Hi blonde. Sorry I missed the nice congratulatory posts above. Been busy earning an honest living for a change. 4 months in working for my old school school teacher building a Fantasy Football app for his startup!

He left teaching to start his own football data company. Was a hero of mine in school, ever since I found out he held all the top scores in the pub quiz machines in Cambridge! He came accross my pie solver video about 10 years ago and we got back in touch. I invested in his startup in 2019 and now work for it!

If anyone likes new fantasy football games with minimal effort but weekly engagement, its £10 entry - team needs to be done by Monday - drop me a message here or dm, or social media. Could get a blonde league going.

I'm loving it - been such a fun few months designing and building this game from scratch. It's been a surprisingly easy transition tbh mainly because I don't feel like any of it is 'work' because I enjoy it so much. And don't have to go to an office or clock in hours - I'm trusted that I'll do the work in my own time.

I haven't played poker since I started the job but think I'll go to DTD for this Hendon Mob festival thing 3 weekend of March - be good to see any of you there.

MY GUY <3

So in the year since I quit poker I started with courses in AI, Reinforcement learning and Machine learning. The RL course was the most interesting to me- inspired by the excellent documentary Alpha Go - they use RL to build a program that beat the world's best Go players - a feat nobody thought possible. I'd love to be smart enough to work in that field but I realised I just am not.

From there I lept to video game developing. I learnt for 3 months and developed for 4 months my first game. It's available on steam to play on a PC - a simple kids RPG that takes 15 minutes to complete. I loved that. And the family got involved too. I had my sister in-law do the voiceovers, my brother produce the soundtrack and my wife do the branding.



I don't know whether to pursue that or not. There's no money in it really. If you want to do it solo, you have to get very lucky to hit it big (sounds familiar!). And if you want to work for a studio, you're capped at 40/50k and compeeting with 100+ applicants per job that all have way more experience and talent than me. So I don't really see a path there.

Then for the past couple months I got back into app developing, updated my Poker Flips and Poker Results apps - released 3 new ones - Puzzle AI and Genius Square are puzzle games inspired by games I've played with my son. And made a Darts Checkout Trainer.

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I am totally crap at the marketting side and at the moment they're just sat in the app store with a handful of users generating about £100/month. But once I get my act together and promote them on social media properly, I have hope that that number could increase significantly. So there's potential there.

I really enjoy that and I can do it from home of course which is absolutely what I want. I love home life, being around the kids all the time and have made good friends with the school parents and neighbours. I started playing football with some of the Dads twice a week, which is great. Go to the gym 4 times a week and see friends and family on the weekends. It's just what I've been striving for.

HOWEVER...I may need to actually make some proper money soon. And this recent 10 day trip to Vegas I'm currently about to wrap up has thrown up more questions than it has answered in regards to what role poker will play in my life going forward. This isn't results oriented analysis (because I didn't have any results!) but I loved playing this time round. I played a little smaller than before (mostly just $1k one day comps and the main) and it made the world of difference to my feelings about it all.

I realised that what I love about poker and what I'm good at is playing the exploitative intuition-based game that I came up playing. That's no good vs regs in 3-5k events. And whilst my GTO fundamentals are OK, I made peace with the fact that they won't be as strong as the regs in that pool because I'm not competing with other Dads who play every now and then - I'm competiting against fulltime players who travel all year round to play, and study in their time off. So why would I be competitive with them?

So remove the ego about where I used to be, or where I could be if I was fulltime, or where I think I'm entitled to be because of nonsense reason xyz, or what people might think if they see in me playing x event (!) - and step back - recognise and be at peace with my place and play against mostly other recs! And it's been great! I only wish I was here longer and could be here with family to get more volume in.

So as I said, more questions than answers at this stage!

COME ON ENGLAND.

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Main bust out on day two, all in on the turn

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Copa America Quarter Final

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Waiting for me at home, Mila (9 months) and Mummy

It's 8pm In Las Vegas. I'm in my hotel room, laptop on the desk, my eyes flitting between this blank page and the mirror right in front of me.

Vegas is so different now. There never used to be a lack of options for dinners, frivolity in the pit, nights out. Now most of those types are either out of poker, or grew out of that life, became more professional and conscientious. I count myself in that bracket, the latter that is. Well maybe the former too...keep reading.

Over nearly 13 years of playing fulltime I've had plenty of spells where I thought, this isn't making me happy I might quit soon. I've never had a good alternative, or things turned around in time and it was forgotten. I've also had times where I could've quit - opportunies in the business world were there for me - but poker was going so well that I couldn’t do it.

Now is the only time both coincide - I want to quit AND I have something I want to do. This isn't some knee-jerk post to busting a few tournaments! I told my family before I came that this would probably be it for me. At first I said barring a big win, but the more I think about it, that'll be the perfect way to go out.

There's a fine line between longevity that's respectable, and longevity that's...sad...I'm proud I'm still here in some ways, but in other ways, feel I'm wasting away a bit. Both emotionally and personally and in opportunity cost, maybe financially too.

The lack of correlation between effort and reward in poker tournaments is just so tough to take, made more so by the travelling and being away from family. Spending 1/3 of the year away from home, and spending most of that time pretty miserable is not exactly the poker dream is it? So if I was still here in 5 years doing that, having supported my family in the process, would I be happy with that? I think not. But that's the reality now and although I could do the cash game trips to Florida or LA or Vegas and regain some sanity, my income is probably capped at a number that doesn't make it worth being away for so long, especially in the face of exciting opportunities elsewhere.

I'm really excited by AI. I think it's going to change the world. And I think I have a good skillset to position myself to make something happen in that industry. I can code, I have networks in business, I have money and I have time. I don't have a well thought out plan, I just want to learn as much as I can and see where my interest leads me. Starting my own business or building a product, I don't know.

We have a second child coming in October, so the timing to leave poker is ideal. I'm not saying I'll never play again. I'll probably play some random tournament stops here and there and a week or two in Vegas for the main event etc. I could caveat and say I could always come back to it if needs be but I kinda wanna be allin and not have that in the back of my mind. But I also don't wanna be the prick that makes a big retirement post then comes back a year later!

It's pretty scary even writing this, cos there's almost no going back if I hit send! Hence why it's now 9pm and I still keep looking in the mirror to make sure this is what I really want! Here goes...What do you guys think of all / any of that?

I sit in the same hotel room as when I made this post, one year on, reflecting on what's happened since. Post incoming.

Hi guys! Back at the old stomping ground DTD for my first game of cards in a couple months. Always love it here as I've said countless times on this blog. I have Aspers Stratford 20 minutes from my house which run semi regular tournaments of the same size as this one (UKPC Main Event £560) but rarely fancy it - but more than happy to trek 3 hours up north for the vibe and nostalgia that comes with playing at DTD.

Met Keith (winner of the festivals "Super highroller"), Mitch (5th place in the Cup) and Stato (appeared on Countdown as a teenager) for my first ever game of Padel. Great fun. It's a cross between Tennis and Squash, but much less intense than both and perhaps more tactical.

Then played the main and had a smooth ride up to 725k to bag up after one bullet which was lovely.

The highlight though was having a few drinks afterwards with these Blondittes.

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Day off today but will head in for some cash later after a run along the canal. Do come and say hi if you see me.

Proud to annouce that Mila Alicia Goulder was born yesterday and that both Mum and Baby doing great. She's asleep in my arms as I type. An angel so far! About to be sent home to meet her big brother Daniel (who's 5 now) Chuffed to bits

Sean Belton.

He did a wonderful diary on here a few years ago, brutally honest and self-deprecating, such a talented writer.

I re-read it last week, it covered his attempt to make it as a pro poker player, his health, fitness and diet regime and his marriage to girlfriend Beth.

I was quite involved by the time he signed off somewhat suddenly around the beginning of 2014 and I wonder how things turned out. Did he become a graphic designer, a personal fitness coach, the head of MI5 or what?

It would be great to hear from the man himself but any update would be appreciated.

What was Sean's username on here? can't work out which one was his diary

Was this the Diary you were thinking of Keith?

This is P1 of 282 pages;


http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=65850.0

Sean is also a talented PT, I can say from personal experience - an incredible knowledge of his domain - thoroughly recommend if anyone fancies. We don't live close by so its all online and very good value.

Brits crushing Jack Toby and Stato all on 26-30m with 34 left!

Great run Stu mate.

Great stuff Stu keep going

Heard this note was passed around one of the tables...Stu...nice try, but I don't think they're gonna buy that you have a girlfriend.

Any ace gotta go with it with that stack mate don’t be afraid

Gowannnn

Alright I'll come clean the AI overlords hacked my account for those last two posts, you passed the test.

How I really feel: I can't wait to be home and be rid of my unhealthy addiction to tournament poker.

I wrote this at 913pm local time. Friday night. Sulking in the room again....Get a text from Lord Gazza. He's busted the satellite. No big surprise there. He's wandering over to Paris to say hi to Mitch and Phil who are playing PLO. I decide to stop rotting and trundle down to join for a drink.

On my way I bump into Andy Wilson, who's grinning like a cheshire cat at the prospect of max late regging the $400 Collosus with 10bbs. He says I should be doing the same. I say absolutely not I'm done with poker for the day, I'd had 4 bullets at the $1100 pokernews cup and was over it.

By the end of the walk I've changed my mind. I told you I had an addiction...

We join a verrrry long late reg line, and with 8 minutes left until my 10bbs becomes 8, I take my seat.

I look down at two black aces. There's two allins in front of me, 33k each. OK then...I call. 7k behind in case a bad flop comes out I can get away. and although I sense my opponents both like this flop, I decide I have to go with my bullets.

I'm up against and ! Gotta dodge half the deck!

Long story short, I've bagged up 950k treble average

We'll need to final table to get out of it, but hey we've got as good as chance as any I guess!

Alright I'll come clean the AI overlords hacked my account for those last two posts, you passed the test.

How I really feel: I can't wait to be home and be rid of my unhealthy addiction to tournament poker.