F370000005DC-923_634x798.jpg)

(http://i444.photobucket.com/albums/qq167/Andr4w/wenn3949687.jpg)

yes woodsey its difficult to find a bad photo of someone on the internet

Find me a good one of her smiling with her nasty teeth on full show then mate.  ;D

Is she not married to Jonny Depp. The coolest guy on the planet would not make a bad call would he?

He just dumped her, guess the gap between her teeth got too big for him even  ;D

Rugby union I just don't get it.

I see myself doing a lot of falling out with people on this thread this weekend  :-X

What's rugby union got to do with you not getting it. Have you tried girlsdateforfree.com....... You will have to pay a small fee but are nailed in to get it. Especially if you can pursuade em to meet you in a hotel room with the lights out:)

Stella's "cidre"... I can't order it at a bar as I would feel like a moron doing the silly accent...

I quite like it, but I do call it cider.

so just go to the bar & ask for a stella cider? 

Thought they would throw me out for doing that!

just get it when it's someone else's round

Chompy

I just don't get it, why did you put toothpaste on your zit?

How to quote a post from another thread or quote twice in the same thread

lol.  laxie actually introduced me to the toothpaste on the zit thing a couple of years back. was dubious at first but it really works at speeding up their demise and is recommended by dermatologists, apparently. 

this is an advanced forum skill, as is quoting things from posts to use in a PM.  if you ever attempt this check and double check first that you are actually PMing and not posting on the thread.  I've been caught out a couple of times but think I got away with it :)

The role of Amanda Leatherman on TV's Pokerstars The Big Game.

She seems to introduce the players, wrap everything up at the end with a cheesy line and sit drinking coffee on a couch out of shot for the other 58 minutes.

and look really odd - she seems to get dressed in the dark and to have stumbled into a 12yr olds wardrobe

I'm being unkind. She will occasionally give Doyle a really awkward shoulder pat or Hi 5 Dan negreanu, before commenting on how he's lost 3 buy ins already, but there's still time to pull it round.

It's just such an odd inclusion, where she doesn't do a lot of interviewing

You've got that sussed then.  Well, nearly.

Yeah not really

Phone-in programmes

just WHY?

think I sussed it

but am not confident

Get in

;tightend;

sex

Lol

It's no laughing matter.

Why my Dog Nelson would never sit in the back seat of the car... Always the front...  Here he is with Tamanna..

Good god, he's a beast!  Must cost a fortune to feed him.

It did, Unfortunately I lost him during the divorce...  We'd feed him fresh tripe, chicken carcases, sardines (3 times a week), raw eggs, wholemeal bread and anything we ate too
Plus we gave him supplements too Glucosamin and Cod liver oil (from tally ho farm)   

Great dog brilliant temperament... Missing him to bits... 

People who try and persuade you to believe in their religion.

Patriotism.

Poor people that support right wing political parties.

Road rage.

Grumpy poker players.

Not speaking ill of the dead.

Daniel Negreanu.

Nicholas Cage.

Tarantino.

Why Nicholas Cage....?

Never seen him in a movie where he DOESN'T overact terribly.

"PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX"

+1

The recent overuse of the word "Fred" on blondepoker.com/forum

And Dan.

Donner meat
The guy who comes to my local casino twice a month to literally fall asleep at the table. Never seen him not look knackered.
People who force themselves into the latest Top Man/River Island clothes whilst looking as uncomfortable as possible at all times.
Softcore pornography.
Why seeing a boob in a film is 5x better than google etc
Why people always ask to see my hand at showdown. Seen it 6 times in live poker, and 5 of them have been people asking to see my hand!

Leaving Las Vegas?

based on personal, bitter, experience I'd ALWAYS ask to see your hand at showdown...

Thats fair enough i guess! Without sounding like a dbag, play more cash! Not at Teesside atm, but not played with you in ages.

Why do people ask to see my hand? Bizarre, even had it happen in a friendly enough home game last month, its the one thing that truly annoys me. IWTSTH is there for collusion, not for info!

It actually bugs me when people don't want to show their hand when asked. If you have been called they are perfectly entitled to see it.

More and more people are mucking their hands when called instead of showing that they got caught out. I had a hand at Dtd and check called 3 weak bets thinking I had  Ks Jd on a jack high flop. The player flicks his cards  forward and the dealer takes them in. At Dtd you have to show to claim a pot. I flipped over Ks Qd and the bloke tried to get his cards back claiming Ace high.

It just fucking wastes time, if I call them I want them to just flip their cards over rather than all this wasting time of announcing what they have and having a 10 second conversation about who's got what before a winning hand is finally tabled. Turn just your cards over FFS so I can show or muck!

Yeah lol show your cards so we can muck sucker. We called coz we ain't sure we have won and are too fishy to fold.

Rocking upto a nightclub on student night and being told by the doorman that I was too "old" to enter :( my 20yo date looked distraught :(

thin

Doubt it :)

Needs more love.

<33333

Lol  ;D

Yea she's thinner than me :D xx

Tennis players wearing sweatbands.

That's the film he overacts the most!!!

Why does that annoy you?

If their hands are sweaty they might lose grip of their racquet and fuck up a shot.

Unnecessary use of profanity.

People become desensitised to it, which lessens the impact when you really want to emphasize your fucking point.

This is a good point.

When you are in the USA, they do get really shockd, especially by one word in particular.

Guy c/shoves on me on 2s5s9T board, and i call with K9 in a 3bet pot. He has T7ss and i muck on the river. Why should he see my hand?

Manage to get it in pre for £250ish each with a guy who has just locked up a seat to move to another game. I have AK, i brick, he shows QQ, i muck and he asks to see my hand? Why? Boards like JT965 the whole world knows i have AK. The valet taking my food order knew i had AK, why does he need to see? Literally doing it to spite me, its a headsup pot, i called him, why be a *****?

They never dry their hands always wipe brow which I thought was the point of a sweatband?

Wrist or head sweatbands?

I prefer head.

Good read Boo. x

Lol and wrists obv

I just don't get why very old people are allowed a driving licence.

a) My grandfather is 92 years of age and holds a full UK driving licence. Last week he had a doctor's appointment and decided to drive himself to the surgery. Once there he attempted to apply the brake by pressing down very hard on the accelerator. This propelled him through the front doors and past reception. He came to rest in the waiting area just in time for his appointment.

b) Today I saw a very old man reverse out of a bay in the supermarket carpark. Well I heard him first as the revs were ridic loud. He reversed into a parked car in the bay behind, pulled forward hitting a car in front, and then reversed back hitting the same car he had only just hit. I looked thru the window to see he was completely oblivious to the carnage he was causing. Then he just happily drove off without a care in the world.

Motorists driving into buildings and multiple parked cars seems safe DVLA. Yet you want me to take an awareness course for travelling at 34mph. Grease.

Did he get taken because I think you're meant to be there 10 minutes before the allotted time these days?

Winner. Had one pull straight over on me at a roundabout other day. Never even looked then just waved as if nowt had happened :(

Was parked at Doncaster Hospital the other week and some old biddy who was parked behind me pulled out and drove off. In doing so she clipped the rear bumper of my car leaving a big scuff about 8 inches long on it. I felt the bump when she hit me, I doubt she had a clue she had even done it.

Pretty sure if me and Mantis agree so strongly on something the law should insta be changed as it's never happened before.

don't you have to retake your test every so often after the age of 70?

Clare im only in my 50's ffs how would i know

You only have to take a test if your GP decides you are unfit to drive. My Father was still driving at 80 and it was terrifying. He only stopped driving after he hit a parked car that he didn't even see.

Yeah GP has to sign you off every few years that you are fit to drive after a certain age, probably 70 as mentioned.

Ahh! I thought that most of the carnage you see on today's roads was caused by drug / alcohol / testosterone fuelled boy-racers. I didn't realise that all those unrecognisable lumps of twisted metal with the blood-spatter motif that I used to see in salvage yards every day were written off as a result of being driven at 25mph by some 90 year old. 

I spend close to 3hrs every single day on the roads and by far the people I see causing the most issues are old people. Some of them literally haven't got a clue, being slow doesn't bother me but indicating the wrong way/randomly stopping in the middle of the road to look/reversing out of their drive without looking, does! These are just a few of the things that I have seen the older generation do this week. They have a free bus pass, use it ffs.

That said my own spacial awareness isn't the best, I have had a scrape or two in my time.  ;whistle;

Has anybody noticed that you could replace the word 'old' with 'women' in the paragraph above and it would still be true. Amazing skills mili :)

People liking Andy Murray

But they won't by the weekend :)

Grown men spouting shite like this:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1556131/Floods-are-judgment-on-society-say-bishops.html

When is God going to pass judgement on those priests who molest choir boys and orphans?

He is doing. It's bloody pissing it down!!

Does he look bothered?

(http://www.mostphotos.com/preview/987561/priest-warding-off-evil.jpg)

$9 for cornflakes in the aria.

£6 for a bowl of cornflakes. They're not making them! They come out of a $5 box!

In a sense they are right.
Not the God sent floods sense obviously. But the changing values that reduced the importance attached to family life led pretty direclly to an increased need for housing which led pretty much directly to the propensity for areas to flood more readily than in the past.

In a sense, everyone is right about everything.

That's plainly wrong.

French sticks.  When I buy them, I think that it's pretty long and will do us all for lunch.  When I cut it up, it's looking a lot smaller all of a sudden.

Fresh bread rolls.  They come in packs of 4 or 6. Whenever I try and open the thin platic bag thing that they come in, I always always have to change to the other end.  the end I try and open first plays hard to open.

Bollocks. He includes the acceptance of gay marriage as one of the reasons his all-powerful god has sent the rains. One thing gay marriage doesn't do is create an over-population issue. In fact, why is it that many of the countries with the fastest population growth (and the accompanying issues of poverty, disease , etc.) are predominantly Christian countries with the church holding a strong political power to influence policy?

Maybe his church in this country can give away the thousands of acres of land it owns to let people live on that rather than in areas prone to flooding.

You're right.

One of three bishops quoted made reference to the gay marriage issue

Do you disagree with this .. "We are all part of the problem and part of the solution. Instead of living as if we owned the earth we need to recover a sense of being participants in a web of life with responsibilities to other life forms and to our children."

The reference to God may be counter to your beliefs, and the role that Bishops fill may be something you dislike, but are really arguing that that sentence is bollocks?

Are you really asking Kin to comment rationally where someone professing a christian faith is involved ? Good luck with that

My old Nan always said "God loves a tryer"

Vinny finaling 2 GUKPT's in 1 week.

Of course we need to act responsibly as a species if we're not going to put many of our species in jeopardy through over-population and overuse and blatant misuse of resources. However, we're splendidly failing at that and whilst a very small percentage live with far more than adequate means, a large and growing number of people live and die in poverty. Don't need a bloke in a fancy cassock who talks to an imaginary being to tell me that, and neither do any of them put forward any practical solutions.

I don't think that everyone is part of the problem though. Some are more culpable than others.

The manufacturers, cos loads of people follow what the instructions say. The one time you don't need to wash your hair in 10 seconds after you have just washed it, yet a lot of people do just that and use double the amount of the product cos the manufacturers tell them to. It is one of the biggest cons in marketing, but they have got away with it for ever.

The whole culture of scratchcards?

A few years ago there were no scratchcards but now they're everywhere. These days supermarkets hide cigarettes in case fancy colours attract the unwitting but display an explosion of razzle dazzle scratchcards instead. I saw this week there is now a £10 scratchcard. A mofo £10 scratchcard. What's more I see people picking 2 or 3 different ones like there's some measure of skill in it, "I'll have a number 1, and err a number 3, and errrr, no wait TWO number 3". Ahaa I see what you did there. The worst aspect is the brazen scratching it off at the counter habit. When I go and buy cigs on giro day there will always be clusters of jobseekers feverishly scratching away with their 2p. It's like stumbling on a group of crack addicts in a stairwell.

Rap 'music'.

Probably already mentioned, but 'sagging'.

What's that Dan?

(http://www.improvisedlife.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/sagging-pants-2.jpg)

Oh dear, that is one of my top five tilts about people. If I could afford security I would deffo be taking the piss out of those tossers  ;D

Just kick em up the arse and leg it. They can't run after you.

It kind of takes going commando out of the equation.

Not quite....



(http://www.noizenews.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/sagging-pants.jpg)

Where the heck did you get that picture?!

Borrowed it from Vinny's private collection in the mods room.

PMSL

I would need a constant supply of viagara to keep a pair of those from falling down.

Or a bit of Velcro.

I need a constant supply of viagara just to stop pissing on my shoes

I didn't realise till this week ...what a violent man you are Tom
(http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/fighting/face-punch.gif) (http://www.sherv.net/punch-emoticon-560.html)

I'm a pacifist between fights. (It's like being a vegetarian between meals).

Tulisa

Who are you and what have you done with the real Mantis?

I just don't get Women.

lol as in don't understand them or you simply don't get any?  :D

Don't understand them obv.

That video was a disgrace to every single celebrity sex tape out there.

+1
I managed to watch it all the way through.

Still not seen it, someone PM me a working link plz.  :D

Imagine watching someone who is not 100% correct in the head bobbing for an extremely evasive penis shaped apple.

Sounds ace. na na naye

Yeah sucking penis ain't my usual bag but if I was being filmed I would have at least looked enthusiastic and done a much better job

Ppl having baths without bubbles. What's that all about?

We don't have a monkey  :dontask:

MPOWER

Shower gel.

90% of it slops right off and goes down the drain unused.

Soap ftw.

Lol. Do your hair with it first then work down leaving arse till last

Use another lubricant?

Do you have any preferences?

Could write a book on it, depends if you have a partner, they're side of the bathroom cabinet is a good starting point. I'll eave yuo to explore, trial and error is best. Unless you're hitting the fridge/kitchen cupboards that is. Then I suggest more expert help than I can provide.

(http://www.shoaibbrothers.com/image/cache/data/034-500x500.jpg)

FTW

How much of this soap has been thrown away stuck to the label down through the years

Isn't the label there so if the soap sits in a small puddle of water it helps keep the soap out of the water and therefore stops it from dissolving and being wasted?

Or is that just bollocks?

just bollocks.

The first thing I do when opening the soap is remove the label obv.

Put me in the 'believe' camp

How did I not see this the other day?

He's turned from a bad poster to the worst on the site by far

Special offers at Sainsbury's...
(http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c17/JCtheMessiah/IMAG0068.jpg)

Stock up!

Very hot spicy Indian curry.

Back in the 70's when everywhere but private homes seemed to have toilet paper that resembled grease proof paper.

Lol yes. As students we went on strike at school to get it changed.
[ ] we got soft loo roll

Bum deal.

;marks;

They didn't understand what was at issue.  ;marks;

Waiting for a pun from AndrewT, and Rex...

No rush

;booder;

;booder;

 ;yippee; ;yippee; ;yippee;  wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii - I got it!  Took some help, but she got there eventually.   rotflmfao

(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc43/kinboshi/andrex_puppy2.jpg)

Sorry Kin, I did get it but I thought I'd compliment yours with 'bums'rush.
I guess it didn't work.
 ;shame;

We're both just too subtle I guess :D


Anyway, talking of not getting something - those CGI puppies in the new Andrex adverts, WTF?!?

I know.

The real puppies were great, but wgo gives a shit about computer generated ones that somehow manage to hold things like trays an stuff even though they have no hands.

I hate them.

Hate.

Yep, I just don't get it.

Izal think of a pun later

And the chimps gone from PG Tips as well because everyone said it was cruel. How is chimps sitting around drinking tea cruel? Especially with such nice clothes to wear and house to live in.

They couldn't afford to replace all the pianos they dropped down the stairs. So now we haxe Johnny Vegas and a knitted monkey.

Celebrity Bedlam.

Yep. As in Bedlam. With celebrities.

The blurb from Sky says:

"Science: Lee Kerm arrives on C4 with a new six-part series that pranks celebrities in random acts of lunacy."

Howard Brown from the Halifax ads ten years ago talking about bats. A girl from Gavin Henson's The Batchelor walking into a wall. A celebrity chef identifying human breasts on a fly.

It's essentially Brasseye without the satire, the continuity or any of the humour.

People who don't enjoy the Olympics.

 :hello:

You're just weird though.

People at petrol stations who refuse to go to a free pump that's say on the right hand side of their car if their petrol cap is on the left of the car, and so they park behind someone filling up at the opposite side. I then drive over to the bay they avoided, pull the pump over my car to my right hand side petrol cap and fill up.

Are they scared that it won't reach?

*shrugs*

I'd rather wait then risk looking like a twat. Just don't have the confidence :(

Lol so good

Lolz, so true. I'm one of these guys. in before what a twat.

Can't have this.  If Petrol pumps were supposed to be dragged over cars why do they put that little arrow showing you which side it is on in your car?

Some petrol stations have long reach hoses which comfortably reach behind the car round to the filler. They also usually advertise this.

I've been filling up my car for around 10 years now and have never found it doesnt reach, nor have I had a member of staff telling me not to do it like that. They all reach, unless you park absolutely miles from the pump!

Some people don't want to risk scratching their car with any sand/grit that's on the hose.

I guess some people just aren't used to holding a big hose.

Yup, some people like things too easy.

Big Bang Theory

No surprise there Vin. ;)

defo this (along with everybody lvoes raymond, two and a half men etc.)

jogging

not eating peanut butter

how probably perfectly nice people turn into unstoppable morons on public transport

nuclear physics

FYP