Now I have to address the elephant in the room.

1 bad player with 3 good players ruins a round of golf. And I'm acutely conscious of that.

So I had to front it up with Team Moulty, & say, "look lads, thanks, but I'm spoiling your rounds so we'll have to draw a line under having any more golf".

TBC, got a few things I need to do right now.

The next exciting episode will be along shortly-ish. Do try & contain yourselves whilst waiting.

I also played with Paul Jackson (not THAT one, this one is "Jac" on blonde) at Mickleover. Once again, they treated me wonderfully, very understanding.

I must say, of all the 6 or 7 tracks I've played since resuming, Mickleover is my favourite, as I'm very "short", & they have lots of relative short (300 to 350 yards) Par 4's.

Again though I struggled to get my game together. Golf is SO hard.

Anyway, we did have fun & it was dark when we eventually finished.

2 of them had to go, but Paul & I went into the Club House for a drink & chat.  

BIG mistake. They had had a Club Comp that day & we walked in just as the prizegiving began. The front door is right by the stage where the Captain gives his speeches, so we were trapped.

20 minutes would do no harm but we knew we were in trouble when The Captain started something like this....

"Well we've had 4 Competitions today, & we'll start with the Ladies Medal. And in 10th place..."

We knew then we were buggered & there was no escape for hours. Can't upset Mr Captain, especially as Paul is a Member there.

So we sat there for about an hour before impatience got the better of us & we made a dash for the door. Heads down avoiding eye contact, we slid away, very conscious of disapproving looks & grunts.

I must say, that side of Golf - clubhouse etiquette & Mr Captain in his silly jacket was never my cup of tea. I wonder if they ever come to they realise quite how pompous & daft they look?

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Well I had the round with Moulty, Typhoon Trev & JAKALLY, & is was as bad & as good as I feared.

I did have a wonderful time, but jeez, I made a proper fool of myself, I played so bad. Credit to them all, they were totally understanding & I have had further rounds with them since - equally embarrassing - so I've been very lucky to have found 3 such understanding guys.

There's a few 'photos below. basically, a round with them is an 8 hour job.

Meet up 2 hours before tee-time for coffee, toasties or sausage cobs. Then negotiations start, how much we playing for, who partners who, are we playing pancakes. It all gets quite fierce but it's all a waste of time, basically we all end up doing what Moulty wants.  

Then, after we've played, we have to settle up & I just empty my pockets & tell them to help themselves.

Now it's time for dinner, so I take them home & rustle up a bit of dinner for them, including my speciality home made steak & kidney pud.

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I mean, how did this suddenly happen? Suddenly, they gone all pneumatic. Ms Vordeman is 62, Ms Tate 53

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[Daniel Khalife pleads not guilty to Wandsworth prison escape]

If I ever fall foul of the Law big time, I'm gonna get hold of the Lawyer this bloke uses.



Daniel Khalife pleads not guilty to Wandsworth prison escape

How the hell is he going to get off that?



https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-66876658

Well that's the stuff I drafted up x weeks ago, now I'll try & bring you up to date.

First though, two small diversions.

You may remember the zillion to 1 chance that I bumped into Moulty & JAKALLY on the 8th tee the last time I played golof. Well I had another whim & went down to Breadsall Priory for a solo round & there they were, waiting on the 1st Tee, & I had the tee-time behind them. Spooky.

Had a bit of luck too, Moulty had a round booked for a few days later & there was a spare slot, so he invited me & I was delighted to accept.

A few days later off we all went, but I had an absolute mare. When we assembled in the local pub afterwards for a post-mortem & to settle up, I was reminded that after 18 holes, every single chip, pitch & putt I made came up short. It was all a bit embarrassing tbh, & all the usual self-doubts re-surfaced.  Settle up? Well we played £10 front 9, £10 back nine, doubles, singles, pancakes & God knows what else. Suffice to say I had to shell out £60. As it happens, Moulty signed me in for free, & one of Moulty’s two mates shared my buggy, so I saved almost £60 there. Both his mates were second-hand car dealers, he likes to keep good company.  2 days later I was there again & bumped into Moulty & JAKALLY yet again, they were on the 15th this time. They must live there. I had just played solo & made the decision to quit, I was so bad.

And then I parred both the 17th & 18th, & I was hooked again.

I sent an SOS to my poker coach for an emergency lesson the next day, & he soon sorted me out. After I left him I was hitting everything crisp, clean & straight, so much so that I could not wait to visit the Range & “groove in” my now silky swing. And it was glorious, I’ve cracked it.

That night I got an invite from Paul Jackson (JAC on blonde, not “the” Paul Jackson) to play at Mickleover today. Yes please. So back to the Range yesterday for one final basket. Never ever hit the ball so bad. Went again last night, still the same. Went back at 7am this morning, worse than ever.

So after being so grateful for the invite, I’m now absolutely dreading making a fool of myself again. Report to follow.

And on Monday the long-awaited 4 ball with Typhoon, JAKALLY, Moulty & me is scheduled, it’s taken 6 months to arrange. I’m now dreading that too.

Few days later my ‘phone rang. I’m a bit funny with phone calls these days, I don’t answer unless I can see who it is via Call ID. (I don’t answer the door if anyone knocks either).

Anyway, I blanked the call & thought no more about it until I spotted the missed call a few hours later. Curiosity got the better of me so I plugged the number into one of those “Who Called Me?” things. It came up with “zero reports” which was very odd. So, tentatively, I dialled the number & this strange voice said “ahh, Tony, just thought it might be a good time to chat”. I mean, this was obviously someone trying to sell me a car or floating some Bitcoin scam. I was about to hang up when I suddenly realised it was Julian Thew. Wow, what a wonderful surprise.

We had the most warm & wonderful chat. Amanda is fine, ditto his brother Graham & the family over in Dublin where I used to enjoy fabulous Sunday roasts with his Mum & family. His kids are grown up now, College & everything & they've all turned out well, as you'd expect. Jules works 4 days a week now, thinking of going down to 3 next year. Very rarely plays poker now, just the occasional 'Stars tourney.

I was SO lucky to hook up with him all those years ago.     

As you may have gathered from the slightly embarrassing photo, I polled up to DTD last week for some 4 card action at the APAT Finals. I was incredibly nervous, not sure what reception I’d get, as I’ve not been to DTD for over 7 years & not played there for 10 years or more. This was the first guy I met, & he gave me a great big hug.

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Anyone who has ever been to DTD knows him, & he’s been there since Day One & we always got on great. And yet, for the life of me, I could not recall his name, & had to send out a few WhatsApp messages to get someone to remind me. Ahh yes, Sinclair!

The place still looks good, well-maintained & as fresh as the day it opened. It was much more crowded than I recall, but maybe that was because APAT were there in force.



I had been invited, & with 2 lovely little £120 4 card games on the schedule, it seemed the perfect opportunity. Both were “proper” freezeouts too, God bless APAT. 

These days, poker is a psychological battle for me. Can I still play, will I make a fool of myself, that sort of thing. The ageing process is a complex thing & I whittle endlessly about my mental state.

Anyway, everyone greeted me warmly, & all the old Gala Notts legacy crew were there, especially the Asian lads, Ali Bag of Bollox, Ash, 3 or 4 Lalit’s, Basha, & Aktor from Sheffield Naps. Incidentally, Aktor told me that Sheffield Naps is pretty much dead for poker now. Basha is in property development now, & has just completed a £1.5 million Care Home deal in Derby.

We began at 1pm with 25,000 chips & PLO8. I had THE most torrid time, completely card & spot dead, & never won a single hand prior to first break, so that never did my confidence much good. Things never improved much after the break, but eventually the cards started coming & I got involved. From ~100 runners we got down to 4 tables before a bit of an ugly exit. I got it all-in with the best of it both ends, the flop & turn were all high & I pipped him with a better kicker, but then the Dealer found a 4 which paired one of his low cards so that was that. Standard PLO8 beat really. The Jury remained out on my mental agility really.

I did get lucky though, as my exit was at 5.55pm, with the £120 PLO/PLO8 ROE due to start at 6pm. Perfect. I went to the desk & peeled off £120 but the girl said “no, it’s £60 not £120”. So using my patented gamblers accounting system, that goes in the ledger as £60 profit.

This time it was chalk & cheese, & by the first break I had quintupled my stack & was probably Top 3 or 5. Just ran good really, nice cards & hitting flops. Then I went dry again, lost two big pots & was soon back in my comfort zone, sub average. Really enjoyed it though. With 3 tables left we were now at the really fun part of an MTT but I had a tough table. One kid, an East European lad, quiet but pleasant enough, was hitting everything, it became almost a joke how often he’d get to showdown & say “nuts”, nut nut” “both ends” or whatever, it was uncanny. He seemed to be open raising any 4 every hand, but always got there. Anyway, I devised a plan. I’d go to war with him on my next good PLO hand. Worked perfectly, I find K-K-x-x (1 suit) 3 limps, he bets, I 3 bet, & we get it all in, he has J-J-x-x & the same suit as me. BINGO. He then flops a set, but I still had straight outs plus 2 set outs, but another Jack on the Turn gave him quads, & it was goodnight Eileen. I hope he went on to win it, seemed a decent kid.

So, ~100 runners in both comps, & I think I finished 33rd & 22nd respectively. Nothing to write home about, but respectable enough I suppose, so I was reasonably pleased overall. I did wince when I realised I’d set fire to £180, & it made me think of back in the day when I’d enter big comps without batting an eyelid. 

Bit of an odd occurrence went off just before I departed. Chap came up to me, greeted me like a long-lost friend (I had no idea who he was unforch), & he said “so good to see you, Julian will be thrilled”. Turned out he was a big mate of Thewy & before I could catch my breath he thrust a phone in front of me & said “here, send Jules a video message”. I have not seen or spoken to Jules for over 5 years. We never fell out or anything – it’s impossible to fall out with him – but we just drifted apart as we both departed the poker playing phase of our lives. I did not even know what a video message was & felt super flustered but I somehow gathered myself together & blurted out a message to Julian, & remembered to include Amanda, the kids, Graham (his bro) & Mum & Dad.

I've got an hour spare before UKOPS Day 3 gets fully up to speed so I'd best try & do a bit of an update before Vinni gets on my case again.

I started to do this about 8 weeks ago & drafted it all up but never quite found time to post it. So I'll stick up what I drafted, then try & bring things up to date. I'm afraid much of it is old news, but you don't have to read it.

Well I finally got married to Mrs Mantis. We had been officially engaged for just over 30 years. You can't rush these big decisions. We arranged the wedding for Verona and whilst this sounds somewhat romantic there's a fair few bureaucratic hoops to jump through. Naturally, I was left to deal with all the headaches because Mrs Mantis had more complex issues to attend to, such a choosing a dress and who the bridesmaids were going to be. We were set to pull the trigger in 2020 but then goddam COVID struck so it was all postponed, the following year it was postponed again.

Finally I made it to the altar last year. I was standing there at 6pm sharp feeling quite proud of myself. All the paperwork was complete and in order, I had arranged friends and family from all around the world to converge in Verona, I had my interpreter Giuseppe by my side, my little nephew Jack had the ring, photographer, honeymoon in Lake Como, everything paid for. I allowed myself to exhale and relax. However, it gets to 6:15pm and there's still no bride. I phoned the Mrs and politely enquired as to where the fuck she was?? Apparently she hadn't arranged a taxi and was struggling to get one. Marv! After Giuseppe explained that if she didn't arrive in 15mins the wedding was off I simply screamed RUNNNNNN down the phone. We have an amazing video of her and bridesmaids running through the streets of Verona to car horns and applause. She dipped through the door like Colin Jackson finishing a 110m hurdles at 6:29pm.

Workwise I left the world of TopGolf and Brad behind to join Pine Ridge Golf Club as General Manager and then managed Camberley Heath Golf Club. However, I do believe COVID impacted our psychology hugely and the fact that I dearly missed Birmingham is evidence of this. So I simply quit Surrey after 8 successful years and returned to the exotic delights of Brum. Felt great to be back home and landed a sweet job managing a lovely golf club 10mins from my door.  

Haven't played poker in about 2 years. In all honesty my natural habitat was the casino full of characters and those days are largely gone. However, I did flip open my brand new laptop and entered a Bigger $22 with 1,550 entrants to see if I still had it. I came in exactly 1st place and just dominated. Brought back all those great feelings and fist-pump memories. I was going to drop the mike there and then and wish I had. Next day I entered another and suffered such a horrendous bad beat it somehow caused my fist to smash my laptop to bits. Haven't played since then and frankly that strange emotional outburst means it's probably for the best.

Wish everybody on Blonde well.

What an update that is, thanks Mr Mantis, & every sympathy to poor Mrs Mantis.

Probably a good move to quit Top Golf, you were never going to get the better of Brad.

What is the fascination with golf? Do you play much? I've taken up golf again - or tried to. Not going well tbh but I keep bashing away. I love it to bits but am horrendously bad.  

Deffo wise to quit poker if you have started smashing up lappies. You were always shite anyway.

You may remember that when we (Sky) go to Vegas we have a night at Top Golf every year. Well we've binned them now & do the darts equivalent, the cleverly named "Flight Club". They have places all over the USA & quite a few in the UK now, about 12 I believe.


https://flightclubdarts.com/

It's the same format as Top Golf really - electronic screens, replays, "fun" games etc - with a buffet & copious amounts of alcohol. Not my scene really but the lads had a great night this year.

Seriously man, don't be a stranger, many of us used to love your rambly posts. Nobody agreed with them but always an amusing read.

PS - congrats to both you & Mrs Mantis.

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What sort of train Claire? Underground, Overground, big ones, little ones?

PS - lovely photos, you are both ageing well. Think the last time I saw Dan was in the UK Passport Office somewhere in London.  

Big trains for Chiltern Railways

Thank you - I think Dan's aging better than me to be fair - he'll be 50 in a couple of months. I still have a couple of years to go

How are things with you? Are you married yet?

Really enjoyed your update Claire, so glad everything has worked out so well.

Chiltern Railways huh? Best named train franchise in the UK, & uses London's cutest termini, Marylebone. I've used it a few times to go to Wembley Stadium. One of the better Wiki pages I've perused lately too;


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiltern_Railways

Tell Dan he's a lucky bugger. I've ticked most of my (realistic) boxes in my life, but driving a train was the big one I missed out on. To this day, when I get a train, I still look at the driver with envy.



Do keep in touch please, & GL with the assorted quiz shows.

Oh, & I hope Vegas goes well. Hope you won't be there during the F1 GP though, it will be such a pain to get around what with all the road closures.

Married, me? Nah. But life has never been better, literally, I'm in the happiest place I've ever been, for sure. Everything just fell into place somehow. I plan to try & do a Diary update shortly, before Vinni gets on my case again.




  

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What sort of train Claire? Underground, Overground, big ones, little ones?

PS - lovely photos, you are both ageing well. Think the last time I saw Dan was in the UK Passport Office somewhere in London.   

Ha, too good.

Claw? Mantis?

Claw is in good nick, I was very touched to get a lovely Message from her recently after I polled up at DTD for an APAT event. Her Daughter (Hannah) is grown up now.

MANTIS sill reads the Forum almost every day, but only averages around 2 Posts per year these days. His last Post - just over a year ago - was a typically well-expressed & contentious view on the Garrett Adelstein J-4 thing. He wrote SO well, I much miss his input, ditto Tighty.

Here's the last post by MANTIS, this on the Garrett Adelstein/J-4 thing - such a typically enjoyable read. I mean, it's complete bollox, but it's wonderfully flowery bollox.



A fascinating read for sure but ultimately flaky. Lying about relationships and borrowing money isn't admissible evidence in this case m'lud.

The video footage is allowed. This shows so-called 'hand-signalling' which is seen as arm across chest with finger at full extension pointing at shoulder. If we think about all the ingenious ways to signal each other would we really use something so physically stark? I could take a sip from my drink and put it down on the left corner of the coaster for instance. I wouldn't be doing the actions from YMCA or Mo Farah's Mobot move.

Catching sight of something away from the table and mouthing "Get it" is evidence of the need to retrieve a signalling device on the floor? Or perhaps they ordered some Class A to enhance the evening's entertainment and Big Tony just turned up at the window. Kinda explains all the guilty looks and rambling chat.

The objective was to obtain monies by deception? This had been successfully achieved. So handing back £135k seems compelling evidence to the contrary. Plus the fella signalling to call with J4 must've had too much of Big Tony's merch. If this is a cheating ring it's all very keystone cops. Case adjourned at this time.