You don't have a voice that high, or a chest quite so bouncy, so I would like to see you try

Hello

Yay

PS - How are the Cash Poker P & L figures so far this month?

As I am often a personal witness/source of donation, I think they gotta be a fair bit more P than L :p

YES NIK! Definitely going to be keeping up to date with this.

What's this I hear about raising to isolate with Q5? I had you down as a bigger nit than me, such a let down...

Plus,

Expect this thread to be full of smiley pics

Been reading your blog, and to be honest it's taking a while, must be kept more concise

On a serious note, what I've read through so far has been a fantastic read, really enjoying it! Hopefully you keep it going, and good luck for the future against everyone except me

Click to see full-size image.

Thought I'd put this up, as it not only shows my old school uniform, but also is probably the most frightening picture of a child that I have ever seen. Can anyone guess what those three are so happy about?

Btw, I don't actually know any of the people in this picture *disclaimer*

I would post a picture of my old uniform up, I think it's a close competitor for worst school uniform ever, but I am pretty awful at computers and hence have no idea how to get the picture up on here

What about grammar schools that wore purple? I'm not ashamed at all......

As one of the aforementioned angry people who have a tendency to berate people, I can pretty safely say its the least +E.V. thing to do at a cash table. Honestly, getting my tits out every time I lost a hand would be much better.

Just so you all know, I was the spit of Daniel Radcliffe when we were both like 10, and was magically drawn to this thread at his mention

Did you not play the incredible 100. I saw you sat waiting and assumed you were an alternate but were probably waiting for the cash games to start.

I did play, bust out in half an hour, total disaster :p

I do want to see the hand history of that "one hand you could have played differently," tho

To be honest, the biggest problem was bet sizing. I think I chose the right option in pretty much every hand, but my raise sizes were far too big. I could have bet half the amount I did in most cases and achieved the result I was looking for. Plus there are one or two spots that I managed to get myself into that I just hate. Really, I just generally didn't play particularly well and this was compounded by the fact that I didn't have the best hand very often. I think it was going to be a losing day, but it didn't have to be anywhere near as heavy as it was.

I've been neglecting this page for a little while. I guess, whilst sitting in one of Europe's largest card rooms on the back of one of your worst ever sessions, this is a pretty good time to take it up again.

Over the last few weeks, I've been pretty up and down. I've been playing good poker, grinding out a profit, making good decisions and generally feeling pretty good about my game but struggling to have it in any big pots. Lots of big folds, not many big hands falling my way, we all know the drill. I guess a big losing day was coming, and it looks like this is it. At least, I hope this is it. While I was sitting here wallowing in self pity, I realized how fragile self confidence is in this game. I don't know whether it's variance or bad play. Right now, I don't feel like I'm good enough to sit in a pub game and hold my head up, let alone a mid stakes casino game covered in famous faces. Right now, I look at this game and I can't see how I can beat it. I look back over hands and think I could make better decisions. The guy's limping range smashes that board, 44 and 55 are definitely in his range. He looks so comfortable too. I should probably fold. Maybe I shouldn't have two barreled with my nut straight draw against the tightest player at the table. The more I think about it, the more small I feel. Why can't I sit in that seat, one time...

And yet, in my own mind, I know I can beat this shit. I've done it before. I've had great pleasure in watching some people who are very close to me grow as people and as poker players, and have often consoled them after a bad session. I guess I should take my own advice and cheer up a little. Even though I feel crushed, it's that one small part of me that can't quite give up that keeps me going. That little, arrogant Jimeny Cricket that knows that the best cure for a downswing is crushing the crap out of the next game I play, that won't let me forget that I am a winning player. It was pretty humbling to have support from people that I didn't expect it from today, and it was those people that allowed me to leave at least knowing that I have a place in this game, that I don't have to win every time to still belong at the felt. This game isn't about proving anything to anyone, it's about making good decisions and dealing with the outcomes.

Dealing with the outcomes. That's an interesting one. Anyone that knows me will see how that little statement is pretty damn relevant to me. My biggest "leak" right now isn't anything to do with three bets or raise sizing, it's entirely temperament. I don't actually tilt that much, despite appearances, at least not to an extent where my game is affected too much. I've been playing for long enough and with light enough pockets to know when enough is enough, and to have the self control to take myself out of games when I'm not in a fit mental state to continue. However, frankly, I'm an appalling loser at the table. I've always been a pretty angry guy, and I'm not averse to letting everyone know what sorta mood I'm in. At a poker table however, this is proving to be a major downfall. I don't make the tables fun to be part of, and more than once have I gone a little too far and left myself and someone else feeling pretty awful. Basically, I know this is a problem, I know that it's getting to a few people, and I am trying to do something about it. I guess it's just been a part of my personality for such a long time that it's hard to change, but believe me when I tell you that I am trying. Just bear with me a little on this one, k?

I figure now is a good time to take a few days off, get a little of that hunger back, and go to play with the sole intention of improving on this leak. So yeah, have a pretty miserable blog post. I'll be happier next time

gl Matt. If I can just ask one thing of you though, Can you stop busting me from tournaments please, twice in 1 week is unacceptable imo :p

+ TL, it's an easy game when you always have the best hand

Some quick updates, and a bit of reflection...

I dropped out of playing some of the good weekend tournaments to go back home and see a friend of mine, who's been in hospital for nearly two weeks. It's nothing serious, he just wasn't very well, and by the sounds of things his response was to be a massive tit and not eat anything for a while, and lose more weight than is healthy. Lesson learned, eat more pies. Really, though, the whole thing got me thinking about the whole fragility of life thing and got me feeling all philosophical. I somehow got from here to wondering how I got into poker, and after all the things I've done with my life, why this one sticks more than any other. There are people, to follow on from my last big blog post, who are fairly insistent that I am wasting my life. To be honest, I'm not really sure I have an answer. I got into poker because it was something that lots of my friends played, and the psychological side and the whole idea of beating the luck had a real appeal to me. The more I played, the more I came to see the skill side. I know I'm still very much learning the game 6 years on, and I think it's partly because of that that I still play. When it comes down to it, I guess I'm happy when I play. Happiness seems to break down into two feelings, that sudden wave of excitement that comes when you feel like you've achieved something, and then that steady calmness when you feel that you belong somewhere. Both of those really apply to poker. I have friends in the game, and I feel at home on the felt. Then theres that feeling of achievement that comes with winning, or making a good call/good play, and also comes for me when I feel like I've learnt something, whether I've won or lost in the game. But really, I have no idea why this game has affected me so much. I don't think I'm wasting my time with it, and I think it will be worthwhile. Makes me wonder why anyone else plays, whether for enjoyment, money, the challenge it provides... I can't work it out for myself.

Quick updates, I'm now back to playing on ipoker, and will hopefully become a regular at the mid/low stakes tables playing pretty much any game they have on offer. Primarily, though, I am going to focus on my live game, and win lots of tournaments . I got crushed in our now infamous home game last night, and right now am looking forward to getting back out to DTD again, and wishing I could play in the live stream cash game on friday night, that I will definitely be railing. Good luck for that lil dave, float OOP for me

I think I misread my cards tbh, but at the same time, after playing so badly and losing two big pots, I really wanted some time to regroup and calm down. I was busy trying to think about how I should be approaching the game for a few hands, if I could have called a time out, I would have done :p But yeah, my heads up game isn't the best, and after three days with basically no sleep, I probably would have lost to a gorrilla having a bad day

What you do in the back row of your English lectures is no-one's business but your own.

Without a doubt the wisest words I've heard in a long time