blonde poker forum

Thought i'd write a short TR diary for this trip to Tampa to get those post scores up for blonde nation.. :)

After doing Vegas to death this year thought i'd have a change of scenary and come out to Tampa Florida for the Hard Rock Poker festival... Jeff Buffenbarger ( think his a blonde ) many of you im sure know told me about it and urged me to come out.

Well cmon havent had a holiday for two weeks might as well..

Jeff's one of the truly niceset guys i have ever met..and thanks to some nice scheduling we have tickets to see an NBA game between the Orlando magic and the Cleveland cavaliers today and Sunday the Tampa bucaneer NFL game v the New Orleans saints .

Now the scheduling is great because one im a massive NBA and NFL fan and two.. Le Bron James ( the best basketball player in the world for those that don't know ) plays for Cleveland.. Jeff and I have snaggled two courtside seats behind the cleveland bench and we will be within stalking distance of the king.. for anyone into NBA this is literally a dream come true..

Also my NFL team is NEW Orleans ( saw them when they came to wembly ) so to see them in the sunshine of Florida is once again a massive bonus..

So Poker has taken a back seat for the first part of the trip ....

In first

Enjoy it Guns.

pics please from both sporting events

enjoy, should be great

Looking forward to this, Dean, and please give my best regards to Jeff.

As an aside just a quick TR of the trip out.. couple pointers included for people who may be a bit naive when it comes to visiting the states..

Flew BA, bizarely for the first time ever out of gatwick..used the tube and gatwick shuttle for the 2nd time this year and must say its a very efficent service ..door to door from hertfordshire in 90 mins...

I always book economy and upgrade at the airport..its a much cheaper way of doing it and ive never not upgraded even on a packed summer flight to Vegas..

BA seem to operate a 4 class system on the new 777-300 ..econ..prem econ..business and first... business has lay down beds and everything... so i thought i fancy that as it was nearly 10 hours to Tampa..

Weirdly i could not upgrade 2 classes.... perhaps because i was resplendant  in shorts and an Under Armour training top on a rainy London December day... maybe they thought i was insane and business class was no place for me.

So had to settle for Prem Economy..which was fine..seats had deece room and comfy.

For a day flight didnt feel there was too much attending by the BA staff.. and our dinner things were left uncleared for quite some time..tut tut BA.

Landed in Tampa about 7pm.. had pre-booked a little run around for while im here.. ok now some tips on renting cars in america and prob in general..

First off..they will try to sell you a shit load of stuff you dont need.. do not buy as follows:

pre-paid toll ... this is a rip off.. you would have to do some serious touring around to even come close to 10 dollars a day toll charges and they will come out with guff about some dont take cash and they will charge you 15 dollars for a 70 cent toll if you just go through a camera toll.. dont pay for it its nonsense

dont be coherced into a rental upgrade.. i booked a little ford focus..guy behind the desk looked at my big boy samsonite i brought on this trip and claimed i wouldnt get it in the car..he said my actual car was a KIA.. first run bad of trip.. i said id be ok and shove it in the back seat..

Got to my little KIA and the boot swallowed the case whole with room to spare... As to the car..just ugh..little red KIA..tears...

8pm in Tampa ..traffic is horrendous.. im booked into the Sheraton and manage to negotiate both the heavy traffic and the multitude of drivers freshly released from the Stig Insane Asylum ..

Room is pretty nice..had worse..had better..bed is fantastic though.. think my suitcase  is big enough to get it home.

Im ..ahem..not the tallest in the world but my room does seem to be fitted out for the jolly green giant.. i kid you not i have to stand on tip toe to see out of the spy hole and the safe is on the top shelf of the wardrobe ..ffs im gonna need a chair to see inside it :(

Well Jeff picking me up soon for the pilcrimage to see the King..hopefully couple pics and tales how me and Le Bron James are now email buddies.. or restraining order buddies..could go either way :)

111-76 the Cavs then?

Why would you only want a Kia sized car in the USA ?
Surely if you're doing a bit of driving around a bigger vehicle would offer a bit more protection in the event of an accident ?
Like a suburban ?
I had a small uk type car once - never again it felt intimidating with the size of SUVs and pickups on the road
Plus the amount of drivers using their phones
All the same have a great time over there

Had to look up what a Suburban was.  Surely you are going to crash one of those more?  How does it even stop?

Not really doobs it depends what size vehicle you are used to driving over here ! - I've had pickups n 4x4 s for years now !
Plus they have modern gadgetry in ,like lane radar when you wonder out of lane an alarm in the form of a vibrating seat , warnings built in to the mirrors if a car is anywhere near you in the lane next door , with that size a good crumple zone front and rear in case of a tailgating accident
Plus petrol is only 2 bob a gallon

subbed!

How can you not love my awesome whip ?

So Friday rolls round and a visit to the Amway Centre in downtown Orlando. Fantastic tickets bring some perks... A private lounge ( well as private as you can get with 300 other privilaged punters  ) where you can eat and drink as much as you want .. from full meals to sweets,crisps and ice creme... beer,soft drinks, water..all free... for gods sake im trying to eat less.. so just some gorgeous Pork things and vegetables... some M&M's ... some ice creme.. oh for gods sake i give up.. i end stuffed to the gills..

Also have access to the players tunnel so there we are like dewy eyed kids all lined up for a glimpse of our heroes.. we jostle for position... but experience has taught me.. stand behind little kids who are at the front.. so simple... we are then informed by a very large and stearn security guard the players won't stop.. and they duly run by at a fair lick and all the pen holding camera wielding fans are left wanting except for a fist bump from Mo Williams ... 

The atmosphere is not as electric as I expeienced at a Grizzlies game previousley mainly due to the home team magic being pretty awful and the game ending as a blowout... but the sight of Le Bron et al in the flesh is a serious life box tick..the King is in second gear but we get flashes of brilliance and he is just awesome to watch...

We make our way home happy and heavier :(

The King & Pals

saturday morning i get the hotel gym to myself as punishment for the previous nights food frenzy.

in the afternoon i'm due to go paddle boarding.. i mistakenly tell my girlfriend im going waterboarding and shes left wondering if the CIA are now running weekend starter courses.
Paddle boarding can best be described as canoeing whilst standing up.. you stand on a big surfboard and paddle.. easy eh? hmmmm 4 dips into a surprisinlgy cold sea dictates otherwise... but it is great fun and i soon get the hang of it and only one more nose dive is to be had.
My host tells me they often get dolphins come right into the shoreline... but not today..

Oh one tip when you go paddle boarding.. dont wear your expensive rayban sunglasses .... so if you happen to see a dolphin around the gulf of Mexico looking really cool can you ask him if i can have them back please

A picture of aforementioned paddle Boards loaded in Jeff's ridiculously massive truck.. so satisfying post picture and some truck porn in one go :)

So moving onto Sunday and NFL game day....

A beautiful sunny day begins with the tailgate.. this for those not in the know is a tradition that happens before NFL games where all the fans get out big BBQ's in the carpark and have a party. Its incredibly good natured with opposing fans welcomed and much food and beer consumed. Coming from a country where sports fandom is both tribal and fueled by vitriol, it was both alien and refreshing to see American fans of both teams stand side by side in the stadium and trade nothing more than good natured taunts as opposed to the broken bottles and the wife's best carving knife you would expect if ever such a thing happened at an English football ground.
For once we could learn from our cousins from across the pond. 

Tampa are playing the New Orleans Saints, I have been a saints fan for many years but decide to root for the home side..I'm in the Home Members Section and I'm not as brave as the 14 year old kid two rows in front of us resplendent in his Drew Brees shirt who tomahawks in celebration at every Saints first down.

I like to purchase the top of the home team when i go to a game..Vucevic top on Friday and a Winston one for Tampa.  The Winston one an eye watering $170... I get some admiring comments as i seem to have purchased THE brand new kit top... it didn't ease the hole in my wallet .

The game was a cracker Tampa hanging in and finally going down in the dying minutes..the atmosphere was great and much hi fiving was had with the locals when the home team scored... accompanied by canon fire from the full size pirate ship that takes up one end of the stadium... only in America eh !

So 3 days of tourist stuff ends tomorrow with some Poker accompanied I'm sure by some degen Blackjack time.

Tailgaiting

One Pirate Ship

Great Stadium

Good stuff Dean, thanks.

$170 for a NFL shirt? Sheesh.

Boom boom pow!

“This is the first time I’ve been to Tampa — or Florida — to play,” Morris sayed. “It’s been really good. I like the [Seminole] Hard Rock […] I enjoyed it. It was a good game today — nice and friendly. Even though I had my headphones on the whole time, I could just tell.”

Impressive, well played sir.
Enjoy the main.

Deano is so hench xx

Congratulations

well done. quite the trip. lebron wins, the saints win, you win...

Wow, well done Dean.

Has he shrunk, or has he always been that small?

Well done on the win, looks like you're having a great time.  Looking forward to more updates.

Lol Chompy steals my thunder... but as you can see the first poker tourney went well.... hit some nice hands and played pretty solid....
Also managed to find the only American poker player who could fold aces on a 9 high board.. he was super solid so he either had Ak or a big pair.. so i floated like a very heavy butterfly to see what he did on the turn which paired nicely.. we went check check and I led the river for an amount that begged for a call.. he ummed he arred told me had aces and i managed to keep smiling as i shit my pants... he asked if i would show.. of course i would .. he folded and the table erupted in gasps as i showed king high....

the final went fairly quickly, managing to take two oppo's out with AQ v QQ v66 aipf... rivered a flush like the run good king i am...3 handed we were all fairly even and i agreed a chip chop as one of the others was Pablo Escobars twin brother and was in every hand with ATC.. so he was either gonna felt me in some imaginatively horrific way or i may end up in the boot of his car with a Colombian neck tie... so took the chop and a seat for the main ...

Obviousley couldnt leave without a visit to the blackjack table.. managed to get into a $1200 hole courtesy of an angel faced Cuban dealer whose ability not to bust and pull 21 from the deepest darkest depths of hell was unsurpassed... thankfully she went on break and manged to right the ship and book a minimal loss :) .

Today had a lie in.. gym session and ghey boy shopping... some new ray bans to replace paddle board accident.. some bits from uncle Calvin and a rather nice pressie for the better looking half for xmas... off to check on Jeff in the seniors and have dastardly plans to wreak shock and awe upon Fidel Castro's daughter in the black jack pit.. only one of us is gonna make it prepare urself love its gonna hurt :)... ( me prob )

i slump in my seat..mother always told me off for it... thats why i killed her... ah that might be a dream i had :)

TY... you know its the look i was going for x

Must be a thrill to finally get a Hendo Mob profile?

http://pokerdb.thehendonmob.com/player.php?a=r&n=461485&_ga=1.164074943.1458616116.1405709665

ha..knobs

Haha, just caught up with this, and LOL'd several times.

Not been to Tampa for almost 20 years, and might have to make a trip back now that I won't have to queue for fk all ;D

Enjoy the rest of the trip mate!

so entered the card room as Jeff was exiting with a min cash and he asked if i was hungry..At this point i realised i hadn't eaten for 23 hours.
Bizarrely when in America i only eat usually once a day with some coffee and fruit in the morning.. i dont know if its because the portions here are ridiculously big or what but i just dont feel hungry..

Jeff suggested Hooters... and who was i to deny my fellow man

We dined Al Fresco... in December ... gotta love Florida.. :)

Now as you know Hooters big selling point is the waitresses wear hot pants and ridiculously tight low cut tops possibly to disguise the average heart attack food. It is puzzling in this day and age of supposed feminism etc that somewhere like Hooters still exists. you would expect some weird veggie Bird with a moustache to have created a protest group by now to bring the blatantly sexist Hooters empire down, but it seems to thrive and even caters to lots of families and couples... maybe Jeff was right and the chicken wings are really that good?.

Some of the girls are stunning with fantastic figures.. and i feel a complete perv if i even get a glimpse of heaving cleavage... i feel a little embarrassed as they prob think just another middle aged dude eying shit his never getting..but fuck it i still have a cheeky gawp.. unfortunately our waitress did not fall into the above category. The young girl must have been being punished for some terrible crime as some bastard had made her squeeze her very wide bottom into the hot pants of one of the super models.. she sighed like she was done with life too.. i took pity on her and gave her a 20% tip..poor kid.

Jeff and i parted company..it was still early..what was one to do..go back to the hotel?.. the Celtics game was on TV..

oops there seems to be a casino between me and the hotel..

20% is abso standard everywhere you tight bast - she'll get that from everybody just for showing up with some food at some point. 30% and you don't even have to feel like a perv

OK... i had a pocket full of cash and a thirst in my heart for crushing the living soul of a cute Cuban Blackjack dealer...

I settled for Dave.. an old world weary guy with a friendly smile and more opinions than a black cab driver. He was good to me and we were soon $1200 up.

About a year ago i decided on a very simple 5 bet progressive strategy with a 50 bet roll . Its boring and grindy and relies on playing lots of hands by the book, preferably heads up. I prefer playing alone for that reason and for the reason that most people havent the first clue about how to play blackjack or how to bet.

basic pointers people... ffs learn the basics of play ..will take you 10 minutes will save you money and will stop the death stares from your table mates.

2. betting exactly the same amount is akin to being shot in the stomach.. it will result in a slow painful death. The only thing your going to get is the gratitude of the pit boss and a cheeky wink as you slink from your seat penniless.

the above is not a guarantee but has served me well and relies on you sticking at it even when the dealer is killing you.. 50 bets deep usually allows you to ride the storm and make the most of the streaks which will come.

OK so things are going well... i get a table mate.. a mean looking black dude who has multiple facial tattoos... i dont know about you but when i come across a guy who has tattoos on his face there are two unshakable facts..

1. he is fucking stupid
2. i do not want to upset him

He makes 4 bets last 20 minutes despite hitting hard 18 twice with a dealer up card of 6... he costs me several hundred and i reach across and drive his face into the hardwood whilst screaming obscenities .. OK that was just my in my head..The dealer and i both sigh with relief when he finally gets up with a puzzled look on his face at how he lost all his money.

Dave the dealer shakes his head and voices my thoughts...

Daves break comes and Brian the closer comes in to pitch.. 10 minutes in and Brian is genuinely embarrassed as he rapes me for $1400... but we have the bank roll to ride it out .. Dave comes back and helps me out back to even.
The table has regular visitors..they come they go.. I'm happy with 1 or 2 other punters as long as they can play..but inevitably we have a full table and the play is sketchy to say the least..I'm down 25 bets and i take a walk..the table is not for me.

I find a table at the other end of the casino with one punter and a scantily clad blonde  Milf dealer with large whammers.. win win then.
The other guy can play a bit and we are doing OK..+ 10 bets..he wisely gets up with profit..and its just me and blondie..just the way i like it..back and forth we go.. pit boss announces last shoe on the table..its nearly 3am..the grind has been 7 hours... with a cheeky wink she cuts the shoe and we go.. she has a kind face and and likes to bust.. .. 10 minutes later we book a 1K win and out the door hoping not to be gunned down as we cross the car park

Spoken like the gent you are

Defo stick with blackjack, it's a game that can be beaten.

I'm better at it than horse racing :)

OK. I call on the 'this guy cost me $100's.

I know it's annoying when some fool who doesn't like money stands on 16 v 10, or hits on 15 v 6 but the truth is that those actions are as likely to win us money as to lose it.
Folks forget the times that the fools decisions work out well for them.

Enjoy your trip, and Congratulations on the score.

TY TY.. I think in this case it is true when just me and the other guy he hits 18 taking the dealers bust card when i have a big bet stood..but yes sometimes bad play works for you..i just dont llike that variable
when im playing

Stop being Balla..you know 12-18% is the thumb rule

Second rest day rolls round and a little more xmas shopping mainly for the kids. As standard teenage girls my two kids are into various bands... as a standard dad ive never heard of any of them... Twenty One pilots..Black veil Brides.. ffs what happened to normal band names like NWA & Prodigy.

Anyway there is a massive chain of shops in America called 'Hot Topic'.. note the name well parents.. they specialise in band merchandise etc.. we do not have them here but their web site is pretty cool and they ship overseas. Anyway i venture in and look completly in place as both punters and staff tend to sport blue hair and facial piercings :)

Anyway find some t shirts and a cool 'Fall out Boy ' hoodie for the youngest.... Have another wander round Calvin Klein and get asked by someone if I have this shirt in large... i point to the Ralph Lauren shirt im wearing and inform them politely that i dont actually work there.

Room service and NBA on tv completes an uneventful day.

Wake up Thursday for day 1 of the $1650 Main with a streaming nose and a heavy head..sigh think the brutal air con in the hard rock may have got me. How can i have caught a cold..its 85 degrees outside my window.

Anyway.. turn up... table is standard rofflers with one twenty something genius who likes to bluff. The amount of donk leading I have witnessed on this trip is incredible..one old guy donk leads into 3 others including the OR with no hand.. he fires 3 barrels before being forced to turn over Queen high..incred.

Said Genius is trying his best to give away chips to old men with the nuts... i get in a hand with him and let him bluff flop and turn..just smoothing him... he catches a gutter on the river for a deece pot.. sigh

I trundle on... level six i get two limps look at Queens and make a pretty sizeable raise.. no one goes anywhere and i flop top set on a two spade board... old roffler insta shoves 100bb into me...sigh..call.. he turns over A3 spades..insta service and no redraw paired board and that's it..

I have mixed emotions..I'm not too fussed at getting knocked out i didn't fancy extending but on the other hand the standard of the play on display is pretty woeful and maybe actually a real shot at a 150K payday.. hey ho theres still the blackjack pit to take my frustration out on..

I play two deece sessions sandwiched by a trip back to the hotel to watch the rams game..who i have a oner on.. the bet is good after 3 quarters and I'm back at the tables by 10pm..

Now I know its my last night Ive upped the min bet from $25 to $50..this means my bets will range between $25 and $250 on the progression... so 50 bet roll at this level requires 2.5 K on the table.

I have the table to myself but am shortly joined by an old Chinese lady who it seems when she wants the dealer to bust shouts something akin to 'MONKEY ! ' ... It soon becomes apparent that the ' MONKEY ' word is for a ten... it seems to be working so the jape seeking soul I am decide to join in and me and Mrs Wong are soon shouting 'MONKEY ! ' loudly and in unison..it is a very successful ploy as the dealer busts regularly and the old girl is now high fiving me with huge vigor and a broad smile of blackened teeth... pretty sure Ive pulled.

The dealer has a FML expression as he gets 'MONKEY !! ' nearly every hand... and me almost crying with laughter.. now the old girls mum turns up and decided to just spectate..she also is a  'MONKEY ! ' shouter and the poor dealer has 3 of us screaming at him.. its fucking hilarious.

Monkey Magic is good and I have a count up ..over the 2 sessions we are + 6K.. i cash out hi five Mrs Wong and I'm on the road. I drive 9 miles at 3AM the nearest IHOP ( international House of Pancakes ) which i discovered on a trip in the summer.. they do awesome food that is terrible for you..french toast double dipped with whipped creame and strawberries and chicken and waffles Oi! fucking Oi!...

So final day i meet up with Jeff and his wife and go to clearwater beach ( see below ) which is supposed to be one of the top ten beaches in the world.. its beautiful but its windy and only 75 degrees..think i may put a complaint in..

After lunch we do our farewells.. its been a great trip not just because of the wins etc but new experiences and new places.. i have a feeling i will be back.

Last drive to the Airport and a comfy flight to blighty...

One last thing.. remember what i said about pre paid tolls ?... drove over 400 miles..took trips all over Tampa..went to Orlando etc.. didn't go through one toll..not one... and they wanted 10 dollars a day !... shame on you :)

Hope you enjoyed the read heres to the next trip :)

Clearwater Beach.. notice the clouds.. just not good enough !

Great reportage Mr Silly.

Excellent trip report. Thank you for sharing.

Superb reports.  Loved reading them.  Thank you.

I thought this was an excellent contribution It has over 1400 views. It's obvious that everyone enjoyed it and yet there are only 3 'thank you' or ' well done' type posts at the end.

I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make.

Bugger.

Now I can't say "thank you".

;)

Excellent read, thank you for sharing.

Think the point you are trying to make is 3 people liked it, 1397 didn't :)

;D



Just finished the last updates, and have seen those 'monkey' loons in action before, it's com.

Good stuff, thanks for the updates.

Excellent reportage, Sicilian. Impressive efforts on the felt and on blackjack pits. Tampa's now on the radar.

Travel Tips Heads Up - eventually BA will catch on to your airport upgrade strategy, and at check-in they will say something like "Sorry Mr Sicilian, but there are no upgrades available on this flight". Then, when you eventually get on board, you'll spot half a dozen empty seats in Club/Premium Economy. You only get a few bites at the discount fare cherry, so enjoy it while it lasts :) :) :) :)

Ha cant believe i hadnt read this before. Great stuff , esp Mrs Wong bit i lolled .

Hey Dean
Just wanted to post that toll advice was much appreciated.
I just came back from Florida (never been before and Son now the right age) and only saw 2 tolls on my way from airport. One was $1.50 and the other was 75cents. (not sure you can avoid the tolls when leaving the airport) Never saw another toll in the 10 days I was there.
Guy at airport was coming up with all sorts of rubbish, just told him I had driven in States loads of times before

Same for car. I ended with a Nissan Sentra and got 4 large suitcases in the boot easily

Glad to be of help..... bit naughty of them but to be expected obv on some sort of commission ...

Off to Vegas and LA taking in Santa Monica & Malibu in a few weeks... road trip so more exciting road tolls stories to follow :)